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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Orangeicy Time to boundary up with toxic family
  • replies: 3

I took my kids to my home country for a visit earlier this year. I have been low contact with my father for around a year. It started out when I couldn't handle his lack of effort anymore. I would often send him pictures of my kids (school, outings e... View more

I took my kids to my home country for a visit earlier this year. I have been low contact with my father for around a year. It started out when I couldn't handle his lack of effort anymore. I would often send him pictures of my kids (school, outings etc) and tell him stuff. His response was mostly a thumbs up or at best - a "how nice" comment. My low contact began as a test: if I stop writing will he notice and reach out. Will he miss me? Well that was a big fat no to that last question. I've heard nothing and his effort in communicating with me is pure business "I've put money over for the kids birthdays" (IF he remembers that is.)Our visit home was the same lack of effort. We lived at my mums place while back visiting and she was pressuring me to go spend a week at dads house. I told her that made me feel very uncomfortable - I don't want to stay in a place that puts my entire body in alarm. And being around my dad does just that.I told him I'd be happy to meet up somewhere (picnic, forest trip) but that I didn't not want to sleep at his house. I have a child who is neurospicey and forming a base somewhere is important for his well-being. I have come to realise my communication with him is purely from a place of being an obedient daughter who is always "nice" and let people walk all over her. And my mum expects the same of me. Kindness, self-sacrificing and ignore your gut-feeling.I was never expected to move away. I was never to have dreams of my own. I was meant to stay in my home town, obey and serve my family. In stead I moved to another country and is now realising that if I hadn't I would've been miserable forever. And I can see now, that my dads behaviour...my own two brothers behaviours and my mums also, when I speak up and ask "why can't we communicate more often? Why can you be so generous with your time when we visit home but cut me off when I go back to Aus?" ...is all about punishment. I moved away where they wanted me to be bound to them forever, in servitude. Because I am told I should just move back home if I want to talk more often. Where realistically they could press a button and instantly send me a message IF they wanted to. Happy new years and realising my family of origin is the toxin.

Tyingtobreathe ***Trigger Warning*** Sibling sexual abuse
  • replies: 1

Hi there, I won't be able to write everything down so I'll try and get to the point of everything that has happened to me in the last 9 months. For ref I'm a 31 yr old mother of 3 young children and a wife. I've never struggled with mental health in ... View more

Hi there, I won't be able to write everything down so I'll try and get to the point of everything that has happened to me in the last 9 months. For ref I'm a 31 yr old mother of 3 young children and a wife. I've never struggled with mental health in my life up until now I'm having a complete mental breakdown and am just now seeking help so I can find myself again. I was sexually assaulted by my brother in march. I still can't wrap my head around it and I should've got help then. I hid it from my husband and family for about 4 months before I broke down and told my husband. It is so far from anything anyone ever expected. I don't really know what I'm trying to get out of writing this on here. Sorry to change direction but it will tie in at the end... I have a very toxic, emotionally abusive and narcissistic mother. She is a horrible human who I've called out many many times for her words and actions. I have cut her off many times throughout my life and she has always squeezed back in only to hurt me again. However she is now no longer in my life as of about 2 months ago and I will not allow her back again. But the thing is I told my mum this had happened to me about 6 months ago and she unloaded on me and told me he had also been doing it to our mum for about 4 years (I'm his biological sister and mum is his both our biological mum) it's so screwed up. I also found out my dad knew (mum and dad have been divorced 10 years) and he invalidated her and failed to get my brother help. I no longer talk to my brother obviously and had to grieve our sibling relationship whilst also dealing with what he'd done to me and our mum. I also have another brother I don't talk to as he has bipolar and depression and fails to seek help and he tried to bash me so I have an AVO on him. I have a sister as well who also has children and we were incredibly close, but in spetember she abused me verbally and harassed me because I had made the choice to cut off my mum. She never understood or listened to me when I would tell her what our mum had done to me and how toxic she was. So I've recently had to lose my sister too, and my children their cousins... There's just so much to unpack and so much I need to talk about, I'm getting a mental health plan on Monday from my gp and getting as much help in the meantime as I can. I've been using alcohol and drugs to escape. But I had a massive break down two weeks ago and since have completely stopped drugs all together and won't use them again. However alcohol is still a problem and I'm trying to get help for that too. This year I also got married, had major surgery, sold our house and our business. I think I was just trying to hold it all in and hold myself together for too long and now I'm broken. I don't even know myself anymore. Sorry for the massive read x

