Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Sign the PBP (Penguin Banishing Pact) , certainly, my pleasure.

You asked "do penguins have twins or more than one chick "

From my close observation of far to many penguins I believe that most species, except the Emperor and the King, can sometimes lay 2 eggs🥚🐧🥚, but not all species can raise both to maturity.

On a more serious note when presented with a new diagnosis or an unexpected turn in an existing condition I tend to be stumped at the time and not ask much. It takes a second visit after I've thought about it and present list of questions to be answered before I'm nearer to being fully in the picture, and even then I've sometimes thought of more questions later.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix,

As feared, you are likely to prefer the Penguin Prohibition Petition - just don't tell the penguins I have mentioned it.

*

Now I'm not booked to go to see any octors at the hospital before next year, unless it is something in the system that prompts an automated letter to tell me when & where for the blood sample to be taken for the DNA check. 

It seems to me that unless I am able to jump up & down & make a scene about the questions I need answers to, or for anyone to take my reason for being at the hospital seriously, then they are happy to go through a few basic & routine things that take a few minutes & see the back of me.Tick, tht one done.

It's a problem that comes with a mass health care system, or any large system dealing with the millions of people in Australia, or anywhere in the world

Unfortunately, it does not take much for me to think & feel I am less than, or that my specific needs are in any way important & so to not be seen as someone who expects more than I deserve (which is only what I have a right to expect), I stop asking. I don't want to hear 'no', or have people impatient with me, as if I've already taken up their time with useless questions or requests.

For all that I think I'm a whole lot better than I was, the e self-esteem still needs a lot of work.

That doesn't mean the systems we have to deal with & the people who are working within are all excellent & couldn't do with a lot of improvement too.

Personally, I'd like to not feel I will have to fight to have what I need to be deemed acceptable. I'd rather have the money & just go & buy what I want in private practict, someone who might only care that the money is coming in. Awful, but true - though I hope I'd be able to not settle for less than competent.

Rationally, objectively, I'm not putting myself at the top of any list, although personally, I'm trying to learn how to make my own needs my priority. & then, I think, realistically, we all cannot be at the head of the queue at the same time.

Then my brains feel twisted up in knots, just thinking.

Warmly,

💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty,

It sounds as if you got a junior doctor at that visit... they're not always able to be very helpful as they're still training and often anxious as they're under the watchful eye of the Registrar who can give them a hard time!  The hospitals are so pressed for time it can be hard for patients to get the answers they want/need - and you're in a strange environment and feeling like a very small cog in a very large wheel.

I worked in hospitals most of my life and even then when I had a suspected foot fracture and the junior doctor wanted to put my leg in a cast I had a hard time getting heard.  I don't believe in plaster casts most of the time - they cause huge problems with muscle wasting - and I asked what the junior doctor's rank was.  She said she was a first year Registrar, which means she knows almost nothing about orthopaedics.  I demanded a second opinion of the x-ray from the Senior Registrar, which was pretty forward of me - but I got one, and he decided it was a healing fracture that required only bandaging.  I was fine after a few weeks!

So it was definitely worth me standing my ground - but I was used to hospitals and medical people, a huge advantage.

Often it's best to go back to your GP and get him/her to explain what the tests are they want at the hospital and if you should have them.  

I suspect the hospital system is under so much pressure at the current time they have little time to give you much more than the bare necessity of information etc.  

This doesn't help you feeling not listened to and not given the information you need, I am sorry.

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Thank you for pointing me towards the Penguin Prohibition Petition - where do I sign up?

If it works I won't be able to tell any you ratted on then  😊

I guess I'd like to comment on your resistances, even though what I'm saying appeals to logic - which I know is not going to override feelings.

The is a big difference between feeling entitled to be at the top of any list (or scrambling to get to the top anyway) and having reasonable standards you expect to have professionals meet

To have proper information is essential so one can plan for and assent to the correct treatments (or refuse those that are inappropriate). Not to ensure this is of course a failure of duty of care by the professional, who will with a little experience know perfectly well that many matters are to big, far reaching or complex to be absorbed all in the one go

The more you let things go not only are you worse off but also the other people with whom that professional interacts

I believe you can on occasion stand up if you believe in something strongly. I remember ages ago you set me straight on a matter (though sadly I forget what it was about which just goes to show ...  Um, well, I'm not sure what🤔

So if you can persuade yourself you are standing up for others as well as yourself do you think that might help?

Croix

[mmMekitty]

No worries, about me playing both sides - how else is Penguin-Pong supposed to work?

😹

*

I have a letter from the hospital, telling ne, as of now I am to go to my GP for future care. Really short & impersonal, no more info included. It's like being dumped via txt.

