Not in a good space

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

It's like a feeling just bubbling up to the surface. It's panicky and disgusting and I dont' know what to do with it. There's no thoughts associated with it. It's a feeling. A really gross one. I called the Suicide Call Back service. I didn't find them helpful. What do you do? What helps you?

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Andrew, thanks for reaching out to me. I'm sorry you've been in this space too, but glad to hear you're feeling a little better, that's great. I do browse the forums on my less yuk days and note down things that people have suggested as helpful. I have a great GP and psychologist who both tell me I've handled well all the things that have happened in the past 2 months of my life, and I think I have, because I've been putting in place a lot of things to stay on track. But then there are days like yesterday, when everything sort of peaks out of nowhere and nothing helps. I have a feeling you'll know what I mean. Those days are scary. Katy

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

good to hear you are getting some proffesional help, they helped me in many ways although finding the right one was difficult especially when you are not in the right mindset to open up and seek help.

if you are getting results from them that's great but don't be afraid to try other things that may benefit you.

I myself am searching for a new pcsycoligist as my previous one that I clicked with is no longer working ,so here I go again in search of a good practitioner. .

I feel the same in respect to feeling as I have no one,so the forums have helped some. my freinds are possibly not the type to understand and I feel a shame in opening up as I feel as I've failed somehow.

I show my physical injurys with a laught or even pride when I tell a funny story about it but mental health seems so hard to share for me, I feel less of a person .

enough about me ,keep us posted on your travels and keep strong

Andrew

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Andrew

Yes, stigma around mental health still exists unfortunately. My ex used to say to me: "don't be embarassed about the things you can't do due to your anxiety. Would you be embarassed if you couldn't throw a ball because your arm was broken?". And he was right, of course. We're not embarassed about physical ailments, and our brain is a part of our body, and that's where the "problem" lies. So why can't we talk about it?

That being said, my ex also left me because he couldn't deal with my anxiety. Sigh

Anyway I hope you find a professional you gel with. It's important. And I really wish you well. Appreciate you taking the time to reply.

Katy

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

just checking in. I read your previous posts again and also have had a pregnancy loss and now loss of partner. I am experiencing it from a male perspective so can't pretend to know how it affected you.

I know it's a lot to deal with all at once and the timing of your situation seems harsh .

just thinking of you,take care

Andrew

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Andrew

I'm very sorry to hear that you've had a similar experience to mine. I imagine it affects everyone differently, but I just can't stop thinking that I meant nothing and this bubba meant nothing to my ex who just went off and found someone else and seems quite happy. I still cry every day and thinking of him happy really hurts, although I want him to be happy. I just wish my mind would stop whirring on and on thinking about it all.

Thanks for thinking of me. Feeling very alone. Katy

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

I seem to be low in the morning but once I get moving it gets better . very slow improvement though. still an improvement to feeling like ending it and not leaving house.

don't assume you meant nothing to him . I've seen it a thousand times ,people move on to fast because they need someone to lean on and can't be alone . generally they are not happy themselves and use this as a distraction. just my thoughts.

people tell me I seem quite happy. i guess I've become good at hiding it. I'm shocked cause inside I'm wasted .

Andrew

[blondguy]

Hey Katy

Sorry for being a latecomer on your thread...You mentioned something that got my attention.....Your ex left you because he couldnt deal with your anxiety condition....Did he mention your anxiety specifically? Either way its awful for you Katy yet its his loss as he made the decision

I used to have frequent chronic anxiety attacks and my relationships were very short lived....sigh....I read that you have some days that are a 10 on the Richter scale...(excellent scale of reference by the way!) Can I ask if your anxiety impedes on your day to day well being?

my kindest always.....and a huge thankyou for the support you have provided to others on the forums 🙂

Paul

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Andrew I love that things seem a little better for you, and that you're here on the forum helping others. You mentioned that mornings are low, but once you get moving they improve. I'm wondering if it's anything you're doing that you're finding helpful? I'm always looking for strategies to try.

Katy

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Paul

Thanks for your reply. Yes, he specifically says it was my anxiety that was the problem. He'd said it many times before so it wasn't a surprise. I would have anxious reactions to things that he said, or did or didn't do, sometimes to the point of panic. It wasn't easy on either of us to be fair. But he also said it was ok, and he wasn't going anywhere... right before he left. Which was really poor timing as I was still grieving my loss. Or what I thought was our loss. I guess the timing hurts the most. Leaving me when I felt we should be supporting each other, and finding someone else so quickly when I'm still grieving my baby AND our relationship. I dont' know. I can't make sense of it. But we don't really know how someone thinks/feels, as Andrew has mentioned. And it's clear you understand how anxiety interferes in relationships. I'm sorry that it was the same way for you Paul. To answer your question, yes my anxiety impacts on me every day. It's the level that varies. I also suffer random bouts of depression, though not as often as I used to.

Kind thoughts, Katy

[iamanxiety]

Hi Katy,

I've noticed you on here also, it's been good chatting to you.

I don't know why it's mornings ,I can't find the trigger but I wake up in despair and dread the day and life in general. it's every morning like groundhog day lol.

I notice when I get busy running errands or doing something with kids for example it seems to fade.

I think I need to force myself to do something as soon as I get up and not sit around and mope for a few hours, so get up as soon as I'm awake shower and get out even though it's the last thing I want to do and I struggle.

it's 2pm now, been to a few doctors appointments and I'm much better than a few hours ago.

it's not helping I'm out of work as I have nerve damage in my arm ,hand semi paralyzed and recently tore my bicep training. training used to help my symptoms too,now I can't.

how are you doing .