Having to face the man who sexually assaulted me 5 years ago

[Tylov12]

Hi everyone. I apologise in advance for the mammoth post and info. A number of years ago i was sexually assualted by an unknown male...5 years ago insaw this male working somewhere (i believe he was working there)that i had to deal with on a regular basis...so basically for the past 5 years i have been anxious..barely sleep when i do i have nightmares or vivid dreams and become quite confused when dealing with the place i believe he works. I fell like i should have gotten "over it" by now..i feel like what happened to me isnt as big a deal as others yet it is affecting my life in so many aspects. I only recently started seeing a gp..prior to that i thought i was stupid to see them and i didnt want to explain my story again and again. But this gp who i broke down with and the clinic as a whole..humiliated me..i felt stupid and belittled..now im to scared to find another and tell them my story. I feel so lost scared and alone. Because of him im now being punished..because of him i get so confused i dont no if im coming or going...i dont no what to do. 😞

[white knight]

Hi Tylov 12., welcome here

I'll see if I can get some people more knowledgable on the subject to reply to you.

Thankyou for being brave to post here.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Tylov12

You have been through a dark time here. Can I ask you what your GP did that made you feel humiliated? Breaking down in front of a doc can be good only if you are venting...If you can let me know why you are being punished?

Here to help you Tylov12. These forums are rock solid secure as your privacy is paramount here. What did your GP do to make you feel this way?

It would be great if you could post back 🙂 There are many super kind people here that can give you support Ty.

Paulx

[White_Rose]

Dear Tylov

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. Paul has told you that you are safe here and that's absolutely true. No one will bully or harass you no matter what has happened in your life.

I don't want to upset you with this question. If you have identified the man who hurt you, have you made a complaint to police so that he can be charged?This is such a dreadful thing to happen to you and to see the perpetrator or know he is near you at all is dreadful. I can only imagine how scared you get in dealing with this company.

Please understand we do not 'get over' things of this nature and it doesn't matter how many people have worse experiences. That is their journey, not yours. You are the most important person here and your needs should be attended to. You have been victimised again. And that is unpleasant and wrong.

Feeling scared, alone, and confused is normal. I know it doesn't stop those feelings to hear this. I want you to know you are not a strange person for feeling this way. I would be concerned if you felt OK. You have carried this grief and outrage for many years and it has taken its toll of you. Now is the time to start healing and being able to enjoy your life. I know you will never forget, that happens in all major trauma situations. What I believe will happen if you get some help is that you will regain your confidence and self esteem and be able to live your life without fear.

I understand your reluctance to see another GP. I think I would feel like that in your circumstance. The thing is you need some help and the best way to go is through your GP who can refer you to a counsellor. Obviously the GP you saw is not an option. It's always difficult to find a new GP. Have you asked any of your friends which GP they attend. Personal references are usually the best way to find someone good at their job.

If you feel this is impossible I suggest you see a counsellor at Relationships Australia. Their national phone number is 1300 364 277

The Salvation Army have a counselling service. https://salvos.org.au/need-help/family-and-personal-support/professional-counselling/

You don't need referrals to these places. Anglicare also offer free counselling. Here is a link for Sydney based services. https://www.anglicare.org.au/directory-category/counselling At the moment I cannot find a national web page for Anglicare. If you type in Anglicare and your state or city I think you will get a good response.

Keep writing.

Mary

[geoff]

dear Tylov, this must hurt you so much, and to be sexually assaulted is not a memory that just goes away by itself, and for you to be humilated is not how a professional should react or treat you, simply because it confirms your loss of confidence and lack of self esteem.
All the people above me have given you some great points on how you can start the process to deal with this, but you won't be able to do any of this until you feel as though you feel you are going to be safe, so firstly this guy needs to be reported, and perhaps this could be done by ringing crime stoppers where you don't have to give your name at that time, but I agree with Mary, Anglicare can do much more than you think they can do.
When you see another GP which I hope you can do, then one of your friends or family can find one for you from this site, I would suggest that you write down how you are feeling, I know this is going to be painful and will hurt you but someone from Anglicare will guide you through this process, they will have their contacts who know what to do in a situation like this.
Please this is a post that needs to be followed up by all of us, so please get back to us. Geoff. x

[Just Sara]

Welcome to BB Tylov12;

I'm a rape and abuse survivor. I can assure you your experiences have the power to affect many aspects of your life such as trust, boundaries and decision making, if you don't find the right help.

There are 24hr crisis helplines specifically for sexual assault and rape -

1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732

1800 424 017 Rape crisis helpline

131114 Lifeline

I'm unsure what state you're in, these are for NSW I think, but may also be for other states and territories.

You are NOT stupid! You are NORMAL under the circumstances of your history. The fault lays totally with your abuser...end of story. The confusion you feel about being around this man is due to not knowing what else to do. Very reasonable response.

Getting help with this now will benefit you for the rest of your life. Expert therapy is definitely valuable, and an empathetic GP is a must for referrals and treatments. Shop around and tell your story as many times as you have to. Give clear details if you can to give psych's an opportunity to find the right pathway for you as an individual.

Your GP can provide a Mental Health Care Plan that ensures you get 5 visits with a psychologist and a further 5 visits if they think you need it over a 12 month period. Medicare funding can be claimed for these visits. It probably won't cover the whole amount, but will ease the financial burden.

Don't forget about these helplines above. I use them myself. Great team!

Keep in touch and let us know how things go. Our community is full of insight and kind words when you need it. OK?

Kind thoughts...Dizzy x

[Tylov12]

Hi. Thank you for the kind words..i dont no how to do a general reply! When this happened the man was charged...however it took nearly two years before the detectives called to say they were ready to proceed..buy that time i had a partner and was expecting a baby and refused to go through with it anymore. I dont want to go into why im being punished..im sorry.

In regards to the gp. When i couldnt get into the first one id ever opened up too..i asked to see another at the same clinic. When i told this man my story he said stop you cant see me you need ti see someone else and opened the door for me to leave..i then went to reception and they called the original doc i had seen out.in front of everyone at reception she said what are u here for..i said i needed to see her over what we had discussed the previous week she said you need to give me more info..i said im feeling really anxious she said abiut what..her tone was belittling and patronising. And i blurted out.."about the sexual assualt that happened" she said oh and walked off. She made me wait humiliated for another hr at reception. So yeh i felt pretty shitty. I have the details for a new lady and am hoping to see her asap!

[geoff]

dear Tylov, that's certainly not the way a professional should have handled this situation,and it must have made you feel an inch tall, and very demoralising for you.
I really hope that this new doctor will have much more understanding for that ghastly event.
Would be interested to see how you go. Geoff. x

[Just Sara]

I'm appalled at the response of both GP's! My thoughts go out to you.

As I've said; the crisis helplines are there for these types of events to guide you and help to find appropriate clinicians in your area. Remember that those GP's are responsible for their actions...not you. They're not worth worrying about.

Good luck with your endeavours Tylov12...Dizzy x