Reliving traumas with therapits

[Guest_64361830]

I started writing this post detailing everything I've gone through and ended up with a lot of pages that won't fit in here.

I tried to suicide for the 2nd time, this month.

I was in the mental health ward for several days having discussions over and over of why I did it.

I was referred to AODS where I have had to go through the traumas again.  The Way Back service where I will have to do it all again.

I am soooo tired of telling my story to different therapists. I found myself in my head again trying to write here why I feel there is no joy in life. That it is all a battle I'm very tired of fighting. 

I'm tired of working just to eat and sleep.  Everything is so expensive.  I have to move house soon. I just want to have a bonfire (I won't) of my stuff and curl up in my car.

Having to recount my past traumas, my present ones over and over just leaves me a crying mess with a huge headache.

Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the help offered.  I'm just not feeling better with it.

[indigo22]

Hello,

Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.

I'm so sorry you are battling at present, I have been there and I know it is a very dark and lonely place to be.

One thing I wanted to suggest to you is to keep those pages, if possible trim them down to no more that 2-3 pages, and when you are faced with having to go over everything yet again, hand them the pages to read instead.

I also went through a phase of having to repeat it and it does leave you in a mess having to re-live everything. I had sent my pages to a psychiatrist in advance when I needed an assessment done and she didn't bother to read them. I simply said, "I cannot go over it again, everything you need to know is in the email I sent you in advance so you need to read it now". She wasn't all that happy, but she did it and only needed to ask a few questions while going through it.

I can also relate to the feeling of there being no joy in life, I have felt that way for most of my life. But something has changed in me in recent weeks and months, it doesn't feel as difficult anymore. I have done a lot of reading on mental health in the past year or two plus I have been reading a lot of spirituality books (I'm not referring to religious books) and I feel it has helped a lot. To some degree, how we feel can depend on what perspective we are looking at it from. From the lower or narrow perspective, we are just stuck in the mud with seemingly no way out. But from a higher or wider perspective we begin to see a bigger picture of our situation that can seem a little less daunting.

Hang in there, with the help you need and deserve, you may begin to see some light again soon.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo