PTSD and Trauma

Breaking my Silence

replies: 3

I’m reaching out in desperation to just tell my story, as it’s a very lonely situation I’ve been thrown into. I recently caught my husband watching porn & to my shock he confessed to having an addiction to it. He said it started around Covid time & h... View more

I’m reaching out in desperation to just tell my story, as it’s a very lonely situation I’ve been thrown into. I recently caught my husband watching porn & to my shock he confessed to having an addiction to it. He said it started around Covid time & has been looking at it 1-2 times a week ever since. Naturally I was horrified & disgusted & felt like I didn’t even know who this man was I’ve been married to for the last 21 years. My shock led to anger & then disbelief & disgust. He explained how it had nothing to do with me & he has never stopped loving me. He disassociated it from us as a couple & blocked it out, but lived with the guilt & shame telling himself he’d be able to stop it on his own. The obvious signs of his addiction now looking back was the lack of intimacy we had. He also suffers with erectile dysfunction, which is a text book symptom of the addiction.On the night I found him looking at it he thought I’d gone to take a shower, but I was out watering pot plants on our patio when I saw him through the window. It’s an image I’ll never be able to erase from my mind. I immediately confronted him & he quickly shut the laptop & made some comment thinking I hadn’t caught him. It was literally the worst moment of our lives. He has been very ashamed & remorseful ever since. He explains it was only looked at through boredom & frustration with not being able to work as a musician thru Covid. My job allowed me to still operate as a retailer, so he had a lot of time to himself in his studio. It became his coping mechanism, according to what I’ve read & podcasts I’ve listened to. I’ve made him read & listen to these articles too. It’s said to be as addictive if not more than cocaine, so it’s highly toxic & dangerous. It’s the dopamine hit that hooks the brain & over time it drives the user to want more & usually with more intensity. Though he says it didn’t really get anymore intense, only the need to watch it more increased. It would only take a trigger like seeing a sexy girl on socials to take him to more images & then he admitted to looking at it for up to an hour. You can imagine my anger!It’s the most horrible time for us, but I’ve since found an online therapist to help him. It’s such a relief for him & for me too. He can finally break free from this unhealthy cycle once & for all. We also have an alert system in place in case he relapses, so I’ll be aware of it straight away. Thank you for reading my story xx

Psychosis/partner vilification/despair

replies: 3

I’ve been with my partner for 4yrs. The universe blessed me the day we met and years that followed. He’s the most amazing man, partner, father, family member and friend. Meeting later in life, we both have our baggage from previous relationships. My ... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 4yrs. The universe blessed me the day we met and years that followed. He’s the most amazing man, partner, father, family member and friend. Meeting later in life, we both have our baggage from previous relationships. My separation is amicable. His is not. 3 years with love/support I’ve supported him, through devastatingly stressful family court process including mental health issues, parent alienation, child psychological abuse/abandonment and extreme high conflict engagements etc.We underestimated the constant stress/anxiety/conflict would ultimately lead to both our mental health decline and our intermittent self medicating evolved to substance use at the end.A positive shift came in the form of a fresh start/new home.However it’s been opposite. My partner has been experiencing a prolonged psychosis which is devastating. The torment I see in him from paranoia, delusions and loss of reality every day, is heart breaking….and I am really struggling. All of his delusions, paranoia and suspicions are directed at me. Accusations of infidelity, prostitution, technological manipulation, surveillance and plotting his demise…are constant. There are a few windows of hope and we can be the two people who connect deeply, love, care, and support each other but they are becoming less frequent. Sobriety is not helping and professional help is not wanted, as he believes they are AI generated.His family is supportive and somehow he functions, in his alternate reality….but not with me. I’ve offered to help guide him with the support services he needs. But this is just another weapon of manipulation and ultimate threat of harm as he believes.His health is priority, but I am also experiencing collapse….. from the love of my life believing I’m plotting his demise, devaluing accusations that are so hurtful/devaluing… and grief of the future we so wanted, needed and hoped for….Help!

Advice

replies: 10

I don’t know what to do anymore Surrender as it’s medically impossible for me to keep fighting my work cover insurer have just denied my admission stating they approved it but made a mistake . Mistake was made 8 weeks ago by the insurer Mistake for a... View more

I don’t know what to do anymore Surrender as it’s medically impossible for me to keep fighting my work cover insurer have just denied my admission stating they approved it but made a mistake . Mistake was made 8 weeks ago by the insurer Mistake for approval to a psych hospital ? Mistake that’s the best they can do ! It worked they have really pushed rejected denied me of my life now ?! No medical support no doctors then no medications I guess it’s going to be the end for me as it’s been 22 years of abuse from my agent they will not stop the abuse. I feel weak as I have attempted two other times now and I am so gone and unwell . Is it weak to surrender ? I feel weak I failed twice I’m embarrassed when I call them I feel like they are laughing at me ?. I think I’m still in shock and psychosis of two years now. This was not part of my future my dreams the way it is going to end.

Too much:(

replies: 1

I have posttraumatic stress disorder.i've gone through extreme case of posttraumatic stress for 13 long years and 38 female and I'm constantly feeling hot in my face behind my eyes and in my forehead with every breath I take I feel like people are ab... View more

I have posttraumatic stress disorder.i've gone through extreme case of posttraumatic stress for 13 long years and 38 female and I'm constantly feeling hot in my face behind my eyes and in my forehead with every breath I take I feel like people are about to copy me judge and threaten me I feel like this when I'm alone. Like right at this moment, I am writing this, moving My leg constantly jittering because when I’m not on my phone or watching TV or talking to somebody and all comes flooding back.It’s hard to talk to helpline sometimes like tonight as they sometimes don’t understand my communicative skills i.e. trying to describe how much hell in pain and suffering I’m going through chronically at the very moment. I hate illegal drugs due to the fact that my abusive ex partner of 13 years ago used to take them with beer I’ve also been told that my mum used to go around when I was a younger saying to my friends, friends, parents, etc., that her daughter me doesn’t take drugs and that I’m a frigid. Alcohol requires me to get up and go out and get it so that in itself will give me such bad anxiety, but I’ll probably end up getting reflux and regret getting the alcohol. I haven’t had a job since this trauma started. I was a disability support worker, and aged care in home worker and I got verbally abused constantly and emotionally attacked through emails. I haven’t been able to hold a job since so now I’m on government benefits. I get laughed at by the people who I thought I could trust To help me through this.My dad he’s young. He’s only 56 thinks this will go away if I look after my physical health, fix my physical health And become social lose weight.as my parents have divorced my mother decided to choose her relationship over us Girls and she kicked me out after school of home one day she was moving house and I had had trauma and depression since and I decided to ignore my dad and cling to my relationships

PTSD I Feel lost, constantly panicked and over whelmed

replies: 1

I’m still single, No kids, 38 and experienced something horrendous ,13 Years back. I find past events hard to talk about. I’m finding it also hard to come to grips with my feelings and let my emotions flow. I’ve come ito contact with people who have ... View more

I’m still single, No kids, 38 and experienced something horrendous ,13 Years back. I find past events hard to talk about. I’m finding it also hard to come to grips with my feelings and let my emotions flow. I’ve come ito contact with people who have blamed and judged me unfortunately who were not there when it happened and do not understand how it impacts me. I went through 2 cases of relationships trauma. One was domestic violence in 2010 and the other was harrassment and stalking in 2013. I met the one who was stalking online at home one night on a mobile phone App. and I kept remembering I told everyone how worried I was. He assaulted me and rang me all hours of the weeks and in the mornings. He told me numerous of number of times that he didn’t want a relationship with me because I had really bad depression. but he kept calling me and calling my housemates, following me to work, coming around to the house sending ambulances and authorities around to my house.i was 26 and despite having a solitary life (he’d say) with few people in it, I came out of a relationship of three years and I had un resolved problems with my parents. I’ve been homeless after obtaining a rental for a three bedroom beach house. People look at me like crap. I get treated like im pieces of shit tbh. It makes me find it hard to talk to people and I withdraw which is difficult to come out of. I hate. It I turn to large amounts of ju food which I’ve now been Diagnosed type 2 diabetic which is the bomb drop I didn’t need to hear. I find it hard to come to terms with myself. I can’t travel I havnt traveled or done anything. I want to feel that emotional state of being confident and that I can remind myself that I am entitled to be happy. But I wake up panicking every day.

