Hello, I am not in a very good place, particularly right now - I ride
between Anxiety and Depression regularly, self-helping with the anxiety
has been helping although I still have a ways to go, but recently the
Depression has hit me again hard. My p...
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Hello, I am not in a very good place, particularly right now - I ride
between Anxiety and Depression regularly, self-helping with the anxiety
has been helping although I still have a ways to go, but recently the
Depression has hit me again hard. My primary thoughts revolve around
life purpose, and kids... I am mid thirties now, but don't know what to
do. Most people around me are having kids, and I know my husband wants a
child but I don't think I had ever really wanted them (deep down I
thought I would just suddenly turn all clucky over children and want
one, but if anything I think I have gone the other way!) I don't enjoy
being around kids, I don't like holding kids, I get irritated by them
very quickly and usually just get away as fast as I can... I have really
tried to want to have kids, really tried to think about life (with or
without kids) and I am utterly lost... I am quite sick of hearing "it's
different when they are your own" (which may be true) but it doesn't
help at all to keep hearing it - just makes me feel like a
damaged/broken female because I don't want babies. Aside from my strong
family history of Depression (quite severe) and other medical
conditions, I can barely keep myself above the water, so how would I be
able to cope with a child? Aside from being terrified of the actual
pregnancy and birth process, it is not something you can change your
mind about half way through, at the end you have a dependant, for life.
I know I'm stewing on scenarios that haven't even happened, but I'm
scared I will panic... I practically panic just thinking about it, the
life changes involved, being stuck at home (if COVID-like situations
return in the future), etc. I don't want to have one for the wrong
reasons (as I don't know what my mental state would be like, given that
I don't want to and see no joy in it) but I feel the pressure,
particularly from my husbands family, which is again the wrong reason. I
don't know what I am asking here, it just feels like a rant. I wonder if
any other women feel the same? Would the stress actually impact the
health of a baby if we tried?? I suspect it can't be healthy... I have
to pretend I am never going to have kids to just get through the days
when the pressure feels intense, or my worrying and stress brings on
horrendous migraines/headaches. I love my pets, love my hobbies, love my
husband - but I can't seem to mentally cope with the idea of having a
child... Thanks for reading