Somatic symptoms from trauma

[Sophie]

Hi.

It's been 30 years of challenging physical health after many many years of trauma 

I still struggle to understand why I wake up some days and feel so unwell.

I get that the body keeps the score and the brain has the capacity to trigger physical symptoms when I don't feel safe, but these pains, nausea, headaches etc are so debilitating.

I would love to hear from someone else who experiences this.

It may help me understand myself knowing I am not alone with this complex health issue.

Thanks all.

[Croix]

Dear Guest_63534300~

Welcome here to hte Forum. I think if oyu look around you will find many that have bodily effects of their mental health conditions - and that's before they may have more at times for the medications to treat those conditions. All in all it can be very limiting, painful, frustrating and due to their effects add to the conditions too.

One of the hardest things at times is to recognize there is no physical cause, or are not a symptom of an existing straight physical disability even when confirmed by multiple tests. Chest pain has been one of those for me. Similarly with headaches, nausea, the shakes, irritable bowl syndrome and more That's not to say everyone has exactly these, everybody is different.

As you can see above as a person with PTSD, bouts of depression and constant anxiety I have quite a variety. Fortunately now after a very long tme these symptoms are less, or at times absent. My psychiatrist, as well as treating the underlying mental health problems also treated each symptom itself, so meds for headaches etc. This has helped a lot as it lessened the impact of some of the physical symptoms and as a result lessened my stress levels.

You are certainly not alone, though I've little undrstanding of why the body has to react as well and make life even more difficult.

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Guest_63534300,

I've had many physical symptoms over the years which I've gradually learned are trauma-related. I have had fibromyalgia from the age of 13 which is commonly associated with PTSD and Complex PTSD in particular. I have found over time as I've come to understand things better it has also helped my physiology. I've also done somatic work in therapy to release trauma patterns trapped in the body and this has alleviated some of my physical symptoms. The approach done with my psychologist is called Somatic Experiencing, but there are other methods such as Hakomi and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy. I found by working through the body first certain distressing symptoms started to leave me, both mental and physical. Some stuff is still there that is particularly ingrained from childhood but even that is making incremental shifts now. I've got a lot of help from Peter Levine's work which he developed after observing how well animals recover from trauma in the wild, compared with us humans who tend to get stuck. I have his books In an Unspoken Voice and Trauma & Memory as well as a book on pain he did with Maggie Phillips called Freedom From Pain. I just thought I'd mention those things in case they are helpful.

You are definitely not alone. I think physical symptoms and trauma go together. For me a lot of it has been chronic bracing patterns and being kind of stuck between freeze and fight-or-flight most of my life. These patterns have triggered a host of health issues. I have found working with a therapist helpful as it is a form of co-regulation that is calming to the nervous system and has given me a place of safety. Have you been able to find any therapeutic support? If you do seek such support it is good to find someone trauma-informed and that they are a good fit for you.

I empathise with you and I know it is a difficult journey at times. I have found it often helps to keep trying different practitioners until you find one who can really help you, including GPs. I think patients with trauma often have complex medical presentations so it helps greatly to have people are able to respond to these kinds of health issues.

Take care,

ER

[Sophie]

Thank you so much for your reply.

It is really helpful.

I love that your psychiatrist treats all of you and works to manage the symptoms. 

I have moved around quite a bit and don't have great continuity of care so I find that I am often starting  over and the medical profession are often quite confused by what I am telling them because I don't want to talk about the historical context.

And then I get confused and start to doubt my own insight into what is happening.

Thank you so much for responding to me.

I was sitting in the lounge wondering how I was going to get through the day without someone somewhere having that sense of understanding.

There are days when I am totally incapacitated but I know that it will pass within 24-48 hours. It may not return for a week or two then whammo, out of the blue it is back.

And I just have to ride it out.

But I don't feel so alone now. 

I suppose it's never too late to understand ourselves.

I feel that my next step to healing will be through my Peers, those who have the Lived Experience.

You have helped me begin this journey.

Thank you

Soph

[Sophie]

Hi

Thank you for your lovely reply and taking the time to write. I had a google of Peter Levine and purchased a book today. Being an animal lover, his work around how animals heal resonated. I need to speak with my psychologist to see if she can do any of the somatic work with me. While the CBT has had some impact in encouraging me to watch thought patterns and responses, there is a physical 'stuckness' that is sitting in my body that needs releasing. There are days I feel so unwell that I am totally immobilised. Saturday was one of those days.

It was all I could do to link into the Forum for a connection to help me understand.  I am so pleased that I reached out and received two lovely responses.

Somatic experiencing....I will research.

Peter Levine...I will read

As I said to the other person who responded, the Peer support of those who have had the Lived Experience will be key to my understanding.

And now to frame my experiences with my Dr, who I think will come along the journey with me because there is so much for us both to understand.

And the journey begins.

Thanks for being a part of it

Soph

[Croix]

Dear Soph~

I can understand about repeating yourself. Although I have a steady psychiatrist the GPs come and go like a revolving door. To try to explain everything to each one is simply not practical. It sends me back to times I do not wish to explin in detail, leaves me worrying I"ve left imortant stuff aout and takes longer htan a consultation anyway

So I take a couple of days and write everything down -in point form. The past, how I'm at at the moment, the meds I'm on (they do not keep a complete record would you believe)  and my circumstances.

