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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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David35 PTSD from caring for mum
  • replies: 9

The last few years my mum, 78, had bladder cancer treatment which worked. She's now in remission. But in that time, I (47) have grown to despise certain parts of her. It's like her medical issues and personality got all jumbled up. I hated the illnes... View more

The last few years my mum, 78, had bladder cancer treatment which worked. She's now in remission. But in that time, I (47) have grown to despise certain parts of her. It's like her medical issues and personality got all jumbled up. I hated the illness, but i didnt hate mum. For a long time everything was a crisis with mum, at least in her own mind. Over time I got burnt out. I would regularly just drive off to go for a walk to get away from her constant fears, worries, nagging. The problem is now whenever I get phone calls from her, I blow up. Today I went down the shops, a drive I find peaceful but being interrupted by her calls just made me fly into a temper tantrurm. I get that I'm her carer, support system, but sometimes I just need some space. How do I stop over reacting this way? It hurts her, it's shameful. I have a woodworking hobby as an outlet. But this incessant checking up on me all the time drives me nuts. Mum suffers with anxiety, but how can I stop blowing up from something so trivial?

BG_95 The void
  • replies: 7

Hi guys. I don’t really know how to start this. I guess it’s complicated. I have no intention to harm myself and when I talk about how I feel it’s always the constant worry but that isn’t what I plan to do. I just feel like this world isn’t for me. I... View more

Hi guys. I don’t really know how to start this. I guess it’s complicated. I have no intention to harm myself and when I talk about how I feel it’s always the constant worry but that isn’t what I plan to do. I just feel like this world isn’t for me. I feel like I am out of my body in a way-looking at myself and everybody around me and I don’t understand how or why I’m involved in any of it. I’m very intelligent-so I’ve been told and I look at socioeconomic spaces and society and media and I think the good and bad in the world and the rollercoaster of life is too much and I want to get off the rollercoaster and just feel peace (peace alive not unalive) I don’t see myself being able to feel safe in a relationship to start a family because I self sabotage due to fear of abandonment. I don’t want to work everyday of my life because I have worked so hard and am a good worker and I’m not cared for in jobs like I care for jobs so what’s the point. I’m studying a degree that I’m passionate about but it’s in a negative work environment (hospital/healthcare) I care so much and I wish I just cared a normal amount. I know I’m not the only one to feel like this but for myself I’m sick of being in such a negative space and I feel like I’m drowning and stuck in a pit of darkness. I have had these depression episodes on and off my whole life. 6 months of the year I’m off work due to depression. Real depression and not laziness. I have been told I have major depression, mild anxiety and complex ptsd due to some physical abuse and a LOT of verbal abuse and manipulation in childhood. CBT therapy dosent really work for me and idk what else is there to help. Trust me, I’m not a lazy person and have tried the whole meditation, self help books, CBT therapy, medication, look you name it-I’ve worked really hard at it. I’m 28 years old and all I want to do and all I do is sleep lately and most of the time anyway just worse other times. 13-14 hours a day because I don’t want to feel anything. I don’t know what else to do. I’m lost and yes I know it sounds really terrible like I will hurt myself but I don’t want to and won’t do it I’m just screaming for help at this point and looking for a way to stop hating myself and the world and being so negative. I’m tired and have been working on myself since I was 16 years old and I’m tired and just want things to get better and my hard work on myself to start paying off

HisMaggie56 Constant Triggers
  • replies: 2

I’m going through a whole lot of things lately that have basically caused me to have a mental crisis.Trying to get some things put into place the past couple of weeks to help me and also my husband to cope.I’m seventy, and worn out from trying to dea... View more

I’m going through a whole lot of things lately that have basically caused me to have a mental crisis.Trying to get some things put into place the past couple of weeks to help me and also my husband to cope.I’m seventy, and worn out from trying to deal with my stuff.

SadboiArt Missdiagnosis wasted years
  • replies: 14

TW: Medical gaslighting, malpractice. I have had every diagnosis under the sun it feels like. There are days when I look back with disgust at the treatment I have endured. All because I kept getting unlucky with GPs, specialists, phsycs you name it! ... View more

