Introducing mmMekitty

[mmMekitty]

I am mmMekitty, named for my cat, (my avatar), who lived 7 years. It has been five or so years since, but I still miss her. Mekitty an I had a simpler relationship than any I have had with people.

The photo is the one I to retrieved after my hard drive crashed. She had wandered off, was away for six days, when she turned up again in the middle of the night. I cried with relief. This was the photo I used for her Lost Cat poster I put up around the neighbourhood at the time.

As for me, I cannot see the detail of the photo nearly as well as I did then, and then my sight was poor. I am now using text-to-speech software, zooming on my pc, voice over. Since I find this stuff difficult, I get really frustrated.

I used to keep all my emotions in check, so much so, I thought and said I did not have any feelings or reactions to anything. That changed and I could not deny the existence of my emotions. It was a terrifying time. What was happening to me? I was falling apart and all this unidentifiable stuff was pouring out.

I have had to learn so much since I began seeing the Psychiatrist I saw back then (1993 - 95). From learning I had to put words to the experiences, name, own, accept them. Still uncomfortable. I beat up on myself too much, I know.

I used to do things I can no longer do to my own satisfaction. I still sing, but not like I used to. I cannot paint like I did. I cannot use pen and paper to write, so have managed to adapt to keyboard. That is something. I have been working on being more sociable, less isolated, but last year, when COVID-19 retrictions required face masks be worn, I found I could not - which is what brings me here.

I have had to curtail so much of what I had been doing. I am feeling the isolation now. How ironic! I resisted even thinking I needed anybody, then I try to have some friends, join a writers' group, get help with things like housework and shopping, going to places for fun and entertainment, only to have to withdraw again because I cannot wear a mask. It bites, like a scorpion.

I will make a thread, now I found the place to click to create one! I think my problem was with how I have my desktop appearance. It looks like any ordinary link, hiding below another, for creating a feed link. Now I know.

I suppose I will get around to talking more about myself. I will need to be careful about how involved I become, so please, don't expect me to pop up everywhere. I would burn out if I did that.

(Purring) mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty~

Just forced to wait, as you are now, is one of the hardest things one has to do in life, often as bad as knowledge of the outcome. I had a similar time with a lung spot, and I don't blame you in the least for not wanting to talk about it.

So what can we do to help you pass those dragging long hours? Any suggestions? All I can offer at the moment is I tried to distract myself as much as possible (I too did not feel like disclosing the matter in detail). I have a very large collection of movies and caught up on my catalogueing to the sounds of English Radio comedy from the 60's

Would not seem at all exciting to most, but hit the spot for me.

If you stick to platitudes and generalizations for now that 's fine. Very often you go deeper, but its OK to glide. Everything you and others do, from showing fear to the most general of greetings will help more than you realise -this place is incredibly well scanned. People need others be with them, and often the contact does not have to be anything other than a quiet presence.

Jokes and terrible puns have their place, after all this forum is often deadly earnest, (see the Worst Joke Wednesday thread) however you don't have to go out of your way, I'd sooner an occasional bespoke joke that spontaneously occurred to you than something you felt obliged to provide.

I don't know if you need to be more assertive or not, we cannot all be the Terminator, and I'd not wish you to change.

Feeling and thinking wiht your emotions is fine at times, and being wihtout a support is unsettling, sometimes even a trifle frightening, and as a result one can be angry and resentful. It's not new and any psych or medico worth their salt would be well aware of the phenomena.

Getting your own supplementary support, such as here or your helper, just goes to show you are taking charge.

So you have to steer the conversation at times? That's OK, after all many have to train the people that support them in what to say or do.

You are coping more than well.

Croix

[Croix]

Dear mmMeKitty~

I don't know if it is of help to you or not however you had your biopsy last week and I've my flipper Xed that all has worked out well.

Whatever you have to face, good or bad, you have company

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix,

Sorry I havn't got back to you here. I had decided to distract myself.

I was also getting so irritated with my PC, connected to to my tele so I could use as the monitor, because the set up was playing up, & had been for some months. I decided to get someone in to fix it all up again for me, That was Thursday last eek.

He came, messed about, as if he really didn't know what to do. Eventually,, ,he decided I would need a new cable, & promised to return Friday, or Saturday. At this point he had made no improvemens to the problems, which was that my PC & TV, although connected, didn't think so if I left for a few minutes, without touching anything. I have to keep nudging my mouse, (which also seems to have a loose cord(, to get the view of my PC back again.

After he left, an hour later, there was a very brief power outage, so short that my PC restarted itself, & I saw it begin, then before showing the lock screen, my view of it went away, all dark. Not even a message telling me to check the connection or that this Mode is not supported.

& the fellow didn't return Friday, or Saturday didn't even phone to apologise. I called the company Sunday,& it was not until Monday, round sunset, that he came back. & the new cord didn't help. But Ihe did restore my set up to how it had been.

