Anxiety from being stalked

Praxidike · ‎19-12-2016

Hi all,

Over the past 11 months I have been the victim of stalking, intimidation and harassment. I have been followed, stared at constantly, cut off while walking along the footpath, and had my stalker trying to find out information about me through friends. I recently started counselling through my university but now that holidays are here there is no one I can talk to and I feel like my anxiety is getting worse.

I have spoken to the police several times, but as most of this is occurring in public places, there is no trace of any evidence and the only option is an AVO. I am quite scared to go ahead with this as I do not want consequences – our children go to the same school and unfortunately
changing is not an option. I failed an exam for uni earlier this year as I had been followed the evening before and I just couldn’t think straight. Just recently I went to our local library to study for upcoming exams and he followed me there too. I haven’t received my results yet, but there is a chance that I have failed a whole subject. I am devastated as I had really good grades up until six months ago.

Since that happened I have been feeling so much anxiety. I get into bed at night and I can feel my heart pounding, I can’t sleep and it makes it so hard to get out of bed the next day. My head feels foggy, I can’t concentrate, and I am scared for my daughter. He has been asked to leave me alone, yet he continues. I am so angry, frustrated and upset about this and I just don’t know how to cope with the anxiety anymore.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you

pipsy · ‎19-12-2016

Hi Praxidike. Why is this person stalking you? Is there a definite reason? Have you tried asking him what his problem is? Do you actually know him? Perhaps you could arrange a meeting with a mediator to talk about whatever is troubling him. Has he actually threatened you or physically hurt you in any way? Perhaps he feels intimated by you and is trying to get up courage to talk to you. I'm guessing here as stalking is illegal. Perhaps talking to the police about your worries might be an idea. Get someone from the police to have a talk with him about why he is stalking you? I hear your fear, but there could be any one of several reasons he has singled you. I think if it was me, I'd be inclined to perhaps ask someone, a close trusted friend or someone from the uni, like a colleague to accompany me to talk to him.

Lynda

Praxidike · ‎19-12-2016

Hi Pipsy,

Thanks for your reply. I don’t know for certain why he is stalking me. Our children go to school together and we went to their place a couple of times last year so the kids could play together (at the time I did not know he was a stay at home father as I arranged the catch up with his partner). Long story short, but he made some inappropriate sexual comments and I tried to cut contact with him, after which he started following me around. It is odd because he is in a long term relationship and I have been with my partner for nine years. I can only think that this is happening because he felt like I had rejected him. This is just a guess and if it's not this then I really don't know what it is.

It went on for about five months and then his partner started harassing me. I felt like she was being a bully, so my partner sent them both text messages asking to kindly leave me alone. To this day he has not acknowledged the message and his partner played dumb, yet refused to discuss anything with my partner. She has left me alone since, but he has been very calculating and has continued to intimidate me in subtle ways.
The police were very helpful and I have discussed my concerns with them. The school has spoken to him about his behaviour, as he started intimdating my child, but it seems the more he is told to leave me alone the more he wants to intimidate me. I am not comfortable sitting down face to face with him – I find him really creepy and I don’t want to talk to him. He hasn’t verbally threatened me or hurt me, but I do find his behaviour threatening. I think it is the uncertainty of it all that makes me most anxious, as he is rather unpredictable and I really don’t know what I am going to get next from him.

Thanks again!

Girlbond_007 · ‎19-12-2016

Hi Praxidike,

i feel you have taken the right steps with regards to this person.

it sounds to me like you are definitely being bullied and intimidated. Which would be very very stressful.

I would take out the AVO and make it against your entire family if you can. It's the only way you can be assured you will all be left alone. Sometimes these types of people think they are above the law. I am speaking from experience in my family.

Once an AVO is out they cannot approach you, contact you by any means or they will be arrested. This could also affect their employment.

keep up with your counselling, if you need to speak with a gp to maybe get you something to sleep if you feel you need it. Can you post pone your degree perhaps until you get back on track?

i don't think you will ever start to settle down anxiety wise until you take control of the situation and be strong.

wishing you the best.

❤

pipsy · ‎19-12-2016

Hi Praxidike. From what you've said, it almost seems as though he may have a 'crush' on you. Your, to him, rejection of him, could have made him feel you were teasing him by 'leading him on'. He definitely has some serious issues with thinking you liked him. It sounds, too like he may have told his partner, you led him on, she believes him and has 'warned' you away. Avoiding him is going to be difficult given your children attend the same school. Under the circumstances, I'm inclined to agree with Girlbond and see about getting an AVO. Your and your families protection is paramount. Have a talk with your partner about it, and see what his opinion is, but an AVO would definitely give you peace of mind. If he or his partner breaches the AVO, the only consequences would be theirs.

Lynda

nowhereman · ‎19-12-2016

Hi.maybe i can help. Ive had a similar experience. Usually its someone whos got a history.jail time.its a low act. And they are usually doing it as a favour for someone else. Like some one who is already in deep problems with the law and isnt game to try it themself. Tip.if you can find out who is this dudes parol oficer.and call that person it should stop. Cheers. Max

geoff · ‎21-12-2016

hello Praxidike, welI have to agree with Lynda here, because what is happening is a game for him, the more you try and get him to stop the more exciting it becomes for him, this is how he gets his kicks out of life.
As you're been to his place and he made these sexual comments to you so automatically wanted to cut any contact with you it's a cat and mouse game for him, so the best way is to take out an AVO against him, and because his partner has begun harrassing you is because she feels as though the two of you are in a relationship, which isn't true.
Unfortunately a text from your partner won't be enough to stop him, again it's just a small hurdle for him to overcome which makes it more exciting, but if the AVO is put onto him and he does harrass you then the police will lock him up.
What I am worried about if he is starting to send you any emails, phone calls or snail mail, and if so then this is proof to show the police who can then handle the situation.
Never sit down with him, because that's exactly what he wants to be able to talk with you, plus it's something you couldn't cope with.
You don't want to have move house because of this chap, because you are never sure whether or not it will start again, so you have get him to make a mistake where the police will be able to pick him up, and the best way at the moment is by taking out an AVO against him, which includes by not being able to be near the school. Geoff.x

monkey_magic · ‎22-01-2017

Hi, sounds like a scary situation for you. I'm inclined to write because I've been a victim of those things myself. Can u walk with someone and take a camera? That way everytime you see him stalking you can take a picture. Its evidence & it might scare him off. There's power in numbers & I'm guessing he might feel a little scared if he knows others r watching his antics. After taking the picture I'd say stop or I'll b making a police report,do u want a criminal record? Stay strong bcas they feed off u being scared,so don't show that u r scared....u can do this. Can u take the car? Can someone drive you? Do u have a strong male friend willing to confront him or walk with u...this matter could b serious and needs attention......good luck xox