TW: Medical gaslighting, malpractice. I have had every diagnosis under the sun it feels like. There are days when I look back with disgust at the treatment I have endured. All because I kept getting unlucky with GPs, specialists, phsycs you name it! I'm here to complain about it in ptsd and trauma, beacause these are 2 that were correct. And they heavily impact where a treating professional might decide to look. Getting access to care when you are mentally ill is near impossible. For me it has been at least. My entire life I was treated like everything was in my head. At one point, I was experiencing extreem halluscinations and voices. I spent 8 years being missdiagnosed with schizofective dissorder, when it was black mold poisoning. Like I said it was! I couldn't get a single GP to take my mold theory seriously, and I was too unwell to argue. I ended up needing a cane to walk for around 3 of those years. And it wasn't until I moved to a dryer town that I started to see recovery. I no longer see things, hear things (like that anyway, I have something else going on that is way less intense, pretty sure that IS the trauma) nor do I need a cane. Absolutelty furious at the wasted years. I spend the majority of my 20s being told I had BPD when it was actually Autism. I have been told it's stress, when it was Endometriosis, that I don't want to get better when I asked for a second opinion. One fool tried to say I had some other personality dissorder? I can't recall the actual name, but it was actually CPTSD from a childhood of multiple traumas and unmannaged ADHD. Having so much trauma and PTSD means that a lot of my ailments get dissmissed until I need surgery and then the people go "oh, I guess you do have an inflamed apendix, oops" I hate the medical industry, and I hate being human. I can ask nicely, scream it, cry, but no one will hear me for I was born female and I was abused as a child. Therefore "it's all in my head" they used to have another word for that ... hysterical. Nothing has changed. I can't even tell a GP about being trans without at least one of them blaming my past sexual abuse as a "reason" for my transness! Are you serious mate? I was trans long before some man decided to put his hands on me. What is wrong with everyone? Why are these "professionals" so ill equiped to treat anyone beyond a broken bone? This is a rhetorical question, I know the answer, I'm just angry. Over it. Giving me more PTSD honestly.

Happy99110 Bpd hopelessness ketamine addiction
  • replies: 1

My family don’t understand my coping mechanism use for trauma and are giving me two weeks to go to rehab or im getting kicked out of the house

My family don’t understand my coping mechanism use for trauma and are giving me two weeks to go to rehab or im getting kicked out of the house

IUseToBeHappy I should’ve have ran
  • replies: 1

Accidentally met a fellow, had been on my own for 10 years and happy but stupidly I entered a relationship with him. Looking back, the signs were there. But I choose to see the charming and charismatic side, which was especially present in public. Bu... View more

Accidentally met a fellow, had been on my own for 10 years and happy but stupidly I entered a relationship with him. Looking back, the signs were there. But I choose to see the charming and charismatic side, which was especially present in public. But then I started acknowledging what was happening, the flirting with other women, the excuses, when I challenged him, he would flip the script and it was all my fault. The verbal abuse was horrendous, and the name calling was abhorrent, the most disgusting names. But he would say it’s my reaction to you when you ignore me, I can’t deal with how much I love you. Twice he tried to choke me, pushed me over numerous times backwards onto my bum, bruises and a sore back for days. Started accusing me of having affairs. If I wasn’t so traumatised by him I would’ve laughed. The accusations were ridiculous. Quite often he’d threaten to shame me publicly and at my place of employment, which terrified me because I knew the lies he could make up would be damming. I hid so much from family but now one sister knows a little bit, and actually asked me if I think he’d kill me. I said I really don’t know. I started disliking myself for staying, I felt pathetic and still do because I’m still here, partly out of fear, but it’s time to stop being his emotional punching bag. And I’m doing it today. I need to for my own peace of mind, and to be my old self again, independent, happy and at peace.

Allie Breaking my Silence
  • replies: 3

I’m reaching out in desperation to just tell my story, as it’s a very lonely situation I’ve been thrown into. I recently caught my husband watching porn & to my shock he confessed to having an addiction to it. He said it started around Covid time & h... View more

I’m reaching out in desperation to just tell my story, as it’s a very lonely situation I’ve been thrown into. I recently caught my husband watching porn & to my shock he confessed to having an addiction to it. He said it started around Covid time & has been looking at it 1-2 times a week ever since. Naturally I was horrified & disgusted & felt like I didn’t even know who this man was I’ve been married to for the last 21 years. My shock led to anger & then disbelief & disgust. He explained how it had nothing to do with me & he has never stopped loving me. He disassociated it from us as a couple & blocked it out, but lived with the guilt & shame telling himself he’d be able to stop it on his own. The obvious signs of his addiction now looking back was the lack of intimacy we had. He also suffers with erectile dysfunction, which is a text book symptom of the addiction.On the night I found him looking at it he thought I’d gone to take a shower, but I was out watering pot plants on our patio when I saw him through the window. It’s an image I’ll never be able to erase from my mind. I immediately confronted him & he quickly shut the laptop & made some comment thinking I hadn’t caught him. It was literally the worst moment of our lives. He has been very ashamed & remorseful ever since. He explains it was only looked at through boredom & frustration with not being able to work as a musician thru Covid. My job allowed me to still operate as a retailer, so he had a lot of time to himself in his studio. It became his coping mechanism, according to what I’ve read & podcasts I’ve listened to. I’ve made him read & listen to these articles too. It’s said to be as addictive if not more than cocaine, so it’s highly toxic & dangerous. It’s the dopamine hit that hooks the brain & over time it drives the user to want more & usually with more intensity. Though he says it didn’t really get anymore intense, only the need to watch it more increased. It would only take a trigger like seeing a sexy girl on socials to take him to more images & then he admitted to looking at it for up to an hour. You can imagine my anger!It’s the most horrible time for us, but I’ve since found an online therapist to help him. It’s such a relief for him & for me too. He can finally break free from this unhealthy cycle once & for all. We also have an alert system in place in case he relapses, so I’ll be aware of it straight away. Thank you for reading my story xx

