PTSD and Trauma

Reactive abuse to narcissistic abuse

replies: 3

Im in need of some advice when it comes to my ex's abuse towards me. He isnt diagnosed, but he shows clear signs of being narcissistic. And im not just saying that to be a "crazy ex". He has made my life spiral the last 16 months. Im a shell of who I... View more

Im in need of some advice when it comes to my ex's abuse towards me. He isnt diagnosed, but he shows clear signs of being narcissistic. And im not just saying that to be a "crazy ex". He has made my life spiral the last 16 months. Im a shell of who I used to be. I thought I was handling the situation by constantly trying to keep him in our sons life by any means possible and that ended up with me being arrested for contacting him too much about our son (harassment) and him having an ADVO put on me for that reason.. I should have reported the things he has done to me when they happened.. but I didn't because I have a massive fear of police. And I feel like if I put a historical report in now, that I'll just look like im a bitter ex wanting revenge, or that they wont believe me, or that they will laugh in my face, or that they will dismiss it, that I just wont be taken seriously. And then it makes me feel like its all in my head and maybe I am actually crazy, maybe everything he did was justified? That i bought it all on myself? I wont be able to put everything in here but a few of the things hes done include: - name calling - threats to hurt me, including very violent language and if I dont terminate our child then he will leave me, and more - flipping me off all the time - cutting me off, stonewalling, changing the subject if its something I feel is important to talk about, if I try to communicate with him - he would call me a baby, to drink a cup of concrete, im too sensitive - giving me the silent treatment - gaslighting and mind games - there was a point i was so distressed with what he was doing, I couldn't even work, I lost 9kg in the first trimester of pregnancy because of this - I now have nightmares several times per week - im now on different depression/anxiety meds because of it all - im paranoid that I'll see him or his car, that maybe he has someone following me, maybe hes told the police to follow me. Is it all in my head? Will I be laughed at if I go to the police with all this? Is this legitimately something i should be reporting? How do I do this? Are there any supports out there i can access(NSW)? Will those supports actually help me and believe me? I dont want another woman to go through this, I want him to be held accountable for his actions because he doesnt call it abuse, I want him to get help for his childhood trauma but he wont. And now I legally am not allowed to contact him for 2 years.. It feels like the narcissist has won..

Negative thoughts

replies: 4

Hi, I'm suffering thats it in a nutshell. My ptsd anxiety panic attacks has reared its ugly head again. I can't stop thinking of tge past awful things that have happened to me, and then my body starts to shake, my hands get pins and needles and I jus... View more

Hi, I'm suffering thats it in a nutshell. My ptsd anxiety panic attacks has reared its ugly head again. I can't stop thinking of tge past awful things that have happened to me, and then my body starts to shake, my hands get pins and needles and I just can't function. Please if anyone has any suggestions on how I can stop this, I'd so appreciate it. I feel I am the only one going through this, which of course I know I'm not, but it feels so lonely. I see people out shopping, laughing and I try to put on a brave face but I'm dying inside.

Can I get ever over high school?

replies: 14

I was chatting with my PT today. We are about the same age, and we were talking about the challenges of bringing up our kids. I can't remember how we got there, but I started sharing some high school memories. It brought up so much. Just before I sta... View more

I was chatting with my PT today. We are about the same age, and we were talking about the challenges of bringing up our kids. I can't remember how we got there, but I started sharing some high school memories. It brought up so much. Just before I started high school I was run over by a car. No one would believe me that I was hurt because I managed to get myself home. I was only 12 years old. My school had a cross-country run. I told my PE teachers that my leg hurt. I even pointed to the jagged red line across my shin. They made me run the race, and it was agony. A few years ago, I went to the doctor because my leg had flared up again. Turned out my leg had been broken in that hit-and-run. I wish it that was the only negative experience, but it wasn't. In my second year of high school, the manual arts teacher laughed as the kids held me down and burned me with soldering irons. The PE teachers were the worst. They encouraged the bullies to attack me in the playground and openly sided with them in class. I had accidentally cut my wrist with a chisel at home. Despite having a doctor's certificate, they made me play volleyball until the stitches burst and I bled. I became very aggressive because I never knew where the next blow would come from. It's taken me years to shed my rage. I think in retrospect, I had PTSD because I lived in fear for those years. I'm calmer now. Next year is a significant anniversary of leaving school. I want to shed my angst. I'm done. They suck, and I want to live. I'm sending this into the void because sometimes you just need to say these things to get them out of you. I apologise if I cause you distress in the accidental reading. B

cPTSD and anxiety

replies: 5

Hi,I'm struggling with cPTSD and am having panic attacks, low mood and anxiety. My partner was an alcoholic for over 10 years and apart from being a nightmare to live with, was verbally abusive to me and my daughter. After I walked out, they gave up.... View more

