PTSD and Trauma

Struggling so much-PTSD and depression

replies: 3

I'm struggling every day, some days are so unbearable. Trying my best to lead a normal life, but it feels like a facade. I had a very confronting pregnancy loss 5 months ago, and unfortunately time is not healing all wounds. trying to manage physical... View more

I'm struggling every day, some days are so unbearable. Trying my best to lead a normal life, but it feels like a facade. I had a very confronting pregnancy loss 5 months ago, and unfortunately time is not healing all wounds. trying to manage physical symptons, as well as overwhelming depression, constant flashbacks and very negative thoughts. i cry all the time, and just don't want to feel like this anymore. My thoughts are so negative and sad, and I feel like I lost control of my ability to manage my thoughts and have a positive outlook. im doing everything I'm suppose to, like seeing a counsellor, opening up a lot more, having a better diet, I'm even seeing an accupunturist to help with relaxation. I'm so easily irritated, and everything sets me off. I'm snapping at my husband all the time, even though he's been supportive and doing his best to help me through this. I've never been so hopeless and depressed for this long- when will it get better?!??

PTSD Boyfriend Suicide Attempt + Birthday

replies: 2

2 years ago my boyfriend attempted suicide, I awoke on my birthday to him not breathing properly and tried to wake him up, then he muttered out some words. It was the morning of my 20th Birthday. One of the paramedics were extremely rude and laughed ... View more

2 years ago my boyfriend attempted suicide, I awoke on my birthday to him not breathing properly and tried to wake him up, then he muttered out some words. It was the morning of my 20th Birthday. One of the paramedics were extremely rude and laughed at the fact it happened on my birthday. I remember walking down the long corridor where i finally saw him laying there in resus. He should have died the doctors said. Back at home it was terrible, cries filled the room while they tried to sing happy birthday with the cake. 2 years later i still have those nightmares, i check if he's still breathing at night. I have severe allergies so make frequent visits to the hospital, the last time they put me in resus, to be exact the same room he should have died in. Birthdays haunt me, i used to love occasions but now their a burden, i can't handle the cake part. It's just constant reminders. Now that my birthday is once again approaching those feelings are getting worse, my friends insist on throwing me a party but what if that's just out of pitty? It's lovely of them but i can't help thinking that. I still keep the meds locked in a box I'm that paranoid. I hate birthdays. Yet i used to love them. I know it wasn't your fault given the circumstamces. i just want to forget it happened and I'm sure you do too.

Horrible dream triggering anxiety & bad feeling about myself

replies: 10

As background information I was diagnosed with PTSD related to being caught in a bushfire a child. Most of the time I am fine but find hot weather particularly if the fire danger is high I struggle. For the last week it has been hot and now my husban... View more

As background information I was diagnosed with PTSD related to being caught in a bushfire a child. Most of the time I am fine but find hot weather particularly if the fire danger is high I struggle. For the last week it has been hot and now my husband who I care for is sick. I am currently on some medication for a physical health issue which is making me feel blah! On top of that I am tired from lack of sleep due to heat & some health issues. Last night was very hot (although fire danger wasn't severe) & my husband was coughing & sounding very ill. This led to a very broken sleep. At one point I had a horrible dream about a bushfire where I couldn't think straight enough to organise myself so I could leave before too late. I found when I woke up I was still half in the dream & spent the rest of the night worrying about how useless I was. When I got up I was still breathing fast & feeling very shakey due to the anxiety & bad feelings brought on by the dream. I know it was a dream but that didn't stop it triggering the negative beliefs about myself caused by the original fire. Thoughts include feeling guilty & useless because I didn't do anything to help as a child with the dream reinforcing the fact that I still can't deal with situations where I need to act as a competent adult to prevent harm to myself or others. This then morphs into feeling useless anyway. I feel like when it is hot my life is put on hold. I'm unable to do anything useful and I can't do anything enjoyable. Summer stretches in front like a prison sentence. Does anyone else relate to this.

