I am so sorry for your experiences of this type of pain. I won't try and express words for the indescribable.
I do not have experience with High Profile abusers as such. Every situation is unique, so I won't pretend I know what it feels like to be abused by someone in the context of institutionalised authority. To an undeveloped brain this is sanctioned abuse by the State . Your maltreatment was approved by your entire government, the people we vote for.
Rather, in my case, I am a victim of what I term as the "middle class gaze".
The "middle class gaze" essentially says, that this sort of trauma only occurs amongst the riff-raff, amongst certain 'types' of families. For god's sake girl, put on your frigging school blazer on a Saturday morning and go and cheer on the rugby team because we say so. Rape. What's that. That happens in Mt Druitt. Not here. Shut ya mouth and put on a smile. Cross your legs and become a Doctor like the rest of us.
At the end of the day you have been violated by someone in authority and you are invisible. Their power makes you invisible and closes your throat.
The only way you can cope is to ensure you have support from a 3rd party. I know it's easy to sit in a chair and preach, but I can't see how you could possibly navigate such horror on your own.
A loving, sincere, beautiful partner is not enough. You also need a safe place to speak the un-speakable. All of the really embarrassing stuff that is really hard to talk about, and yet we carry.
The loneliness is un-bearable some days.
Even if our "club" doesn't meet regularly. It's still a very big club all the same.
I wish you weren't a part of it.......but it seems you are....................Good luck xx
