Hi all,
joined tonight to ask for some guidance.
I've bee mostly able to avoid what I suppose is a trigger to a sexual assault I experienced about fifteen years ago.
The sound of someone smacking their wet lips/eating food with their mouth open sends me back to the painful experience. I have shared it with two female friends and with my family.
The odd moment of enthusiastic eating will just stop me, I feel kind of locked in my body for a second and it might just turn me off my food. If it's continuous, I lock in completely and start having a very internalised panic attack. And when I can move, I gather myself and I withdraw.
About three years ago, my mature father (heading towards his elderly years) began smacking all his food very loudly. As a family, we all joked at his rude table manners. It abated. He now doesn't care, and eats with noisy abandon.
After a while of avoiding meals together I picked a quiet time to ask if his half denture was giving him trouble, or if he needed a new pair. He said they were fine, he was just old and didn't care any more about table manners. I politely reminded him that I am actually triggered by his enthusiastic eating, and if he could just close his mouth while eating I'd appreciate it. He still doesn't. He might try for a minute, but that's about it.
So much of our family time is based around food. I'm a chef, we have always all loved to eat together, but I keep having to withdraw. When I'm triggered, I either slink away from the table which looks rude, or if I explain why I'm leaving, he expresses guilt and shame.
I feel guilt at asking him to curtail, his eating pleasure, even though it was him and my mum that taught us how very rude it was to eat with your mouth open.
So. I feel stuck. I'm frustrated I have to both constantly ask him to be considerate and that I have to ask him to alter his behaviour.
I know he hates 'being associated' with my assault experience, though clearly not enough to alter his behaviour.
Any guidance or similar experience where a loved one is actually triggering you?
