PTSD and Trauma

Struggling alone

replies: 13

TW: kind of depressing.Hello, just really struggling today. Sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel extremely isolated with the dissociative disorder I have which is about the most stigmatised mental health condition out there. I can’t talk... View more

TW: kind of depressing.Hello, just really struggling today. Sometimes I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel extremely isolated with the dissociative disorder I have which is about the most stigmatised mental health condition out there. I can’t talk to anyone in my life about it. I was trying to connect with a trauma-informed doctor in the city and had a telehealth appointment with him this morning. I’ve seen him twice in person previously and it seemed promising, but he advised today it’s better if I see a doctor in my region. But I’ve spent the 4 years I’ve been here trying to find a trauma informed doctor without success. I’ve travelled in a 100km radius from my town to see multiple doctors but it hasn’t been a good experience so far. I don’t feel safe with the doctors in my town. I’ve got limited sessions left with my psychologist covered by the mental health care plan rebate that reduces the cost. I feel trapped and lost. Everyday I struggle with debilitating dissociation and confusion. I mask so well no one would know. To say I feel isolated is a massive understatement. I feel I am in a void. I try so hard to stay positive but my whole life has been an extreme struggle. I did “positive” for so many years. I am easily triggered daily even by seemingly small things due to complex trauma that started at birth for me. I have never truly known “safe”. I don’t know what that means. Trust is extremely difficult. I am always waiting for the next unpredictable form of harm to happen due to multiple kinds of past abuse. While I know I have made progress, on days like today I am spent and have lost energy to keep trying. My life can feel hollow and pointless at these times, even though at other times I find meaning. The most important things to me in life have been connection and meaning, yet I feel I have been starved of connection and that is where meaning comes from for me. I don’t belong in my town but have no idea where my future home will be. I don’t have a family as such now. I can go days without any human interaction. I’ve lost my work identity due to multiple physical and mental health conditions leaving me on a disability pension. I’m afraid so much of the time about future survival. I have no one to share my life with and I’m so lonely.

Difficulty moving forward

replies: 1

When something shit happens (whether it be a friendship break up/someone talking extremely disrespectful toward me/workplace bullying/actual break up etc.) I can’t seem to forget about it and move on quickly. I nearly have to make sense of an inciden... View more

When something shit happens (whether it be a friendship break up/someone talking extremely disrespectful toward me/workplace bullying/actual break up etc.) I can’t seem to forget about it and move on quickly. I nearly have to make sense of an incident before I can move on. Any tips/advice that has helped you move forward in life? Feeling quite stagnant/always seems to bring up past trauma when a current traumatic event hits. I go to therapy to get to the roots of my trauma (inner child work has been insanely beneficial for me) but I am looking for a way to almost forget my traumas so I can move on. I have heard of edmr therapy yet it might be expensive. So am looking for a way to help me acknowledge my experiences perhaps perform some closure ceremony so I can finally move on from things. (Some of these issues happened more than 20 years ago) Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Feel sad, lonely, used and abused

replies: 2

Feel lonely. Made friends on another forum over many years, contributed for free willingly with sometimes no recognition but I did it for the love it. Was to quote them "an important, valued member", even at times staff had mentioned me that I would ... View more

