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PTSD and trauma

A space for discussing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), domestic abuse, sexual abuse and other trauma. Please note some content may be distressing.

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Kimmys23 My trauma
  • replies: 6

I was abused emotionally by someone who I thought would protect me. When I was young, all I could do was cry my heart out. I learned to keep quiet and shut myself up. It took me years to be free from that, and I thought I could get away from it if I ... View more

I was abused emotionally by someone who I thought would protect me. When I was young, all I could do was cry my heart out. I learned to keep quiet and shut myself up. It took me years to be free from that, and I thought I could get away from it if I was free, but I still have trauma from it. When someone shouts at me or someone else who's near me, I freeze, my heart thumps wild, and I'm sweating bullets every time it happens. I really wish that I could live life without this fear in me.

Guest_00126148 ptsd and triggers
  • replies: 1

I have a lot of childhood trauma including coca(child on child abuse), sa, loss of loved ones, emotional/physical abuse.This caused very bad flashbacks in episodes at nighttime for a long time, though I've been healing and it's been a while since I'v... View more

I have a lot of childhood trauma including coca(child on child abuse), sa, loss of loved ones, emotional/physical abuse.This caused very bad flashbacks in episodes at nighttime for a long time, though I've been healing and it's been a while since I've had one of those now. But a lot of music from those years still triggers episodes of ptsd where I can feel, hear and smell my abuser. It's horrible and uncontrollable. Luckily, music from then doesn't get played that often, so I'm usually fine, and I tend to carry earbuds with me in case.Sadly, I still get into fights/arguments with my parents, which can trigger a lot of emotional distress and cause a spiral into a major depressive episode. These episodes often consist of memories/flashbacks to those I've lost to time and can also trigger a ptsd episode to the abuse. My mother has anger issues that she refuses to adress and my father has chronic pain issues that cause him an amount of depression and can also make him prone to anger as well. So what should, i think, just end up being a playful disagreement which we all come out of understanding one another better and as better peopple, usually spirals into a big fight that usually ends with me in tears and not being able to stand in the same room. I always have to leave to try calm down, though by then it's usually too late to sotp the spiral. I am clean of self harm over two years now and I am so proud of myself for it, but these fights with my parents keep getting worse as I gain self confidence, self respect, and knowledge of what's normal and not in people as I get older. I know my home will never be violent, but I know my parents don't like that I like guys and girls, or that I am sometimes a girl and sometimes a guy. and a part of me always worrie that the fights could turn physical one day, even if rationally I know they won't. Because someone I loved physically hurt me in the past, I'm always scared of it happening in the future. Sometimes that 2 year streak is hard to keep going.

Guest_18967272 Coping with girlfriend BPD
  • replies: 1

So I'm in a same sex relationship with a girl that has BPD and ADHD, I'm just trying to understand what this means for me. She has worked on herself a lot to cope with this and we communicate really well. There are many times it scares me, especially... View more

So I'm in a same sex relationship with a girl that has BPD and ADHD, I'm just trying to understand what this means for me. She has worked on herself a lot to cope with this and we communicate really well. There are many times it scares me, especially when she is at home alone, she might self harm or worse. I keep calm and try and understand her emotions, but it's really hard sometimes when she disassociates or her mood might change or gets distracted due to her ADHD. It feels like everything for her is a struggle.

Directionless No motivation
  • replies: 2

Due to my ptsd and trauma from my childhood and early teenage years I started smoking pot and tobacco at age 15. I'm now 22, I struggle with anxiety about basically everything as I've had such a sheltered life and no real experiences. I left school a... View more

Due to my ptsd and trauma from my childhood and early teenage years I started smoking pot and tobacco at age 15. I'm now 22, I struggle with anxiety about basically everything as I've had such a sheltered life and no real experiences. I left school at the age of 12 due to my home life. Something I regret immensely. But I've spent all my time since 16 sitting in my bathroom smoking, every single day. I don't have friends, hobbies, activities I do outside of being at home. I basically go to the shops every week for food shopping then straight back home. My health is getting worse, my teeth are becoming black and I've recently just lost half of one at the back causing so much pain. Due to that I've had a realisation my life is headed no where. How do I get out of this funk of always smoking, feeling like I need it but not doing anything with my life. How do I commit to a full-time job when I've never had any sort of commitments like that before. I struggle to adjust to the thought of spending 8+hours a day at work and having barely and time for myself but on the other hand having no money for dental, a house to live in, a car.. I feel so lost. Like I'm the only one who's messed there life up so terribly that it feels irreversible. How do I move forward from this funk?

