M abused by brother

[BigAlan79]

I am not sure what to say, I need help, I am a 45 YO male and I have been verbally abused by my brother for 13 years now.

I am at the end of my rope, and thinking of just ending it, but my sister is willing to let me stay with her, about an hour from where I am, I just need to figure out how to get there.

The short version is I have never worked in my life, I have irritable bowl syndrome, it means I spend a lot of time in the toilet ( in my case cant stop), and it has made living any sort of normal life impossible, and as such I have had to live with my mum and dad (well mum since dad died in 2012), and so does my brother, although he has run a business but it is pretty much dead now.

I guess I just don't know what to do beyond just fleeing and giving up on most of my stuff.

What do I do when I get to my sisters place, its just 1bedroom unit but she wants to move.

I am hoping a friend my help me escape, but what if he gets abusive, and I call the cops, would they even bother being male on male/brothers and not actually physical abuse.

How do I go about getting help for all of this, especially the shame being a male, and the guilt, sadly my mum has been in hospital for almost 4 months, and will be bed ridden for the rest of her life, which is likely only months, and fleeing means it would be almost impossible to see her.

How do I get help, he has been abusive not just to me, but also my sister, a friend who has his girlfriend but now just lives with us for his work, and she is almost 72, and uses our mums money for gambling.

I know its dumb, but I really don't want to call the cops, I think that would make him worse.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi and welcome BigAlan79,

This would be a really difficult situation and I’m sorry you are going through it. The first thing I can think of is calling and speaking with 1800Respect. They will have a good understanding of things like aggressive behaviours and coercive control and some ideas about how you can proceed in relation to your brother. Verbal abuse is still very injurious and traumatic to be dealing with on an ongoing basis. It is absolutely ok to ask for support and advice.

I can under this is also a really difficult time in relation to your mother’s health. It sounds like things are very chaotic and stressful in your home environment. I’m not sure if you are the primary carer for your mum but this is obviously also a difficult situation. If your sister is moving to a larger place that may accommodate you more easily. Whatever you do your safety and wellbeing are important and that’s why it may be a good first step to talk with 1800Respect about the sort of options you have.

With the feelings about ending things it could also help to call Lifeline on 13 11 14. It can be good to just talk your feelings through. Just doing that can help you to feel a bit more grounded and it’s often from that place we can begin to see a way out from difficult situations.

Take good care of yourself and know we are here to listen and chat further if you wish to.

Kind regards,

Eagle Ray

[BigAlan79]

OK thanks, 

He is supposed to be going to see mum this weekend of a night time so I will call them then.

My friend is willing to help me move, we still sorting things out, while I feel scared and sad having to abandon a bunch of my stuff like my lego collection, I do not feel suicidal at the moment.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear BigAlan79,

I’m glad your friend is willing to help you move. It’s good to know you have the support. It could just help to talk through the situation with 1800Respect who should have some ideas about how to best handle things.

Take good care of yourself and sending you much strength, care and support.

All the very best,

ER