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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Mith Post traumatic stress from MRSA
  • replies: 1

I hope this helps someone out there! Ten years ago, after ongoing illness and my ex-GP's incompetence, I was diagnosed with a life threatening lung infection. This led to surgery in hospital , where I contracted and almost died from the superbug MRSA... View more

I hope this helps someone out there! Ten years ago, after ongoing illness and my ex-GP's incompetence, I was diagnosed with a life threatening lung infection. This led to surgery in hospital , where I contracted and almost died from the superbug MRSA. This led to more surgery & a hospital stay of many months. At the time I had a young family & my husband did not cope well, trying to run the family business as well as seeing to the kids & my needs. My advise to anyone is: if you have any doubts about your doctor's advice, seek another opinion. When I returned home, I was still very ill & it took almost 12 months for me to be able to function almost normally. I have not returned to work & still monitor my health carefully, although over the last few years it's been easier and I'm classed as "stable", meaning my disease has not progressed. The stress from my illness has adversely affected my marriage and family and at dark times I wondered why I bothered to fight to live at all. It was my Specialist that insisted that I seek help for the PTSS which was impeding my recovery. He said that he wanted to see me stop crying & enjoy a full life. This was the best advice I have ever had! I was referred to a Psychologist, who I saw several times, I cried the full Ist session, weeped a bit in the 2nd & was quite upbeat at the 3rd. She gave me many strategies such as finding things to keep me busy. My new GP prescribed anti depressants which I disliked as I put on a lot of weight, but took these for 6 months. I continued to see the GP, and became involved in the kids school & sport organisations. However I found that these made me more stressed, due to the people involved. Once I distanced myself from these toxic people and found other interests, I have been much happier. I now realise that my illness will be with me for the rest of my life, but if I look after my health I can live a "normal" lifespan. Regular Specialist, Councillor & GP visits help. Selecting who I spend my time with , not being a "people pleaser"(even if they are relatives) & deleting those negative people from social media is crucial. Finding creative activities and spending one-on-one time with each of the kids helps too. I have now embarked on study, with the purpose of securing a new career, to try & take some of the financial burden off hubby. Although I still have some down times, life is much better.

Megflower Can not trust enough to seek help
  • replies: 3

I really need to find a way to build rapport or something with a therapist. I have been off and on over the years but I lie, freeze up refuse to engage and am so scared. I stay with them long enough for a diagnosis which I am never sure how they came... View more

I really need to find a way to build rapport or something with a therapist. I have been off and on over the years but I lie, freeze up refuse to engage and am so scared. I stay with them long enough for a diagnosis which I am never sure how they came up with considering I sit there on the edge of a seat ready to run giving surface meaningless answers to their questions. I am currently putting way too much on someone who is not even a friend just someone in the workplace. I am over sharing saying too much and have no idea why, why am I trusting and using this person it's wrong. Due to this situation were I am basically taking advantage of someone whom is too polite to walk away, I think I better try again with a psychologist. But how? They have these offices with chairs where I have to choose a chair that gives me an escape route (not always possible), they always try and use deep relaxation which panics me, they require me to talk about it but I really can't, who are they? I don't know them, do they believe me and why do they always try and force eye contact they must think "get over it" "move on" and for goodness sake why the creepy long pauses what do they want to hear? Oh and it's always a woman, yes I am aware of the fact that the "trauma" is male specific but I told women when it was actually happening and they told me to be a good girl. Then they/me decide it's weird I would want to talk to a man, so I always take their advice and see a female. yet on two occasions once a male psychiatrist the other a male social worker I told more to in the space of one session than several. I am at a point where I really need help processing the stuff coming up, I can't stop the images/feelings and I am scared I will get lost. How do I trust someone when every time I have told the actual truth I have been called a liar or it was used to hurt me again?

Holly87 Giving evidence in court
  • replies: 15

Hi everyone, Talking isn't something I'm comfortable with but at this point in time it's completely necessary. I am looking for advice or tips/hints when it comes to criminal trials. I am giving evidence in less than a weeks time and I'm scared and l... View more

Hi everyone, Talking isn't something I'm comfortable with but at this point in time it's completely necessary. I am looking for advice or tips/hints when it comes to criminal trials. I am giving evidence in less than a weeks time and I'm scared and losing my mind. This trial is related to historic child sex abuse. I would just like to hear how other people prepared themselves mentally and if they could offer any advice. I am terrified and I don't feel like I can do this.