Questioning living after toxic relationship

replies: 2

I'm 29f, have a history of childhood abuse and neglect. I lost both my biological parents at ages 10 and 12, raised from then by my alcoholic step-dad so I have some CPTSD. I'm also trans and I was recently diagnosed as neurodivergent. It's all so ov... View more

I'm 29f, have a history of childhood abuse and neglect. I lost both my biological parents at ages 10 and 12, raised from then by my alcoholic step-dad so I have some CPTSD. I'm also trans and I was recently diagnosed as neurodivergent. It's all so overwhelming and I don't know if I want to continue living much longer, though I'm trying to look for reasons to keep going. My ex-partner, let's call them Mia, recently cut me off after four years. Mia was the most important person I'd ever met. I have the most memories of joy and laughter with them out of anyone and we had planned marriage and a life together. Mia is also neurodivergent and CPTSD and our relationship grew very unhealthy in the end due to stress on us both. Mia finally snapped and accused me of "classic abuse" and then wrote a text saying we needed to separate, saying maybe in the future we could reconnect after long term healing and acknowledging both of our parts. I thought we would separate quietly at this point, so I agreed to separate and to take accountability for my part, but then Mia went on Instagram liking reels about abusers and horrible men every day for weeks (and sending them to their sister who also liked them publicly) and went on Reddit saying I was a covert abuser. I found this Reddit and realised it was filled with things Mia had never been open about it in our relationship, which seemed like misrepresentations of me with some outright lies I found. However, due to my really poor memory because of my conditions, I found it hard to be sure what the truth was (in our relationship I always deferred to Mia's memory). For months I questioned if I was an abuser and went to intensive relationship therapy, read books on personality disorders and abuse, called abuse hotlines, wrote long checklists of my behaviours and compared them to diagnostic criteria, asked for honest feedback on forums and told everyone close to me that I might have abused the person I loved. Everyone just seemed sad that I would take this accusation to heart when they heard the story. Eventually I started to remember all the harmful things my ex had said or done toward the end of our relationship and that it really was a two-way street, though nothing for either of us to be remotely proud of. But 8 months later I still can't get rid of the shame of the character attacks, misgendering as a man and criminal allegation Mia made in public while abruptly cutting me off without discussion. I also can't get rid of the shame of participating in such a harmful relationship with the person I loved most, who I always tried to cherish. I've stopped hoping for the future, feeling deserving of love or caring for my health anymore. I've stopped trusting my close friends and have begun to push them away. I feel that the people close to me will abandon me one way or another, either by quietly pulling away or by some kind of conflict. I can't hold down a job or even participate in my part-time vocational course right now because I feel so hopeless, unmotivated and afraid of human beings. I just want to be loved. I want to belong. But I don't feel like there is a seat for me at any table. How do I convince myself to stay in a world in which I don't really fit in and have so many griefs that weigh down on me?

