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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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weatherboard Letting go after an abusive relationship
  • replies: 13

Hi everyone, I joined this forum because I need someone to talk to. About six months ago I left an abusive relationship after two years together. My ex-boyfriend was extremely controlling and didn't like me leaving the house without him. I ended up g... View more

Hi everyone, I joined this forum because I need someone to talk to. About six months ago I left an abusive relationship after two years together. My ex-boyfriend was extremely controlling and didn't like me leaving the house without him. I ended up giving up a lot of my friends and social activities because I didn't like fighting every single time I wanted to go somewhere without him. It got to the point where the only time I did anything on my own was when I went to my weekly orchestra rehearsal and that still wasn't enough for him, he wanted to come to that as well. When I refused we would have huge fights and he would make ridiculous statements like "Of course I would be happy if you did everything with me and I never saw my friends without you there". Of course, when I actually wanted to come along to something with his friends, he would make excuses about why I couldn't. I had the opportunity to go to a weekend retreat organised by my work, and was really looking forward to getting to know some of my workmates better. When I told him about it he wanted to come, and I explained it was only for work people, and that many of my married colleagues would be there without their partners. He then told me I had enough friends so didn't need to go, and when I held firm and said I was going to go, he tried to make me promise not to drink alcohol. When I refused to promise this (I am a social drinker, whereas he would drink to the point of being drunk every single day), he got angry. I did go, but I spent the entire weekend crying and on the phone to him trying to convince him I wasn't cheating on him. I shared very intimate details about my past with him, including the fact that (while single) I once picked up a guy in a bar and had sex with him and how afterwards I hated myself for years for doing it. Instead of being understanding, he used this information against me as a reason not to trust me because "I'd done it before". Finally, there was one time when I said I would have sex with him. He spent the morning saying nasty things and making me feel bad about myself, so I told him I didn't want to have sex at that time because I was miserable. He got angry and started shouting about how I never want to have sex with him. Eventually I got sick of it and took my pants off and said "Do whatever you want". I was crying and thought it would make him realise how ridiculous he was being. Instead he started having sex with me, ignoring my sobbing and the fact that I was obviously in pain. None of these incidents was enough to make me leave him. I was embarrassed because I thought it would mean I was a failure at relationships. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't think they would believe me - he was always charming in group situations and the fact that he didn't like me doing anything alone meant I didn't have any of my own friends to talk to. Because of the isolation, he could usually twist anything around so that it was my fault completely (mostly due to my depression) and I believed him. Eventually I did end it and I am certain that it was the right thing to do. I immediately felt a huge sense of relief and have not even thought about getting back with him. I'm slowly coming to realise that I am able to drive and I'm not as fat as he said I was, and my world does not fall apart without him. The problem is that, even though I am happier on my own, I can't help dwelling on the relationship. I'm angry at him for treating me like this and I'm angry at myself for not leaving earlier. Every day I think about how bad it was and it makes me miserable, like I'm reliving it. I just can't seem to stop thinking about it or let it go. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and am taking medication and seeing a counsellor, all of which are helping, but I'm still really struggling.

Momma0f4 HELP Advice needed, my childhood sexual abuse is ruining my marriage
  • replies: 6

Sorry ppl if it's so long, when I was 15 my father forced me to chat to my 1st cousin, who I did not find attraction to at all. He was 11 yrs older than me and by 16 yrsold I was married overseas to my cousin and only my grandmother and 6yr old siste... View more

