PTSD and Trauma

Husbands porn addiction

replies: 54

Ok, so I first came here when I needed help with my husband's depression but here I am a couple of months later and I am so traumatised and messed up in the head I don't know what to do. I knew he was alcohol addicted, I knew he was depressed but I d... View more

Ok, so I first came here when I needed help with my husband's depression but here I am a couple of months later and I am so traumatised and messed up in the head I don't know what to do. I knew he was alcohol addicted, I knew he was depressed but I didn't know he was popping prescription medicines or that he has a porn addiction too. During the course of talking to my husband and hammering him for answers I decided I would do the one thing I never imagined doing, I snooped. What I have discovered has left me in absolute ruins. In December last year over the course of 3 days he searched for and visited 52 kinky websites and signed up on 13 Kinky Dating sites. When confronted he of course denied it but I wasn't having any of it. To cut a very long story short I have discovered he is addicted to porn and has even watched it at home right under my nose. The nature of the porn has gotten worse and while I haven't actually viewed any of it judging by what he was searching for I can only imagine. My heart is shattered, my head severely messed, I cannot eat, cannot sleep due to nightmares, I have invasive thoughts - things pop into my head at any time and I'm really struggling to deal with it all. He has accepted he has a massive problem and wants to get whatever help he can. He is genuine in this and has begged me to stay and help him. The trouble is, who is going to help me? There seems to be so much out there for his addiction but all I can find is sites telling me how I'm feeling. I already know that! I need help to accept, move on and heal. I am so lost. I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know who he is anymore, I'm broken, sad, depressed and have been having crazy irrational thoughts. Is there any hope?

Trauma memories

replies: 5

Trauma memories can be a real freak, at least they have been in my life. Below a poem about one of those memories to help me process the traumatic times i experienced the onset of schizophrenia in childhood. Where as a child i was told to go back to ... View more

Trauma memories can be a real freak, at least they have been in my life. Below a poem about one of those memories to help me process the traumatic times i experienced the onset of schizophrenia in childhood. Where as a child i was told to go back to bed for i did not have to scared of the devil but i was terrified by hallucinations and the onset of the voices.i can hear in my head. Still Climbing!There was a staircase oncethat felt far too long and high,too steep into the darkfor my small feet to undertake.Each quivering step,showering overpowering dread—no child should have to face alonesuch intensity, inescapable fear,terror too large to understand.So as a child I climbed,not because I was strong,or because I felt brave,but because I had no choice—though my legs felt like jelly.And for a long time,deep within,I believed:there was somethingvery wrongwith me being me.Many years have passed.The stairs never vanished,but their meaning changed.They appear nowin the feelings I live,as memories of my past,waves recalling,coming and going—the tides of my moods.But the child who climbsis no longer aloneinside those moments.The years now meet him—bringing the love and carethat were missed.There is space now.I can breathewithout being afraidof not being heard.There is a pause now,ground to stand on,instead of it being wipedfrom beneath my feet.This is reliefbreaking through.For now I know—a quiet knowing that is real:nothing was wrongwith me as a frightened child.To live the indescribableis somethingto be horrified by.So when I am overwhelmed,it is not a command,not a truth,not a sentence to follow.It does not control me.It is a wave of recallthat risesand falls againwithout taking me with it.The stairs remainpart of my story.But they no longer decidehow it ends.Not because I was flawed—but because now, with compassion,I can stand beside that little boyand call him my own.

Complex cptsd situation.

replies: 20

Okay. Basically I’m in a weird situation not many would understand. I grew up with an emotionally, financially and coercive control abusive parent. Who also was a major reason I’m an only child. It put my family into poverty and many times had to be ... View more

Okay. Basically I’m in a weird situation not many would understand. I grew up with an emotionally, financially and coercive control abusive parent. Who also was a major reason I’m an only child. It put my family into poverty and many times had to be worried where we would sleep at night. The abuser often, used their passion for their favourite sport team as their weapon of choice. If the team lost it was a scary time. Basically me being their daughter meant nothing to them. So this sports team is deeply triggering to me.The abuser is now fully blown rich now and this team are now having them and their company as a partnership and made a highlight article about how they give back and want to stop poverty and involved with a charity. I feel sick, I have used this charity for support before because of this abuser but no longer can feel safe to .Basically the news of this partnership and how it keeps getting so messed up makes me feel sick, plus we gotta move soon cause our rent is going up, meanwhile the abuser has millions of dollars. I’m safe. Just had to include that.

