Should I take the hint?

[Rowen13]

I hurt my friend multiple times and I know he is very stubborn. He might forgive but he will never forget and he no longer trusts me. I always have to initiate contact and he ignores me on mutual social platforms. should I just accept he no longer cares? I know it was all my fault, so perhaps I should take my punishment and move on?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Rejection is always hard to accept and even harder to move on from. It does get easier as we age however because we tend to accept that some friendships run their course and become incompatible- that's life.

It might be life, but that doesnt mean its easy for some so please dont feel bad because this is quite natural eg it's natural for his stubbornness, natural for you making mistakes and so on. As natural as these reactions and behaviours are, you might be wise to move on and try with new friendships. BTW, I've been in such situations with a friend and soon after confirmation comes from mutual friends that their behaviour was intolerable for them also. That can give you reassurance that they were difficult to manage.

So, I hope that helps and thankyou for posting here.

TonyWK

[Rowen13]

Hi there,

Thanks for replying to my post. I'm 50 so I have had my lion share of friendships ending. I don't know why I care so much and why it hurts so much? Why him? 

I guess what I would love to happen since I know he will never give me his "real" friendship again, is to tell me that the friendship is over and he doesn't want me to contact him again. That way all hope will die and I won't have regrets. But him keeping lines of communication open and leaving it up to me to breathe life into the friendship hurts.

Every day I miss him and that hurts. But sometimes you have to let someone go, not because you don't care, but because they don't.

We are on the same social platform but he stays on his side and I stay on mine. I don't follow him or look at his profile or check what's going on in his life. The friendship is dead. Just waiting for the pain to stop.

Thanks again,

Rowen13 😊

[white knight]

Thanks for replying. Yes that all makes sense. Time is the only soother to such sadness. 

Sadly closure isn't present sometimes. I'm 69yo and I had a school friend for decades, however it was one way. I realised all his friendships were one way. I needed equal effort. It didn't fully end, we still cross paths and we enjoy a chat.

TonyWK 

[Rowen13]

Hi again,

I totally get that, my friendship of 10 years ended. It was all one sided and she would never call only text and we live in the same City. She would come to my place 1 or 2 times a year. She is logical whereas I am highly emotional.

But the day I was really upset and crying and she couldn't even hug me after 10 years of friendship and just watched me break down in front of her like a stranger, I realised I deserved someone better. We both did. 

Don't miss her at all. And she only wants my friendship back when I get perfect mental health. 

No some people I don't mind leaving or showing them the door. Life is too short.

Thanks again,

I hope you have a beautiful day 🙂

Rowen13 

[white knight]

Just to focus on your emotions and sensitivity here is a few interesting posts on those topics.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/highly-sensitive-people-hsp/td-p/480942

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/depression/sad-all-the-time-dysthymia/m-p/324729

TonyWK