Feel lonely. Made friends on another forum over many years, contributed for free willingly with sometimes no recognition but I did it for the love it. Was to quote them "an important, valued member", even at times staff had mentioned me that I would be suitable to apply for different roles. Then they banned me, took it all away from me. Initially for a short time and then about 3/4 in, they decided to continue the ban to make it permanent - this was because I was left with no support, so I was upset and asking them when I coukd come back - this to them was a signal I was too difficult and needed to be gone forever. Its been 8 months, and 6 of those in an appeals process that went basically nowhere. I will only get access if I do what they want and even if do that step, it will be at least one year from now away with no actual lock in if I will be allowed back - pending technology apparently. So basically... they said you can come back on this date, then they said don't come back, then they said ok you can if you do this one thing which if you do it will take this into 2027, if in 2027 you show us you did this task you MAYBE can come back but we arent sure yet. But hey, lets put a little goodbye post up on the forums on behalf of you, change it so its not exacty what you wrote, don't allow you to reply to any comments and hope you dont miss your friends. Friends you've made over 10 years. Just because things can be going well, doesnt mean I can hold it together all of the time and right now I am not. They are not helping. The higher parties I sent this too decided it was out of their jurisitican - which is funny because I got to that complaints comission THROUGH that awful organisations website. So thanks, you've made an already isolated, vulnerable person more isolated and vulnerable.. all becuase I am too hard. But i somehow wasnt too hard when I was volunteering my time and energy into the organisation? So I was *used*. I am a vulnerable member of society an Aboriginal person with mental health challenges and a diagonsed disability and I was used, with no apology or recognition of any hurt caused. A carrot was waved in front of me, I was supported for a couple of years under a new model I helped build... but in 2026 its too much work. So sick of hearing taht I'm too hard work.

Realizing you're not a good person is difficult, but also makes your brain feel better

replies: 15

Sorry if I sound crazy or if this makes anyone cringe. I wasn't sure were to post this, but I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any advice or something especially since I'm worried I'm going to fall back into old, really bad habits which has h... View more

Sorry if I sound crazy or if this makes anyone cringe. I wasn't sure were to post this, but I guess I was just wondering if anyone has any advice or something especially since I'm worried I'm going to fall back into old, really bad habits which has happened before (I think last year). I finally have realized why so many people who know me in real life say I'm not a good person. Learning more about taking accountability, doing more inner work and thinking about what kind people would do if they were in my situation has helped me grow more as a person. It's also super helpful when people directly explain to me what I'm doing wrong in a way that is easy for me to understand, especially since I don't know what a lot of words mean and often can't tell when people are talking about me specifically when talking about people online. I have vulnerable narcissism. It hurts when people know I'm bad, but it also hurts when people think I'm a really good person. When I was in school, since I was so shy, people kept telling me how good and perfect I was all the time. Even though I knew it wasn't true, I internalized it. When I was in school, it felt good, but as I matured more, it started feeling really bad. Even a few months ago, someone said to me "You don't have a mean bone in your body - you're too lovely." Which isn't remotely true so um... Ouch!? I know she was being nice, but even nice, well intentioned compliments people give you can hurt if they don't know what you're really like. I don't want to continue being a mean, narcissist who keeps hurting people and can't even tell why things they do and say would hurt so much. Being a narcist isn't funny or "quirky" or anything like that - it's actually really cringe and just makes people feel bad. I don't know how to live with mean things I have done, especially the really mean stuff that I continued doing when I was in my 20's. My family would say I'm being too hard on myself, but I'm not. If I met someone who was just like me, I wouldn't like them. Another thing that makes me feel bad is that while I have been through things that deeply hurt me, especially when I was a lot younger, there's other people who also live in the first world (I think that's what it's called) who would have gone through the same things who remained good. Some people who have been through really hard things even end up being very kind empaths. I shouldn't have just assumed what people may/may not have gone through. It's complicated because I don't enjoy being a loser, but my brain feels a lot better. I don't have DID, (I know that's something very different), but I feel like I have "personalities" in my head for lack of a better word and I occasionally feel them "moving around in my head", especially of recent. Since I wasn't nice, I wish I could at least do better now and start putting a lot of positivity into the world instead of crap, but I feel like it's too late. I've hurt so many people. I don't know if there are things I can do to put heaps of good back into the world to try to make up for at least some of my crap because I am not smart in multiple ways. I've done a bit of volunteer work (Saint Vinnies and the RSPCA), but I would like to try something different. The RSPCA was fun and rewarding, but I found it a bit stressful. I also feel like people usually don't like me at some places I go to and some of them make it obvious or talk about it in the back room. Some others think I'm really kind which also hurts. I just want to be normal.

