PTSD shattered memory's and getting some of them back

[1234]

Hi all 

I feel very alone as I haven't found anyone that has had a trauma where they have lost memories and had others shattered into pieces that could not be understood. 

I knew something was wrong 50 years ago when lots of people (counsellors) came into the classroom and talked about a boy that had drowned, I didn't know who he was and thought I should have. 

Then the boy next to me leaned over and told me "he thought he was a pair of shorts hanging on the side of the pool " I immediately had a picture in my head of this, it has never left me 

I have shards of memories that I could never put together or understand these are sharp and vivid. 

Being asked to go to a friend's place 

Talking about a P76 Leland car with him while walking to his place 

One of churning water this made no sense to me until about 5 years ago 

And the one of walking home but not knowing where I had come from 

I have thought about these everyday of my life and I could not understanding them. 

About 6 to 7 years ago I decided I was going to work them out. 

It led me to have a really bad brake down 

I found help with a Psychologist and a stint in SPP 

I got more memories back and on the memories and family evidence I sort of believe I was there. 

My question is are there others like me 

And how do you cope with the thoughts around are the recent memories real, I'm at 98 to 99 percent real, but that 1 or 2 percent just f--ks with me 

[sbella02]

1234,

Thank you so much for reaching out, and welcome to the forums. I can read your pain in your post. I'm sorry to hear that this has been a long-standing struggle for you. How frustrating it must be to live with the difficulty of having shattered memories.

Broken, repressed, or misremembered memories are quite common for people with PSTD. You're not alone. From my understanding, when something traumatic happens, our brain will sometimes try to trick us into forgetting or losing that particular memory to protect us from reliving that horrible event. This can start to trickle down to our memories in general, which can be really frustrating if we're trying to remember important details or events. 

It may be worth going up to that "search" bar at the top of the page (next to notifications) and having a look at other similar threads from people with similar experiences. "PTSD", "childhood trauma", or "broken memories" may be some good terms to start with. Hopefully you can find some comfort in reading the experiences of people who feel similarly. 

There are many ways to ensure that you can keep certain memories in tact. Journaling about events that stand out to you, or experiences that you want to try and remember, or even just monotonous happenings in your day, then reading back your journal entries - this can help to jog your memory. Keeping pictures as records of certain events or experiences can also help. You can hang them on your wall, or keep them by your bed, something like that. 

I hope this helps, and I hope that you know that you're not alone in feeling like this. We're also here to chat some more with you if you'd like.

Take care, SB