Hello everyone, i'm gonna start off strong for this one.
I’m still really hurt over a falling out I had with people I thought were my close friends. It started because of a disagreement and some uncomfortable situations involving another friend, but instead of working through it, they ended up twisting things and turning on me. I showed them the truth, but they ignored it. I was slowly pushed out of the group, isolated during one of the lowest points of my life, and made to feel like everything was my fault. My bestfriend even used personal things I had shared in confidence, getting her boyfriend to attack me with it, including my mental health, identity, body and life struggles. After everything I had been through, it was like i was hit by a truck. It still hurts me because I don’t fully understand how it got so bad or why I was treated that way. I feel like I lost people who meant the world to me, and it left a hole I haven’t been able to fill.
Around the same time, I was also dealing with a toxic relationship. Someone I dated repeatedly ignored my boundaries and made sexual comments even when I wasn’t in a state to consent or push back. I had shared my past trauma with them, and they used that vulnerability to their advantage. Even though I know deep down I was manipulated and taken advantage of, I still blame myself sometimes. I feel confused, guilty, and honestly a little broken.
I’ve been trying to move on, but it’s like I carry this invisible weight every day. I struggle to trust anyone anymore.. friends, partners, even myself. I second guess everything I say and do, like I’m always walking on eggshells, waiting for people to leave or hurt me. I want to heal, but I don’t know where to begin or how to stop feeling so alone.