Poems by mmMekitty TW

replies: 29

Hello everyone, I’ve written poems with content which some people may find distressing to read. I write to express thoughts & feelings. Sometimes these are vivid. I welcome any response from anyone, whether comments or with poetry of your own. * Paci... View more

Hello everyone, I’ve written poems with content which some people may find distressing to read. I write to express thoughts & feelings. Sometimes these are vivid. I welcome any response from anyone, whether comments or with poetry of your own. * Pacific Shore Thinking too much. Now I'm in pain, All those memories come up again, Who can stop the memories, put them out? Who hears my whimpering effort to shout? "Go away! Get off of me! You're not the brother I want you to be!" I can understand, but Mommy, I can't ignore - you weren't there for me. Money can’t replace your protection. No money makes up for a lack of affection. Casting your ashes off a Pacific shore Won't bring us together, no, no more. [April 2022] * Shipwreck A shipwreck, Tossed about at sea, splintered boards, Rubbish & debris, A broken heart, A shattered me. [April 2022] mmMekitty

Poetry to deal with PTSD triggers

replies: 10

Hi, First time poster here. It's the eve of my birthday, I'm in lockdown, live alone and have had a week of being triggered for a multitude of reasons. Having been in therapy on and off for years, I am picking up more and more tools to help deal with... View more

Hi, First time poster here. It's the eve of my birthday, I'm in lockdown, live alone and have had a week of being triggered for a multitude of reasons. Having been in therapy on and off for years, I am picking up more and more tools to help deal with the dark moments and more often than not (these days) cope well and manage triggers as opposed to acting out on them. I don't consider my writing good, have no idea where the words came from, but it feels better verbally dribbling them on a page. Can anyone relate? HIDE The pain is there, beneath the surface; You blink and a crack shows; Quick! Hide it, make a joke, Don't falter! "You look sad" they'll say; Laugh it off, deflect, dismiss; Just don't let it show! You'll go home, alone. You'll cry, you'll break; The wound will bleed, the pain is there; You'll sob until you're numb; Then you'll sleep. Morning comes. You look in the mirror, the pain is there; It's in your eyes, on your face and in your general demeanor; Hide it! Make-up, humor, anything. Don't let them see! They won't understand. No-one does. They never have. They never will. You'll smile and crack a joke as you arrive at work; "You look happy" they'll say; You'll wink, crack another joke and get to work. You'll go home, alone. You'll cry, you'll break; The wound will bleed, the pain is there; You'll sob until you're numb; Then you'll sleep. Finite.

Does anyone know any ways to deal with PTSD paranoia

replies: 3

I had a psychotic episode back in July 2024 caused from medications I was on at the time. I was home alone and thought that two men had broken into my house and hurt my dogs and my friends and were coming after me. When my parents came home I accused... View more

I had a psychotic episode back in July 2024 caused from medications I was on at the time. I was home alone and thought that two men had broken into my house and hurt my dogs and my friends and were coming after me. When my parents came home I accused them of not being real people and I believed that the paramedics were the men trying to get to me. After having many panic attacks and crying for over 3 hours I was then taken to hospital for the night. To sleep I now have to lock my door at night, sleep with my window shut and have a fan and music playing if not I’m likely to have a panic attack, which happen quite frequently. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, paranoia and anxiety because of this and have tried multiple medications, but none of them have really helped me. im just wondering if anyone has any tips to maybe help out with my paranoia/flashbacks when sleeping, im not expecting any quick fix or my PTSD to go away completely.Just tips on how to calm myself down when experiencing flashbacks. If anyone can give me any advice in the slightest thank you so much I really appreciate it. ☺️

I'm so weak.

replies: 2

My childhood abuser is my mother. she physically abuse me which was fair punishments, But being a single parent, I think she definitely had moments where she took it too far. I was misdiagnosed with IBS at a young age, Was just nerve damage from me n... View more