& I got charged two call-out fees!

I came here some, but it was very difficult without seeing something on the screen. I think a couple posts didn't end up getting posted. I kept trying to locate the 'Thanks for posting...' message, but it was elusive.

Actually, two biopsies were taken, from two lumps, one on each side. Effing ouch! (the first, into where I've been having pain). The other wasn't so bad. I go to see my GP tomorrow, as previously scheduled. Since no-one has phoned from the GP's, Do I assume it is not anything really drastic? But something will have be done about the one on the left, because of the pain. & then what else?

I am tempted to google, but I won't because I could be misled by whatever I find, not having something specific to google about. I would like to feel, at least, a little bit prepared.

Thanks for being here.

I do intend being around here through out the Silly Season & into the New Year, checking in quite frequently. This time of year has often been difficult for me, & so may this one. So it will help me to be available as much as I can.

I'll see you round, like a fishing hole in the ice. 😸

mmMekitty 😺⛸⛸ ⛸⛸

[mmMekitty]

Hi Croix,

In a way, I don't know a lot more, & yet, I do. I have two lumps, & they are both cancer. & my GP has refered me to specialist/s as 'urgent', so morre soon.

My helper has offered to pretty much drop everything to help me get to appointments, or help in any other way.

I was thinking throughout yesterday evening about telling my sis, as we still are trying to sort out how, what, where, when to get our mother's will finalised. Legal stuff, requiring lots of red tape, forms, maybe even going in person interstate to a consulate office... I am not sure I can provide all documents even to prove who I am.... I'm wondering if it is worth so much stress & my sis is dealing with most of it. One of my brothers is not doing anything, as far as she knows. I find it all overwhelming myself. Other brothers - I don't know anything...

So, now, I have this to tell my sis, & I'm not sure how. Or even if, & wait until I know more about how serious this could become? If it was her & not me, I'd want to know sooner. I'm not sure how much practical difference it would make, though, becaus I'm not in a good place, physically, emotionally or otherwise, to help her, as she might be to help me, if I ask...& I'm not sure I want to do that. She has had to deal with so much, lives an hour/two away as well, working, too.

& yes, I don't want to be a burden. That's at the heart of my reluctance to tell her. I don't want her to feel she must take on more for my sake than she already has with regards to our mother's estate.

But I'm frightened, & I don't want to be alone. My mind wants to spin off into 'worst case scenario' & I'm struggling to keep it in check, because I don't know yet. I like to feel I can be prepared, feel I can retain some sense of control, if only I could know what to expect, & over what length of time, but I don't.

Now, I've written it here, told you, I suppose it's only fair I should phone my sis. Thanks Croix. I needed someone at the other end of my writing, this time for sure.

mmMekitty

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty (and hi to Mr Croix)

Excuse me coming across your conversation but I was concerned. MmMekitty, are lunps breast lumps? I'm sorry I'm not clear...

I can imagine waiting - is it for surgery or further biopsy/removal of the lumps? - must be frightening.

I went through this once with a breast lump they thought was malignant and my mother had had breast cancer. Mine thankfully turned out to be benign, but I remember vividly how scared I was.

MmMekitty I just wanted to offer my support. You have Croix who is wonderful but I will keep checking on you too.

Have you found something to keep you occupied today? Have you heard any more about the surgery?

Sending you warmest wishes and thoughts. Comforting hugs dear lady!

👍🐕🍀💞💖

[mmMekitty]

Hello Hanna & Croix,

I have only seen my GP, & the people who did the mammographies , ultrasounds and took the biopsies. They sent the results to my GP, who told me it is breast cancer, both, one smaller (like tiny), in my right breast, the other, on the left, is larger & is the one giving me pain.

Today, I have spoken to my PDr, & doing that, telling him about this, did help a lot, & confirmed for me that I need to tell my sis, sooner rather than later. He also said, that during his long break, I can message him, if I need, & he will let me know a time to call him. Just knowing this is hugely important to me. Indeed, just knowing I can call him means it is actually less likely I will!

& I have had a long talk with my sis, about this && several other things, too, mostly including the legal stuff, which is also such a big headache. My sis is going on with trying to sort that out.

I have not heard anything more yet, but I really wasn't expecting to, maybe not even tomorrow.

Hanna, you are more than welcome to drop in, anytime!

For now, I just wait, spending some time here on BB, though, hoping more people will post to my new thread. I hope I really can be here, on BB, having some fun with other people who might not be having such a great Xmas/New Year, as mine are usually not so, but now... I'm trying to NOT think about the RHINOSAURUS!

The most difficult thing about the Silly Season is finding something to distract oneself. I used to get into the tennis, but that's not so good for me, now. Maybe I'll listen to all my Terry Pratchett books, again, or my Stephen King? Or both? Lots of books & music to listen to, but I would really like something more physical to capture my interest. That's always been a problem, not getting into any physical activity, but I think it is something I need.