Hi,I'm struggling with cPTSD and am having panic attacks, low mood and anxiety. My partner was an alcoholic for over 10 years and apart from being a nightmare to live with, was verbally abusive to me and my daughter. After I walked out, they gave up. I have moved back home, but things aren't good. They are like a new person and have really sorted their life out, but I am suffering from small panic attacks in the night and sometimes during the day. We don't share a room yet. Sometimes I am fine when they are around me, but other times I am not. Is this going to stay with me forever or does it improve? I'm really trying to make it work.

Nightmares

replies: 6

Content warning: mention of firearms Ok. So there is a topic I constantly and frequently have nightmares about. Well, I have done a bit of work on it and it's not quite as bad as it used to be. I frequently hear random gunshots in my head during in m... View more

Content warning: mention of firearms Ok. So there is a topic I constantly and frequently have nightmares about. Well, I have done a bit of work on it and it's not quite as bad as it used to be. I frequently hear random gunshots in my head during in my sleep. It carries over into waking life. And there was a point where I'd go ballistic if people brought up the topic around me. The strange part is that the only bad experience I've had that is any way gun related was hearing one go off unexpectedly. That was a while back. It just feels disproportionate to react to that so badly. But here we are.

Birthday card from abusive family

replies: 3

Hi everyone! So yesterday I turned 34. Pretty exciting another year wider. Anyway.. so i had a great day. But... I got a card from my abusive famiky. And it brought up a million emotions. I cried. I felt angry. Everything. Grief all over again. I wan... View more

Hi everyone! So yesterday I turned 34. Pretty exciting another year wider. Anyway.. so i had a great day. But... I got a card from my abusive famiky. And it brought up a million emotions. I cried. I felt angry. Everything. Grief all over again. I wanted to ask what do you think the reason was sending the card? I don't understand honestly. Plus its a huge invasion of privacy and I never actually asked for a card or disclosed my address to them. They have been stalking me for years online and found out somehow. So yeah. Look what are your thoughts guys!? Cause I don't know what to think. Its a strange card with "love bombing" language. I just cant even understand it. After all the abuse they caused - why act innocent.

Struggling to move on

replies: 8

(Safe: in my room listening to music) How do you even move on from all the things people have told you as a child? Growing up, my parents weren’t involved in my life. They used to criticise me, say that I’m a bad person, and tell me that I have to do... View more

(Safe: in my room listening to music) How do you even move on from all the things people have told you as a child? Growing up, my parents weren’t involved in my life. They used to criticise me, say that I’m a bad person, and tell me that I have to do certain things to make them happy. They didn’t care to understand or show any empathy whenever I did something wrong. Even something as small as not finishing my dinner or breaking a glass would incite a lot of criticism. They’d ask me things like ‘why are you always like this?’ and ‘why can’t you be more careful?’ They’d make me feel like a bad person and that I could never change. They’d also make me feel like I was responsible for making them happy - like I had to do something in order to please them. If I didn’t do something, like get good grades in class, they’d withhold any form of affection and ask why I didn’t do any better. And then they tried justifying their abuse, saying that I should be grateful that they at least give me the basic necessities, like food and clothing. They said I shouldn’t feel upset because I could have had it worse, which made me doubt my emotions and feel like they weren’t valid. It’s not fair my parents broke my self-esteem. They made me believe I deserved to suffer, like I had to keep hurting myself because I didn’t deserve anything good. I’m angry that they made me feel I could never achieve anything no matter how hard I try. I’m sad that I struggle to even move on in life, while everyone else is in uni and getting jobs. I’m sad that I’m stuck cleaning up the mess they made.Because of them, I never got to have a proper youth. I never got the chance to explore new things or find new people. I kept to myself and pushed people away because I felt no one would ever listen or be there for me. I felt embarrassed for having any emotions, like it was somehow not right to cry whenever my parents abused me. I thought that I was a burden to everyone and that the whole world would be better off without me. It’s hard to move on from these feelings, let alone talk about them. You keep wanting to talk about these things and ask for help, but then some voice tells you ‘you can’t do it’ and ‘no one would understand.’ And so you give up.