My childhood abuser is my mother. she physically abuse me which was fair punishments, But being a single parent, I think she definitely had moments where she took it too far. I was misdiagnosed with IBS at a young age, Was just nerve damage from me not using the toilet, We'd just moved from NSW escaping our "Abusive" "dad" and science partially backs up some kids don't adapt well to new changes, I happen to be one of them. You can probably assume where this is going, It was punishment I wouldn't wish upon the worst, The sort of vile punishment you only hear in barbaric threats or see in uncensored movies. My abuser is still alive, They've actually managed to spin the narrative around, Now she's seen as the perfect mother. She's not a bad person though, And she knows what she did was terrible and it eats away at her morality, She's apologized to me for it but I just quickly excepted because the nature of the abuse is so disgusting, I really do try to repress it.My Mother has liver problems now, Doctors gave her 2 years left to live. It shouldn't come as a surprise but after the abuse, I stopped being light handed, I guess in every way apart from physically, I'd become an emotional abuser which is still no better... I just wish I was strong like everyone else here, No therapy, No reporting... Or else everyone will know what happened to me.

I never thought I could feel loneliness like this..

replies: 4

I am a stay home mother to an energetic 3 year old and in a long-term relationship of 12 years.Last year I suffered a major medical incident at our local hospital. I had a huge haemorrhaging happen during a miscarriage and subsequently suffered from ... View more

I am a stay home mother to an energetic 3 year old and in a long-term relationship of 12 years.Last year I suffered a major medical incident at our local hospital. I had a huge haemorrhaging happen during a miscarriage and subsequently suffered from a syncope and concussion as well as entering a state of hypovolemic shock.I only really fully processed what happened to me at the start of the year. Multiple family members who works as nurses openly states the care I received was medical negligence. It was apparent at the time but as the months passed me by I felt altered in a way I couldn't explain. I started to feel different and like I was on the outside of my life, watching it unfold before me but not truly present. I put it down to low iron, as I needed both blood transfusions and an iron infusion after this incident. It was actually by chance talking with AI on Google and sharing my experience from that night that the word "hypopituitarism" was brought to my attention. I had actually been having strange ongoing symptoms as well as the feeling of feeling like my reality had been altered. I also thought it could be PTSD. Anyway here I am now, feeling lonelier than I ever have. My loved ones have struggled to deal with the new version of me, even my own daughter. I can no longer keep up doing what I used to before this all happened. I am awaiting results from pituitary blood work to see if I suffered damage from the incident that night at the hospital (to clarify I went there bleeding heavily knowing it wasn't normal, only to be sent home and then return back 30 minutes later in hypovolemic shock literally dying) and that night has filled me with resentment for the people you think are meant to keep you safe - doctors and nurses. I had an awful experience and have also only mustered up the courage to speak out and complain formally. So between trying to figure out my health and investigate it further, maintain a relationship with my long-term partner, mother a busy 3 year old, keep my household moving along, watering gardens, tending to our 4 pet cats and dogs,live geographically isolated from all of our family and function is just seeming more and more like an impossible battle. I have reached out and am awaiting to speak to a psychologist about it all, but I just feel like I need to share this story and get my feelings off my chest. My partner is a great man but is not so comfortable talking about feelings and mine are erratic at times. My daughter asks why am I crying and my Mother has said "oh well these things happen". Like seriously nobody I know has any idea how I have been feeling and what it has been like to endure a fairly silent injury. I have no idea at this point if I feel this way because of hormones missing due to pituitary damage - which would be directly linked to my lack of hospital care that night or if it's PTSD or both. I have been told I am or must be depressed. I have felt depressed before in life and this feels different. I feel like I will never be who I was again before that night and I feel permanently different. I feel like a stranger in my own house. A ghost. Has anybody else been through anything like this? I cannot find much about hypopituitarism as it is supposed to be rare that women would enter a state of hypovolemic shock during haemorrhaging, as medical staff are trained to intervene before it ever gets that bad. My situation obviously didn't turn out right and I know I suffered from malpractice. It is just so frustrating that this could happen to anyone in our day and age. So yeah, that's me. Messed up 9 months later and waiting for answers. Lonely with nobody who truly understands how I feel. I know I am not crazy, but people around me sure make me feel like I am right now, "going through a bad patch" - I honestly feel like going to a far away place where my own home is not a daily reminder of what happened to me that night last year. Sorry for rambling but yeah I guess that is what this forum is for.

