Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMeKitty~

Of course I've longer teeth, after all the last puddy-tat with comparable dentition became extinct around 10,000 years ago. (And yes they get a salt-water bath every day, walruses have difficulties flossing)

Now I've no idea why you are sneaking thought the flowers - you're not related to Tiny Tim are you?

As for accents, tow is New Zealand for toe, which is spoken by Demonblaster's mob.

Again I've no idea why you wish to be a barber and give old-fashioned hair-cuts, you are obviously too subtle for me:(

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Ah, you did know the song, I sing it to creep along, when I want to play at being a cross between a gardener & a barber, looking for whatever might need pruning & those whiskers look pretty long. & being an old-fashioned barber, it wasn't just hair cutting & shaving that they did, was it?

Click, click, click ... Those are not my claws on the tiles - I am practising to see if I can add shearer to my repertoire... click, click, click .... 🎶& mmMe paw moo-oove quick!🎶

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Both Sumo Cat and I have fine sets of whiskers, and do not need pruning then you! Perhaps your talents might be in demand by others at the end of Movember.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

I'd better go after those sheep🐑🐏& 🐐🐐🐐& the 🐎🐎🐎& the 🐕🐩🐺 🦊hanging around the farm

Then I'm off to the zoo to trim, cut & shave as I see fit:🦁🦧🐼🐻🦓🦍🐒🦥🐨 🐅🦝 🦙,, & any other slightly or very hairy beast I find,

except, the🦨!

It's been getting warmer, more humid, I think they will be lining up

Me, I'm thinking, 'Trick or Treat?' & wearing my 🐱‍🐉costume.

see ya! 🐱‍🏍

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Rather than use anothers' thread I thought I'd come back here.

Going gray, well there is the well known phrase "all cats look grey at night", so you will be in good company. Plus all cats shed, you only have to look at my jumpers to know that.

Seriously memory does have it's ups and downs, I find it is worse more or less in direct proportion to an increase in mental symptoms or physical pain. Easing these has a very positive effect, memory ability -and concentration -does return

Being grumpy? You should have seen Nasty Cat. She would lie on top of the heater in the kitchen (a major thoroughfare) and swipe and sink her claws into passing people, dogs or cats, just to express an antisocial attitude. I think she was disappointed if travelers did not come within range.

As for comparing your ills with others. True it is subjective and hard to judge, though I suspect you will always tend to minimize your problems against others. However that is where other people's opinions come into play. If I can see two people I may well be able to say which is in a worse state and pass that information on.

Thank you for the hint on Word. If I use my main computer in my office I have umpteen screens and MS Office on it. This allows me to view a post as I answer it in Word, then paste the reply. If on the other hand I'm in front of my wood fire in the study with Sumo Cat at my elbow giving me the benefit of his experience, then I use a laptop and tend to write direct in the reply box (a perilous venture) . Needless to say I prefer this despite its shortcomings.

You think you are over the half way mark!

Croix (who like every other walrus sheds his fur every year:)

[mmMekitty]

Oh woe, how can I look forward to shaving you if you go on shedding every year?

I tell myself to write posts in my word document first,too, but often forget. It is easier to edit when I write too much, as usual for me. but even on these text boxes we are provided, if you notice any little wavy red lines while writing, you can right click & at the top of the list of option, you can see & hopefully, select the correctly spelled word.

I am, (let's just say it), 62, not a healthy specimen of the species.so I will be very surprised if Iam to be nudging any longevity records. & also for the record, I don't want a letter from any royalty, so just write, 'return to sender' on it. & fdrop it in a mail box, if they still exist. If they send emails by then, see if I could be removed from their list or report them as spammers.

Croix, it seems the world is intent upon making me as cranky as Nasty Cat. More new neighbours who seem to think the last couple days have been made just for them to come out & argue, loud enough for everyone to hear, & move about, onto the street, too, just to be sure half the street knows. & as usual, anyone who can shout when angry, gets a blast right back at them, for telling them to keep it down. Some of the language my neighbours use is no better than theirs.

& me, being a scaredy cat, puts up with it, unless I hear threats

If I could tell which flat where any of them is from, I could complain, & may as well wish on a star I cannot see, for all the good it will do.

I saw the moon the other very early morning, almost going too low, where a stand of palm trees,wouldblock my view. My eyes were making things blue tinted, so the moon was, at least BLUE for me. 😸 That's something, ain't it? I can't hold a steady gaze, so it was bouncy too!

I know I am under some stress, but I am waiting...that's all I want to do. That & not worry. Of-course this alone, could be the cause of my memory seeming to have decided it has a casual part-time position these days, but I'm not convinced that's all.

I did get a scan of my head, & I guess it didn't show much of any interest. GP has not phoned to get me in any earlier than my next scheduled appointment. I went online & read what little all those pictures told them. I was in the machine for just a few minutes & they took more than 50 pictures.

They said more about my nose! Well, if the GP can help with that, after seeing the pictures, maybe I'll get something out of the experience.

🙀later,

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMeKitty~

Walruses can glide silently past when they have a mind to, so do not be overly surprised to see one is ahead.

