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Sophie_M If you need to talk about Bondi Beach - Our community is here
  • replies: 6

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Aus... View more

Hi everyone, After the heartbreaking events at Bondi Beach on Sunday night, we know many people in our community may be feeling shaken, distressed, or unsure how to make sense of what has happened. Religious and political violence has no place is Australia and we extend our heartfelt condolences to the individuals and families affected by this tragedy. We wanted to create a space where you can share whatever you’re feeling - whether that’s fear, shock, grief, or anything else that has come up for you. If you need support from others in the community, please feel welcome to post here. Violence and acts of terror can bring feelings of shock, grief, profound sadness, anger and fear. It’s normal to experience these emotions while trying to make sense of distressing events. It may take time for these feelings to ease, but it’s never too early to seek support if you are feeling distressed. Beyond Blue is here for you anytime, by phone on 1300 224 636 or via webchat: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor You can also support those around you by being available to them and listening. Thank you for being such an important part of this community, and for the kindness, honesty, and wisdom you continue to share with each other. We remind the community that Beyond Blue is here for all people in Australia, no matter what you believe, how you live or who you worship. Kind regards Sophie M

A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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Depp Confused
  • replies: 1

My partner and I just went through a breakup, had it’s good and bad times, I was voicing what’s on my mind as we do and I said “thing you do make me feel like an option” the relationship ended the next day and made me the option.. where did I go wron... View more

My partner and I just went through a breakup, had it’s good and bad times, I was voicing what’s on my mind as we do and I said “thing you do make me feel like an option” the relationship ended the next day and made me the option.. where did I go wrong?

sid_123 Post Neck Injury Trauma
  • replies: 5

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience. A year ago, I broke my neck and was airlifted to hospital. My injury was extremely serious, I almost lost my ability to walk. A year later I am physically fully recovered, and... View more

Hi guys, I just wanted to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience. A year ago, I broke my neck and was airlifted to hospital. My injury was extremely serious, I almost lost my ability to walk. A year later I am physically fully recovered, and never thought I was effected mentally. The other day a doctor was asking me details about it, and I broke down and I could barely speak about it. I've never cried about it before and now I'm feeling more affected by it than I was originally. I don't know if I have subconsciously suppressed how I really feel, or if I should have moved on by now. I don't know what to do with my feelings and everyone else in my life has moved on.

zea i know it's a bit dramatic, but i feel traumatized from my losses.
  • replies: 1

Hello, this will sound like a lot of whining and complaining about my life, I'm very very sorry.Confronting the loss of my older brother has been a very hard thing for me to do. He is two years older than me, and comitted with I turned fourteen. I wi... View more

Hello, this will sound like a lot of whining and complaining about my life, I'm very very sorry.Confronting the loss of my older brother has been a very hard thing for me to do. He is two years older than me, and comitted with I turned fourteen. I will never forget that day when my mother had screamed, crying while dropping me and my brother off to school, grabbing me by shoulders and asking if i was okay to go, ever since then she treats me differently, I can tell she is terrified that I'll do it too.I'm still not over what happened that day, in the next year, my older sister by 4 years had died to muscular dystrophy, this year, my eldest sister is suffering in hospital. The part that hurts the most, they're all my siblings but I never really got to meet them or speak to them properly due to being seperated. My mom promised me all those years ago, we will all get to live together, and as a child with at that time a single mother, the promise of a normal family felt too good to be true. Of course, it never happened because they died, it was terrifying, I keep thinking all the time selfishly if I'm next, if my mom is next, and if the family I now have will dissapear forever and leave me alone. These trash thoughts affect and influence my relationship with others, my depression and anxiety worsens and I feel like it's ruining my mind, and slowly driving me insane. I've never had a proper sense of stability, and every single day that I wake up and go to bed is the day I wonder what will be taken away from me next, what I'll do, how I will react, paranoid with every trip I make to school or go out.I hope one day I'll stop being like this, and I try my best to keep a smile on my face and push through the day.