*

I'd like to see someone privately, if Medicare will cover most of the cost, just to have more time, & the ongoing support of a specific Specialist, if only it helps me feel more supported, that would help so much. Right now, I feel stranded.

Sure, my GP might know something, but not as much as a specialist. I mean, that's why I see a Psychiatrist & an Ophthalmologist.

Maybe this time, because I've been sent a text about doing a survey to let them know about how I felt about the service I recieved... maybe I just take the time & bother to do that.... Wonder if they will ask the questions I think they ought to be asking.

*

Professional Penguins Practical Promotions Pty Pp (Perpetual) - Partial positions probable, permanent positions possible; preferred parking parallel

Warmly,

💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey Kitty ….Penguin and co 🤣

Yikes that sure does sound cold and impersonal. Yes good idea to fill out the service survey thingy. 
Seems a bit harsh you’d be needing help from other medical services I imagine poor thing. Hope something can be sorted out. 

loven your Penguin possibilities 🤭 priceless particularly proposed painful parking please post prompt precise predictions. 😂

Always wishing well for you our Kits 😸🙋‍♀️ Tc

[mmMekitty]

Hi DB, 💖

😹Porter ponderously pantomimes: pre-post payment procedure, primary plus passengers' portal, prints plus pictures pixelated

🙀paradise postponed ... permanently? 

..Passerby points, "Pessimist!"

*

Oh, woe the service survey - via txt, so I don't get the info or link in my email. I did manage to open it & first it to ask me if I want email &/or txt message. I would have likde to know that earlier, so I could have chosen email already, before they sent the txt, with the assumption I would prefer doing this on my phone... is there no way to sen the text of a message to my email so I could use it on my dexktop? All the wonderful technology & I can't do that! 

I did try to use the address shown in the link, (that was tedious with many tries to get the whole address), but the page that opened on my desktop looked different - it ws a login page. Now, what username & password do I have for the state gov health department???? ... I gave up for now.

If they really want my opinion why not talk to me when I'm there? 

Got me grumpy again... & I didn't want to be grumpy today... this week... heheh.

*

So now I age my tiramisu - very yummy, oh yes... small, seemingly light, but I'm sure it was not healthy! 😹 I wouldda saved some for you, but it was gone before my brain finished making the suggestion to do... Question: is my brain slow or my eating fast? (no answer required or incorrect).

mmMekitty

*

[mmMekitty]

In all honesty, try s I might to enjoy myself this week, I am feeling awful, disappointed my sis hasn't phoned to say 'Happy Birthday' yet, Wishful thinking tripping me up. It's not like some regular thing we've done over the years, nothing like that. I just had in my head that now we have been in contact with each other for a couple years, & on her last Birthday I phoned her, I thought maybe she would. I wanted her to, hoped so, & now I feel disappointed over something I guess I imagined might be more than a small hope, more important to me than I had admitted, too.

Three people have emailed/called. The two emails were from people I'm not in usual contact with. The one who called was my home helper.

Other than that, I feel really alone tonight. 

I realised, just how really late it is to now want to hear my mother say 'Happy Birthday' - I remember nothing of her. Tonight, I miss things I never had, or so it seems because I don't remember. Not just to have a memory of her voice, but some specific words.

Why was that too much for my father to allow & facilitate for me & my sibs? 

Way too late to ask questions, too late for any reply.

& I thought, wonder if my recently discovered Uncle will email? Doubt it too. It's been several months already since he has emailed. I did say I would like us to get to know each other, just as I said to my sis, that I was open to more discussions with her, maybe even some very difficult discussions, I thought, she was too.

& tonight, it's getting too difficult to keep writing here, although I had a decent rest for two hours in the early evening. Have had my night time meds, that don't help much.. so I need to stop & go to my bed, hopefully to sleep.

Goodnight, & let's have more fun tomorrow.

💖💖💖💖

mmMekitty

[ecomama]

Dearest Kitty, Hugs. 

I'm sorry your sister and other family haven't acknowledged your birthday or are unable to. 

Please remain the loving, lively, beautiful soul you are! 

It's okay to be sad too. These things that people DON'T do can hit hard and even harder if we allow them to. 

My Aunty didn't text for mine either. In fact none of my Aunties did on either side. One used to, every birthday. Not now. 
Should I just "happen to forget" HER birthday? or all of their birthdays? 
I can't bring myself to do the tit for tat. 
It doesn't cost me anything, but forgiveness, to text a Happy Birthday message.

I reckon life can try to suck us in and chew us up.... or we can choose to stay away from the cement mixer. 

Squeezing right through the ethernet to give you a BIG FAT BIRTHDAY HUG Kitty. 

Sleep tight lovely! 
EM

[ecomama]

Hey Kitty, 

How are you doing today my purring friend lol! 

Love EMxxxx