I have struggled with depression on and off for a couple of years. In November last year my five year relationship ended and I had the worst depression I’d ever experienced. During lockdown I met someone online and we instantly clicked, when lockdown was lifted we were inseparable. I was so happy and thought we’d be together forever. Over the months I noticed that he had quite a quick temper, a negativity that would impact my own mood and thinking. Then I found out that he smokes weed everyday. I panicked and ended the relationship because as someone who doesn’t do drugs I felt scared and betrayed that he hadn’t told me. Now I’m feeling the same deep depression I felt after my five year relationship ended and I’m struggling to separate my depression from the want to get back together with this person. I can’t tell whether I want this person back because I’m depressed or whether I still love them. Everyone including my therapist tells me I’ve done the right thing but it doesn’t feel that way. I’m not finding my therapy helpful and could use some other suggestions including thoughts on medications because I’m struggling to cope with everyday life with this overwhelming sadness.