Just had enough of this

replies: 8

Hi there Im new and not sure really what's driving me to write something on here. I've been suffering with PTS for about 13 years and my issues are all pretty much relate to Defence service and overseas deployments etc. I've come to a point where man... View more

Hi there Im new and not sure really what's driving me to write something on here. I've been suffering with PTS for about 13 years and my issues are all pretty much relate to Defence service and overseas deployments etc. I've come to a point where managing my avoidance, anxiety, nightmares, temper, over reactions to things are really weighing me down. Im just not coping with things and it's had a massive impact on my marriage and family. I'm not going to make excuses for myself, but I can't control myself and the way that I've become. Life has just become a struggle and Im not sure how to move things forward any more. My marriage is at breaking point, and I feel disconnected with everyone around me. My instincts are all pretty much just telling me to give up. I'm tired, emotional and exhausted!!

Numerous traumatic events and how to cope? Newbie.

replies: 5

I'm new here and just feel like I need to 'talk'. I lost my grandmother in 2006, then my mother passed away suddenly from medical negligence in 2013. My cousin died 6 months later. I broke up with my son's father while I was pregnant. My son was born... View more

I'm new here and just feel like I need to 'talk'. I lost my grandmother in 2006, then my mother passed away suddenly from medical negligence in 2013. My cousin died 6 months later. I broke up with my son's father while I was pregnant. My son was born prematurely with major health issues. I didn't get the opportunity to care for him until he was 6 months old as we were in hospital. I didn't get to hold him until he was a week old. Numerous times I feared I wouldn't take him home at all. I watched him struggle to breathe, him have numerous life saving operations and procedures. I would hear monitor alarms in my sleep. While my son was in hospital, my house was broken into and the last sentimental items I had of my mother and grandmother were stolen (wedding ring, jewellery). My stepfather was diagnosed with cancer and died 2 months later last year. Thankfully I got the opportunity to see him before he died, unlike my mother. My son has ongoing therapies and hospital stays which terrify me. I have severe daily anxiety since my mother died and have had panic disorder since I was 4 years old - every day seems like a battle to be 'normal'. I feel like I am alone in the world and it's an awful feeling. I am really struggling with my mother's death, most of the time I don't acknowledge that she's not here. I can look at photographs of her and it's like I'm looking at someone else. Like all of the emotion has been taken out. Disassociating I suppose. When I think of the person I was before all of this, I can't relate to that being me. I feel this underlying sadness all the time. The only shining light in my otherwise very lonely life is my son. I try to be the best mother I can to him but sometimes I feel as though I'm failing miserably. He deserves the very best and his existence makes me want to be the best person I can be. Thank you for reading if you've gotten this far. Any suggestions or ways to move forward from these things would be very much appreciated.

Unhappy and regretful

replies: 6

Hi, Forgive my formatting as thoughts and memories are flooding sometimes in an unordered fashion. Some background. Lost my biological father to cancer at age 7, mother remarried soon after to (at the time) an Army soldier who had PTSD from time in V... View more

Hi, Forgive my formatting as thoughts and memories are flooding sometimes in an unordered fashion. Some background. Lost my biological father to cancer at age 7, mother remarried soon after to (at the time) an Army soldier who had PTSD from time in Vietnam. As most may know, PTSD was a condition not fully understood until the eighties but this is still when he performed the most physical and mental domestic abuse mainly against my mother. To make matters worse my step-father has a narcissistic personality order I believe predates his Vietnam deployment. Although only anecdotal evidence leads me to this conclusion, I've had ample time to analyse someone I have not spoken for over 10 years. I really developed into a moody/angry young man. My twenties I regard as my darkest period. Was a tradesman but never held positions for too long. I think it was partly due to not enjoying the work. I do believe somewhere inside me there exists a friendly, funny and generous person but too often is suppressed by anxiety and sadness. I was friends with a fellow introverted high school student whom I spent too much time performing petty theft. Possibly a time in front of a judge put an end to that (no correctional time). Joined the Army Reserve at 18 and discharged after 18 years but all I remember is how angry and irrational I must have appeared to fellow soldiers. I have secondary-PTSD. I've had Government sponsored counseling and through that and self examination (surprisingly no alcohol or drug addiction) I believe I am better than I was. I used be easily triggered into anger and confrontation but feel I am able to control it much better. I'm now nearly 46 and I have nothing in my life to demonstrate any "normal" progress. I have been praised for opening a retail business 8 years ago but it doesn't feel that way. Some days are a struggle where I feel lost and the business is not very profitable due to this. I've not been in a personal relationship for over 13 years as I determined long ago it wouldn't be healthy for me and whomever I met. This is where I get the most criticism from people who care for me the most, but it is difficult to explain to others how destructive I feel I could potentially make it. I think that's enough. I must confess this has been therapeutic to write as something I did today left me rather anxious. Is it me or does anybody feel anxiety affects judgement? R