Domestic violence

replies: 1

I have been in domestic violence relationship can't seem to avoid them for the last 23 years. 3 years ago I broke up with my ex because of I sick of him abusing me. I met someone else my ex didn't like it. When I was out for the day he invited himsel... View more

I have been in domestic violence relationship can't seem to avoid them for the last 23 years. 3 years ago I broke up with my ex because of I sick of him abusing me. I met someone else my ex didn't like it. When I was out for the day he invited himself around to my place my 4 children was there 2 of them were adults. He waited for us my partner and myself to get home. When I first got home I didn't think anything of it. There was no car in sight. My 19 year old daughter was scared coming running down the stair and said ex was there the whole day he is waiting down the road for you to get home and my youngest son who was 11 at the time and my other 2 older kids. Before I had a chance to get my other daughter in the car and take her someone safe then track my other kids down. He pulled into the drive way. He was trying to lock me in one of the bedrooms. I grabbed a hold of the stairs rail outside so he could push me up the stairs. He dropped me and ran under the house where my partner was at that time. He went to attack my partner but he spilt. I ran in and said no just go home before I call the police. He got up and grabbed me. All my children was it. I was screaming for someone to call the police because he was not letting go off me. When he heard the sirens he grabbed my little boy who was 11 at the time and took him i haven't seen him once. There's no help out there. I had to leave my home was homeless due to it for 3 years still technically I am homeless. Government workers are useless because my son his still with that monster that attacked me. Where's the Justice. I have nightmare night terries. He put me through hell and he has my son. I am paying my abuser child support where's the Justice. Laws have got to change. Female are aloud to have a voice and to be treatment with respect. In the last 22 years 3 guys all abusive. I can't sleep most times it runs through my head. I open my eyes and I see him attacking me i fell asleep in my dreams I see him attacking me. To the point I cry in my sleep and kept saying no please stop over and over. People sometimes need to wake me up it gets that bad.

Dealing with past sa

replies: 2

I got sexually assaulted 2 years ago and as a guy is one of the hardest things to ever tell anyone. I just feel embarrassed and awkward feelings about it and have only managed to tell one friend who also had an experience but none of my friends who a... View more

I got sexually assaulted 2 years ago and as a guy is one of the hardest things to ever tell anyone. I just feel embarrassed and awkward feelings about it and have only managed to tell one friend who also had an experience but none of my friends who are guys. I still get nightmares from it and it broke me into a horrible depression, I've mostly recovered now but I coped by engaging in harmful behaviour in the past. Ive managed to tell parts of these to a couple people but never about the sa, it just feels like I can't say it because I don't want them to judge me but also I just feel nowhere near comfortable to tell the story. I want to talk to people and the one friend suggested a clinic but I just can't bring myself to go and talk to people in real life about it, even if they know what they are doing. It just feels so weird. In trying to build my confidence with it but it's hard. I also got broken up with the day after my one year anniversary a couple weeks ago and that combined with the nightmares isn't helping. But I just want to tell my story and see if people can relate to how I feel.

Pinned discussions

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

All discussions

Husbands porn addiction

replies: 54

Trauma memories

replies: 5

Complex cptsd situation.

replies: 20

Poems by mmMekitty TW

replies: 29

Poetry to deal with PTSD triggers

replies: 10

Does anyone know any ways to deal with PTSD paranoia

replies: 3

I'm so weak.

replies: 2

I never thought I could feel loneliness like this..

replies: 4

Domestic violence

replies: 1

Dealing with past sa

replies: 2

PTSD and trauma

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

Husbands porn addiction replies: 54

Trauma memories replies: 5

Complex cptsd situation. replies: 20

Poems by mmMekitty *TW* replies: 29

Poetry to deal with PTSD triggers replies: 10

Does anyone know any ways to deal with PTSD paranoia replies: 3

I'm so weak. replies: 2

I never thought I could feel loneliness like this.. replies: 4

Domestic violence replies: 1

Dealing with past sa replies: 2

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

Husbands porn addiction

replies: 54

Trauma memories

replies: 5

Complex cptsd situation.

replies: 20

Poems by mmMekitty TW

replies: 29

Poetry to deal with PTSD triggers

replies: 10

Does anyone know any ways to deal with PTSD paranoia

replies: 3

I'm so weak.

replies: 2

I never thought I could feel loneliness like this..

replies: 4

Domestic violence

replies: 1

Dealing with past sa

replies: 2