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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 7

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Mudcakes Complex cptsd situation.
  • replies: 2

Okay. Basically I’m in a weird situation not many would understand. I grew up with an emotionally, financially and coercive control abusive parent. Who also was a major reason I’m an only child. It put my family into poverty and many times had to be ... View more

Okay. Basically I’m in a weird situation not many would understand. I grew up with an emotionally, financially and coercive control abusive parent. Who also was a major reason I’m an only child. It put my family into poverty and many times had to be worried where we would sleep at night. The abuser often, used their passion for their favourite sport team as their weapon of choice. If the team lost it was a scary time. Basically me being their daughter meant nothing to them. So this sports team is deeply triggering to me.The abuser is now fully blown rich now and this team are now having them and their company as a partnership and made a highlight article about how they give back and want to stop poverty and involved with a charity. I feel sick, I have used this charity for support before because of this abuser but no longer can feel safe to .Basically the news of this partnership and how it keeps getting so messed up makes me feel sick, plus we gotta move soon cause our rent is going up, meanwhile the abuser has millions of dollars. I’m safe. Just had to include that.

Retronoodles 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but somehow, it does get better!
  • replies: 1

I want to share how 2025 has been a mostly kind and good year for me. For context, in 2020 a death in my family triggered BD and I endured multiple relapses, being sent to psych wards a few times. After BD I got an ASD diagnosis - 'late diagnosed' fe... View more

I want to share how 2025 has been a mostly kind and good year for me. For context, in 2020 a death in my family triggered BD and I endured multiple relapses, being sent to psych wards a few times. After BD I got an ASD diagnosis - 'late diagnosed' female, woohoo...thanks. Therefore, when I made my first post here I was in the absolute slumps. These bizarre experiences of a disorder that made me see hallucinations and have delusions not only had shattered my world, but after my illness, I seemed to have lost a bulk of my cognitive capabilities to make 'art' at a high quality level like I used to. My psychiatrist still doesn't know what caused it; it could be depression? Or the meds? We tried everything. I has been a loss for me. I grieved a past me. My self esteem was in the gutter for years. I couldn't face old friends. My legs shook with dread when I tried to draw in the evening like I used to love to do. With years, the C-PTSD has faded. I made new friends, and a lot of them always end up saying they love my art - the art I can do now. I am also proudly graduating uni in March of next year a mature aged student. Also, most importantly as of this year, I am a new solo mum to a baby girl, and she is my world~ All these happy accomplishments have reconnected me with my self esteem I though I had completely lost after my psychotic break. But today was not one such OK day. I felt lonely and anxious about being a solo mum - especially whether I'll ever be a GOOD mum. I chatted with a Beyond Blue agent, but I just wound myself up As when I'm upset, I write more meladramatic and horrible things. TDLR; but I had a tough day. But I know that my bad days are fewer and far-er between this year. I don't know how and when life precisely got better for me, other than I just kept desiring to be free from the 'leg shaking out of dread' that used to hit me at 8:30pm on the dot every night, and weirdly, that shaking leg thing seemed to vanish for the most part this year! I also have kept a gratitude journal and a pen next to my bed and written in it most nights since 2021.Every night, I just write 1 line starting with 'I am grateful for'. At first I was fighting the idea (since a family member gifted me a journal and told me to start doing it lol). But somehow, this has become a cherished ritual. No, journaling hasn't fixed me, but when I flip through the book, I may not always see an awesome perfect day, but I see that I am someone who always keeps trying. Thanks for reading.

Chloe03 Triggers
  • replies: 1

I experienced trauma as a child, dv and an affair in my marriage. I’m now in a relationship with a really great person who is so good to me, but I keep having terrible trigger episodes. I want to understand why I am being triggered by my partner havi... View more

I experienced trauma as a child, dv and an affair in my marriage. I’m now in a relationship with a really great person who is so good to me, but I keep having terrible trigger episodes. I want to understand why I am being triggered by my partner having attractive fb friends. I’ve never been a jealous person and this has never happened to me before him. It starts when I see an attractive person in “people you may know” and he is friends with them. It’s hard to describe now, when it’s not happening, but I actually feel like a different person and it’s hard to remember what I’m thinking but I know it starts small and my brain keeps collecting evidence that there’s something wrong with him and/or the relationship. My chest hurts. I get the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, then I feel so sad. I have intrusive thoughts for ages, act irrationally. Sometimes I cry, and just want it to stop, one time I sobbed heavily and my legs were shaking and for some reason I had to watch the video of my ex that I secretly filmed of him berating me. It was so strange. When I snap out of it, which can take hours, I’m embarrassed and don’t feel the way I felt during the episode. As in, of course some of his friends might be attractive, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, he’s not doing anything wrong.

