PTSD, abuse and family

[Reaperbird]

My step dad was very abusive to me growing up and has caused me a lot of fear and trauma.

Despite what he did to me, the rest of my family still talk to him. They also refuse to support me at all saying they don't want to get involved. Even when I went to the police about it, they all refused to back me up or make a statement.

It hurts a lot. I often feel like they don't care about me. Sometimes they put me in danger too by telling him about my personal life or inviting us both to the same function. I don't want to be anywhere near him, I'm terrified of him, and even when I tell them this they get angry at me and call me paranoid.

There have even been a few in my family that say it's my fault I got abused, saying I deserved it because I'm a trouble-maker. They spread horrible things behind my back, and make fun of me.

When I go to see my family, or when they visit, they often isolate me and leave me out of conversations. They also bully me and treat me like I'm inferior to them. If I see them in public, they act ashamed of me, like they don't want to be seen with me.

I've had a lot of fights with them, I keep asking them why they don't like me and why do they keep hurting me, but they just get angry and say they do love me and that I'm just being sensitive.
They also say I'm angry and manipulative, and I admit, I do get angry, because they treat me awful. And I have manipulated situations because it was the only way I could be safe from my step dad. They would have put me in danger if I hadn't done something!

I'm really tired of fighting with them, but I don't know what to do anymore. They won't respect my need to feel safe, and they won't show any kind of support for me. I've tried everything to work things out but no one will listen. They just see me as annoying and causing trouble. They don't care how much pain I'm in, or if they put me in harm's way. They just tell me it's not their problem and to not bother them with it.

I feel so alone. I feel like they don't care at all for me, and would rather see me hurt again then try to support me. I love my family, but sometimes I think I'm better off without them. Is that awful? It's just I don't want to be afraid and isolated anymore. I feel like I'm being punished for standing up to the abuse. He's nice to everyone, but not me. So many people have left already because they didn't believe me, I don't want to lose my family, but I feel like I already have.

[Bluey_moon]

Oh Reaperbird, 

My heart is breaking for you! There is nothing in this world that anyone does to "deserve" being abused! 

Is there anyone in your family who is there for you? Anyone you can talk to, even a friend. 

Have you answered your own question when you ask about your family! It isn't awful the way you are feeling! I think I would feel the same. 

Have you seeked therapy about what happened? 

I stand with you. Can I tell you something I haven't told anyone else on here, I was abused by a family friend, I worked up the courage to tell someone, they said I was lying! So maybe I have some idea how you feel! Like I said my heart breaks! 

[Graceeeeee]

Hello Reaperbird! 

I'm deeply sorry to hear what you're going through, and I admire your spirit for taking this out here and reaching for support, as you've probably already noticed, the forums here are always full of support and love, so no matter what you're going through, we are here to listen 🙂

I understand that you don't feel loved, and please don't believe it when anyone tells you it's your fault that you've been abused, you have done absolutely nothing wrong at all. I am also surprised when you say the police haven't supported you in situations like this, could you take it up to some children's support centre, or some other police stations? I've found helplines and websites online where you can report the abuse, if you want I will gladly show them to you, because those police that you went to were definitely not out of their jobs, they weren't carrying out their responsibilities at all. And I really do think it's necessary that you immediately go seek help from other authorities, it's a crime that you've been exposed to, and you HAVE to protect yourself. If you feel safer on the internet, or somewhere that your family won't find out, it's definitely a good idea to contact for help online, or whatever way you'd feel safer with (call, police station, help/support centre, etc).

I care about you, and people here also listen and care, if you ever need any love, help or support, we are always here for you. Sending you all of my love from the bottom of my heart, and lots of hugs too, just letting you know you will never be alone 🙂

With Love,

Grace xx

[Reaperbird]

Hey Grace,

Thanks, and yeah, it's hard to talk about because no matter how much proof or reassurance I get I still feel it's my fault somehow for what has happened. That maybe my family should hate me.

The police in my town are corrupt and biased, it's common knowledge here in town. I tried to get there help but because they were friends with my step dad and his family they found creative ways to not follow through with
anything and I gave up because I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere with them. I'd have to go to a different police station if I want help, I won't get it here.

I'm seeing a psychologist next week, but after another fight with my family today I just had to talk about it to someone. It's been really messing with my anxiety. Even just writing it down makes me feel a little more reassured. 

Thankyou so much, it's actually really nice to hear that. I've only been hearing bad things about me today, so it's good to hear something positive. ❤️

[geoff]

dear Reaperbird, I am just so sorry for you or anyone who is abused in any family situation, because it's something that
really goes against my grain, and unfortunately this can happen on many an ocassion.
Not even the black sheep, and I'm not referring this here at all, but no one should be a target for physical or verbal
abuse, because it's a violation against personal rights, and should always be reported, and in your case another police
station or you could try crime stoppers and if they say that they don't handle anything like this, they will pass you
onto another department.
From what I gather is that you still need to live at home, so please let us know.
Unfortunately none of your family are going to support you, because time after time they have ignored your complaints in
regard to your step father, so I wonder if you are to move away from all of them, because not only are they not supporting
you, but also denying what you have to say, so that's why I ask are able to move out. Geoff.