Pomster My way back to normal thinking after significant trauma
  • replies: 1

I've recently been in a traffic incident where I was a pedestrian hit by a speeding vehicle. I suffered serious physical injuries which kept me in hospital for 17 days. I have been home for just over a week but am currently unable to look after mysel... View more

I've recently been in a traffic incident where I was a pedestrian hit by a speeding vehicle. I suffered serious physical injuries which kept me in hospital for 17 days. I have been home for just over a week but am currently unable to look after myself due to a broken leg and arm. My wife is looking after me as a full-time carer.I'm struggling to find a structured way back to my normal self. I'm sleeping very little, constantly mulling everything over in my head. I know my physical injuries will heal eventually but can't see how my mental state will recover.

EventuallyMe Finding myself
  • replies: 9

I've had a lifetime of struggles and I'm still struggling with the aftermath of how people have treated me. Growing up I was the oldest of many siblings in which we had a abusive farther and a abused mother. My farther physically, mentally, and sexua... View more

I've had a lifetime of struggles and I'm still struggling with the aftermath of how people have treated me. Growing up I was the oldest of many siblings in which we had a abusive farther and a abused mother. My farther physically, mentally, and sexually abused me up until the age of 15 until I had finally had enough. He physically and mentally abused my siblings. I spent my childhood confused and hurt and now from my recent understanding I had autism. I did everything I could and took as much as his rage from my siblings I've done, been through and seen things that the average person don't understand. I've had 2 siblings go through cancer. A mother that's incapable of not only looking after herself let alone anyone else. I had a child young for which I found out my ex purposely pregnated me so I wouldnt leave. For which he turned into my farther and mentally, physically and sexually abused me aswell. Until I finally couldn't take it anymore just over 2 years ago and disconnected and shut down for which I finally walked away. I've not cone to the understanding I have autism cptsd, ocd, anxiety, severe depression. I've entered a new relationship for which I now no that my trauma from the past is effectively rising up. I have bouts of crying all the time. I struggle with communication, eye contact. Over explain and talking but to softly. People pleasing issues. Emotionally intense. Severe inner personal critic, abandonment issues and the list goes on and on. It would be great to find people who lived similar situations to provide how they have overcome even some of these things and how? I'm scared alot, I get triggered regularly and there is next to no support available just wait lists everywhere. I'd like to feel safe to discuss the things I went through is this the place or is there advice on where I can speak my truth to maybe get it off my chest and relieve some of this pressure cooker thoughts so I can see if that may free me even just a little. I've struggled with sharing as the experiences I went through I can't find people who actually understand without crying. Thankyou.

bee123987 PTSD & Children
  • replies: 4

I recently had two scares within a week where I nearly lost my 7 week old baby. I struggled with fertility for years, multiple losses & then I finally fell pregnant. Pregnancy was traumatic in itself as I was high risk the entire time always terrifie... View more

I recently had two scares within a week where I nearly lost my 7 week old baby. I struggled with fertility for years, multiple losses & then I finally fell pregnant. Pregnancy was traumatic in itself as I was high risk the entire time always terrified I’d lose her. I was diagnosed with antenatal anxiety. The moment I knew she was coming I was filled with anxiety that I may reject her because of how anxious I had been but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I fell inlove with her from the moment I saw her. I was so happy & full of life just because of one little lady who can’t even speak to me. Until a week ago, I was changing her & she vomited, choked & turned blue. She was unresponsive but only for 30 seconds. When she came too I was obviously terrified but was relieved. I saw the hospital who advised everything was semi okay & she had just had a reaction to her vaccinations that caused her throat to close. This brought on a lot of anxiety & instilled fear into me but after 2-3 days I started to feel more confident again. Until, yesterday. I was holding her, she was just drifting off to sleep when not even 30 seconds later I realised she wasn’t breathing. She was limp & blue. I immediately dialled 000 & the ambulance came. After 6 minutes fully unconscious she came too, but was in & out of consciousness. This was absolutely terrifying for me, I was breaking down when the ambulance arrived & took her. I couldn’t stand to think of my life without her, she almost died in my arms. What if I was sleeping & I never noticed? I since then have been in the hospital with her where she has been okay & is just being monitored. No one knows whats wrong. I am terrified. I keep having flashbacks, nightmares & getting chills. I can’t hold her because I see her body pale. I have PTSD which I am no stranger too but never like this. None of the trauma I have been through is like this. This feeling is indescribable. I am not sure where to start. I don’t have the answers to heal yet but I can’t physically or mentally live how I am after this. I can’t sleep, eat & I can’t stop crying. My brain has gone over the worst multiple times, preparing myself for what may be. What would you call this? How do I deal with this? I am so scared. Will I get over this?