Talking of heads, or in your case noses, it's a fallacy I believe to think a cat is healthy if their nose is cold and wet. A healthy cat can just as easily have one that's warm and dry. The give away is if they paw their nose a lot, hopefully something you have no urge to do.

I'm not sure Dr Google can give you a complete radiologist's opinion, however the fact you doctor has not contacted you more quickly than normal is most encouraging.

Memory (or the lack of it) is as you know subject to many influences. some years ago MarkJT (another policeman) had a thread about memory and concentration as influenced by PTSD, however any stress could do the same. You might be interested to look at it.

(The upshot was that 'smartphones rule':)

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/ptsd-trauma/poor-concentration-due-to-ptsd

Your neighbours sound pretty horrible however I think you are wise not to get involved, it is not a question of being a scaredy cat but simply weighing up risk and ongoing worry versus the seriousness of the situation. I think your non action is exactly appropriate ATM.

Your observations of the moon are interesting, mind you I can achieve a very similar effect with a swig or two of blue Curaçao, so the old saw "once in a blue moon" can refer to a rather variable period:)

I believe DB and Grandy left some behind the last time they partied on my iceberg in my absence despite my prohibitions

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/bb-social-zone/croix-parler/page/35#qykwsnHz...

Croix (who still thinks you are a young whippersnapper)

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix, mightn't a 'whipper snapper' also refer to a whip cracking fish?

You mistake, or I did not be clear, I had gone to Medinexus, where QScan records scans & what they observed, there. I discovered they have been putting other scans/Xrays/ultrasounds there as well over the last, I can't recall, 5 years, I think. My GP will have access to them too

Realy does seem like we live in Orwell's world of Big Brother. But the upside is I don't have to collect big envelopes with plastic things in them. I don't call that a fair exchange, would you?

I gotta get answers, even if they are not answers I want or can benefit from, because not knowing seems worse - potentially much worse with each passing week when answers are not found, & so no direction can be recognised at the one to follow.

As for my neighbours, I only would like to prevent the incident from escalating, & our street ending up on the news.

I really need to go to sleep,

🙀 mmMekitty 💤 maybe

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Yes you should definitely go to sleep, "mightn't a 'whipper snapper' also refer to a whip cracking fish?" is terrible! Would you mind letting minnow when you are about to launch another pun so I have the oppor-tuna-ty to escape:)

Yes I did misunderstand, and of course you were quite right, and finding the extra test results would have been a bonus. and true, it has all changed with digital imaging, which I guess might be easier for you to read too.

I'm not sure abut Orwell. If you go to Denmark you will find you are assigned a unique number at birth or on citizenship and everything is recorded, from psych ward visits to learner's permit to library books.

There are checks and safeguards but each person's life is well and truly government recorded, yet it all seems to work well. I guess they have more trust in society and government. Here I'm sure the same information is taken down, but scattered though government, plus private local and overseas organizations with little real control. Hopefully medical records will remain confidential.

Not having answwrs is a soul-destroying state. I remember when I discovered my actions were because of PTSD, it was in a way a release and a weight off my sholders, I could now understand. Plus in my case it pointed the way for treatment. I hope matters clarify for you soon.

As for your neighborhood in the news, how about "Cat shaves all and sundry but does not sweep up after - a case of Kitty Litter?"

Croix

[mmMekitty]

I had half my words taken away, & was very upset much of today, I went for a scan & finished with a biopsy, so now I am punctured & sore, & don't want to think about it all anymore, because I'm so frightened, but don't know what I can say, so likely I will be waiting until sometime next week, & unable to speak...I haven't even told my PDr about this physical concern, because I don't know anything yet, just that I think there is something else going on, & I'm waiting to find out.

I had my helper with me, & she is great. We can laugh, & I can tell her or at least try, & then we get distracted & drift into other things to talk about, so if I want to say more, I have to bring her back to the topic, but even that seems okay.

When something is really important I need to learn to 'be more assertive'. - I've heard that so many times! If I don't she won't know how much I need her support; she may end up thinking I do't need nearly as much as I do.

Same goes for my new GP, again!!! I really hope she is also much better than GPs I've had before), & my PDr, who I expect will go on his annual long leave as usual.

I didn't tell him I had joined BB, when he was away for a short break, because feeling alone & vulnerable at the time, I was angry at him. I think that's the main reason why. That, & I thought I wanted to do something independent & which I thought would supplement what his support is to me, when he is not away. Those breaks really get to me. More since COVID-19? Perhaps that has something to do with it, too..

*

You want terrible puns? Awful jokes? Do you have an iPhone? Ask Siri to "Tell me a joke", do this many times.

I don't usually tell jokes, or any prepared bit of funny - I much prefer the 'in the moment' something that strikes me as funny. Or a phrase might suddenly sound like the term 'whipper-snapper' had suddenly done. I love 'sick' jokes like those I heard as a child. I wish I could remember more of those. A couple I recall I might not be able to put here; I'm not going to bother trying.

What if I stick to platitudes & generalisations? Do you think that would help anyone?

Don't worry, Croix.

Don't worry, Sophie_M

I'm thinking with my feelings, not with my head.

I'm tired, but I want to go & pretend I am a little red cat/a much younger me, for a little while, because that's something else I feel a need to do.

mmMekitty