TimTams Bad experience with police/reporting rape?
  • replies: 69

Hi, I am hoping to hear from other rape survivors in hope someone has been through what I have. When I reported my rape an officer encouraged me not to report 2 other assaults by this person because it sounded like "risky sex". This really hurt, beca... View more

Hi, I am hoping to hear from other rape survivors in hope someone has been through what I have. When I reported my rape an officer encouraged me not to report 2 other assaults by this person because it sounded like "risky sex". This really hurt, because each time I was badly assaulted. I am wondering is anyone else who has reported rape in Australia has had bad experiences with police like me? I am finding it really hard to understand why not all victims are given the chance to go to court due to 'not enough evidence' as well. Of course rapists will deny it and I just cannot understand how this is all the system does before closing a case. Has anyone else struggled with not having 'enough evidence' to get a conviction and bad remarks from police officers? This has really deeply affected my trust in society. It just feels hard to understand the world when you are raised to believe these things are wrong, yet police support the rapist. Thank you for any insights. I have felt very alone in this and was wondering if there are others out there who have had similar bad experiences when reporting their rape?

Cee123 Stuck in an abusive parental situation, no way out
  • replies: 3

I am 39, and my father has completely ruined my life. I am still stuck living with him on a daily basis now that he has retired... I am constantly fighting with him, I never feel at peace here and I'm stuck with him controlling me on a daily basis, b... View more

I am 39, and my father has completely ruined my life. I am still stuck living with him on a daily basis now that he has retired... I am constantly fighting with him, I never feel at peace here and I'm stuck with him controlling me on a daily basis, but I have nowhere else to go or I will be homeless and living on the street. I can't even get a job now because my mental health is destroyed, suffering long-term anxiety disorders and major depression and I am socially isolated. Things which I am only now realising were largely caused by his selfish actions, and not being allowed to have a life and grow as a person. I've also been long-term unemployed now with no major skills or experience etc and feel as though I am old now and my life has been completely wasted. I never got to do anything I wanted to do in life!-He had to control everything growing up, and still does today. He controls me, he controls my mother, controlled my brother up until last year when he moved out with a friend of his. But basically everything he does he has to be in CONTROL. And if he doesn't get his own way with things he gets angry about it. Most of the time, we always have to eat what he wants, go where he wants, do what he wants. But other than that, he doesn't want me to go anywhere, he doesn't want me to do anything, he doesn't want me to have money, he doesn't want me to have a job. He just wants me to stay here for the rest of my life and do nothing. But I am going absolutely nuts and I am often snapping and yelling at him! Same with my mother. He doesn't want my mother to go anywhere or have a life of her own. Treats her like a domestic slave. He often wants to know where she goes, where she is etc, and the same with me. I look at her a lot of days and it looks like she's given up on life.-He basically kept us isolated growing up, and I missed out on having a lot of experiences that would've helped me grow as a person. We only ever went to the same places, did the same things probably about once or twice a year. He never took us anywhere or did anything with us as kids. He would go out and live his life and leave us home. My cousins went everywhere, and did a lot of things with their parents. They had a lot of things to talk about and found it easier to make friends. My dad took off in the car and was never home, and expected my mother to always stay home with us. But fortunately she worked, as he would never share his money with her. As a result, I barely had any friends growing up, always struggled to make and keep friends, couldn't form healthy relationships. I would go to school and we would have news day and the teacher would ask me what I did on the weekend and I would say "nothing". I never got to do or experience a lot of things that other people got to do and experience and missed out on A LOT in my life, and a lot of stuff that I never got to learn. Having autism doesn't help, as that isolated me even more and I was a regular target for bullying.