Guest_7403 The day I lost my soul
  • replies: 148

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only desc... View more

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only describe it as losing my soul, the guy I used to be ceased to exist. I've lost so much, my home, my life, my drive and any sense of happiness or enjoyment in the short journey of life. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never coming back, no treatment, medication or self will can ever remove this pain I live with daily. Everyone I know tells me that they believe in me, they believe I'm still inside and they believe that I can overcome this. But they're wrong, the person I used to be could of overcome those things, im not that person anymore. No one seems to understand, it's like my mind and soul left my body that day...but my body kept living. There's no better life in the future, just more days of pain and suffering. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, im not a religious person but I find myself asking god did I do something in another life to deserve this punishment. For someone whose job was to lock evil up to protect the innocent, I am now a prisoner inside my own mind. Yet, there is no key for this door and no one can hear me screaming to be let out. I look forward to the day I see that light shine through the darkness and im finally at peace I'm not at risk, it's just a very hard day for me.

Geniue Finding Myself
  • replies: 8

Hi Everyone I haven't been on for a while but I felt an urge to come and and make a post. So here goes. I have had personal experience with Anxiety and PTSD and Depression. So I wanted to get my expression of my thoughts out there in the hope it can ... View more

Hi Everyone I haven't been on for a while but I felt an urge to come and and make a post. So here goes. I have had personal experience with Anxiety and PTSD and Depression. So I wanted to get my expression of my thoughts out there in the hope it can change other people's lives for the better. I felt very lost for a really long time I also felt that I couldn't really turn to anyone because I felt they truly wouldn't understand me. I relied on the professionals and my incredibly faith that I have. When you are going through such intense pain suffering and struggles you do not know how you can overcome it. But just know when you feel like you have it rock bottom and feel like you can't get any lower than the only way is up from there. I know this because I've been there. In those moments when you feel so incredibly alone that all you have left is your faith which I've always had faith I just got lost along the way for quite a while. But when I was in solitude I prayed with everything in me that my life was going to get better and that's what I literally hung on to was Faith and Hope and I do believe in miracles because im a living testament to this. It's my hope through my personal journey thus far that it will give other people the hope and courage to hang on and know it can and does get better. It hasn't come easy for me at all and I've worked bloody hard to turn my life around. And I know if gusts will and determination and the will to fight anything is literally possible. All the very best please takecare of yourselves and know you are incredibly deserving and worthy of all the love and happiness in this world. Thankyou Hope

B-1472 Should I Open The Unconscienced Mind About SA
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am a 50yo man. Recently I have started with a new Psychologist, and she started asking me questions about my childhood. It would seem that I might be repressing events that might have happened to me at a very young age that are in my uncons... View more

Hi All, I am a 50yo man. Recently I have started with a new Psychologist, and she started asking me questions about my childhood. It would seem that I might be repressing events that might have happened to me at a very young age that are in my unconscious mind. There is known childhood sexual abuse by a grandparent in the family so this could be what’s in there.The moment she started exploring the topic I had an emotional (tears) and physical reaction (couldn’t sit still/squirming in the chair).I am not sure if I want to open up, as this could be very painful to explore. At the moment I don’t know if I was abused, or I saw something or I just think it happened to me.I appreciate everyone is different, but I would like to know what others think, is opening up beneficial?I am also not sure if I should be discussing things with my wife and kids as I go through this, after all, I don’t really know what happened so there is nothing to discuss really, I do have symptoms, such as mood swings, some alcohol use, a lot of anxiety so I think I should be saying something?