Hi Tearnie13,
Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.
I am so sorry to hear of the struggles you have been through and are still going through. It is never easy to pick ourselves up and find some kind of new normal after a big life changing event and I feel for you.
It is unlikely that someone here has been through the same experience as yourself, as we are all unique in our experiences. That being said, there are so many of us who have felt worthless, hopeless, broken and alone due to the challenges we have experienced. We have learned compassion and empathy through those challenges and that is what makes this a supportive community. There is always a lesson to be learned through our experiences, when they are big and life changing, it can be near impossible to imagine what that lesson may be.
I think you may be missing the bigger picture, that being that you are a survivor. You survived a horrific accident and you have survived violent physical attacks. If you were meant to have died, there were multiple times this could have happened, but it didn't.
Is it possible that there is another direction your life is meant to be heading now. None of us is truly worthless, we have just been conditioned to think a certain way about worthiness and when we don't meet that standard (set by who knows who, when and why), we feel like we are unworthy. But we do have a choice in how we think and react to the experiences we have had and it boils down to how much or how little love we have for ourselves.
Rather than thinking about what you can no longer do, perhaps you could begin to think of the things you are still able to do. For example, perhaps you could become a writer, expressing your experiences into a book that may help others. Perhaps you could become an artist, expressing yourself in that way. There are many skills you could develop that could be both psychologically and emotionally healing and rewarding, but only you can decide what you want your future be. It can either be focused on the past and what you have lost, or focused on the future and what you still have the ability to do for your own healing and self worth.
As I said in the beginning, it is not easy to pull ourselves out of a negative spiral of thinking, but it is also not impossible to do with help and support. Are you currently getting support from counselling? I hope you are as this is really important in the healing process.
I hope this is some help and please feel free to continue this conversation if you wish.
Thinking of you with care,
indigo
