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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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EventuallyMe Finding myself
  • replies: 9

I've had a lifetime of struggles and I'm still struggling with the aftermath of how people have treated me. Growing up I was the oldest of many siblings in which we had a abusive farther and a abused mother. My farther physically, mentally, and sexua... View more

I've had a lifetime of struggles and I'm still struggling with the aftermath of how people have treated me. Growing up I was the oldest of many siblings in which we had a abusive farther and a abused mother. My farther physically, mentally, and sexually abused me up until the age of 15 until I had finally had enough. He physically and mentally abused my siblings. I spent my childhood confused and hurt and now from my recent understanding I had autism. I did everything I could and took as much as his rage from my siblings I've done, been through and seen things that the average person don't understand. I've had 2 siblings go through cancer. A mother that's incapable of not only looking after herself let alone anyone else. I had a child young for which I found out my ex purposely pregnated me so I wouldnt leave. For which he turned into my farther and mentally, physically and sexually abused me aswell. Until I finally couldn't take it anymore just over 2 years ago and disconnected and shut down for which I finally walked away. I've not cone to the understanding I have autism cptsd, ocd, anxiety, severe depression. I've entered a new relationship for which I now no that my trauma from the past is effectively rising up. I have bouts of crying all the time. I struggle with communication, eye contact. Over explain and talking but to softly. People pleasing issues. Emotionally intense. Severe inner personal critic, abandonment issues and the list goes on and on. It would be great to find people who lived similar situations to provide how they have overcome even some of these things and how? I'm scared alot, I get triggered regularly and there is next to no support available just wait lists everywhere. I'd like to feel safe to discuss the things I went through is this the place or is there advice on where I can speak my truth to maybe get it off my chest and relieve some of this pressure cooker thoughts so I can see if that may free me even just a little. I've struggled with sharing as the experiences I went through I can't find people who actually understand without crying. Thankyou.

bee123987 PTSD & Children
  • replies: 4

I recently had two scares within a week where I nearly lost my 7 week old baby. I struggled with fertility for years, multiple losses & then I finally fell pregnant. Pregnancy was traumatic in itself as I was high risk the entire time always terrifie... View more

I recently had two scares within a week where I nearly lost my 7 week old baby. I struggled with fertility for years, multiple losses & then I finally fell pregnant. Pregnancy was traumatic in itself as I was high risk the entire time always terrified I’d lose her. I was diagnosed with antenatal anxiety. The moment I knew she was coming I was filled with anxiety that I may reject her because of how anxious I had been but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I fell inlove with her from the moment I saw her. I was so happy & full of life just because of one little lady who can’t even speak to me. Until a week ago, I was changing her & she vomited, choked & turned blue. She was unresponsive but only for 30 seconds. When she came too I was obviously terrified but was relieved. I saw the hospital who advised everything was semi okay & she had just had a reaction to her vaccinations that caused her throat to close. This brought on a lot of anxiety & instilled fear into me but after 2-3 days I started to feel more confident again. Until, yesterday. I was holding her, she was just drifting off to sleep when not even 30 seconds later I realised she wasn’t breathing. She was limp & blue. I immediately dialled 000 & the ambulance came. After 6 minutes fully unconscious she came too, but was in & out of consciousness. This was absolutely terrifying for me, I was breaking down when the ambulance arrived & took her. I couldn’t stand to think of my life without her, she almost died in my arms. What if I was sleeping & I never noticed? I since then have been in the hospital with her where she has been okay & is just being monitored. No one knows whats wrong. I am terrified. I keep having flashbacks, nightmares & getting chills. I can’t hold her because I see her body pale. I have PTSD which I am no stranger too but never like this. None of the trauma I have been through is like this. This feeling is indescribable. I am not sure where to start. I don’t have the answers to heal yet but I can’t physically or mentally live how I am after this. I can’t sleep, eat & I can’t stop crying. My brain has gone over the worst multiple times, preparing myself for what may be. What would you call this? How do I deal with this? I am so scared. Will I get over this?