OUT_OF_FIGHT New to Beyond Blue
  • replies: 3

I'm a 58yr old woman with physical disabilities and suffering from depression as well as anxiety. It all stemmed from my childhood after being sexually abused by a family member and having it swept under the carpet as was the way back then. My whole ... View more

I'm a 58yr old woman with physical disabilities and suffering from depression as well as anxiety. It all stemmed from my childhood after being sexually abused by a family member and having it swept under the carpet as was the way back then. My whole life has been 1 huge battle and I seem to be a target for everything to go wrong. I married, had 2 children, divorced due to post natal psychosis and have raised both kids on my own. My son left at 16yrs to find his way in the world and I haven't seen him since. My daughter, who I thought was my rock and saviour helped me through a tough time after an accident left me with severe spinal injuries. She married an alcoholic gambler and has 3 daughters, 1 I have never seen. In 2011 after my accident money came through I offered to buy a property with her and him as I knew she'd never have a home of her own. I'd already raised her 1st child from birth and now the 2nd while they worked. I had a lawyer draw up a Deed of Agreement (toilet paper) as I supplied all the equity, legal fees and paid for renovations so we had separate residences. They had a small mortgage to service. It's been 4yrs of hell, raising both girls all at my expense, while he drank himself into a stupor constantly, stopped paying the mortgage, home insurance, land rates and electricity etc. She threw him out constantly but always took him back. My beautiful property resembled the local tip and I fell further into depression and began having panic attacks. In March I confronted them and begged them to save my home but it fell on deaf ears. I withdrew my childcare as number 3 was due in September and I simply couldn't cope anymore. I was left to try to pay all the bills in the hope of keeping my property. In May they moved out and I was shocked to find their residence had missing walls, windows and dog turds everywhere. The bank then informed me I would be solely responsible for the mortgage as in their wisdom listed me as a borrower and not an owner as I was led to believe. They weren't interested in the damage, just when I was vacating so they could foreclose. They refuse to show me the loan application and say it was verbal only. It's now in the hands of the CIO and I'm sitting on a ticking time. I have no one, am housebound, about to lose everything and only have my depressing thoughts for company. Living in a small country town doesn't help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, sorry about the length.

OrangePenguin Abused as a child by older siblings possibly left me mentally traumatized
  • replies: 4

I just realised that I've had a problem deep within me, I'm currently 20 years old. I started to be self aware at 18, because I left home for study on my own, since then I've been facing a lot of real life situation problems, work, social, interperso... View more

I just realised that I've had a problem deep within me, I'm currently 20 years old. I started to be self aware at 18, because I left home for study on my own, since then I've been facing a lot of real life situation problems, work, social, interpersonal relationship, romance, financial, and stuff. I was doing all right, until I've had my first big breakdown, I left all 3 of my job, my academic record went downhill, relationship with my family gone worse from bad, and ultimately a girl left me. I'm totally depressed for good 6 months. At that time, I reflected all of my life, what went wrong. Then, my childhood memories struck me. I recalled all the nasty stuff what my brothers did to me when I was a child. We're 5&6 years apart, I'm the youngest of 3. I was overweight, they always called me fat. physically abused me, it still left a scars on my body. Once, they made me believe that our parents found me in the dumpster, and forced to raise me. Publicly humiliate me. I wrote a diary and love letter for a girl, they found it and tease me for years, yes years, I don't have enough space to spill it all here. Just to let you know what I've been through. I've always looked up to them, I wanted them to accept me so badly. I never really saw that as a kind of big deal when I was a kid, I cried almost everyday because of them, and yet I still desperately trying to get close to them. I never feel loved, nor accepted. They have outgrown their nasty habits now and trying to atone their doing, but I can't yet to trust them. Is there really any link between childhood trauma and the later on life? Or it's just that I'm trying to find something to blame for my situations? Either way, I'm fed up with this "me". I want to fix this. Thank you for reading this, any suggestion or advice would be much appreciated!

Bud_ptsd Coping with PTSD
  • replies: 1

Gday! I was involved in a horrific incident about 9 years ago. I initially had counselling and was diagnosed with a high level of PTSD. I have a lot of support around me but have been hiding its effects for the last few years. I'm just now realising ... View more

Gday! I was involved in a horrific incident about 9 years ago. I initially had counselling and was diagnosed with a high level of PTSD. I have a lot of support around me but have been hiding its effects for the last few years. I'm just now realising how this was not a good idea. I have a beautiful family/Job/House etc. Unfortunately I do not know anyone who suffers from ptsd. This makes it hard (if not impossible) to get any real/helpful advice. I am desperate for someone outside of my circle to talk to. Can't afford counselling so I'm really struggling lately due to a couple of triggers. Any doc I see just tries to prescribe meds. If I have any hope at coping with this for the rest of my life I need an understanding ear not a pill. If you are reading this and know what I am talking about, please respond. I am just about to chuck in the towel. Please, please help.

