Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

⚠️More difficult thoughts & feelings follow:

Separately, I have wanted to write about the way I feel the loss of people I don't know, never met, but have admired & appreciated.

Mr Archie Roach (please forgive me if I'm being disrespectful writing his name here), was one such person. From what little I have known, a great man, a leader, an example to the younger generations, & to us all for how he came through being a boy taken from his family, at 2yrs old, another of the stolen generations, battling to survive, & through his music, finding his voice, telling his story for anyone to hear.

There are others as well, people who have shown a great deal of courage, perseverance & resilience throughout their lives. We only know them because they have come to public attention. & usually that's all I know. I rarely go in search of any personal information about people I've seen on tv or movies, or whose music I've heard. Sometimes they talk & tell us, or through their music. I firmly believe people, like the 'celebrity' or 'star' or working in the public spere have a right to have a private & personal life.

& I usually don't feel a personal connection to most of these people.

Sometimes I am surprised & I'm shocked at how much I might feel for one or another when something awful happens, or when I hear they have died.

I know for sure I'm going to feel an awful lot when Joni Mitchell dies. I will understand that loss much easier, because without her being in the world, writing & performing & recording her music all through my teenage years, into my adulthood, has been like an anchor for me. I think I was 15yrs old when I first heard her voice, & was 'smitten' 😻, truly.

I sometimes wonder if apprehension or foreboding, is why these feelings I have for other people's deaths is so unexpectedly strong.

I'm never sure how to talk about it, or I would have said something for Mr Archie Roach last week.

Maybe the word I was looking for was 'dread', very simply, basic dread. I think some time appreciating, now she is retired, not recording ought to help me prepare - but I'm not sure that's how it works.

Thanks for reading. I know sometimes it isn't easy. 

💖💖💖

mmMekitty 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty…and everyone….🤗..

I heard the same this morning and will admit some tears fell as I was remembering the many records I had of her and her group…and often played them singing along to the music and lyrics….when I was a young child and when no one was around….One of my favourite songs is “Georgie Girl”….and “The carnival is over”….oh and “When the stars begin to fall”…..Too many to list….Such a beautiful voice and beautiful person….

Judith’s songs and voice will be with us forever…..RIP Judith Durham 🙏…

Hugs everyone…

Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi Kits 🐺Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & everyone 

Just passing through to let you know I'm listening lovey. 

Uh oh brain block atm but the other day I saw something for people that write and straight away thought of you. Hopefully it'll come back it was along the lines of where writers can get it out there. You are good. 

Yes Judith left the world beautiful memories. Successful singers become immortal leaving such beautiful gifts to so many. 

Good age good on her

Go easy good people ☺🐺🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩 hi darlin Grandy 🤗 

[mmMekitty]

Do I have tears for Olivia Newton John? Not so many, I hadn't followed her life much, though I had heard some on occasion. Is it just too soon after the other two, whose deaths I have felt?  Or is this the random way I either respond or not?  When I heard Olivia had died of a recurrence of the cancer she had back in the 1990s, (maybe it never was fully cured or removed?) I think, why don't I feel something about that, even? Here I've had my own experience, & it is an ongoing experience, even though my cancers were removed. & I think, she was 11 years older than I am now. That makes it feel closer to me than is comfortable. Thoughts of my own mortality circling like vultures, but seemingly high in the cloudy sky. I don't feel threatened by that. What bothers me more is that I can't seem to do anything about how my body feels & the wonky shape it is in. 

I was told yesterday, there's no way I'd be able to get some revision surgery to help with the bulging around my sides, due to COVID, only the most essential surgeries are being done, & more more, therefore, gets put aside. Maybe next year, they might take a look at it again.

meanwhile I have to persevere with the exercises, trying to do them as well as I can, along with more exercises for my right shoulder. The Physio is oncerned it could become a 'frozen shoulder' & advised me to keep trying to use it, rather than doing so much with my left arm. The physio was more informative than the Doctor.

The Doctor mentioned wanting to have me get a genetic test.  I had to push to get him to explain it is because I had the two cancers, one in each brest, which he said was unusual. & I still had to ask how they do this test, what gets tested. I'm imagining it was that some tissue was retained, but he eventually said it would be a blood sample from me, & the data gets stored. There doesn't seem to be a lot in in it for me, unless it turns out my genetic make up means I am at a higher risk of other cancer developing.  So that was fun.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello mmMekitty,

I can hear your frustration at having to push to get the information you both want & need from your doctor. Unfortunately doctors like that aren't rare, especially in hospitals as I discovered over the years of my dad being in & out of hospital.  I'm glad for you that at least your physio explains things. It's terrible the back log of so called non urgent surgeries that has built up since covid hit, I don't know why the government doesn't pay private hospitals to take some patients to help get the numbers down. Woofa & I will keep paws & fingers crossed you can get in for your surgery earlier than next year.

As far as I know (remember I'm not a doctor) the genetic tests can only show if you have a gene that may mean you are predisposed to some cancers, they still can't say if you have the particular genes that it means you will get cancer. 

I found Judith Durham's passing sad, but like you I'm not in the slightest way upset by Olivia's. I think you may be right when you said in an earlier post, that there has to be something about their songs or life that touches us. I think with Judith it was more that her songs were such a part of my childhood than actually feeling sad about her in a personal way. 

Just bye the bye I found these 🐧🐧🐧🐧 wandering about after obviously taking a wrong turn. I will get Woofa to gallop over to yours with them in his saddle bags & pop them in your bath tub for you. I did ponder sending them to a certain walrus's iceberg, but Woofa has mislaid his wet suit.