Geniue Finding Myself
  • replies: 8

Hi Everyone I haven't been on for a while but I felt an urge to come and and make a post. So here goes. I have had personal experience with Anxiety and PTSD and Depression. So I wanted to get my expression of my thoughts out there in the hope it can ... View more

Hi Everyone I haven't been on for a while but I felt an urge to come and and make a post. So here goes. I have had personal experience with Anxiety and PTSD and Depression. So I wanted to get my expression of my thoughts out there in the hope it can change other people's lives for the better. I felt very lost for a really long time I also felt that I couldn't really turn to anyone because I felt they truly wouldn't understand me. I relied on the professionals and my incredibly faith that I have. When you are going through such intense pain suffering and struggles you do not know how you can overcome it. But just know when you feel like you have it rock bottom and feel like you can't get any lower than the only way is up from there. I know this because I've been there. In those moments when you feel so incredibly alone that all you have left is your faith which I've always had faith I just got lost along the way for quite a while. But when I was in solitude I prayed with everything in me that my life was going to get better and that's what I literally hung on to was Faith and Hope and I do believe in miracles because im a living testament to this. It's my hope through my personal journey thus far that it will give other people the hope and courage to hang on and know it can and does get better. It hasn't come easy for me at all and I've worked bloody hard to turn my life around. And I know if gusts will and determination and the will to fight anything is literally possible. All the very best please takecare of yourselves and know you are incredibly deserving and worthy of all the love and happiness in this world. Thankyou Hope

B-1472 Should I Open The Unconscienced Mind About SA
  • replies: 2

Hi All, I am a 50yo man. Recently I have started with a new Psychologist, and she started asking me questions about my childhood. It would seem that I might be repressing events that might have happened to me at a very young age that are in my uncons... View more

Hi All, I am a 50yo man. Recently I have started with a new Psychologist, and she started asking me questions about my childhood. It would seem that I might be repressing events that might have happened to me at a very young age that are in my unconscious mind. There is known childhood sexual abuse by a grandparent in the family so this could be what’s in there.The moment she started exploring the topic I had an emotional (tears) and physical reaction (couldn’t sit still/squirming in the chair).I am not sure if I want to open up, as this could be very painful to explore. At the moment I don’t know if I was abused, or I saw something or I just think it happened to me.I appreciate everyone is different, but I would like to know what others think, is opening up beneficial?I am also not sure if I should be discussing things with my wife and kids as I go through this, after all, I don’t really know what happened so there is nothing to discuss really, I do have symptoms, such as mood swings, some alcohol use, a lot of anxiety so I think I should be saying something?

Geniue Sexual Abuse
  • replies: 5

Hi Everyone im going to post on here something that is incredibly difficult for me to do. But I feel it's the only way I can get out whats inside of me. So here goes I was abused as a child and being abused as a child is on a whole different level to... View more

Hi Everyone im going to post on here something that is incredibly difficult for me to do. But I feel it's the only way I can get out whats inside of me. So here goes I was abused as a child and being abused as a child is on a whole different level to being hurt in anyway as an adult. I was abused not once but twice. First by the one person in my life that I believed was supposed to be there to keep me safe and protect me. Then again from an outsider. So yes you could say my whole world had literally had falling apart. And that is such and overwhelming and intense place to come back from. But what scared me even more was allowing these people to win over me. So I literally fought for my life tooth and nail to crawl my way back from the depths of hell and such despair in my life. Please if anyone can take anything away from my personal experiences in my life. Then I feel I am doing the right thing here. I truly hope this is not to confronting for everyone but I feel I needed to share this. Please takecare because mental health is so important and it should take precedence in your life. Please takcare everyone. Hope

Eevee Partner has relapsed- Porn Addiction
  • replies: 1

Hi, I didn't really know where to turn to or reach out for support, but I'm hoping I can get some advice from here. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years and got married 3 weeks ago. For about 2-3 years I've known that my partner is ... View more