Sorry ppl if it's so long, when I was 15 my father forced me to chat to my 1st cousin, who I did not find attraction to at all. He was 11 yrs older than me and by 16 yrsold I was married overseas to my cousin and only my grandmother and 6yr old sister were with me so I had no say in the matter cause my father said to me' you have to marry him cause we can't tell every guy asking for your hand about what happen to you. But apparently my father told my cousin what happen and he still wanted to marry me. I never wanted it from the beginning and told my cousin that but I was scared and shy, then he started crying and begging me to marry him and I just kept remembering my father.Then when he arrived to Australia I told him again and my father no one would listen. Then we had the Australian wedding when I was 18. I was always unhappy and angry with my dad and everything and hated anyone touching me in any way, I never loved him and still don't . After I was married at18 we had 4 kids and the was always problems and still is today , I feel lost and still so much anger and resentment towards my father for not listening to me and now I've got 4 kids ages 10 , 8, 5, 3 and a half ,my 5yr old and 3 and a half old have autisumspectrum disorder. I'm 29 yrs old and still hate my husband touching me every time and I don't know what to do with my life and I feel selfish to break up my family but I'm drowning too it's upsetting and depressing and no one understands how I feel inside and at the moment I'm roll playing just to get by everyday I'm soooo confused wondering if I should stay for the kids or end it for good and have my kids hate me.

Bingee_Girl Complex trauma chilhood still affecting me everyday HELP
  • replies: 12

Hallo this is my post.I need some help [other than the professional therapy from shrink and meds I am on]. I had a horribly traumatic complex constantly abusive childhood due to my narcissistic sociopath mother and sit by and do nothing but hit me fa... View more

Hallo this is my post.I need some help [other than the professional therapy from shrink and meds I am on]. I had a horribly traumatic complex constantly abusive childhood due to my narcissistic sociopath mother and sit by and do nothing but hit me father. It has resulted in so many different mental illnesses and the recent loss of my partner as he just couldn't handle it anymore. I am back to being that i have so often being and what my childhood was full of awful sadness and constant loneliness i never had any friends as i didn't know how to be regular I am still very shy now sad and lonely so very lonely and depressed every day and night I am at my wits end I just don't what to do this current bout of 8 months of horrible depression and sadness seems like the worst one yet i don't know if it is or just feels like it I cant sleep and I am haunted by childhood memories and events and been so mentally ill due to nothing I did and am dealing with still for 37 years will I ever be normal/ able to hold down a job? have friends again? I am so nervous and jumpy just like when it started when I was all of 4 years old it is so hard having no family left so I am reaching out to you. You there please you who can relate to me help me I have nowhere else to turn I am so sick of crying. I am so sick of this crippling depression I feel I am so far from beyond blue I force my self to leave the house even to go to the dentist or food shop [only so I don't starve an for exercise] but i know none of the faces they may smile but are completely unfamiliar to me a mass of strangers I have no comfort no support i feel like this depression is going to follow me the rest of my whole damn life am I ever gonna get a reprieve I wish just once like tomorrow i could wake up without nauseous scared tummy total fear of the day i don't know what else to say if you have anything to offer me please do i would really like and appreciate that thank for reading what I have to say.

BelleAnthony2014 Violent Ex/My sons father is Released from jail
  • replies: 2

I had a very tough domestic violence situation last year and was threatened with death threats and a break an enter when i was 11 weeks pregnant. My ex (residing in aus) was deported back to his birth country. Now, being pregnant with all my hormones... View more

I had a very tough domestic violence situation last year and was threatened with death threats and a break an enter when i was 11 weeks pregnant. My ex (residing in aus) was deported back to his birth country. Now, being pregnant with all my hormones I decided I could forgive him when I was 16 weeks pregnant. Silly me. He ends up in jail when I was 28 weeks pregnant. And now my son is 5 months old and his dad is being released a few weeks. On the plus side, it is unlikely he's able to return but his father (babys grandad) resides in aus so the likelihood of abduction is also very high. My problem is I've been very civil, sending photos to his mother and keeping the peace as know this is favored in a court setting. He wants me to go to his country with my son so they can meet. I think you can see my concern as to why I dont want to. Should I literally just cut off contact with them all or stand my ground? I have extreme anxiety and OCD thoughts so you can see why I'm having a time letting this go. He's on the birth cert becaise they managed to track him down and I didn't want my child growing up thinking he was fatherless. I've been far too nice and lenient so how can I turn this around?