Guest_92179986 Coercive control / financial abuse
  • replies: 3

Hi, here’s my story. I have spent the past 30 years working in the international oil & gas industry. I’ve worked all over the world but mostly in the Middle East and North Africa. I finished working a 5 year contract in Algeria a few months ago and h... View more

Hi, here’s my story. I have spent the past 30 years working in the international oil & gas industry. I’ve worked all over the world but mostly in the Middle East and North Africa. I finished working a 5 year contract in Algeria a few months ago and have decided that I’m done with working away and will now semi retire and stay home. During the past 5 years I have paid off all our houses ($3 million worth), our super is very healthy and we have no debts. I recently discovered that over the past 5 years, all the money that I have sent back home to our joint accounts has been taken by my wife and put into a personal account in her name only. I discovered this in October when I had an accident with a table saw at home and required emergency surgery on my thumb. I had to pay $4000 up front for this surgery so asked my wife where all my money (around $250K) was and that I needed $4K to pay for the surgery. My wife refused to give me my money so I had to pay with a credit card. She flat out refuses to put the money back into a joint account, claiming that “you’ll waste it”. That is simply untrue. She has also been getting her pay deposited in a personal account, then transferring half of it to a joint account each fortnight. I have no idea where she’s hiding the rest. I also have no idea of exactly how much I have in savings, or where she’s keeping the money. A few weeks ago I went to the police to tell them my situation and asked where I stood legally and if they had any numbers I could call for support. The officer told me that I was being subjected to coercive control, which is a form of domestic violence. Therefore the police were duty bound to investigate and came to our home to question my wife. I wasn’t present during this interview but my adult daughter was and she later told me that her mother told the police a pack of lies. The parting words to me from the police sergeant was “get a lawyer mate”. Not a thing has happened to my wife. We have not spoken for close to 4 weeks now. She has moved out of our room and is sleeping in a spare bedroom (fine by me!) Ive also had legal advice which was pretty much useless. The way I see it at the moment is that she has gotten away with simply helping herself to a quarter million of my hard earned cash and there’s nothing I can do about it. My only option now is to officially separate from her. Then the courts will ask for full disclosure and she will have to show where the money is. I am totally under her control - I don’t have any access to MY money and she’s generously providing half her pay each fortnight. I can’t leave because I have no money to leave. Ive spent a lifetime working in 3rd world dumps and was finally looking forward to semi retirement. But that’s all out the window now because she’s forcing me to get back on a plane for the next 3rd world dump assignment. Im at my wits end and don’t know what to do.

Tripletail Triggered by Supervisor at work..
  • replies: 3

It has been years...But recently a supervisor off night shift..Has returned to dayshift...I lasted 4 days with his behaviour. I'm a senior fifo construction worker, I know my stuff, I enjoy the detail and pressure. His return, or for myself new expos... View more

It has been years...But recently a supervisor off night shift..Has returned to dayshift...I lasted 4 days with his behaviour. I'm a senior fifo construction worker, I know my stuff, I enjoy the detail and pressure. His return, or for myself new exposure.I was warned He will throw you under the bus etc... So until these 4 days, I was happy loving my job.Since , I'm actually avoiding work, sending text messages drunk to my other supervisor.I am actually aware I have been triggered, but I Don't have total control.It's like an inner part of me is threatened, and yeah I'm doing the fight or flee response.Not happy..Don't want to quit job, Made a formal complaint, but that just triggered me more.. How do I navigate, the Hr stuff, whilst triggered as, supervisor has a history and knows exactly how to abuse or behave without actually invoking an obvious misuse of power or authority... It's been 8 yrs since I was last on here...This 1 has me rattled, like a narcissistic professional supervisor.... Any ideas?I'll quit my job, but why should I ?Not my Fault...??????

Lifeoverated215 Ratrace
  • replies: 3

Hi, Im 24 & recieve a side income which i can live on with some frugality & minimalism, now i dont wanna metion what it is, however I did have many jobs thruout the past several years, & based on the interactions & burdency of having to keep a job no... View more

