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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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DavidJ007 Hey guys finaly gained the courage to open up
  • replies: 6

I need to find people to talk to but have no idea where to start. Im a 35yo male and im finally at breaking point. I don't know where to turn and I don't know who to talk to. I treat my partner bad not physical but verbally and emotionaly. I can only... View more

I need to find people to talk to but have no idea where to start. Im a 35yo male and im finally at breaking point. I don't know where to turn and I don't know who to talk to. I treat my partner bad not physical but verbally and emotionaly. I can only put it down to me taking my own insecurities out on her. I need to stop as last thing I want is to loose her. My issues started as a child while my father was in jail my mothers boyfriends were physcially and emotionally abusive to her. I was sexually assaulted as a young boy by a older boy, being a child coming home at night only for the police to knock on the car window for drug raids a few times at that as well as many other violent nights I spent cowering in the corner.. Im in no way trying to make excuses for what I have become but I know its time to make a stand and ask for help to try work through my issues. I feel like I have something wrong with myself nearly everyday, I have with drew from the world I have put on a lot of weight, I feel unhappy within my self I just don't know where I start to start the healing process. Anyway thanks for having me and I look forward to talking to some of you soon Dave

matt21 I have become a woman abuser!
  • replies: 5

6 years ago I went through some traumatic times that I had no control over and it effected me greatly and I have never felt the same and became unsocial cutting off contact with most friends. I come from a violent upbringing. Over the years when very... View more

6 years ago I went through some traumatic times that I had no control over and it effected me greatly and I have never felt the same and became unsocial cutting off contact with most friends. I come from a violent upbringing. Over the years when very drunk I have had the occasional outbursts but never hurt anyone and generally was nice to everyone when drunk. The last 12 months has been hugely stressful. Small things have become big things and have just felt so angry on the inside and easily frustrated. I had a amazing woman who I became engaged to and was the rock in our relationship. Things got worse till in December after a music festival where I drank like an idiot I just lost it back at the hotel room for no reason and shoved her to the ground and swearing at her. We spoke the next day and she had said that in 2 years she never felt threatened and that I need help and if it ever happened again it was over. I agreed and saw a gp and explained my past and he said I was suffering from anxiety and depression and put me on medication which I felt good from after a week I thought everything was going to be ok from now on and it felt so good to love life again and have some patience. My fiancé also moved her and her daughters into our new house recently. Then it happened again 2 weeks ago, music festival, too much alcohol and I went to drive home!!! argued and I pulled over told her her to get out, took her bag, shoved her to the ground and threatened her.She has since moved out and in with her mum and says that even though she will love me forever we cant be together. We had a great relationship most of the time and I promise I do not get jealous, I support her friendships, I never try to control her and this should be the prime of our relationship after getting engaged in September and finally getting to live together. I have spent hours each day researching what I need to do. Most stories I read are about men who have always displayed some kind abuse by being controlling and verbally cruel etc. This just seems to have come out of nowhere. We have never even had a big argument just small rows that we talk about openly later. I now refuse to get drunk again and have cut back alcohol use dramatically because I wont choose alcohol over people I love. I am seeing a psychologist this week but hoping for any other advice or similar stories for a better understanding. If I sound like I'm making excuses etc then I'm open to a dose of reality.Matt

Happyness My brain hurts?
  • replies: 21

Don't know where to start. Only just started therapy. I'm scared of the way I look. I'm a lot calmer than I look I'm trying very hard to feel peacefull on the inside, regardless of how I'm treated Peace?

Don't know where to start. Only just started therapy. I'm scared of the way I look. I'm a lot calmer than I look I'm trying very hard to feel peacefull on the inside, regardless of how I'm treated Peace?

