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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Rach28 Spiraling out of control
  • replies: 15

Hi everyone. So im really struggling right now in my life. I feel like im stuck in a dark deep hole in the dark and I feel so alone. Context: I suffer PTSD and have suffered multiple terrible trauma experiences. I just feel so broken. I dont know wha... View more

Hi everyone. So im really struggling right now in my life. I feel like im stuck in a dark deep hole in the dark and I feel so alone. Context: I suffer PTSD and have suffered multiple terrible trauma experiences. I just feel so broken. I dont know what to do. I have no life direction and all my triggers are on high alert. I also struggle with anxiety/ depression which has become more severe recently due to triggers that are related to my trauma. I just feel like anytime I try to do something and put all my effort in, im always disappointed. I always end up getting rejected, hurt, or getting my hand burnt (hypothetically not literally). I just feel like nothing good is going to happen in my life. I just feel like I am a broken human being. I feel like no employer will take me on if I want to apply for a job - im so messed up mental health wise plus I dont like being around people. I get triggered SO easily I cant control it. I guess I am writing this post because I feel so alone right now in all of this. i dont know what decisions to make because right now avoidance is the best option for me. If I avoid making any life decision I'm not going to spiral more out of control. And right now my mental health is very delicate. Plus I recently had a fight with a friend and I'm not talking to him. He's been a huge support system for me and I feel he doesnt understand my mental state right now given the stress of timing of the year also regarding traumatic events. I just feel so alone and I want to never have to work again. I want to just be left in peace and deal with my broken version of myself after being sexually assaulted, abused by my ex and abused my family. I just dont know what to do. Does anyone else understand what I am saying. I just would love to know that I'm not the only person struggling with PTSD, trauma and mental health. I just want to curl in a ball and hide away from the world, in hopes that everyone will just leave me alone and allow me peace and quiet to figure out what the hell I am going to do with my life. I'm scared of living after all the awful life events I've faced and survived. I'm scared of trying again. Does anyone else relate? Id love to hear from you.

Happygolucky77 My child was abused
  • replies: 2

I’m just not sure how to go forward.i found out my son was sexually assaulted by a teen neighbour when he was in lower primary school. I didn’t find this out until he was a teenager himself and we had long moved away. I myself was molested as a child... View more

I’m just not sure how to go forward.i found out my son was sexually assaulted by a teen neighbour when he was in lower primary school. I didn’t find this out until he was a teenager himself and we had long moved away. I myself was molested as a child and it was always some I thought I could protect my own kids from. But I have failed. I had a small baby at the time I found out and he is now 8 years old and he struggles. I know it’s because of me being so depressed after what I found out. Everything has suffered. I have been estranged from all my family since my kids born because I asked them for support and was never believed. I am also estranged from everyone in my life because I just hate myself so much. I can’t even hold a normal conversation anymore. Nobody at work likes me, my own partner hates me. My kids hate me. My in laws have also been no support and just call me a bitch. Now my partner wants me to leave. I understand and don’t blame him. I just have nowhere to go and nobody to talk to. Any advice

ScooterCat Feeling like things will never get better
  • replies: 3

Growing up, I was made to feel unwanted. My teachers would constantly shout and criticise me whenever I made a mistake. My peers would exclude me and put me down. My parents would tell me I would never be good enough and that I deserved to suffer. Be... View more

Growing up, I was made to feel unwanted. My teachers would constantly shout and criticise me whenever I made a mistake. My peers would exclude me and put me down. My parents would tell me I would never be good enough and that I deserved to suffer. Because of these things, I felt like I didn’t matter. I pushed people away and isolated myself because I didn’t think anyone would like me. I sabotaged my future and my chances of graduating because I didn’t believe I deserved success. I felt like people didn’t want me around and that the world would be better off if I was gone. Because of the things people have said about me, I’ve missed opportunities. I never got to have friends. I never got to feel wanted. I never got to feel like I deserved anything and I never go to feel like my life mattered. And now that all these things are gone, I can never go back and experience them. Those times are gone and I can never change what happened. Even if I work through my trauma now and undo all the things people have taught me, it will never change anything. It will never alleviate the pain. All that pain is going to stay with me in one form or another, and I will always be in a state of suffering. There is no hope. There is no future. The pain from what I have lost will always be a part of me. All that is left for me is a life full of eternal suffering.