PsychedelicFur I feel like I'm not a good person and I don't deserve anything good
  • replies: 1

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things. I had a romantic interest recen... View more

I feel like everyone hates me. I feel like I'm not a good person. Every person I come into contact with ends up most likely hating me. I should never have kids, marriage or a career because I don't deserve good things. I had a romantic interest recently who got upset with me because I was checking in to see if they were OK and they thought I wanted to speak to them every moment of the day but they went quiet and when I checked in they were snappy and defensive. And I told them their attitude hurt my feelings and then they posted on social media how I showed my true colours. I'm not a good person. Everyone truly hates me. My ex friends. My ex partners. My estranged mum. Everyone hates me.

Guest_7403 The day I lost my soul
  • replies: 152

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only desc... View more

6 years ago today an event occurred that changed my life forever. I went to work, and 18hours later when I finally walked out of that place I was never the same again. Looking about at the person I was before it, and who I am today....I can only describe it as losing my soul, the guy I used to be ceased to exist. I've lost so much, my home, my life, my drive and any sense of happiness or enjoyment in the short journey of life. I'm resigned to the fact that I'm never coming back, no treatment, medication or self will can ever remove this pain I live with daily. Everyone I know tells me that they believe in me, they believe I'm still inside and they believe that I can overcome this. But they're wrong, the person I used to be could of overcome those things, im not that person anymore. No one seems to understand, it's like my mind and soul left my body that day...but my body kept living. There's no better life in the future, just more days of pain and suffering. I didn't ask for this to happen to me, im not a religious person but I find myself asking god did I do something in another life to deserve this punishment. For someone whose job was to lock evil up to protect the innocent, I am now a prisoner inside my own mind. Yet, there is no key for this door and no one can hear me screaming to be let out. I look forward to the day I see that light shine through the darkness and im finally at peace I'm not at risk, it's just a very hard day for me.

Guest_39083214 Rapist admits to rape whilst I was passed out police don’t arrest
  • replies: 1

In France this discovery of being raped while asleep was taken seriously I reported rape the man admits it the police man lied said he distant array him because I said not to this is not true I didn’t say that I did say sympathetically as I’m traumat... View more

In France this discovery of being raped while asleep was taken seriously I reported rape the man admits it the police man lied said he distant array him because I said not to this is not true I didn’t say that I did say sympathetically as I’m traumatised I do not think he would be good in jailthis is a man without ailments who visited doctors daily getting muscle relaxants I believe he spiked my drinks with I feel so stupid not getting it then I a roll through the rapist many text abusing me for not finishing my drink who does that no one forces you to drink your drink the man told police drinks were dear it’s lite cascade beer it’s $5 not something to abuse a lady over the man brags about being wealthy and is The rapist sent me a pornography story where he murdered me police also don’t care about this also has suspicious deaths around him I am disgusted we live in a rape accepted society I would never have reported the rape of his thought nothing would be done this man moved to my town I lived here since 1997 and now I’m a prisoner of my home this old 70 year old out at the beach oooglung his next victim

Guest_74217187 Losing friends over assaulter
  • replies: 6

Hey everyone im Jessie, I've recently been through a horrible stage in my life. I was sexually assaulted in my sleep from a close friend. Cops can't do anything !! Lost alot of friends that weren't really my friends.. small town big talk, he's also t... View more

Hey everyone im Jessie, I've recently been through a horrible stage in my life. I was sexually assaulted in my sleep from a close friend. Cops can't do anything !! Lost alot of friends that weren't really my friends.. small town big talk, he's also the drug dealer of the town, I just want to leave

ScooterCat Feeling angry at those who hurt me
  • replies: 6

How does anyone have the guts to tell a vulnerable child that they’re unwanted? To make them feel like they don’t matter? To bully them and shame them for every little thing they do? In school, I was teased, excluded and put down by many of my peers.... View more