Just Sara PTSD - The returned soldiers maledy in men and women of modern society
  • replies: 9

Many people don't understand the concept of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it's symptoms. It's not only experiencing trauma, it's the waiting and not knowing if it will happen again; waiting for the next bullet, bomb, enemy or orders to advance i... View more

Many people don't understand the concept of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it's symptoms. It's not only experiencing trauma, it's the waiting and not knowing if it will happen again; waiting for the next bullet, bomb, enemy or orders to advance into a deathly situation. It's the waiting...to die or watch your mate perish. When veterans return home, peaceful existences don't make sense to the brain or biochemistry of the body, caused from living on adrenaline and cortisol for days, weeks or months at a time...hyper-vigilant with little sleep and rest. This same concept goes for civilians who've survived trauma. No matter what sex, age, race, religion or culture; waiting for bad things to happen again presents itself as anxiety, depression, panic, violence, victimisation and the list goes on. My PTSD story evolved from generations of abuse and dysfunctional parenting, and the secrets we/they kept. Unable to talk about it and even worse, seeing it as normal. Does your story resonate?

Little_Bird_Blue Mental Abuse
  • replies: 3

Hi,I am Little Bird Blue,new to Beyond Blue,I am in my 40's and have kids but I feel the mental abuse and put downs and just being so alone has made me be a bad and forgetful mum and that makes me feel worse about myself,just so lost I don't know how... View more

Hi,I am Little Bird Blue,new to Beyond Blue,I am in my 40's and have kids but I feel the mental abuse and put downs and just being so alone has made me be a bad and forgetful mum and that makes me feel worse about myself,just so lost I don't know how to cope anymore,don't know how to like myself and it is effecting me getting a job-which I've tried for 2years now and that gets me down,no one to talk to and am really lost and want to change and be better and find myself again,but I don't know how to-I need help

RickyK Police threatening abuse victims with jail :/
  • replies: 3

I am a 32 year old survivor of child sexual abuse. The events took place across a period of around 6 months in the 1990's when I was 13-14, by a male school teacher. This teacher was removed from the school, and is married to one of the other student... View more

I am a 32 year old survivor of child sexual abuse. The events took place across a period of around 6 months in the 1990's when I was 13-14, by a male school teacher. This teacher was removed from the school, and is married to one of the other students involved. There is 3 other victims, that I am aware of, 2 have taken their lives in the past several years. I'd managed to cope with it, mostly by shuttering it away. I'd had some counselling and AD's, but was mostly okay. Fast forward to ~2010, and this teacher is now the Deputy Mayor. I kid you not. I mention to the Mayor, who I had a relatively good relationship with, that this was causing harm to myself and other victims. Instead of getting support, I started getting legal threats. Constantly ever since. "Speak up and you'll be put in jail" I'm told, again and again and again. A week ago I called the Mayor, and told him I felt he should step down from his position. That it was causing emotional harm to victims, even if he did not mean for that outcome. So 6am this morning, two Police knock on my door and serve me with an AVO. Aren't police, who are aware the case is being investigated by several parties (including Police) supposed to be on our side? It's one thing to be getting threats from the teacher, and his friends - but when Police rock up and start carrying on about sending me to jail, it's a tough one to accept. I just don't feel like there's anyone you can turn to. Now that even the Police are helping intimidate me, I'm just lost. I am seeing a psycoligist (paid for by the education department) and getting AD's prescribed by my GP - but my goodness, I can see how people decide to take their own lives (something I'd never been able to get my head around many years ago - "how could it be "that" bad I used to think!"

stoneguzzi verbally abusive ex
  • replies: 4

I was with my ex for 4 years, the start was fine, he was like any other guy but after the first year or so he started calling me names, it got worse as time went on, I guess he knew I wouldn't leave because he kept getting away with hurting me. He al... View more

I was with my ex for 4 years, the start was fine, he was like any other guy but after the first year or so he started calling me names, it got worse as time went on, I guess he knew I wouldn't leave because he kept getting away with hurting me. He always made me feel like it was my fault whenever we would argue it was always over something pointless like cold coffee or burnt toast he would go off at me because I didn't make the coffee right. When he was mad he would call me a mutt, would swear at me, call me an idiot called me ugly once because he knew how I felt about myself. Would say "no wonder you have no friends" put down after put down and after hearing so much of it you begin to believe it's true, you feel worthless like you have no one. I had to start seeing a counsellor because I got depressed my doctor diagnosed me with mild depression and severe anxiety, he knew I had anxiety but would still try to make me feel like the worst person in the world whenever I didn't do something he wanted me to or didn't do something right. Almost into 4 years together I decided to leave I wasn't happy and had thought of leaving for a year it took alot for me to finally stand up for myself and leave. It's been about a month or so and he talks to me everyday says he'll change, asks for another chance asks to see me, when I don't feel IIke talking or don't reply or say no to seeing him the abuse starts and even threats. I've been sworn at, told to go die, I'm not aloud to return to collect the rest of my belongings if I do watch outhe I'm also heartless. He will abuse me over the phone and hang up then ring Back seconds later. I haven't changed my number because I wanted him to be able to talk to me I didn't want to hurt him anymore then I already did by leaving but I didn't expect this. I'm stuck. I just want to get the rest of my belongings change my number so I can move on but I don't think he is going to let me