Rowen13 Should I take the hint?
  • replies: 5

I hurt my friend multiple times and I know he is very stubborn. He might forgive but he will never forget and he no longer trusts me. I always have to initiate contact and he ignores me on mutual social platforms. should I just accept he no longer ca... View more

I hurt my friend multiple times and I know he is very stubborn. He might forgive but he will never forget and he no longer trusts me. I always have to initiate contact and he ignores me on mutual social platforms. should I just accept he no longer cares? I know it was all my fault, so perhaps I should take my punishment and move on?

N0vaaa I feel destroyed.
  • replies: 1

Hello everyone, i'm gonna start off strong for this one. I’m still really hurt over a falling out I had with people I thought were my close friends. It started because of a disagreement and some uncomfortable situations involving another friend, but ... View more

Hello everyone, i'm gonna start off strong for this one. I’m still really hurt over a falling out I had with people I thought were my close friends. It started because of a disagreement and some uncomfortable situations involving another friend, but instead of working through it, they ended up twisting things and turning on me. I showed them the truth, but they ignored it. I was slowly pushed out of the group, isolated during one of the lowest points of my life, and made to feel like everything was my fault. My bestfriend even used personal things I had shared in confidence, getting her boyfriend to attack me with it, including my mental health, identity, body and life struggles. After everything I had been through, it was like i was hit by a truck. It still hurts me because I don’t fully understand how it got so bad or why I was treated that way. I feel like I lost people who meant the world to me, and it left a hole I haven’t been able to fill.Around the same time, I was also dealing with a toxic relationship. Someone I dated repeatedly ignored my boundaries and made sexual comments even when I wasn’t in a state to consent or push back. I had shared my past trauma with them, and they used that vulnerability to their advantage. Even though I know deep down I was manipulated and taken advantage of, I still blame myself sometimes. I feel confused, guilty, and honestly a little broken.I’ve been trying to move on, but it’s like I carry this invisible weight every day. I struggle to trust anyone anymore.. friends, partners, even myself. I second guess everything I say and do, like I’m always walking on eggshells, waiting for people to leave or hurt me. I want to heal, but I don’t know where to begin or how to stop feeling so alone.

Guest_35023445 40yr old lost soul
  • replies: 1

My life is falling apart. I’m a 40 plus year old mum about to divorce due to toxic in-laws and my mental health is failing. I have lost all hope in life and am so lost. I no longer know what I want to do with my life and don’t know how to begin to st... View more

My life is falling apart. I’m a 40 plus year old mum about to divorce due to toxic in-laws and my mental health is failing. I have lost all hope in life and am so lost. I no longer know what I want to do with my life and don’t know how to begin to start to heal from suspected PTSD due to narcissistic abuse sexual abuse and trauma.

Guest_01984308 PTSD ANXIETY DEPRESSION
  • replies: 2

Hi, I'm new here & have PTSD Anxiety & Depression,I was in a DV relationship with a narcissist for 3 years & my ex-partner physically & mentally abused me.I lost contact with my friends I was isolated and thought I was going crazy. I have been suffer... View more

Hi, I'm new here & have PTSD Anxiety & Depression,I was in a DV relationship with a narcissist for 3 years & my ex-partner physically & mentally abused me.I lost contact with my friends I was isolated and thought I was going crazy. I have been suffering ever since. I have nightmares about the trauma caused and my mental health has deteriorated since. I keep thinking about it daily and can't get him out of my head. Some days are better than others and when I feel like this, I shut off from everyone. I don't speak to my sisters because they always blame me when something goes wrong as I have always been the black sheep of the family.

