Stuck in limbo after 7 years of domestic violence and emotional abuse

[brokenwings88]

Hi everyone, bear with me this is a going to be a long drawn out thread but i just need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some guidance with how to push through.

I married my high school sweetheart 7 years ago we have two kids 6 and 4, soon after our marriage my husband started drinking heavily he would become mean and verbally abuse me, he would tell me i was worthless and so lucky to have him because no one else would want me which was a huge blow considering i already have very low self esteem and lack self confidence from my childhood where my dad would verbally abuse my mum and me.

His drinking led to drug and steroid abuse and the verbal abuse turned physical. Around 5 years ago my anxiety and depression became so overwhelming i could no longer leave the house i had to rely on my mum to do my groceries and take my kids to school and after school activities. My husband would disappear every weekend on drug binges and return home angry and abusive. He has physically harmed me including in front of our children and smash the house up. I never had the courage to leave him. I needed him just like he would always say i did. My self esteem relied on him returning after his weekend binges even if he was abusive i would say to myself maybe im not so bad if he comes back to me. Its classic codependency i know but i felt of him as my lifeline.

I suspected for years that he was unfaithful, we would fight about it to no end. I never found anything i just always had a feeling. He would shout and throw me around calling me insecure and crazy and i believed him. I honestly believed it was all in my head and all my fault. I blamed my depression for the way he treated me and two years ago i tried to take my life. I was sitting in the hospital bed feeling worthless and stupid and my husband came in crying apologizing and promising this was the wake up call he needed because he couldnt lose me.

Surprise it wasnt. For either of us. His drinking and drug use worsened as did my depression.

Just after christmas last year i finally had the courage to call the police when he escalated the violence against me, he was arrested, charged and an avo was placed stating he wasnt allowed at our home, to contact me, or see our kids. He breached the avo three times and is now he is in jail. I found out he was cheating on me every opportunity that he got. I feel like everything he is ever said is right i am worthless. I cant function now. I need help

[geoff]

hi Brokenwings, I feel so sorry for anybody, probably more so for ladies who are verbally and physically abused, it's such a weak way for them to try and show their dominance, and now I am pleased that he has been locked up.
If he was on alcohol and drug binges there would be no doubt that anything could happen and as you say he was unfaithful towards you, and should not be the father of your chldren as they would probably disown him as well.
AVO's and IVO's is a document on a piece of paper, and I have known that they have been broken so many times, and the only concession is that when they are broken they have to jail.
I hope you and the children are bearing up to this and trying to get your life back, but what I do worry about is when he gets out, because one of his first port of calls is to see you and the kids, that's after he gets high on drugs and grog, so are you able to move somewhere else, block his calls or even change your name by default.

This is something which you will need to think about soon, if not already, because the police can't be there 24/7, and even when you call them the damage could have been done, so can you please get back to me as this is very important and I want to continue this thread with you. Geoff. x

[pipsy]

Hi brokenwings. You poor thing? I feel so angry for what you and the kids suffered at the hands of this brute. Drugs and alcohol together make for a lethal weapon. If you are still in the matrimonial home, I would shift quick. While he's in jail he could make friends who (once they're released) could come for you. I don't like to panic you, but you need to be aware that until you can move, change your name etc, you could still be in danger. Do you have a lawyer, I would see him/her discuss this with your lawyer and ask if it's possible that you could be moved. Also get along to your Dr and explain what's been going on. You need legal and medical help, the medical for your nerves. Are your parents aware of what's been going on, you need to advice them in case he gets in touch with them. Take care of you and your family. I reiterate Geoff's words to get back to us if necessary. I too am concerned for you.