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty and everyone here,

I was taken by surprise by how sad I felt when I heard of Judith Durham's death on the news mmMekitty - I think because growing up in the 60s I heard the Seekers songs all the time, we sang them at school - they were a part of my childhood and youth.  When I look at people's comments on utube, they are saying the same thing.  I am thankful we have recordings of their songs, Judith's beautiful clear voice, and the videos of them singing and playing.  I also couldn't feel anything about Olivia Newton-John - though I appreciate she was very good at what she did - yet the Sydney Morning Herald had an entire editorial and several large articles devoted to her - much more than Judith got, yet I thought the impact of The Seekers world-wide had been far greater.  

I'm sorry it's difficult for you to get the information you need from the doctors - and about your surgery being delayed.  Lots of GPs are not very good... and often they are pressed for time... but you do need that information given to you clearly.  The hospitals are overrun - I met with a young woman today very, very sick with kidney failure - her mother was with her and said she had been on a trolley in a corridor for two days and nights until she finally got a bed - the regional hospitals can't cope.  

I understand your love for Joni Mitchell!  Thank goodness for recorded music and videos.. I can't imagine how it was in the days when such things were unavailable, and people didn't even have a photograph of a loved one.

Hugs from me and Sam to you 

[Croix]

Dear Paw Prints (and all mischief makers)~

"I did ponder sending them to a certain walrus's iceberg but ..."

very wise words🙃

I'd probably just give Woofa a bone and ship all the penguins back by 🐈-apult

Never mind you have enough for bridge, wait a while and I'm sure you will have enough for your own football team.

-C

[mmMekitty]

Hello all Penguin Pals, & their beloved penguins everywhere.

I was wondering , do penguins have twins or more than one chick (at different times) each year? If they don't do that how did their numbers ever rise to thousands, in some colonies, & hw do they rise again where the numbers have fallen?

I could be wrong, but it seems in my memory of watching documentaries & news reports, that the two parents of one chick was the norm. 

&, for Croix, I may be a flexible kitty-cat, but I ain't all that elastic , well, at least not anymore I ain't. There will be no repurposing me as any part of a 🐈-apult.

Since no real penguins are involved, I might try penguin feather filled pillows summer - the penguins might enjoy being bald. 😺

Am I getting tootired, or what? 🙀

I'm just glad I got this much done  - a couple word games, reading a couple more posts, including the last three here, & it's late again. 

💖💖💖💖 to everyone

mmMekitty 

[mmMekitty]

Hi everyone😸

The Doctor I saw last Tuesday - junior I'm sure because he had to go see 'the boss' about finding the scans/tests I had done, (I have no physical copy - all online, these days, it seems & guess what? I don't recall what all the scans & tests I've done were last time. I thinkI'd have to look back here & see what I wrote!) Anyway, he said the 'routine for some who has had two cancers, one in each side like I did, because that is apparently, unusual. I never heard that before. Then he said this might predispose me to having cervical or ovarian cancer as well, in future, & therefore, they are regularly asking for the DNA test of patients like me...

He seemed more uncomfortable about answering than I, fumbling trying to ask questions, was. As I said, I didn't know why, what would be asked of me, when, where, what it all means, etcetera. I never heard a hint of needing to do any DNA test, nor the reasons why one might be done. For myself, even knowing won't change whatever will happen in the future. Can I do more than what I do to prevent anything? 

Happily, I haven't been asked to sign any consent form.

Whatever happened to genetics counselling priorto DNA testing? Even this situation deserves some specific counselling support.

Since my mind was awash with unformed questions, & being anxious as I am, & when uncomfortable, my default is to keep quiet, & get out as soon as possible, (yes, even in this sort of situation), struggling to ask what I did, but knowing I didn't get all the information I want about it... & he seemed content that the discussion was short & unspecific - like, there's other patients waiting out there, right, so consultations are kept short.

Unless you are very assertive & confident & can pull your thoughts together quickly, you won't get far. It seems to me they won't go out of their way to ensure patients understand what they are thinking .

I think the COVID strain they've been under only accounts for a smallish portion of the way the system is now.

I feel rather like a part, the condition, moving along a conveyor belt, that does not ever slow down, nor recognise the whole person in context of their condition, which is dealt with by the particular department where they are.

mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

Yes, & I saw the numbers for each state, how many on waiting lists for 'elective' surgery. & worse to come, I'm sure. I dispair about getting done what I think I need. I feel it's not actually what I think I need that matters. Just like withNDIS, someone else will make the final decision. I am sure many people will be, & I agrree, nearer the top of the list & get their surgery before me, who will be one of the least prioritised, because while uncomfortable & 'disfiguring' as the fatty tissue is on my sides, it is not impeding iin my daily life, & not painful, either. I'd much rather someone get a hip replacement or a cataract or two removed.

With so many variables to be considered, I don't know how decisions are made to determine who gets what done before someone else gets what they need. I've been astounded at what is called 'elective'.

Can't help but feel I'm at the bottom of a great big heap, with little to recommend me for moving me up the list, & then I think of others left at the bottom ... it feels so wrong.

Would it feel more right if I had the money to either have top health insurance or to pay for everything myself & get it done privately?

How does it feel to be the doctors making the decisions? No wonder they don't what to get to know the patients - that would interfere with the decisions they have to make.

I think too much...

Meanwhile, back in another state of absurdity, anyone wanna sign the new Penguin Protection Pact? Croix? I bet you wanna be first, eh? 😺

💖💖💖

mmMekitty