Nell Psychosis/partner vilification/despair
  • replies: 3

I’ve been with my partner for 4yrs. The universe blessed me the day we met and years that followed. He’s the most amazing man, partner, father, family member and friend. Meeting later in life, we both have our baggage from previous relationships. My ... View more

I’ve been with my partner for 4yrs. The universe blessed me the day we met and years that followed. He’s the most amazing man, partner, father, family member and friend. Meeting later in life, we both have our baggage from previous relationships. My separation is amicable. His is not. 3 years with love/support I’ve supported him, through devastatingly stressful family court process including mental health issues, parent alienation, child psychological abuse/abandonment and extreme high conflict engagements etc.We underestimated the constant stress/anxiety/conflict would ultimately lead to both our mental health decline and our intermittent self medicating evolved to substance use at the end.A positive shift came in the form of a fresh start/new home.However it’s been opposite. My partner has been experiencing a prolonged psychosis which is devastating. The torment I see in him from paranoia, delusions and loss of reality every day, is heart breaking….and I am really struggling. All of his delusions, paranoia and suspicions are directed at me. Accusations of infidelity, prostitution, technological manipulation, surveillance and plotting his demise…are constant. There are a few windows of hope and we can be the two people who connect deeply, love, care, and support each other but they are becoming less frequent. Sobriety is not helping and professional help is not wanted, as he believes they are AI generated.His family is supportive and somehow he functions, in his alternate reality….but not with me. I’ve offered to help guide him with the support services he needs. But this is just another weapon of manipulation and ultimate threat of harm as he believes.His health is priority, but I am also experiencing collapse….. from the love of my life believing I’m plotting his demise, devaluing accusations that are so hurtful/devaluing… and grief of the future we so wanted, needed and hoped for….Help!

sherlocks Advice
  • replies: 10

I don’t know what to do anymore Surrender as it’s medically impossible for me to keep fighting my work cover insurer have just denied my admission stating they approved it but made a mistake . Mistake was made 8 weeks ago by the insurer Mistake for a... View more

I don’t know what to do anymore Surrender as it’s medically impossible for me to keep fighting my work cover insurer have just denied my admission stating they approved it but made a mistake . Mistake was made 8 weeks ago by the insurer Mistake for approval to a psych hospital ? Mistake that’s the best they can do ! It worked they have really pushed rejected denied me of my life now ?! No medical support no doctors then no medications I guess it’s going to be the end for me as it’s been 22 years of abuse from my agent they will not stop the abuse. I feel weak as I have attempted two other times now and I am so gone and unwell . Is it weak to surrender ? I feel weak I failed twice I’m embarrassed when I call them I feel like they are laughing at me ?. I think I’m still in shock and psychosis of two years now. This was not part of my future my dreams the way it is going to end.

Alecia1407 Too much:(
  • replies: 1

I have posttraumatic stress disorder.i've gone through extreme case of posttraumatic stress for 13 long years and 38 female and I'm constantly feeling hot in my face behind my eyes and in my forehead with every breath I take I feel like people are ab... View more

I have posttraumatic stress disorder.i've gone through extreme case of posttraumatic stress for 13 long years and 38 female and I'm constantly feeling hot in my face behind my eyes and in my forehead with every breath I take I feel like people are about to copy me judge and threaten me I feel like this when I'm alone. Like right at this moment, I am writing this, moving My leg constantly jittering because when I’m not on my phone or watching TV or talking to somebody and all comes flooding back.It’s hard to talk to helpline sometimes like tonight as they sometimes don’t understand my communicative skills i.e. trying to describe how much hell in pain and suffering I’m going through chronically at the very moment. I hate illegal drugs due to the fact that my abusive ex partner of 13 years ago used to take them with beer I’ve also been told that my mum used to go around when I was a younger saying to my friends, friends, parents, etc., that her daughter me doesn’t take drugs and that I’m a frigid. Alcohol requires me to get up and go out and get it so that in itself will give me such bad anxiety, but I’ll probably end up getting reflux and regret getting the alcohol. I haven’t had a job since this trauma started. I was a disability support worker, and aged care in home worker and I got verbally abused constantly and emotionally attacked through emails. I haven’t been able to hold a job since so now I’m on government benefits. I get laughed at by the people who I thought I could trust To help me through this.My dad he’s young. He’s only 56 thinks this will go away if I look after my physical health, fix my physical health And become social lose weight.as my parents have divorced my mother decided to choose her relationship over us Girls and she kicked me out after school of home one day she was moving house and I had had trauma and depression since and I decided to ignore my dad and cling to my relationships

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