Sexual Assault - Not sure what to do

[EllieEll]

Hello Everyone, 

I have recently come to the knowledge and understanding that I was sexually assaulted a few years ago. I was at a work party and I had been drinking. At the end of the night, one of my work colleagues dropped me off at home and walked inside with me where we had sex. We were both over the age of legal consent. I just assumed that because we had both been drinking alcohol, it was not considered to be assault. In the last few days I have realised this is not the case. This person had been interested in me for a while at work and I had made it CRYSTAL clear that the feelings were NOT reciprocated and nothing was going to happen between us. I knew he was married which automatically made him off limits but also, I was just not interested. We lost touch for a couple of years but recently got in contact again. Since that night he has continued to make it very obvious that he is STILL interested, and I have continued to tell him that I am not. A friend pointed out to me a few days ago that he sexually assaulted me. They are 100% right. If I was sober, it NEVER would've happened. I barely remember a thing about that night and I hadn't had more than 3 drinks, which leads me to believe my drink was spiked, although I don't think it was by him. I chatted to him on messenger yesterday and asked him about the night it happened. He said he has a pretty clear memory of it all and what happened back at my house. It's clear in his mind that he thinks I wanted it, but also that he is very much aware that it wouldn't have if I was sober and that it will never happen again. The fact that he was able to describe my body in detail, what we did in my bedroom and remembers what I was wearing, shows me that he was far less under the influence than I was. I am NOT okay with this. I don't know what to do with it all now. Thanks for reading. 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

This is a forum about mental health issues. Your post is, essentially a police matter as it is about an alleged crime. I'm sorry for the experience you have endured and wish you all the best however, I suggest you notify the police and ask for the sexual assault section. They are experienced in such matters and can assist you.

I wish you well

TonyWK

[Dig]

Hi EllieELL, 

Having read your story,  make it know to that  guy, continues to harass you, report matter to  the police.  write down  for your records the details of the communication you have had with this guy, keep it in  a safe place. I know it is hard to control emotion in doing such a task but, Firstly, it will aid in having it out & second, should that guy attempt any further activity you will have evidence. 

[Sophie_M]

Hey EllieEll,

Thank you so much for your openness and strength in sharing this here. We can only image how distressing this experience has been and how much it is impacting you. Sexual assault can be less clear-cut than we might expect, which can lead to feelings of confusion and self-doubt.
 
If this is someone that you continue to interact with due to being a colleague, this would have a huge impact on how you are feeling. Sexual assault is never okay. Other members here have provided some good advice about reporting this to police. We’d also recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here: https://www.1800respect.org.au/online-chat-1800respect. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.

Strong emotions can strike unexpectedly when we have experienced something traumatic. Please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here:https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/talk-to-a-counsellor.  

How have you been travelling this week? Has there been anyone that you have been able to talk to about this?

We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here. We hope that you can be kind to yourself while you navigate this.

Kind regards,
Sophie M

[sbella02]

EllieEll,

Thank you for finding the strength to share your experience with us here, welcome to the forums. I'm so sorry to hear that you've gone through this. What a horrible realisation to come to. 

Sometimes, it does take a while to process an experience like this and see it for what it is. I know that for me, I tend to make excuses for others' behaviour or try to see the best in people, so it may take me a while to recognise certain behaviours as harassment or assault especially if the lines are blurred or if it's something that happened a while ago and you feel that details aren't coming to you as easily. 

If this behaviour has made you uncomfortable, start with documenting everything that you remember that has made you feel like this - the instance from your work party, his expressions of interest since and your refusal, to every instance of you telling him "no". From a professional standpoint, it may be a good idea to approach HR if this is something that has come up continuously and still affects you and your working life to this day. The police might also be another good point of contact. 

If both of these options sound a little intimidating at first, or if you feel like you just want somebody to talk it through with first, 1800RESPECT is a good place to start too. 

If you feel that writing it all out here has been therapeutic for you, you may find that journaling will be beneficial for helping you process it or easing your discomfort. It can be good to write things out. 

I hope this helps, please feel free to chat some more if you need, we're here for you.

Take care, SB