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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Cornstarch How to cope with people attempting to pick you up when you have a history of trauma?
  • replies: 6

I was wondering if anyone else with a trauma background finds it hard navigating people coming onto you, and lets just say they do it with no class. Like hurl themselves at you, face plant, face pash when you have given zero signals. And when I say z... View more

I was wondering if anyone else with a trauma background finds it hard navigating people coming onto you, and lets just say they do it with no class. Like hurl themselves at you, face plant, face pash when you have given zero signals. And when I say zero I mean zero. I have a tremendous fear of coming across as a sleaze ball so tend to stand back a bit. Whenever it's happened I've had mates present and to ease my fear that I was a sleaze ball they've had to confirm for me that I was just standing there innocently like a wall flower and had barely opened my mouth let alone flirted or begun a conversation. I was like "what the hell just happened". My trauma hasn't shut me down sexually or affected my libido but the dating game has been setting off some horrible triggers, that are extremely difficult to explain to randoms that don't know you. One person set off a cascade of trauma recently thinking that they were being flattering. To make it worse I have no one to talk to about how triggering it is for me because I have this truly bizarre situation where my siblings and family are proud of it. I've had people 10 years my junior go in for the kill and they think it is hilarious. They especially love it if both sexes crack onto me in one night. It makes me feel more alone. I have no desire to hide from the world because life is too short but I want to balance feeling safe with being social. I am totally, totally shit at telling people "I'm not interested in you". How do I say "I am not interested in you" without hurting them or causing them pain/distress, but keeping firm boundaries and only pursuing people I want to pursue?

Bella_Rose Worried mum
  • replies: 3

My three primary school age children have been living exclusively with me for three months, after nearly five years of them going between my house and their father's house, since they reported to me the details of domestic violence/abuse by their fat... View more

My three primary school age children have been living exclusively with me for three months, after nearly five years of them going between my house and their father's house, since they reported to me the details of domestic violence/abuse by their father. The abuse has since been reported to the police and my children have been seeing domestic violence support and mental health counsellors. We have a court date next month, where I hope to be able to change the legal custody arrangements so that my children can live with me, but have the choice when/if they see their father. This has been a very difficult time for me, because I do not like the fact that I have felt the need to breach a court order, I am concerned for the relationship my children will have with their father in the future and despite what has been reported, I feel for their father and his situation because he must be hurting too having not seen his kids during this time. I had to weigh all of this up when I made the decision to help my kids to have time away from their dad, rather than co-operate with the order. I acted on their requests when they begged me not to be returned to him. I have spent many nights with them helping them to drift off to sleep and be strong for the night-mares and the worries which come to them. I have tried to keep their life as normal as possible, but this has involved some missed school when the anxiety levels have been high, and as I mentioned, help from psychologists for them to begin to process their feelings from what has happened. I don't know what the outcome of the court case will be. There is always a possibility that they may be ordered back to their father's care. Although they have pleaded for this not to happen, I can not tell them with 100% certainity that this will not be the case. Meanwhile, I have found that I am feeling quite alone (I don't know anyone going through this). I know there is stigma out there around "those women who do/say terrible things so they get to keep the kids". I know I am not one of those women. I agreed to an almost 50/50 arrangement with my ex- almost 5 years ago and co-operated with that until the disclosures were made. What I dearly want is for my kids dad to acknowledge his part in their refusal to see him and to make some changes, rather than blindly blame me for withholding them. Is there anyone else out there who has experienced something similar? I'm really hoping for good news stories.

Cecilia1970 PTSD & Loneliness go hand in hand (TRIGGER WARNING SEXUAL ABUSE)
  • replies: 2

In November 2012 my life changed. Out of the blue, suppressed memories surfaced of being molested as a child by my father and uncle. Nearly 4 years later, I feel more and more lonely as every day passes. I've since divorced and am in another relation... View more

In November 2012 my life changed. Out of the blue, suppressed memories surfaced of being molested as a child by my father and uncle. Nearly 4 years later, I feel more and more lonely as every day passes. I've since divorced and am in another relationship, although not sure about how long this one will last. I was diagnosed with PTSD and am on medication but it's this feeling of loneliness that seems to be killing me…very very slowly. Hiding it is easy. It's when I'm alone that I break down and fall to pieces. I have thoughts of suicide quite often but my children are what keep me alive. Is this feeling of loneliness common with sufferers of PTSD? Is it common for sufferers of PTSD to experience relationship breakdowns? A story that has been on the news lately has kept my memories quite close to the surface and that's not helping. But something that cannot be avoided either. I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or if I'm just wanting to put my feelings "out there". Nevertheless, there it is. That feeling of betrayal when my mother knew what my father was doing and did nothing about it. No, sorry, she did do something. She told me not to tell anyone because it would ruin our family. That's what she did. Nothing more to be said.