[Reaperbird]

Hey Bluey Moon,

I'm so sorry I didn't reply to you, your reply didn't show up for me when I responded the first time. Though it is now so I'm not sure what happened there, some kind of glitch? Whatever happened, I'm really sorry I missed your response!

But thankyou, I appreciate your kindness.

But no, I don't really have anyone in my family I can talk to, and I don't have any friends.  I am seeing a psychologist next week though, so hopefully I can get support from them.

I'm so sorry that happened to you. Sometimes I don't know which is worse, the abuse, or that no one will listen. The abuse is bad, but when no one believes it or when they take the abusers side, it makes me feel like there's no justice for what happened, and that it's harder to move on from it. It's also isolating, because it's like no one cares enough, no one trusts you, and no one really knows you as well as you thought they did.
The worst part of abuse, is that it's not just the abuse itself that is traumatizing and painful, but the isolation and conflict that comes with it. It's awful.

[Reaperbird]

Hey Geoff.

Thanks, though yeah, I would consider myself the black sheep. I often feel I'm the scape goat or the boxing bag of everyone else. If they are hurting, they always seem to take it out on me.

Actually I don't live at home. I live on my own in a small unit. I'm from a small town, so rent is a bit more doable here.
But I'm also isolated. I don't have anyone to support me, and being in a small town means gossip is a massive issue. I get shunned from people I don't even know because of the things my step dad and his family have said about me to others. I want to move away from this town, but right now I can't afford to.

I honestly don't think they will support me either. I can be as hurt or angry as I like but they won't change, I can't force them to.

I've been talking to my mum about it and I told her that I can't cope with how I'm being treated, that as much as I love my family, I don't deserve to be bullied by them anymore and I shouldn't have to hang around them when they treat me like that. I've decided that I'm not going to hang around them anymore, or invite them over, at least not until they learn to treat me nicer. I'll always be there for them when they really need me, and I still care, but I'm not going to put up with their bullying anymore. It hurts me too much and they are impacting my mental health. They are also putting me in danger of further abuse when they side with my abuser, and I don't deserve that either.

But thanks again for the support. I'll consider talking to crimestoppers for help and support, though honestly, I just want to move on with my life. I'm so tired of fighting. All I want is to live my life without abuse and to be cared about by others. But in order to do that, I think I'll have to make some difficult changes to my life.
I don't want to push away the people I love, but if i don't, I'm afraid that they will one day push me too far where I won't be able to cope anymore. I don't want that. I just want to be happy and live life the best I can.

[Graceeeeee]

Hi again Reaperbird!

How are you doing today? It's so great to hear that you are going to a psychologist. And you are such a bright young person who knows how to think for yourself, you are so strong that you still care about your family, and will be there for them when they need you, but you at the meantime also know to protect yourself to stay away from them to stop the bullying. It's good to hear that you are living by yourself now, and when you get the chance definitely do go to someone to report the problem.

I suffer with you when you say you don't know if the abuse or that no one listens hurts you more, I can't help you stop the abuse yet, but I will, and people on this forum will, always be here to listen to you. And we care about you 🙂 I really wish to hear you getting better, no matter by seeing the psychologist, or staying away from your family to protect yourself. I know it can be so hard when sometimes at night, or anytime really, when you are there alone and you just feel like no one loves you, well if you every think like that again, just remind yourself that we do, we love you and we care for you, and we understand you 🙂 Also. it's not your fault at all that you are being treated like this by your family, it isn't fair, no one should be treated like this at all, and you, a person who cares about others and just simply wants to be loved, deserves a treatment no where near this but a thousand times better ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

I hope talking to you makes you feel a bit less lonely, we are always here for you if you need any help 🙂

Sending you endless love and lots and lots of hugs ❤️

With Love,

Grace xxx

[geoff]

dear Reaperbird, thanks for getting back to us.
I just wonder whether you are receiving centrelink benefits, and let's suppose that you are, then you would be entitled
to apply for the $1000 available, or better still apply for bond money from them, which means that they pay the bond
for a new place you want to move to, away from your family, plus then apply for rent assistance which then help
pay for the weekly rent. Geoff.

[Bluey_moon]

Hi Reaperbird, 

You are right when you say the worst part is the isolation you feel ect! 

I am lucky in a way, we moved away sometime ago, and the man has since died, which affords me some piece.

I let go of the anger and hatred a long time ago. It ate me up. But it was easier as I didn't have to see him. 

I beleive in karma and such and know down the track he would have paid for this. The only thing I regret is not going to the police, because I fear he may have done it again, I would do anything else to save another girl the pain. 

You are wrong Reaperbird about having no friends, you now have me.