1TassieDevil Domestic Violence - a survivors poem
  • replies: 3

When you're caught in the trap of fear and of violence,You'll cry lots of tears but you'll do it in silence,Your friends who most love you, will be pushed away,As you stand by the person who one day they'll pray,You realise the harm they are doing to... View more

When you're caught in the trap of fear and of violence,You'll cry lots of tears but you'll do it in silence,Your friends who most love you, will be pushed away,As you stand by the person who one day they'll pray,You realise the harm they are doing to you,As your beautiful face becomes black and blue, It makes them feel stronger and better and bigger,there's a choice of two endings, which one will you trigger? A survivor of domestic violence

Guest_40541921 Am I the victim or is it self defense or am I the abuser
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m struggling to make sense of what I’ve been through.I was in a long-term relationship of 9 years that, looking back, may have involved emotional, financial and psychological control. Over the years most of our ... View more

Hi everyone,I’m reaching out because I’m struggling to make sense of what I’ve been through.I was in a long-term relationship of 9 years that, looking back, may have involved emotional, financial and psychological control. Over the years most of our money and all property were in my partner’s name, and I often felt I had little say in decisions or access to funds. She made me hide things and lie to her family, constantly went through my phone, accused me of things, continually kept me in financial hardship and had access to all my banks and money while I had no access to anything of hers, non of her banks or our mortgages, while she wasn't working as she received insurance payouts she held over me which left me feeling isolated and confused, depressed, I then turned to alcohol.Earlier this year we had a major incident that changed everything. I had 2 broken ribs and was on prescribed medication. She threw away the medication, denied it, and filmed me on and off for 8 hours then went to the police the next afternoon while saying she was too scared to come home. I became angry and verbally abusive. I never used physical violence, but I regret my words deeply.After that night police became involved and a DVO was put in place that excluded me from our family home we owned and lived in for 8 years. Since then I’ve been homeless, lost my office, unable to focus on running my business slowly going into financial hardship, trying to process what happened. I’m dealing with anxiety, insomnia, guilt, and depression, and I keep asking myself whether I was a victim of long-term coercion, or whether I became abusive, or somehow both. She stood to gain financially and apparently started a new relationship days after my arrest, she sold her land and kept the proceeds and I just finished the granny flat downstairs so she received 400 a week rent and we left the property in her name as I trusted her and she promised no matter what she would be fair. I pleaded guilty to the DVO as everyone I spoke to said there was nothing I could do because she recorded me and sat a video interview. I’m trying to understand my behavior and how to take responsibility for what was mine while also healing from what feels like years of manipulation and stress.If anyone has been through something similar or has advice on where to start with counseling or men’s behavior-change or trauma recovery programs, or legal suggestions I’d really appreciate hearing from you.Thanks for listening.

Yellow-Thorn78 I’m a man and I’m a misandrist
  • replies: 3

I’ve been on the forum twice. Both for issues that arise in the moment, but something new always comes up. I would hesitate to change, change, flake and then the next issue would arise. That ‘flake’ always confused me, but I kept going on cause I tho... View more

I’ve been on the forum twice. Both for issues that arise in the moment, but something new always comes up. I would hesitate to change, change, flake and then the next issue would arise. That ‘flake’ always confused me, but I kept going on cause I thought that everyone goes through their ups and downs. That was until last week. There’s this friend of mine, a closer friend to my mate who’s a woman, that I’ve only met in 10 months compared to my other friends who I’ve know for 7-8 years. I had a 2 hour 1-1 conversation with, which I’ve never had with my guy friends, about some personal stuff that I would never see myself sharing. And that’s the thing, well I didn’t know it was the thing until today. I was talking to her about finances that had nothing to do with her but it did have to do with my mates. Was I a coward to not raise my issues and my feelings with my friends, perhaps. But then another idea came to my mind and I have to get it out before I forget to acknowledge it. And it’s strange because I’m a man. These feelings have made me feel more alone yes; but they also make me feel more safe, freer and happier. I don’t mind being more alone. But, I don’t want that resentment to fester further into the relationship with my dad or my friend. Part of me wants to believe that they are well meaning when they say “you deserve better” rather than pushing me away. Aside from self help, what are other methods I can use to navigate a) my trauma or b) my misandricism? I don’t want to close myself off.