Depression Mental Illness

replies: 1

Hi l suffer a lot from brain impairment injury ,depression for 20 plus years, anxiety, PTSD. where can l seek natural therapy? what else do l need? Cos lm not feeling the best l feel empty, lost & upset and lose my temper easily. Anger issues I have ... View more

Hi l suffer a lot from brain impairment injury ,depression for 20 plus years, anxiety, PTSD. where can l seek natural therapy? what else do l need? Cos lm not feeling the best l feel empty, lost & upset and lose my temper easily. Anger issues I have too. how can l control it need good advice please help me or any suggestions thank you for reading 🥰

Narcissistic abuse survivors?

replies: 4

Hi All- any survivors of NPD abuse? I am an empath and realised I became a people pleaser from childhood where I experienced terrible abuse. I married, husband later diagnosed with Autism but narcissistic traits which were the issue followed by DV. W... View more

Hi All- any survivors of NPD abuse? I am an empath and realised I became a people pleaser from childhood where I experienced terrible abuse. I married, husband later diagnosed with Autism but narcissistic traits which were the issue followed by DV. When child safety became involved it woke me up to leaving before kids experienced it too. (Which sadly happened later on access visits) Then I went through intensive counselling for years only to finally end up engaged to a man I later figure out has NPD and there was financial and emotional abuse (gaslighting/DARVO etc) The act had me fooled, but the lies all came undone and I saw 2 people: the one I loved. Then the cold, calculating one who seemed to enjoy deceiving and using others as it was a fun game. Of course the later was the real him and it rocked my world as I’m kind and believe the best of people. Probably because I know what it feels like to struggle. Now I have this intense anger at all the behaviour from childhood to now. Then I feel numb as my whole blueprint for life has been BS- I’m not responsible, it’s not me, they were projecting their own crap onto me and dodging responsibility. I finally see it. I erroneously believed in mutual respect, honesty and good intentions of others. But that has been weaponised and used against me.. I don’t know how to ever trust again and have lost my faith especially in men which is unfair. I’ve been through a lot- but the last guy took the cake. I’m so so thankful to be free as it was sociopath level scary when all the evidence came to light and the switch flipped. I’ve since learned some can be Machiavellian where they are very skilled at manipulating and lack empathy or remorse which matched this person.. 🥹 But I only know of the NPD as he disclosed a org psych diagnosed it after working with him then he disengaged. Moral of the story fooled me and got me good. I am grieving that I haven’t had a safe relationship and likely won’t and I quit now as I’m not going to survive any more rounds. I do lots of self care, get to church, work, care for kids- actually teens now (now 100% care) trying to make friends post discard ( met some nice people). But I just feel numb- exhausted, ruminate then yo-yo with anger and depression. I feel like a zombie. I don’t talk about it except with therapists as I want to be free of it and not sow seeds of despair. Plus I don’t repeat stuff unless it stays confidential/de-identified.. Is anyone else going through this? Recovered? What helps? Thx in advance ☺️

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode.

replies: 15

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode. Many flashbacks, visual, emotional, physical. The littlest things are difficult to cope with. I start the day with what feels like my cup 90% full. Not wanting to ... View more

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode. Many flashbacks, visual, emotional, physical. The littlest things are difficult to cope with. I start the day with what feels like my cup 90% full. Not wanting to go on is a common feeling/thought. Lonely place to be. I do have a mental health worker and have seen a trauma counsellor once - waiting on further appointments to be scheduled. Had a good GP but he's left and no-one else is available in my small town. I am rambling. I am very proactive and compliant doing all sorts of techniques - grounding, mindfulness, breathing, distraction etc etc. I'm still working and fulfilling what needs to be done in my life. But it's getting harder and harder and I'm getting tired and more tired and more hopeless and feel as if I try and try and nothing is changing. I don't know what I'm asking. I'm doing all the "things". I enact my safety plan - call suicide call back service, lifeline. Come away feeling more hopeless. It's hard to get through 5 minutes sometimes. Again I don't know what I'm asking. I seek assistance and there seems no more answers and I'm stuck in this place that is dark and dangerous and lonely. Sorry for such a negative post. It's really normally not me and I normally don't share or put myself out there.