Thanks to you both, very much. It really does help so much to believe there is actually someone reading what I write.

Oh, I was trying to be circumspect about my gender. Ah, well, born female, but most times I think it is irrelevant. But not for this, eh?

mmMekitty

[Mum Chris]

Hi mmMekitty

Thats a lot to deal with and going to worst case scenario is ever present in anyone’s brains but it’s important I’m told to not theorise and worry. You seem rather matter of fact so It makes me think you are succeeding at staying calm.
How do you feel now you have shared the news with your sis was it OK. It’s one less thing to do now for you and you can get back to focusing on treatment whatever that is for you.
Legal stuff hopefully can be managed by your sister.
Sending more good vibes to you for great sleep. 🐈🥰

[Hanna3]

Hi mmMekitty,

I'm sorry you're going through all this. Is the GP referring you to a surgeon?

It's a scary situation for you but had a friend who had cancerous lumps in the breasts removed and years later she is fine.

So yes, there's a need for you to find things to take your mind off all this and Xmas!

I'm glad your PDr is so supportive and I hope your sister will be able to support you too.

Fear not, we here at BB will be here to help you however we can!

Take it easy and try not to overthink.

Gentle hugs dear mmMekitty! Fluffy one's from little Sam.

💖🐕🐾🐾👍🙂🌼🌻🌳🌿🍃🌹💐🍀

[Croix]

Dear mmMeKitty~

I wrote you yesterday but the whole site went down, its a pity, I was trying to make you laugh, still no doubt I'll have other opportunities

I guess that it might be worth reminding you , although you already know this, that people want to help their loved-ones, it's built in. I would think your sister might be similar in some ways to you and I'm sure would want to know and help, so I think you have decided wisely.

Plus the more support you have the better. Support is a funny thing, done properly it helps both parties. It's a bit like love, the more you give the more you have left.

Frankly I don't think being circumspect about you gender worked very well anyway and as for the lumps, frightening but doable, and we'll be here to distract you, you are never alone.

I'm a male (not circumspect at all, but what walrus is:) and has a mastectomy way back when I was a teen, a nasty non-benign lump that had to go, but all gone, no ill effects. In fact one good one, I met my first serious GF, the nurse who was looking after me. I like to think we both had a wonderful time to look back on in later years.

Your doctor sounds a gem.

If you don't feel you can do justice to all the legalities by all means leave it to your sister for now. What turns around comes around and I'm sure there will be a future occasion when you can do some of the heavy lifting.

There will be people at Christmas time who will need help, it's loneliness of course, but also the fact many psychs and other needed medical personnel take time off, leaving people wihtout support. If they turn to us we can fill in the gaps a little.

Did you get your recalcitrant TV display up and running?

I'm not doubt telling you something else you already know but Vision Australia can sometimes help out with technical matters, if not directly then by pointing to resources. I don't know of your experiences but I've heard some good things in the past.

https://www.visionaustralia.org/information/adaptive-technology

Which new thread are you referring to?

As a special favor Sumo Cat has opened both eyes and sends his regards.

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hello everyone,

My Thread is: End of 2021, Holiday, Humbug,or what?

(may link or not link, now that's a question.

Thank you all, for your kindness & caring.

Without going into detail, my whole family is fractured. I had always regretted losing touch with my sister, & not being able to reconnect over the years, primarily because of her living with my father, who had very definitely crossed the line of no return with me.

I could not contact my sis without the chance he would pick up the phone. I could not risk going there either, because of my brother, after he asked me a question which raised all my red flags. I could not trust him.

My sis found me & contacted me when my father was dying. She knew nothing about my problem with even seeing him. I could not do it. She looked after him herself, for a long time, up to the end. I'm sad about that.

gain she had contacted me after our mother died. & now we have these legal problems because of how the will was written

Anyway, I forget most of what my GP said. So surgeon or someone else, I don't know. I feel like I'm not taking in a lot of info when people are talking to me, or when listening to tele or books. I wish I could record the conversations such as those at the GP, because I won't remember much or I won't have taken in all the info. Ha, seems I'm getting old! My brain scan has shown that.

After we left, I didn't even think to ask my helper to just go over what was said.
I too, had wanted to come here last night, not immediately when I got home, that was too hard at that moment.

I remember seeing a mention from Sophie_M about the maintenance, but hadn’t remember what day, time or hours. The message did not say when the site would be up again.

I wanted to write some of what I have written today, as I said, because writing TO someone does make a difference.

Then, I heard a neighbour, who could not sleep, & I felt like telling him I couldn't sleep either, thanks to him! Not exactly true, but if I had been, he would have woken me.

I finally quit & went to bed after 1:30am.

Such a generous gesture from Sumo Cat, he gets a cuddle!
Uncircumspect walruses beware the cranky kitty if she is on the prowl
Thank you, again, Mum Chris*, Hanna & Croix

*would you like to be ‘Chris’?

mmMekitty