It works out well. They seem to like it as it gives them background and a checklist of things to do or bear in mind, and its easier for me as I only have to answer questions that give more detail about a perticular point. For an initial condultation with a new GP I always book en extended consultation.

As you write quite clearly you might consider adapting the method if have to keep facing new people.  One thing I found is if they can't be bothered to read the list it's time for me to move on.

you are right htat peers -those that have been there -are another form of assistance, that does not mean clinical should stop, just htat you have another type of support and are not alone.

You are always welcome here

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Soph,

I understand very much where you are coming from. I had been particularly stuck for a year and a half following a trauma before I found my current therapist. I was incredibly stuck in severe PTSD and that was on top of lifelong complex PTSD. I tried a few other somatic therapists first before I found one who is a good fit. Hopefully your current psychologist may be able to do some somatic work with you, if that work resonates for you. Or otherwise you can hopefully find someone else good who can do it. I also tried another somatic modality that is often used for trauma called TRE (Trauma Releasing Exercises) developed by a guy named David Berceli. The person I did this with was excellent and it also really worked. The only thing was it didn't stick as well. It is something you can do at home though but it is especially effective when someone is working with you because that co-regulation seems to really effect the healing somehow. I think I did just 3 or 4 sessions of that with the practitioner. But it was the Somatic Experiencing that got further and sustained better.

As I mentioned, I am still working on these things. It is the deepest stuff from earliest childhood that is the most ingrained, but it is gradually improving. Another thing I did was a course with a medical practitioner trained in Amazonian plant medicine. He sang icaros (healing songs) to us, and sung one specifically to me to heal me. It was profound. My body went through this unwinding of massive stuck trauma afterwards from one of those songs in particular. It just did it all on its own, like the body knew exactly how to heal and just needed that catalyst to set it off. My body went through 45 minutes of unwinding through all these different movements, then I fell into the most peaceful sleep. We weren't actually using plant medicines, he just sang to us, and what I have learned is something like that alone can shift things in me. It's like a shift in consciousness as well as in the body. These are ancient healing practices.

What I have learned is that the body knows already what to do but we humans are so often out of touch with these natural healing mechanisms. Like you I found CBT could not reach nor shift the stuckness in me. I needed to do something physiological to heal where trauma was stored in my body and nervous system. In the past I have also found singing good and joined a singing group, choir and songwriting group at one stage. That was following an earlier stressful period in my life and the singing really helped shift things too.

Anyway, all the best with everything. There are ways out of the stuckness and it can be quite a journey but there is hope. Feel free to let us how you go with things if you would like to and it helps.

All the best,

ER

[Sophie]

Hi Croix

Thank you for getting back.

I hear you about it not being practical to explain everything....the clinical model often only allows snapshots.

I have made an appointment with my psychologist and Dr and will focus directly upon these somatic symptoms.  I don't want to say that they are stealing my life away and give them that amount of power but in reality they are as I find it difficult to make plans and enjoy things when I do make plans.

But today I will manage what I can and leave what I can't.

Its Sunday morning.

A glorious autumn day.

I will go somewhere beautiful and walk the dogs....even if it just for 20 mins.

Thank you for your support

Soph

[Sophie]

Hi ER

I have reread your email a number of times. 

And love reflecting on how the body knows how to heal itself.

Thats so true.

So I have been sitting here and asked of myself...what do you need today?

And it wasn't what I was going to do.

I was going to write an overdue report.

Even though my back is aching and my stomach is churning and my head is still waking up.

Instead I am going to sit and read some poetry by Mary Oliver...do you know her?

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

I have googled David Berceli.

And I love your story of healing through song.

Thank you

Soph

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Soph,

What a beautiful poem. I love it! I have heard the name Mary Oliver but I’m not very knowledgeable about poets. I relate to it because I have a lifelong pattern of having high levels of perseverance and being hard on myself. I think that can be a common complex trauma behaviour pattern. Nature is the place I feel safe and held with the plants, trees, birds, animals, rocks, ocean etc. Sometimes I need to escape to that world and let go of everything else. I think asking yourself “what do I need today?” or “what do I need right now?” can be really helpful.

David Berceli is an interesting person who has worked in war torn areas across the world and helped people with trauma. He said he developed the TRE method after being in a bomb shelter with others. Each time there was an explosion outside he noticed how everyone would flinch and their nervous systems would contract in self-protection. This made him reflect on how this contraction in the body can be reversed, so his trauma releasing exercises are based on healing these physiological responses that people can get stuck in. Peter Levine’s approach is similar and both approaches allow the unfolding of physiological recovery responses. It’s very interesting.

Yes, I think having someone sing to you can be an incredibly powerful healing experience. And singing yourself can be transformative too. There is something very affirming about it and it can shift things in the body and set healing processes in motion.

All the best on your journey and happy to chat along the way.

All the best,

ER