How does anyone have the guts to tell a vulnerable child that they’re unwanted? To make them feel like they don’t matter? To bully them and shame them for every little thing they do? In school, I was teased, excluded and put down by many of my peers. Not many people wanted to be my friend, nor did they want to be my partner when it came to group work. In recess, people would always put me last in their games and make fun of me. The teachers would also shame me if I couldn’t do my work or if I did something wrong in the yard. Not once did they offer any compassion; they rubbed it all in my face and made me feel like I was a bad person. They yelled at me and they didn’t care whether they shamed me in front of other students or not. The home environment was no different. It was just as tormenting at school, except it felt more painful. When the people who were supposed to be your biggest allies hurt you, you suddenly realise that there’s no one in the world you can ever trust. As an adult now, I see people who have friends and others who care about them while I wallow away at my feelings and struggle to move on in life. Why couldn’t I have had the same? Why was I never loved? Why did I deserve to go through all this suffering? Is it really true that no one cares about me?

DireVi Friend is still friends with the person who sexually assaulted me.
  • replies: 3

Hey there, this is my first time here and first time posting. Last year I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" after I came out as trans to them. I don't particularly want to go into that, but the thing that is really plaguing me is that my friends c... View more

Hey there, this is my first time here and first time posting. Last year I was sexually assaulted by a "friend" after I came out as trans to them. I don't particularly want to go into that, but the thing that is really plaguing me is that my friends chose to believe the assaulter rather than me. It took me a bit to get the guts to tell my friends, and its clear that during that time the assaulter "prepared" or something. After the whole ordeal, I was quickly abandoned by most of my friends and I now have one friend left. He's been my friend for over a decade. However, he's clearly part of that groups mentality. Just a couple of examples: I told him of what happened, and then only a week later he invited the assaulter to our discord server so we could play together again. I decided to leave the server because I didn't want to be around him, and my friend responded with annoyance and mentioned how "inconvenient" it is for him to have deal with me leaving the server. On top of that, he constantly talks about the assaulter and all the fun they've been having together with the group. All things that I use to be able to be a part of, but now don't want to because of obvious reasons. It's very clear that he wants me to "Get over it" and just make up with the assaulter or something. It only really hit me today how messed up this is. I'd really like to hear what others think about this situation. Thanks, Violet

KindnessIsFree Repeated Failed IVF Cycles
  • replies: 1

Hi. I need advice and guidance on how to deal with overcoming multiple failed IVF cycles. The book is closed on trying any more due to age etc... but I am left with emotional scars that feel like they will never go away. I'm stuck in just being upset... View more

Hi. I need advice and guidance on how to deal with overcoming multiple failed IVF cycles. The book is closed on trying any more due to age etc... but I am left with emotional scars that feel like they will never go away. I'm stuck in just being upset and don't know how to move through this stage.

Guest_31370297 Dealing with unresolved childhood trauma
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I want too start by saying that this is a positive step for me and any input will be appreciated whether negative or positive. There is a lot for me too unload emotionally and I’m not going to too go into all of my trauma right now in de... View more

Hi everyone, I want too start by saying that this is a positive step for me and any input will be appreciated whether negative or positive. There is a lot for me too unload emotionally and I’m not going to too go into all of my trauma right now in depth but it has left me with a lot of acronyms. I have ptsd, adhd and others but the main one is borderline personality disorder. I’ve spent 3 months in a psychiatric ward which were the best three months I loved it. I was surrounded by people in similar situations and I felt safe and understood. It’s been two years since my last stay. I have a family that are incapable of talking about there feelings and I’ve been alone for years . I’ve reached a point where the the only time I’m slightly ok is at work but when I’m home I cry until I go too sleep which I don’t get much of. The thing is I feel much better when I can use what I’ve learnt too help other people in a similar situation but I can’t forgive myself for my faults and apply the things I’ve learnt too my own life. I have no self worth. I’m not even sure what tge point of this message is or what I’m asking for. I’m ready too tap out. I need help, and too do that I’d like too help others.