Hi, Im 24 & recieve a side income which i can live on with some frugality & minimalism, now i dont wanna metion what it is, however I did have many jobs thruout the past several years, & based on the interactions & burdency of having to keep a job nowadays & the toxicity youre forced to face on a daily basis just doesnt seems worth it & a waste of time, why can't we just do the things we enjoy without being judged or peer pressured to be like everybody else, oh you gotta get i high salary in order to be respected, you gotta be a doctor or a lieutenant for status purposes because if you dont society's gonna look down & sigh at you, the truth is i just dont care about any of that stuff i just wanna be me but for some reason when you live in a world full of dictatorship & gerontocracy its hopeless, when the majority can't stand the life they gotta live what else are they gonna do, our leaders dont give a dam, why would anybody wanna reproduce anyone to this fast paced dog eat dog atrophy reality. For example, rent & buying a home nowadays is out of the question, unless you wanna get approved for a loan which is gonna make you a slave to it eventually, utilities just keeps getting higher & higher where youre wages stay stagnant, if i were to tell my boss that im leaving under specific reasons they'll all of a sudden decide to give a raise, kinda cheeky is it, because corporations clearly dont give a dam about their employees no matter what they spew about how we're family, we're respectful to one another, we're a top establishment, everybodys happy to be here because a few personals said so yada yada yada. Then you got to put on a fake persona not because you want to but you have to, we're all forced into a realm that expects from us & to live up to the expectations created by plutocrats & oligarchs when deep down everybody's trying to not get fired & end up on the streets, i mean why else would they be doing what they're doing.I just wanna be me & thats all, I dont ask much, & I never needed to begin with, the only issue is if I continue with traditional employment for a long period of time, I can end up forfeiting that payment & might not get it back, if you were in this position like me with the pressure of joining with the traditional side of life with cons of being stressed out & unhappy all the time versus living freely by your own means even if im not getting much, but at peace & away from the drama that man kind had put upon themselves? Thanks

Guest_86975161 Had to put a rescue dog to sleep, the procedure went wrong. It was brutal. I want to die myself
  • replies: 1

I am an Aussie currenlty overseas waiting on paperwork for rescue dogs who never found a home, to return to Australia with us. We have 11 dogs. Fifteen days ago, a large young dog, walked past our house in clear distress. He was a young dog, maybe a ... View more

I am an Aussie currenlty overseas waiting on paperwork for rescue dogs who never found a home, to return to Australia with us. We have 11 dogs. Fifteen days ago, a large young dog, walked past our house in clear distress. He was a young dog, maybe a year old. He was pure skin and bones. I took him to the vet and they put him on a drip 2 days in a row, and gave him a shot of vitamins and painkilers straight to through the vein. The vet found sound ticks and becaues the dog had this head movement, he categorised that as a neurological response to a tick infection. He put him on antibiotics for 21 days. On day 14 his head movement got worse. I took him to another vet, they said it was distemper and that because of his head movement and being so malnourished, he would be unlikely to survive. That night he had a terrible night, couldn't breathe, all night. I stayed with hiim but could not do anything. The next day was Saturday. He did not want to eat and collapsed in the cage I had him when he tried to get up to drink water. He tried to eat but his jaw was clentched and he could not eat. I called to find a vet to come home to put him to sleep, I did not want him to go through another night like that the night before. I am in a rural town. No support system. Just my husband and I but my husbad was away for work, our only income is his. The vet came and before I could ask him about what was involved inthe procedure, he stabbed the dog with a needle straight to his skin and injected him with dedatives. I panicked because the dog already had trouble breathign and that made it worse. The dog stared to feel desperate, so did I. I had no vehicle to take him to a clinic so this guy just put another anesthetic same way and then put two needles in his heart AND I COULD NOT STOP ANY OF THIS, I was paralised like an idiot and then this guy try to hug me. I cannot stop crying even now. This happned just over 24 hours ago and I can't stop myself screaming in pain, shame, regret., anger, disgussed towards myself. This was such a lovely beautiful young dog, he did not resist any of this THAT I PUT HIM THROUGH. I feel gutted and have thought of taking my own life becuase I cannot stop relieving every minute of it, especially seeing that when he saw this guy, he got up and wagged its tail, even in the condition he was in. I put this animal through all this. I dont understand what happened to me, why didnt I react? The moral pain is unbearable, I never thoughtt I would put an animal through somethign like that. It was my job to protect him and I DIDNT. I should be in jail for negligence. I dont know what to do to pay for this pain I caused him. I LOVED THIS DOG he deserved so much better from me. I am not looking for simpathy. I just want to scream everywhere what a piece of garbage I am as a human being. There is no excuse for my reaction to that guy. No excuse. I took the dog in to protect hiim and ended up causeing him more pain in his last moments. That is unbearable shame. Just unbearable. I feel like I am going insane. Why didnt I do anything why?!! OMG, why?!