Poor concentration due to PTSD

replies: 47

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary. Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr G... View more

I like to think that for the most, i have recovered from PTSD, well as much as you can recover from it (just my beliefs) but my concentration is still very very ordinary. Has anyone experienced this? How do you improve your concentration? I know Dr Google will have some answers but I would prefer to hear from people who have lived it. I think a bit has to do how much mental energy it takes to keep yourself grounded and the lower amount of mental energy the harder it is to concentrate but even when i feel pretty energised, i still can't concentrate much. Be interested to hear other peoples ideas on this. Cheers Mark.

Trouble getting help

replies: 4

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happe... View more

Ok so something happened about 5 years ago and like the next day i got the guts to call mental health crisis team and they got me to agree that i wouldn't self harm and to see dr next day. So i get myself to dr the next day and try mention what happened and he kind of just brushed it aside. He was like "did you say 'no'" and i said "i was too drunk to say anything" and then he was like "oh good. do you want treatment for alcohol problem?". So basically just useless cause i had peer pressure problem not alcohol problem. Anyways i managed to cope pretty well for a while. I was on anti depressant and anti psychotic because i had just been in hospital. But for the last 3 years since i been off meds I been really struggling and it feels a lot different/worse than depression/anxiety problems that i had issues with for more than half my life. I get all this rage at myself about everything and it's like my brain attacks me with all this self loathing and it freakin hurts and I have always had good understanding of myself and others but it is like i have had personality change and i just cant force myself to care. Which is strange because i used to care too much with all social anxiety stuff. Basically all i am is grumpy and cant concentrate and feel stupid all the time. It has gotten particularly bad the last 6 months with all this added stress and I almost daily i have mini breakdowns where i curl up on the floor or in bed for a few minutes clutching my stomach and coughing rather than breathing and getting all worked up with mental anguish. It is only for the last year that i start to think that maybe the way i been feeling for years is linked to stuff that happened 5 years ago and i keep going over stuff in my mind. So anyway I decided to research and find a new good female GP and i went to get help for long list of everything but because i always had problems talking and get anxious and shutdown and with the added not being able to get my thoughts straight thing lately all I managed was get back on meds for depression/anxiety and just general check up and blood tests. Meds have helped a little. I feel a little bit clearer and like i'm coping slightly better but I'm still in hell and obviously need more help. Also i having real trouble getting past that i am just overreacting and all is my fault and i am just a crazy idiot. dr also said i have vit D deficiency so maybe that makes your brain messed up or more likely i just messed myself up with all self medicating

I was robbed whilst I was home

replies: 2

Last week I was woken up at 5.40am to a loud what I thought was knocking on the door, I got up and checked the door and nobody was there, I got my dog and returned to bed, my dog soon jumped from my bed and ran into the yard barking, I got up and loo... View more

Last week I was woken up at 5.40am to a loud what I thought was knocking on the door, I got up and checked the door and nobody was there, I got my dog and returned to bed, my dog soon jumped from my bed and ran into the yard barking, I got up and looked outside, I couldn't see anything so again I got her and took her back to bed. Not even 5 minutes later my dog was on the end of my bed growling and peeking through my open bedroom door, I got up and stood at my doorway, that's when I saw a man in my living room. I started to scream and called out for my brother who quickly got up and chased the man out of the house and out of the yard. Unfortunately for weeks I had been hearing things in the yard and I'd just put it down to anxiety as my partner was in America. I am now having severe panic attacks especially at night, I lay awake and can hear every single noise, I got new locks for the doors, and am now OCD with them being locked and triple checking them. I'm to afraid of getting up in the dark, or even getting up early for work. I know time will heal and it will get easier, but the fear of them coming back is horrible and everytime I go to the bedroom door I still have the image of him just standing there.