Hi, I didn't really know where to turn to or reach out for support, but I'm hoping I can get some advice from here. My partner and I have been together for nearly 6 years and got married 3 weeks ago. For about 2-3 years I've known that my partner is actually addicted to porn, and it wasn't until the end of last year that he came to the realisation too. He has finally started getting professional help and had even made it 3 months with watching or viewing anything. I was so incredibly proud of him, and I could tell that our relationship was growing healthy and stronger because of it. However, a few days ago I realised be started acting really distant. He has had allot of stress recently due to work, study and outside family pressure. I tried to push past it, but looking back, I probably could have done more to have seen what was really happening and I could have helped. Last night we started to become intimate, and for the first time in our whole relationship, my partner was struggling to perform. We obviously stopped cause it was clear something was wrong. I still found this a little strange. I had to pry over and over before he finally told me the truth. 4 days earlier he had watched porn, and now he had been watching for the past 4 days. Pretty heavily too. I was so upset and angry. I felt disgusted and wanted to yell. However, I didn't. I've done some research over the past few months and understand that's its in times like this that he needs my support to get through. So I pushed all my feeling aside, and we stayed up all night talking about what happened, why he relapsed and what we can now do to help him. By the way he was acting this morning, I can tell he is trying his best to be positive. However, I'm really struggling. I don't want to turn to him for support cause I don't want to burden him when he is already going through so much. To make matters worse, I have a history of self-harm and suicide, and this whole situation has triggered those feeling of not being enough and feeling like I'm not worthy. I don't know how I'm suppose to be reacting to his relapse and I don't know what to do with my emotions. I want to help him through this journey, and I feel like I've got no one to support me. But I don't know if that sounds selfish of not. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how I should look after myself during this time and what I can do to cope? Any advice would be helpful, or even if people have gone through something similar that would help. I think it is punching a little harder too cause it's his first relapse. Thanks.

Clancy2024 Trapped in a relationship with a PTSD sufferer, and psychological abuser
  • replies: 1

Hello,I’m Clancy, I have been trapped in a relationship that is becoming increasingly toxic by the day.I have been in this relationship for 32 years. I have attempted to break free on three occasions previously, once prior to being married, where he ... View more

Hello,I’m Clancy, I have been trapped in a relationship that is becoming increasingly toxic by the day.I have been in this relationship for 32 years. I have attempted to break free on three occasions previously, once prior to being married, where he threatened me with physical violence.In hindsight this should have raised a large red flag, however, when he broke down in tears I felt doomed.My husband will not allow me to severe the ties. His controlling nature has intensified,and he is constantly demeaning. He is careful only to do it behind closed doors.I am currently recovering from a health issue, largely caused by my environment. I have a checklist of tasks, and just have to work through those.Any advice from someone who has been through a similar situation would be particularly helpful. As well as general advice from supporters. So grateful to have signed up to this forum.

Eagle Ray CPTSD Nightmares
  • replies: 6

As a child I had nightmares from a very early age. I would often have the same nightmare over and over. I won’t go into details but they involved severe threat of inescapable annihilation and obliteration. I can still get these same dreams now that a... View more

As a child I had nightmares from a very early age. I would often have the same nightmare over and over. I won’t go into details but they involved severe threat of inescapable annihilation and obliteration. I can still get these same dreams now that are versions of these childhood dreams. They have come and gone over different periods of my life. Over the past 5 months I’ve been in a nightmare phase again. I’ve been woken by two last night which is pretty normal at present. Other times I go through phases where I haven’t had nightmares and thought to myself, I don’t really get nightmares, like I forget the fact that I have had bouts of them. I think this is a kind of dissociation where I blank out the experiences. Then I am plunged back into them again. I am wondering if others have found or learned strategies for managing nightmares with PTSD or CPTSD? I just read about an interesting therapeutic approach this morning. It’s called Image Rehearsal Therapy. What you do is write out the dream but with a different non-scary story where there is a safe, positive resolution. I am going to try this. It sounds similar to the Somatic Experiencing work I have done where you go through a re-enactment of a past trauma where you get to act out the actions of self-protection and escape you never got to do at the time of an incident. At the moment I have a lot of terror all day everyday and then it manifests even when I’m asleep. In the last 5 months I sleep between about 3-6 hours most nights. I often then sleep in the afternoon and have strange, disturbing dreams then too. I guess I’m wondering if anyone has overcome their nightmares and if so what seemed to help?

