Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[AliasKind]

Hi Tayla,

I too am so sorry your struggling so much. It's so terrible to not know what to do or have things you enjoy doing to keep you occupied. I spent much of 2020 like this, wandering around aimless - it was awful.

I wish I could say something of comfort, hearing you say that you've tried so much and so hard I feel like you just need a break from trying. I too am a matchbox twenty fan so your in good company.

Wishing you peace and comfort x

[Guest_4643]

Hi Mark & Alias. Thank you for your replies. Thank you Sophie for replying also.

Alias, that's awesome you love Matchbox Twenty, thats what my username stands for haha.

Thank you for the kind words. I wish I could see my Psychiatrist or somehow speak to him. I feel more comfortable with him than my GP, because I've known my Psychiatrist since September 2019 (wow can't believe it's been that long), and I started meds in August 2019 (once again can't believe it's been that long). So in a way meds are still relatively new to me.

My GP is good and nice but I feel like he doesn't help much, just there for me to vent I guess so I feel like I'm wasting my time even going to see him. I ask him about my bunion and he doesn't help much. He sent me for an X-Ray & a test but thats all so far.

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

Hey I was wondering what mb20 stood for! That was clever of Alias Kind!

It sounds like a difficult time for you Tayla, I'm really sorry to hear you say that you are having dark thoughts, and that you feel that nobody understands or wants to listen. It's so hard isn't it, when we feel that way...

I don't understand some of what you're describing, but it does sound like the medication is playing a big role in your feelings of numbness, and it sounds like a lack of mental clarity and trouble sleeping is making things worse. So many of my helpful things over the years have been useful in assissting me in recovering without medication, because I was so affected by any medication. Do you think it's possible to talk to your Dr about gradually reducing your dosage? I'm not a professional though and don't know what medication you may need.

Is there anything which you have tried which helps?

Keep trying to find someone who you can trust to talk openly with, so many ppl have said that they have had a tough time finding a good counsellor but when they did it really helped. I know it did for me. My counsellor was just at the local neighbourhood house, but she listened and seemed to care, and her suggestions were really useful. When I got a bit better I began to study and that also helped my recovery a lot.

Hugs,

J*

[Guest_4643]

Hi J.

I don't know if I really want to go off meds all together, not at the moment anyway. I might have to change them though, I don't know.

I didn't know how else to word what I feel, it's hard to explain. It's just deep depression but also feeling numb. I think I might delete my cousins off Facebook since they're not talking to me, so that's one thing. I got by fine without them anyway.

And just waiting ages to see my GP & Psychiatrist doesn't help. I saw a Psychologist recently, she was ok but I can't see her until Feb, and I think thats too long, I think my Psychiatrist & GP would agree. So I don't know what to do there. I did find another one who I think may be more suitable, I'll ask them when the Telehealth company is open again on the 11th. I don't have any way of contacting my Psychiatrist personally, like a phone or email. I wish I could but I don't want to ask and invade his privacy etc.

I've asked to see them both earlier since my Psychiatrist was seeing me every 2-3 weeks and I felt ok then. But he said that's not how he practices. It might have been when I was struggling to find a GP also. I have no idea, I wish he could do it again, I'm not sure why he can't if he already has. I guess it might be because other patients of his would want the same thing. And I'm not trying to sound selfish or anything, it's just very hard.

I don't see my GP until the 12th of Jan I think, my Psychiatrist 18th Jan, and a social worker until 26th or 29th Jan, I can't remember the date. Nothing in Feb so far.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am feeling pretty flat myself so I will just say hi I for you to know I am thinking of you and hope you can manage until your appointments.

[Guest_4643]

Hey Mark, I'm sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can do?

[Matchy69]

Thanks for your support Tayla.I am going to put a post later on my thread Struggling with special needs kids.

[Guest_4643]

Okay, I'll check it out when I can

[Jstar49]

Hi Tayla,

Yes I can understand how if it helped seeing your psych more regularly you would want to do that again. I've not ever seen a psychiatrist, only a psychologist. Am I right in thinking that a psychiatrist would be mainly helping with medication? If so that may be why you were seeing them more often...?

Just so you know, I wasn't really suggesting you going off meds altogether. But maybe the dosage is more than you need, esp if you're feeling a bit out of it all the time.

It also sounds like, with multiple diagnoses, it may be hard to see any improvement. All I can say is, with anything I've found it's helpful to focus on one area at a time, work on it for a bit, try some stuff and note any improvements or worsening of symptoms. For eg, what would be the worst symptom or aspect of your life at the moment? Lack of sleep? The anxiety which may prevent enjoyment of nature maybe? Or the mind fog..? Or something else?

Cheers,

J*

[Guest_4643]

Yes my Psychiatrist deals with medication of course but he was also trying to give me therapy as much as he could because I can't get a Psychologist. I saw one recently & she said she'd call me to make another appointment even before Christmas & she still hasn't. I don't think I'll bother, plus it's in Feb when I looked it up. She was ok though.

I know what you mean, i'll have to sort it out with my Psychiatrist