Dv recovery

replies: 2

Hey, i am new to this but i am unsure of how i want to attack my trauma. (My spelling is bad) I am a young female adult. I have just got out of court with placing a cross dvo order on my ex. He placed one on me becasue he knew i was going to place on... View more

Hey, i am new to this but i am unsure of how i want to attack my trauma. (My spelling is bad) I am a young female adult. I have just got out of court with placing a cross dvo order on my ex. He placed one on me becasue he knew i was going to place one on him. I have taken matters to the cops aswell and it is getting looked into. I dont have the nightmares everynight anymore but i do still stuggle, when things happen or places remind me of him or his actions. I am unsure if threapy will help beacuse i am kidna already going though exposure threapy by being in a new realationship. (I know it is not usally the best idea but it has helped me more than if i stayed alone). I stuggle alot with sexual trauma and now stuggle from trauma respone tricks and crying break downs, where i feel like i am back with him. Stuck frozen. My boyfriend does really good with these telling me to look around and name things and stops and hugs me. But i cant help but feel bad about it all. I have been in threapy before for anitexty and drepression. I got meds while with my ex about three months into dating, but i feel my threapy was never used right because my ex would ask me for every detail to check i was not talking about him or us. So i never did. He islocted me from my 10year friend group and my family and tricked me into thinking they are all bad for me and he is the only good thing in my life. He assulted me, sexually and pshylicaly and alot of mental. I dropped all my hobbies and lost my passion for everything i loved beacuse he would talk down on it or just make it so hard to do my hobbies. And even though i have rebuild so much as a person i still stuggle and wonder if threapy does help with pdsd truama shut downs? Or atleast lessens them or can teach me and my boyfriend how to try avoid them from happing. I have spotted no patterns of why it happens. And i now have anxiety tricks more than i use to. I dont know how to make my body notice it is safe now. Any tips or tricks? for what helped you or helping you. Thank you

Mental depression

replies: 2

Hi ,I feel like I want to share my experience 4 months ago I was happy enjoying time with my 8 yr old daughter ,I was working part time ,going out to eat with 2 close friends and living alone renting which was probably the difficult part that I was s... View more

Hi ,I feel like I want to share my experience 4 months ago I was happy enjoying time with my 8 yr old daughter ,I was working part time ,going out to eat with 2 close friends and living alone renting which was probably the difficult part that I was struggling with, so when I applied for work 5 yrs ago I took this job that was available on Saturday and Monday unloading of bedroom furniture..I didn't have much of a social life so Saturdays work was gd to me as you get paid penalty rates....this was the start of my mental state that changed that happy person to someone who now isolates him self , I refuse to want to sleep when I do I dream the same dream , I get anxiety .I shake , I can't go near public I just want to be left alone....this is how it began I would ask my boss about penalty rates working Saturday he said the pay rate is the same no matter what days you work I didn't know if this was true but I barely got my rent paid I scrapped through every week I also had Centrelink assistance I didn't drink anything apart from water just to save the money for other expenses my poor daughter would ask me to buy her a toy she's 8 yrs old and it broke my heart when I couldn't we would go outside and make something together....so there was another incident that happened which I could not face my boss again the extra money now wasnt gonna be available no more for working casual part time....this decision was hurting me next 4 weeks I laid in bed the depression my mental state was deteriating rapidly and it still is.....this incident that happened made me enquire to a ombudsman if I was entitled to penalty rates working Saturday he confirmed I was and when he told me how much I was suppose to receive I immediately felt sick the anxiety was taking over my body the boss was paying me 17 dollars less a hr , you would not believe the extra 250 a fortnight would of helped so much where I didn't have to struggle I could of bought my self a drink and lunch sometimes and my daughter a toy. The incident that made me leave January 6 this yr made me want to run away and hide I don't like driving trucks even though I can on car licence I'm not experienced it scared me Ive had no previous experience and the mirrors are on the side of doors....well I was driving this day to a company that fixes tail gates and as I was reversing into a gap I thought I hit a parked car and after few weeks the damage was estimated by their insurance 11,000..I was really upset my boss was angry he told me to pay it this accident happened December 22nd 2024 I was apologetic I said can we pay excess money to your insurance I will borrow the money, he was just angry and he said no you will pay for it...made me really upset and sad as I was struggling already I didn't know how I was going to pay this....well anyway months started going past and I thought my boss just got his insurance to pay it until I received a letter from debt collectors to pay 11,000 dollars in late December 2025....they were calling me sending me letters threatening to take my car....I was worried they would take my car so I use to park elsewhere and sleep in my car...I couldn't face my boss no more I needed the job but I could not look at him again....I'm now seeing doctors because up until mid February I just laid in bed. My landlord was understanding I have isolated my self psycologically I'm a mess but I know I need help....I really liked my boss I thought we got on well but for some reason he didn't like me...I just need time and treatment and anyone's advice I would appreciate it... thank you