Ginger_roll Did I do something wrong? Am I at fault?
  • replies: 16

Recently, I got into an awkward situation with my tutor, who I have become friends with over the sessions. We still got work done and had friendly conversations about things that were about our personal lives. Overtime I also started developing feeli... View more

Recently, I got into an awkward situation with my tutor, who I have become friends with over the sessions. We still got work done and had friendly conversations about things that were about our personal lives. Overtime I also started developing feelings for him but never said anything. Then last month he was telling me that he was in his girlfriend's house and that they started dating 5 weeks ago and how they met through mutual friends. I was sad but happy for him too. I noticed over the online tutoring session, he started whispering at random times. I asked him whether or not he was ok but he just said "I'm just talking to myself and I guess to you." He noticed I was upset and asked me if I was ok twice. I then said I'm ok and that sometimes I worry about making him feel awkward about saying things that might be too personal. He then said "I know that I'm your tutor, my time is paid and I'm a bit older than you, but if you need me, I can be your friend". Then I said that I was going to be sad about him leaving to the UK. Then he said "Don't worry, I'll be back next year". I was then given hope that he'd like to be friends with me after tutoring and my final year of high school, which is what I'd like since we have spoken about our personal lives and got closer. Then, I mentioned the whispering in our next session and he gave me a different answer saying "I was just upset, that you were upset". Then the next session, I opened about my concerns of his relationship since I have never heard him whispering over a zoom and he gave me different answers to it and his relationship seemed to have progressed really fast. He then got defensive and started telling me that we shouldn't talk about our personal relationships and getting into our personal lives will complicate things because he is my tutor. He then said "I know I said 'Don't worry, I'll see you again next year' but I said it because I say it out of habit to my friends who say the same thing but I never see my students again after the HSC". I was just sitting there feeling really awkward when he said that because we have spoken about personal topics and he knew that I broke up with an ex boyfriend because he was toxic (He never said anything about discussing personal topics for the past 9 months of our tutoring sessions until now). Plus, you don't just say "Don't worry, I'll see you again next year when you dont feel close to someone or see them as only a student". I felt like I was given false hope and thought I was a friend to him. I also started suspecting that something is fishy, maybe the relationship. My friends also agree something is weird. At this point I am questioning whether or not to say anything about feeling awkward to my tutor or leave it. Did I do something wrong here? Is there something that is my fault and I'm not aware of it?

momAndWife Is this common or its only me .......
  • replies: 3

I am 33 years old married for 9 years and have 2 beautiful kids. I am experiencing so void in my married life. My husband is well educated and hard working guy. He loves his kids and can do anything for them as far as I know him. Its his behaviour wi... View more

I am 33 years old married for 9 years and have 2 beautiful kids. I am experiencing so void in my married life. My husband is well educated and hard working guy. He loves his kids and can do anything for them as far as I know him. Its his behaviour with me, he is always busy working or on call with his friends. He never touch me or hug me ( he touch me when we have sex) But like normally he never holds my hand or say anything that can show his affection towards me. I work full time mostly from home as my husband but we barely talk. He talk to his friends and family all day long on phone (not sure if this is normal). when ever we fight he accuse me of being possessive and say that I do not want him to go out even say so many mean things eg, "You are a Zero", "you do not have any friends", "you are brainless" , "you are not a good wife", "you do not like my family". But I never have a issue if he go out with his friends once in a week but my problem is he never ask me to go out with him we never went to a romantic dinner or just night out after we had kids. My whole day I work take care of kids , clean the house, make the meals and sleep ( once in a while we have sex). its not that we never had good time we do but now its like we are too busy earning money and saving money that there is no value for emotions. some time I feel like I do not want to live like that and just kill my self but then I think about my kids. sometime I cant breath thinking that one day my husband and I will get divorce. I have spend last 9 years totally dedicated towards my marriage and kids and I cant loose it. what should I do? is there anyone out there who can help me ?