Bubbles5 PTSD AND TRAUMA
  • replies: 6

Hello, l am reaching out have got PTSD and trauma every since a little girl in start. l would like to share stories with each other. l believed that anyone, who has had trauma, life changes understand each other better than anyone else ️ l am going t... View more

Hello, l am reaching out have got PTSD and trauma every since a little girl in start. l would like to share stories with each other. l believed that anyone, who has had trauma, life changes understand each other better than anyone else ️ l am going through a rocky road with my partner's mum & Sister are got cancer and my partner is legally blind now. l don't know, if l should be putting this message up here, but l just needed to vent and, if anyone is reading my posts. That they are hearing me, where l at this moment in my life. We all have up and down in our journey. Love to hear everyone else stories.Love and Light .

Shattered Feeling shattered my husband's porn, alcohol and prostitute addiction.
  • replies: 3

I have been married for 24 years, and my husband's addiction to porn, alcohol and recently discovered his addiction to prostitutes. I have had a sexless marriage for 12 years, and my husband has been unemployed for the past 5 years. My husband has nu... View more

I have been married for 24 years, and my husband's addiction to porn, alcohol and recently discovered his addiction to prostitutes. I have had a sexless marriage for 12 years, and my husband has been unemployed for the past 5 years. My husband has numerous DUIs and is on the interlock program and returned from Rehabilitation last year, which was court-ordered. I have spent most of my savings hiring lawyers for his DUI convictions to avoid incarceration. I recently discovered my husband has been seeing prostitutes whilst I was visiting my sick mother. A substantial amount of money disappeared from my bank account. I contacted the bank and found out my husband accessed the account. Upon investigating, I discovered my husband has been to the local Brothel. I am broken-hearted, all these years my husband's excuses for not having sex were poor erection problems, not formally diagnosed. I discovered 12 years ago his porn addiction and last year my husband subconsciously was caught in our CCTV footage mastubating at our front porch. I asked my husband if I could check his timeline for Google Maps, then realised he had been to other brothels. I have been faithful to my husband all these years, I feel betrayed. I confronted my husband initially denied, and he later confessed to adultery. My husband confessed this was his initial visit to the Brothel, and he was not aware he spent 6.5 hours with the Escort. He assured me he did not have intercourse as the prostitute was trying to help with the erection, and they talked for long periods. He then claimed the condom came off, and he failed to recall the events as he was intoxicated. Yet my husband could scan his card and access his PIN every hour, despite being intoxicated!. I requested my husband to be screened for STIs.I am traumatised, depressed, suffering from insomnia, low self-esteem, and poor appetite. I have taken time off from work to recuperate. I am exhausted.Over the years, my husband has broken my heart through neglect, yet I loved him with every broken piece. I cannot share the room with my husband anymore, My husband has requested not to take any drastic measures and to concentrate on my self-healing. I have morals, values and neglected my desires to make my husband happy. I am exhausted and do not know how to cope with the resentment and How do I recover from infidelity trauma?

KatnissPrimrose Reliving traumas with therapits
  • replies: 1

I started writing this post detailing everything I've gone through and ended up with a lot of pages that won't fit in here.I tried to suicide for the 2nd time, this month.I was in the mental health ward for several days having discussions over and ov... View more

I started writing this post detailing everything I've gone through and ended up with a lot of pages that won't fit in here.I tried to suicide for the 2nd time, this month.I was in the mental health ward for several days having discussions over and over of why I did it.I was referred to AODS where I have had to go through the traumas again. The Way Back service where I will have to do it all again.I am soooo tired of telling my story to different therapists. I found myself in my head again trying to write here why I feel there is no joy in life. That it is all a battle I'm very tired of fighting. I'm tired of working just to eat and sleep. Everything is so expensive. I have to move house soon. I just want to have a bonfire (I won't) of my stuff and curl up in my car.Having to recount my past traumas, my present ones over and over just leaves me a crying mess with a huge headache.Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the help offered. I'm just not feeling better with it.