prettylost1 Finally seeing the truth about my mum
  • replies: 6

For 30 years I believed something was severely wrong with me. I spent my life chasing my mum’s approval and love, pushing myself until I completely burned out. This year everything collapsed, and I realised that the reason I’ve been so miserable for ... View more

For 30 years I believed something was severely wrong with me. I spent my life chasing my mum’s approval and love, pushing myself until I completely burned out. This year everything collapsed, and I realised that the reason I’ve been so miserable for so long is because my mum has abused me for most of my life. She made me believe, in the cruellest ways, that I wasn’t worthy of love or of life at all.Whenever things got slightly tough for me, she would walk away from her role as a mum, sometimes even saying it out loud, showing no empathy, never checking in, and never apologising. Earlier this year things came to a breaking point for me, and honestly, I don’t understand how I couldn’t see this earlier?During a visit, which turned into an absolute nightmare, she became very aggressive and abusive toward me at the dinner table. Other people were there, and for no real reason, in my opinion, she started screaming at me the moment I sat down. Her reason was that I had held the map too long at a zoo we visited. There was only one map, but no one had asked for it, and I had even asked if anyone else wanted it. Her anger escalated so quickly, from the map to saying the cruellest things, that I was left in shock. When I started crying and shaking from fear, she seemed to get a thrill out of it. She even mocked me by imitating the sound of my crying...My husband stepped in to intervene, but she couldn’t understand that she had done anything wrong... the whole experience was a nightmare.The next day she deleted me from all social media, packed her things, and left, just like that. I thought I was going to die of a broken heart. That was the moment I finally saw the truth. This had happened before, many times. She has no empathy, no sense of responsibility, and truly sees me as the devil. She even told others in my family that I couldn’t be trusted, saying she had travelled so far to visit me and that this was how I treated her. She has never apologised or acknowledged the pain she caused and spent months sending me hate-filled messages, which I eventually stopped reading.Since then I have gone no contact for now and started therapy. I had to stop working for a while because I was barely sleeping, but therapy is helping a lot and I am finally sleeping again. I feel emotionally drained, exhausted, and lost. I’m trying to rediscover who I am, one small step at a time, but I’m heartbroken that my mum won’t apologise or even try to repair our relationship.It’s hard, especially since my dad passed away when I was young, and it often feels like I’m on my own. I do have a supportive husband, and I’m safe now. I was recently diagnosed with C-PTSD and am slowly finding my way back to myself.. Has anyone else been through something like this and would like to briefly share their story? I feel so alone in this sometimes. People mean well, but unless they have experienced it, they just don’t seem to understand. My husband has seen her behaviour first-hand, so he understands some of it, but it is still hard for others to truly relate.

Celestial1111 LONELY
  • replies: 3

HiI've recently let go of my toxic friends & now I have no friends.But I couldn't keep people in my life who didn't listen to me or dismissed me or really didn't give a crap.Thats exactly how I got treated growing up.And with my family I only have a ... View more

HiI've recently let go of my toxic friends & now I have no friends.But I couldn't keep people in my life who didn't listen to me or dismissed me or really didn't give a crap.Thats exactly how I got treated growing up.And with my family I only have a superficial relationship with them because they tear u down if u open up & r honest & vulnerable.Im learning to have boundaries with people or just letting them go if they dont care about me.It's hard because I feel lonely & isolated but I remind myself that I dont want to keep feeling devalued or unworthy by having unhealthy connections.I also remind myself that if I keep to myself healing path I will attract loving supportive caring people in my life.I know I will have hard days but its harder to stay in places that u r not welcomed which has been all my life.I want to shift the paradigm because it wasn't my fault I was made to feel unlovable & not enough Children r born lovable & good enough but trauma reprograms them to feel otherwise so hence why im working to reprogram those distorted messages & love myself.

Picture Trauma event and coping
  • replies: 4

Hi all I have been involved in a very sad traumatic event (I won’t go into details online). It has left me reliving the incident over and over and thinking about the things I wish I had done. I have also had some flashbacks. Very overwhelming and cru... View more

Hi all I have been involved in a very sad traumatic event (I won’t go into details online). It has left me reliving the incident over and over and thinking about the things I wish I had done. I have also had some flashbacks. Very overwhelming and crushing. Now I am starting to feel numb like a zombie. I have found calling crisis lines and seeing a psychologist during the week helpful. I can’t see through it at the moment and feel like I will never be myself again. I have medication to help with sleep but it doesn’t get me through the night. I need to at least partially function for my family. I feel so detached from reality. My faith has helped. I have tried to get an early appointment this week with my psychologist to help. Not really sure why I am posting, but I think just to see if anyone else has gone through a traumatic event and how they are coping.