I don't know what's wrong with me

replies: 6

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm always on an emotional roller coaster. I'm new here. I feel like I've reached out to help from GP before and because I have a child that has high level autism I'm just dismissed with not much mental ... View more

I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I'm always on an emotional roller coaster. I'm new here. I feel like I've reached out to help from GP before and because I have a child that has high level autism I'm just dismissed with not much mental help I feel like I'm so alone qu I'm sick to trigger I have angry outburst. I cry a lot. I feel so defeated and so alone. I tried to say that I'm going to be better but I feel like I'm stuck in the same cycle and I want so much better for my kids but I just can't seem to get it together

Moving forward - slowly , but surely gaining pace.

replies: 5

Hello, I am getting better , but have been through the mill . My credentials as a survivor of child hood sexual and physical abuse are there. As is my illness and many , many hospitalisations for mania over 30 years as a result . I saw Psychiatrists ... View more

Hello, I am getting better , but have been through the mill . My credentials as a survivor of child hood sexual and physical abuse are there. As is my illness and many , many hospitalisations for mania over 30 years as a result . I saw Psychiatrists for 13 years , a PTSD Psychologist for 2 years and have been with my current Psychologist for 7 years . So, I have put in the hard yards . SO, I wanted to say - it is possible to become well - even I did . Yes, I am on 80 , webster packed , tablets a week - BUT - people need to know - YOU can get better .

Too much trauma in 2013-2025

replies: 2

Hi, I’ve been through a lot and I’ve a lot of my unwelcome family members tell me that I have no right to feel empowered. Well I’ve blocked and crossed them off. As I don’t need that. I’ve always had a fairly solitary adulthood. I had isolation from ... View more

Hi, I’ve been through a lot and I’ve a lot of my unwelcome family members tell me that I have no right to feel empowered. Well I’ve blocked and crossed them off. As I don’t need that. I’ve always had a fairly solitary adulthood. I had isolation from 16-26 but from 12 dealing with childhood and my parents divorcing. I met men and was clinging due to lack of affection and love from my family. The relationships ended usually after a year in disaster. I met men on dating sites. Back then flip phones had limited access to Dating Apps. I always went on chat. I felt I could connect on line. I would still go out. At 18-20 and meet guys in night clubs. But I would always want to talk online. I had a lasting relationship at 17-19 which ladted 2 years. I was kicked out by my parent so I had no choice but to move in with him. When we broke up I stopped seeing my friends. And I took the break up pretty hard. I was really isolated and became even worse so I was manipulated my my older sister to go live at home with my Mum. My mum is Evil. Witch. She feeds off my me falling in life. Not doing well. So she use to call the police on me and kick me out for doing the house work wrong. I was eventually kicked out and I had no choice but to go into a ShareHouse - At 22 - where I met a man who physically assaulted because he made fun of me for my life style. This went on where the Police were called at different properties for 3 Years. Up until 2012. I then went and searched back on line for another comforter and I met a 29 Year old called Joel. Where he assaulted me. And gave me Phycological breathing problems which affected my anxiety. He invited me back to his house. A 30 minute drive. Where he would call the Cops to kick me out, again. He insisted that I keep him as a boyfriend whilst I was trying to get away from him. He abused me through Emails, verbally and then applied to have an intervention order put on me because he abused me. I tried to keep away from him but he kept sending me emails knowing I’d check them, saying things like - I know where’s you live. I told my dad. And the police. My dad I was so estranged and distant from. But the authorities just told me to work on my own Self. I’ve copped it and gone through trauma. Plus been in hospitals and been mistreated for 10 years. I live at the beach. And I Want another reality. I Think. I’m 37.

Pinned discussions

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

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