I always knew

replies: 4

For 20 years I knew I had trauma issues.But I never put my hand up to tell anyone because I never really thought I was abused badly enough.But last year I was watching TV about a well known person who has PTSD and I was really taken by his story. I d... View more

For 20 years I knew I had trauma issues.But I never put my hand up to tell anyone because I never really thought I was abused badly enough.But last year I was watching TV about a well known person who has PTSD and I was really taken by his story. I didnt know that abuse had to be horrific as some people have experienced.IMPORTANTLY it is you that have experienced such hardships I was never going to dis respect your hurt by claiming Im ptsd too.And since last year I have told my story and that could easily give a child trauma was the response I got.But for me I cannot deal with trauma issues because Im dealing with so much other shit to repair first.So I tried to take a short cut by forgiving those people and say it wasnt that bad. That did not work and I dont know why.

Is this sexual assault?

replies: 1

I am 23F and I've been single since I was 18 and for so long I thought I just didn't want to date anyone or that I was gay but now I'm seeing someone casually and last night we had sex and I had a mini panic attack halfway through and asked him to st... View more

I am 23F and I've been single since I was 18 and for so long I thought I just didn't want to date anyone or that I was gay but now I'm seeing someone casually and last night we had sex and I had a mini panic attack halfway through and asked him to stop and he immediately did and then comforted me after.It brought up this feeling that I have repressed for years that I was sexually assaulted by my ex repeatedly when I was 17/18. For so long I told myself I was being dramatic and that it was just bad sex but the difference in treatment was so clear last night. My ex would never have responded like that, I have a clear memory of him performing a sex act on me that I told him not to and he did it anyway, I was shocked that he ignored me but thought because it was pleasurable it was ok. There was other times when I would come over to his house after school but he wouldn't talk to me and he would act all pouty unless we had sex. I felt like sex was the only way to get his attention. There is another memory of him trying to convince me to have sex with him even though I didnt want to and then eventually I relented. It was never violent and I didnt want to say anything because he was a 'nice guy' and I didn't want to ruin his reputation over bad sex, I thought because I didn't say no half the time that it didnt count as the 'r' word. I've never told anyone this and last night it all came up again because I realised how clear consent is and how much my ex ignored my boundaries. Do I need to tell my therapist this?

Pinned discussions

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

Breaking my Silence

replies: 3

Psychosis/partner vilification/despair

replies: 3

Advice

replies: 10

Too much:(

replies: 1

PTSD I Feel lost, constantly panicked and over whelmed

replies: 1

Questioning living after toxic relationship

replies: 2

Dv recovery

replies: 2

Mental depression

replies: 2

I always knew

replies: 4

Is this sexual assault?

replies: 1

PTSD and trauma

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

Breaking my Silence replies: 3

Psychosis/partner vilification/despair replies: 3

Advice replies: 10

Too much:( replies: 1

PTSD I Feel lost, constantly panicked and over whelmed replies: 1

Questioning living after toxic relationship replies: 2

Dv recovery replies: 2

Mental depression replies: 2

I always knew replies: 4

Is this sexual assault? replies: 1

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

Breaking my Silence

replies: 3

Psychosis/partner vilification/despair

replies: 3

Advice

replies: 10

Too much:(

replies: 1

PTSD I Feel lost, constantly panicked and over whelmed

replies: 1

Questioning living after toxic relationship

replies: 2

Dv recovery

replies: 2

Mental depression

replies: 2

I always knew

replies: 4

Is this sexual assault?

replies: 1