Faded Not even the half of it :(
  • replies: 2

I was only 6 when i first became a ward of the state. I was neglected and abandoned by my mother. i had many different placements, numourous workers and a very unsettling upbringing. I was misstreated and subjected to all sorts of abuse previous to a... View more

I was only 6 when i first became a ward of the state. I was neglected and abandoned by my mother. i had many different placements, numourous workers and a very unsettling upbringing. I was misstreated and subjected to all sorts of abuse previous to and during my time in government state care.I was sexually abused at 6 years old in my first `foster home.. Numerious times. I was physically abused until I was 13. I ranaway at 13, and was raped. I lived in constant fear but i strangly felt safer on the streets.I never spoke of any of this. I was very afraid to.No body knew the extent of my abuse. I couldnt trust anyone. I was lost, alone and broken.i repeatitivly absconded.Ive never had a place to call home. im now 32, i have a 10yr old girl of my own who now lives with her father.My father reciently committed suicide.My family took advantage of his estate as did my partner.I no longer talk with my family, they shut mE out.My boyfriend has a gambling problem and drug addiction that seems to be taking its toll on our relationship.He dissapears for days at a time. Gambles our money. Constantly lies and mistreats me. I cant talk to him properly Without fear of whats to foLlow. ive tryed every angle. Im always forgiving him. yet hE still behaves this way and controls each situation. Im trapped in a living mess that im Scared to walk away from.I cant cope. This all constintaly plays on My mind. I have nightmares and flashbacks from my childhood. I miss my dad emensly. Im afraid and i am losing my self worth. I dont want to leave my bf . I love him and want to help him. Ive only eva wanted us both to be happy..But right now. Im unsure.

cat1au Bullying has triggered my ptsd
  • replies: 1

I haven't posted on here before so I'm a little shy, but I need some extra support. Last night I wasn't abe to sleep at all ...for around 2 weeks I have been receiving very abusive, degrading, downright abhorrent txts from 2 women I used to consider ... View more

I haven't posted on here before so I'm a little shy, but I need some extra support. Last night I wasn't abe to sleep at all ...for around 2 weeks I have been receiving very abusive, degrading, downright abhorrent txts from 2 women I used to consider 2 of my closest friends..I haven't responded and I've tried blocking them but it hasn't worked..last night I received the most graphic, deliberately triggering txts yet. Best friends make the worst enemies. I am struggling with it...their words continue to go round and around in my head...I'm finding it hard not to question myself. Some days I get 20 txts at a time. I don't know what to do

Louloubelle7 Too scared to seek help, where do start?
  • replies: 3

I was abused for many years as a child by a family member who committed suicide when I was in my teens. Since then I have had persistent PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks, triggers, nightmares, aggression and extreme mood swings. No body in my life kn... View more

I was abused for many years as a child by a family member who committed suicide when I was in my teens. Since then I have had persistent PTSD symptoms such as flashbacks, triggers, nightmares, aggression and extreme mood swings. No body in my life knows about the abuse so I feel extremely isolated but seem to have been able to 'switch off' that part of me when Im around others so I appear 'normal' and my issues stay undetected. It has been about 10 years since my abuser died and I was so hoping I would gain some closure from that event but I am still haunted daily by horrific memories that repeat themselves over and over. I have only been brave enough to see a psychologist once and I never had the courage to reveal my abuse and then just stopped showing up to appointments because I felt like a coward. I know deep down I need to deal with this, the symptoms arent easing with time and as my friends start to have children I am finding myself being triggered more and more often. I need advice on where to go and how to find help. I also have very little money and I'm too scared/embarrassed to say to a GP that Ive been abused.... I just don't know how to deal with this. Any help/advice from people in similar situations would really be appreciated. Thanks guys