Pat101 I often thought my first responder job would eventually cause me grief as has happened to many of my collegues
  • replies: 2

30 years in a professional first responder role I would have thought whats occuring would have been a result of that and I was always vigalent for its signs but it didn't come from that. Always steadfast, reliable and confident in my job and nothing ... View more

30 years in a professional first responder role I would have thought whats occuring would have been a result of that and I was always vigalent for its signs but it didn't come from that. Always steadfast, reliable and confident in my job and nothing really fazed me and still doesn't. But the increasing fear, anxiety and total overwhelming panic I feel when my ex wife becomes violant or verbally abusive totally throws me as it is totally at odds with how I am professionally. I could never fathom it because I was looking in the wrong direction expecting that one car crash, suicide or god knows what else to tip me over the edge like so many of my colleges. I was looking in the wrong direction and after 15 years of emotional abuse and and at times physical abuse from my ex partner which is still occuring because we have three children the warning light has well and truly come on. Im a very capable guy, assertive in the most stressful situations, a returned service man there isn't much I haven't seen or done. But I could never disengage from the arguments and violant outbursts, she would just follow, there would always be some punitive response which was most likely involve the children and still is. It was always hanging over my head like a carrot I couldn't do anything and helplessly had to take it, it was always my fault. Still occuring but thankfully not as much as Ive been separated and now divorced for five years but have 10 years to go until I can finally be rid of my ex-wifes influence. I thought it was just accumulative stress which in a way is true but the reality is its PTSD and never thought for a minute it would come from this because I was being every so vigilant but looking in the wrong direction.

Guest_2350 Disconnected
  • replies: 155

I am travelling in my home countries at the moment with a lot of friends and family and I am feeling so disconnected, it is weird to explain. This should be such a happy time and we have planned this trip for so long! I enter memory lane from time to... View more

I am travelling in my home countries at the moment with a lot of friends and family and I am feeling so disconnected, it is weird to explain. This should be such a happy time and we have planned this trip for so long! I enter memory lane from time to time and I only sometimes feel present, when I hug loved ones. Then it is all gone again. I must make all the right moves, as apart from my husband no one has commented on my solemn mood. I just want the holiday to be over. I wonder where all the years have gone. I know now that I have run away from all the memories and I don't really want to be here. I want to be where I feel safe, where I feel no hassle. I have just stopped understanding myself. I just don't make sense.I have been feeling the clouds closing in the last few days, is there nothing I can do to stop this downward spiral?

sarah74 Feeling alone
  • replies: 1

Hi, I'm new to this. Just a bit of background. I am a parent of a chronically ill child ( has 2 rare diseases). It requires numerous hospital stays and blood tests at hospital every 2 weeks. We have nearly lost him 3 times, and he takes numerous medi... View more

Hi, I'm new to this. Just a bit of background. I am a parent of a chronically ill child ( has 2 rare diseases). It requires numerous hospital stays and blood tests at hospital every 2 weeks. We have nearly lost him 3 times, and he takes numerous medications daily. My partner has just started a demanding job, my eldest is going to live overseas in 3 weeks. I am at the lowest i have ever been. It came to a head 1 month ago when my partner suggested that I need help as i have been flying off the handle a bit and not coping with the simpliest of things. I have seen my GP who said I' suffering from PTSD and extreme depression. I have been on anti depressants for a month. 2 days ago, my partner left the family home as he said i have been coming unbearable to live with. He still loves me and wants to work it out. I have been referred to a psychologist but that is not for another 2 weeks. I really need some tips, input about how to manage my outbursts etc as it is impacting my relationship, which i do not want to lose. I do not know what else to do.