Undiagnosed PTSD, Diagnosed BP2

replies: 11

I am about to condense my adult lifetime of illness into a few key areas. This year I voluntarily admitted myself into a private hospital that has a specialist psychiatric care. This came after the onset of a major depressive episode and aggravated a... View more

I am about to condense my adult lifetime of illness into a few key areas. This year I voluntarily admitted myself into a private hospital that has a specialist psychiatric care. This came after the onset of a major depressive episode and aggravated anxiety triggered by 12 months of workplace bullying and harassment. My psychiatrist diagnosed Bipolar 2. Unfortunately, I suffered acute liver failure caused by medication given to me while in hospital. I was fortunate to receive a liver transplant, however due to a virus, I now have an ileostomy, I had to relearn to use my arms, relearn to walk, I have an open wound and it doesn't end there. How does PTSD fit into my story? From 16 to 24 yo I was in a domestic violent relationship. I am now 38 and I still dream about many of the traumatic episodes. My scars cause me to drift into a almost visual daydream of how I got them. I cannot handle arguments and yelling and I come out fighting from fear. I avoid places, a whole town nearby, in case I see the perpetrator. I develop scenarios in my mind of this person ruining my life, murdering my family in revenge. These prevent sleep and again impact my dreams. I was threatened with death to never talk about these issue. I can't shake it. These years and the trauma has infected my life. Fast forward to this year. The emergency liver transplant, my 3 month stay in ICU and a further 2 months in the ward has wiped me out. BUT I have to remain strong for my DDs and DH. My anxiety is at max levels. I have periods of depression. I am supposed to have more surgery next year and I am frightened. All the while I dream about the DV and wake up with dream a 'hangover', when the emotions are so real the impact the next day. I can't make heads or tail of life ATM. I am a survivor but I am only just holding on. I feel like I have to show that I am strong when I am crumbling inside. No wants a person who complains about there problems. Everyone has there own problems. I rarely talk about my feelings, except to a select few and I don't want wear them out. I have a new psychiatrist now. He comes with the liver transplant and my recovery is going well. He agrees with me on the anxiety and depression, not so much the BP2. We have not even discussed the DV yet. It is all incredibly complex and all I can do is withdraw.

Pinned discussions

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

Struggling so much-PTSD and depression

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PTSD Boyfriend Suicide Attempt + Birthday

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Horrible dream triggering anxiety & bad feeling about myself

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Just had enough of this

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Numerous traumatic events and how to cope? Newbie.

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Unhappy and regretful

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Poor concentration due to PTSD

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Trouble getting help

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I was robbed whilst I was home

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Undiagnosed PTSD, Diagnosed BP2

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PTSD and trauma

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

Struggling so much-PTSD and depression replies: 3

PTSD Boyfriend Suicide Attempt + Birthday replies: 2

Horrible dream triggering anxiety & bad feeling about myself replies: 10

Just had enough of this replies: 8

Numerous traumatic events and how to cope? Newbie. replies: 5

Unhappy and regretful replies: 6

Poor concentration due to PTSD replies: 47

Trouble getting help replies: 4

I was robbed whilst I was home replies: 2

Undiagnosed PTSD, Diagnosed BP2 replies: 11

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

Struggling so much-PTSD and depression

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PTSD Boyfriend Suicide Attempt + Birthday

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Just had enough of this

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Numerous traumatic events and how to cope? Newbie.

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I was robbed whilst I was home

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Undiagnosed PTSD, Diagnosed BP2

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