HyperDave I've been seriously traumatized, differently to most
  • replies: 1

I have definitely experienced some quite extremely distressing, stressful and upsetting life experiences. Unfortunately I do not personally feel comfortable to ever discuss these experiences, I truly do not believe other people can under or relate, o... View more

I have definitely experienced some quite extremely distressing, stressful and upsetting life experiences. Unfortunately I do not personally feel comfortable to ever discuss these experiences, I truly do not believe other people can under or relate, or at least the vast majority. Although I do believe people can relate to the general emotional and mental impact. I experienced a LARGE variety of emotions in relation to what happened, shock, acutely upset, deeply depressed, extremely angry, and for quite some time just an acute feelings of being stressed, serious problems sleeping, nightmares etc. I think to a reasonable degree, with a significant amount of time I have largely recovered from the above sort of impact. However there is absolutely no doubt that my experiences have permanently altered my perception of the world, in certain areas I am simply extremely distrustful, and I have become strongly unwilling to expose myself to situations where it could ever happen again. Without a doubt it has quite dramatically altered the course of my life in certain aspects. I have almost entirely battled with these experiences alone. I have had some quite harsh experiences in life. My mother died when I was 13, I have experienced extended periods of my life completely isolated from social supports and anyone who cares about me, I won't go into my life story, but the traumatic experiences I am talking about, nothing else in my life compares to how awful those experiences were to me. They will be in my mind, until the end of my life. I was WRONGED, quite seriously. Some people experience significant wrongs and get justice and recognition of what happened, in my case I never will. My capacity to be truly happy and content in life, without a doubt has been permanently diminished to some extent, but I am still grateful that I have my life, I know I have it a lot better than others. I am capable, and have reasonable physical health, I can have an acceptable life. I do emphasize with anyone that has experienced any sort of highly traumatic event in life, people who haven't been through it just don't understand.

MsWharton Lack of care taken by the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Abuse
  • replies: 3

Like a previous poster here I have been involved with giving evidence to the Royal Commission. After my experience I would urge all survivors of institutional abuse to think carefully about their health before they get involved. I have been more dist... View more

Like a previous poster here I have been involved with giving evidence to the Royal Commission. After my experience I would urge all survivors of institutional abuse to think carefully about their health before they get involved. I have been more distressed in the past two months than any time in the last 20 years. The staff at the Commission have pressured me and overstepped my boundaries constantly. They do not offer any support that is safe or accessible to me. This is because the support agencies they have funded are very institutional and dis-empowering. This is very frightening for former wardies or homies. Most of the Commission staff treated me like I am worthless- they were rude and looked down on me. I have been retraumatised by sharing my story in an unsafe environment. I feel I have been treated like I was treated as child: like I have no rights and my feelings don't matter. It will take me a long time to recover. I am still crying every few hours and have been this way for weeks now. It is important that our stories of being abused in 'care' are heard, but at the moment the cost to our health is too high. Why can't Commission staff even be kind to us? They know we have been abused and we are crying but they don't care. I still can't quite believe how badly I have been treated by the Commission. It should have been an empowering experience but I feel like they see me like the perpetrators saw me: worthless, to be used and disposed of, powerless and rightless.

mizzme Ex manipulated me into doing things against my morals
  • replies: 6

I dont even know where to start.. or why im posting. In a nut shell, i was with a man 10 years my senior who can only be described as a narcassist. He manipulated me into participating in 3sums with other men on a number of times even though he knew ... View more

I dont even know where to start.. or why im posting. In a nut shell, i was with a man 10 years my senior who can only be described as a narcassist. He manipulated me into participating in 3sums with other men on a number of times even though he knew i hated doing it. After everytime he would assure me we wouldn't do it again, but then a few months later he would push for it again. I was a prude if i didn't do it. The kicker was him manipulating me into one of these encounters when i was pregnant with our son. It was a horrible experience and i cringe even writing it on here. He was never physically abusive but he was verbally abusive and sexually. After 3 years we have finally split, its been 5 months and i currently have an intervention order on him, so I should be feeling really good right? NO, im not.. i feel anxious and are even self medicating. My moods are up and down, I feel anti social, my goals have been put aside. My questions, WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY? I should be HAPPY that chapter is over? And i am happy but im sooooo emotionally and mentally messed up!!

Guest_2350 Lost
  • replies: 93

Hello, I am hoping to find some advise - I am still very new to this all. I have started seeing a psychologist and I am just so unsure about what to do. I will talk to her as well when I see her - and that is part of the problem, the long gaps inbetw... View more

Hello, I am hoping to find some advise - I am still very new to this all. I have started seeing a psychologist and I am just so unsure about what to do. I will talk to her as well when I see her - and that is part of the problem, the long gaps inbetween. I have various trauma and grief to go through from my early childhood until mid twenties. I have been able to live through this all and have a pretty happy life, but lately it seems crumbling and I feel disconnected from myself and from the outside. I have made the step to see someone but I am so scared to open the gates. Will I be able to cope and what strategies can I put in place to cope? The couple of times that we touched on certain subjects left me raw, insecure and exhausted. I cannot communicate the strength of feelings, being completely overwhelmed. It is so difficult for me and I am not sure what I want to do. What other options are there? Can it just be the wrong psychologist? Is it normal to feel lost and distressed when starting? Thanks.