Zxion Trauma and Forgiveness
  • replies: 1

This might be a lil lengthy I’m 24 years old, female, and as I write this I’m currently 74 days sober (2 months 13 days), and before this I had been consuming alcohol and weed (especially weed) to deal with my issues. Roughly 2 months ago I came to t... View more

This might be a lil lengthy I’m 24 years old, female, and as I write this I’m currently 74 days sober (2 months 13 days), and before this I had been consuming alcohol and weed (especially weed) to deal with my issues. Roughly 2 months ago I came to the realisation that I was smoking cause I needed to but rather out of habit. So here I am 2 months later. I started smoking initially because when I was roughly 18, I was sexually assaulted (R*** first experience to sex- and that’s how it went down), when I was 20 I was sexually assaulted again (R***), when I was 20 I was assaulted, When I was 22 I was assaulted , when I was 23 I was sexually assaulted (R***). The first time it happened I ended up in hospital, police came to interview me but realise “there wasn’t enough evidence to proceed with a R*** Kit” - people around me found out quickly and was labeled a liar, attention seeker those were the soft blows. Family, friends…. My mom broke my heart the most the things she said to me whilst I was lying in hospital… I was alone. Second time it happened I told 2 close friends who were there for me. The other times it happened I kept it to myself. Years later with the help of weed, a lot of it - I was able to live a manageable life- if I thought about it I’d smoke, so it happened quite a lot. And drank a lot but smoking was my vice. Last year the new got out about the second guy and what he had done to me and because he was part of the friendship circle I was in, everyone including the girls that I’d been close with ( mind u we’d known each other longer and we were closer than them and that guy) they all turned their backs on me and called me a liar and all sorts of thing- my cousin (who was my best friend ever) was sleeping with him (mind u she was one of the two friends I had spoken to… she held me as I cried…and all that time they were sleeping together). Anyways when the new broke this man started to harass me, asking these so-called friends of mine where a lived, sent threading videos, sending videos of my house saying he knew where I lived, sent a bounty after me saying he will kill me or get me killed. It was a lot. I had to move. Moving in with my “aunty” (one of my friend’s mom) she took me in she didn’t really know what was happening… now this friends mom that I had moved in w went on holiday and when she was on holiday we briefly spoke about the assault she said she believed me and she had my back. Long story short she didn’t, she was using me for information. Me and my old friendship group ended ip at a cookout even last year and whilst I was there the mate who’s family I was staying with had just got back so we went together- and argument broke out between me and the other girls about the situation and then I left after a while… whilst on my way home this mate of my calls the guy and tells him where I am… I went together her house packed my stuff explained to her mom briefly and then left. I didn’t feel safe. Fast forward to now, I’m in my own space, trying this healing and sobriety thing and ITS HARD!!! I’ve been consuming substance for 3 years + and now by Gods grace I’m 2 months sober, everything I’ve been suppressing is coming back up and it’s hard to deal with so I just push it down. Forgiveness has been in my head, but how do you forgive people who aren’t sorry. And yes I know for the most part forgiveness is for you rather than them, but still. I’m struggling!!! Hopefully most of that made sense. But just to summarise I need help with forgiveness and dealing with all of this sober.

Cassee_s I think I have schizoaffective disorder
  • replies: 1

Hi BB! I’ve been questioning recently whether or not I have schizoaffective.ive struggled with my mental health all my life and have a family history of bipolar,BPD, NPD, Clinical Depression and severe narcissistic trauma. I know a fair bit about moo... View more

Hi BB! I’ve been questioning recently whether or not I have schizoaffective.ive struggled with my mental health all my life and have a family history of bipolar,BPD, NPD, Clinical Depression and severe narcissistic trauma. I know a fair bit about mood and psychotic disorders as I used to study psychology before i got bad but lost the passion for it about three years ago. Since then I’ve not only lost passion for my hobbies but I’ve lost interest in having friends as I genuinely do not want to be around anyone as I feel they don’t understand. It’s not that I think people are dumb I just lack interest in talking about anything that isn’t something I’m passionate about. Maybe I’m a narcissist but I do care. I love my friends and family and I do feel empathy but only when I’m not having an episode. I got through phases of being amazing and honestly forgetting im unwell to not feeling anything at all to the point of almost committing. Either way I know I need help soon because it’s only getting worse. sorry for the ramble but can someone please help