Lil_b Fight with my partner turned physical
  • replies: 3

Hi everyone, Just really needed to get this off my chest and although it doesn't compare to what most are going through it would still be nice to get it all out there. My partner and I for the last month have been struggling with trust issues and goi... View more

Hi everyone, Just really needed to get this off my chest and although it doesn't compare to what most are going through it would still be nice to get it all out there. My partner and I for the last month have been struggling with trust issues and going through a stage of rebuilding and all was going really well until Saturday night. We had both been drinking heavily at an event and when we were just about to go to bed he went through my phone and began to become really angry at me over really not much. The fight escalated fast and turned really physical on both our ends. I was grabbing and pushing him and he too was hurting me. I woke up with scratches all over me, my arm bruised from how hard he was grabbing me, face scratched from his watch, and even a bite mark on my arm. I just don't know what to do as I too was very physical with him and the only reason I was hurt more was because he is much stronger then me but I don't feel like I can blame him just because he is the man as I was doing pretty much the same stuff (I didn't go as far as biting however). We are both completely traumatised from the event and although we have had huge fights before and his rage is a prominent issue in our relationship, it has never gone that far. We are both so sad from it that I have just let him back into the house as we don't want to not see each other. But was this the wrong thing to do? Should I be punishing him? I am just so lost and feeling very lonely.. Thanks a lot

Kate123123 Aggressive husband and no escape
  • replies: 3

As with any other story here, my situation is complex and I would like to give you a few words of introduction. I got married to an Australian two years ago. A few months later our daughter was born. When she was just 6 months old we found out that m... View more

As with any other story here, my situation is complex and I would like to give you a few words of introduction. I got married to an Australian two years ago. A few months later our daughter was born. When she was just 6 months old we found out that my husband is seriously ill and we had to come to Australia for him to get a proper treatment. He promised me that I will be able to go back home with our daughter anytime (I'd had doubts about going so far away with him after he had been not very nice to me but of course his illness was more important at the moment than my worries - he didn't do anything violent, just started snapping at me). So I came to Australia and he started his treatment which unfortunately required him taking steroids. His doctor warned us that this might impact on my husbands mood. And it did. He started being very aggressive towards me for no reason, called me a bitch, threw things at me, hit me with the door (he said it was an accident but I know he did it on purpose). I never made any friends in Australia as I was scared that I will have to talk about my family life. I just took care of our daughter and tried to persuade him to let me go back home but he refused. He said I can go alone without our daughter if I want and this is not an option. His treatment went well, he was taking lower doses of drugs and was a bit better to me but I stopped loving him. We didn't have sex since we came to Australia, I don't like when he touches me or tries to hug me. I feel that he betrayed my trust. He decided he doesn't want to go to work (he can afford it). I decided I have to work tohave some independence. So my life now is waking up before he wakes up, commuting for 2 hours, working for 8 hours, commuting for 2 hours and just seeing my daughter for an hour before she goes to sleep. Then I go to sleep. Weekends are better but I have to spend time with him and it is not pleasant. He asked me to pay all our bills so after I pay them, I have no money left. A month ago his illness relapsed and he started being aggressive again. The chance of me going home are 0 as when he is sick he will stay in Australia. I feel my life doesn't make sense anymore. I have nothing to look forward to. I would like to leave him but he will not let me take my daughter with me as he is the one who takes care of her. And if I quit my job and take care of her, I won't have money to rent an apartment and provide for her. I don't know where to start fixing my life.

swannees Continuing depression stemming from abuse
  • replies: 5

Just one cause of depression is childhood abuse by my father from at least 6 to 15. I can only put this out in dribbles as I cannot cope with more informing, but at 15 I attempted to take my life for the first time. I can't say at present any more ab... View more

Just one cause of depression is childhood abuse by my father from at least 6 to 15. I can only put this out in dribbles as I cannot cope with more informing, but at 15 I attempted to take my life for the first time. I can't say at present any more about that. That is the trouble no matter what amazing help I get nothing takes that issue away. The effect on self esteem is still huge although I have a great partner and wonderful children. I guess it was a situation where I went through on my own obviously and I still feel disconnected to most people.