Mental health support after surgery

replies: 3

I am curious why the medical sector is not more pre-emptive with mental health for patients.2017 i have emergency surgery to remove flesh eating bacteria from my leg, and then two months in hospital, including several weeks tied to the bed, to repair... View more

I am curious why the medical sector is not more pre-emptive with mental health for patients.2017 i have emergency surgery to remove flesh eating bacteria from my leg, and then two months in hospital, including several weeks tied to the bed, to repair the skin after.Two years later the leg gets removed anyway.I am not aware that I may or may not be missing anything as I have had no experiences like this before.2023 then develop a deep skin cancer. More bits chopped off. all goes well.But I notice that with in all the follow-up consultations after, the doctor seems to be monitoring my mental health closely.For a cancer there seems to be a gold standard of not just physical health, but also mental health.When your leg is being held together by wishful thinking, you have to understand you might have an issue and then seek help (which might arrive days later)Just bothered by the duel standards

Ongoing mental health issues

replies: 5

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get from writing this, but I need to say it somewhere.I’ve been struggling for around 15 years with what I believe are undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. As I’ve gotten older, I feel less stable — more... View more

I’m not entirely sure what I’m hoping to get from writing this, but I need to say it somewhere.I’ve been struggling for around 15 years with what I believe are undiagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. As I’ve gotten older, I feel less stable — more reactive, more overwhelmed — and at times I find myself wishing I simply didn’t exist.I carry multiple layers of trauma from my childhood and early adulthood, including physical abuse, parental neglect, sexual assault, bullying, and infidelity in a past relationship. Those experiences still feel very present in the way I move through the world.I have difficulty forming meaningful connections and often feel like an outsider. I’m currently in a healthy, supportive relationship, which I’m grateful for, but beyond that I struggle to build close friendships — especially when it feels like everyone is too busy to make space for me.I know I need help, but I feel unmotivated to pursue it. I haven’t found a therapist I feel safe or comfortable with, and the idea of sitting and talking about myself to a stranger makes me deeply uncomfortable.I don’t know exactly what I’m asking for — but I know I don’t want to keep feeling like this.

stressed

replies: 3

got cptsd cant deal with my emotions

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PTSD for Medical and First Responders

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All discussions

Struggling alone

replies: 13

Difficulty moving forward

replies: 1

Feel sad, lonely, used and abused

replies: 2

Realizing you're not a good person is difficult, but also makes your brain feel better

replies: 15

Depression Mental Illness

replies: 1

Narcissistic abuse survivors?

replies: 4

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode.

replies: 15

Mental health support after surgery

replies: 3

Ongoing mental health issues

replies: 5

stressed

replies: 3

PTSD and trauma

PTSD for Medical and First Responders replies: 276

Struggling alone replies: 13

Difficulty moving forward replies: 1

Feel sad, lonely, used and abused replies: 2

Realizing you're not a good person is difficult, but also makes your brain feel better replies: 15

Depression Mental Illness replies: 1

Narcissistic abuse survivors? replies: 4

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode. replies: 15

Mental health support after surgery replies: 3

Ongoing mental health issues replies: 5

stressed replies: 3

PTSD for Medical and First Responders

replies: 276

Struggling alone

replies: 13

Difficulty moving forward

replies: 1

Feel sad, lonely, used and abused

replies: 2

Realizing you're not a good person is difficult, but also makes your brain feel better

replies: 15

Depression Mental Illness

replies: 1

Narcissistic abuse survivors?

replies: 4

I have complex PTSD. The last few months I seem to be stuck in 'fight or flight' mode.

replies: 15

Mental health support after surgery

replies: 3

Ongoing mental health issues

replies: 5

stressed

replies: 3