I always thought that trauma was sort of the norm. Not everything good
happens all of the time. Everyone has at least one or two ghosts in the
closet. But the more I used to tell people about my past, the more
horrified and shocked they would get. I ...
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I always thought that trauma was sort of the norm. Not everything good
happens all of the time. Everyone has at least one or two ghosts in the
closet. But the more I used to tell people about my past, the more
horrified and shocked they would get. I have sort of started to come to
terms with the fact that my life has been the titanic. It serves as a
lesson to others. I was sexually abused by a friends father of a close
relative, none of my family or friends have ever known. It went on for a
while, and I only began to realize how horrific it was when i was in my
early twenties. I burned down my house (accidentally, left some candles
on) when I was 16. I was rejected by my mother and my father for their
new families. I'm bisexual, wiccan, and while I've always had a roof
over my head and food in my belly, I hit a lot of rough patches I've had
bible thrown at me "thou shalf not suffer a witch to live". I'm in and
out of depression and self-loathing my whole life, I think the first
time I came out of a cycle was when I was 11, I'd been in a constant
darkness all through primary school. I'm an academic, highly
intellectual person and I've always, always been overweight. Struggling
with weight implies there is a battle. I have never picked up the torch
to get rid of it for longer than a week. - School was never easy for me,
because of the other students.I thought suicidal thoughts were just the
norm. I knew most of my friends contemplated it intellectually,
sometimes on a struggling level, but I was in college when I began to
work out that I was in deeper than most people.I feel like at any given
time, there is three versions of me inside my own head; the happy, fun
loving smart gal, the depressed, hateful wrathful angry girl and this
survivalist utalitarian, the girl who has dragged the other two through
all of this. I think to survive, I've learned to compartmentalise
everything. I don't deal with issues; I just thrust them down as far
into the bin of baggage, and I try to just keep going. It used to
work... now, I'm 28; and I am coming undone. Last year the first time in
my life I saw a psychologist. Asking for help was for people withreal,
serious issues. not little stuff like my parents not loving me or some
rough childhood memories. For the first time in my life, things are
stable, good, even. And I cannot handle it. I am falling into anxiety
bad-habits and all that baggage is almost constantly resurfacing. I
don't know what to do.
PTSD for Medical and First Responders
