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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the chats on this Forum having been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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bbree Today was a bad day
  • replies: 7

I'm new beyond blue! I was hoping this could be a place where I could share experiences with people in a similar situation than myself. I suffer from depression. I see a doctor once a fortnight and go to mindfullness meditation classes. I was recentl... View more

I'm new beyond blue! I was hoping this could be a place where I could share experiences with people in a similar situation than myself. I suffer from depression. I see a doctor once a fortnight and go to mindfullness meditation classes. I was recently on medication but decided to try a drug-free method of taking herbal vitamins that are supposed to assist with depression symptoms! Sounds like I'm doing everything right but alas, I'm still depressed. Today was a bad day, first one I've had in a while, which is probably the only positive thing I can take from this experience. Some days are better than others. Today was not one of the better days. The thing is, nothing in particular happened for me to be feeling so down and sad, I think that's what annoys me most... I was at work and I was overwhelmed with all that had to be done and didn't feel I was getting support from other colleagues. I had people coming up and asking me questions and I was just not in the mood. I couldn't be bothered putting a smile on my face and being nice to people. When I get stressed, it's like a wave of negative thoughts that wash over me... I'm not good enough, why am I here, I don't want to do this anymore, I keep making mistakes, why can't I just be happy... When I'm feeling down I find it really hard to overcome the negative thoughts and start to think positively. My partner is always trying to turn my day around and I love him for it, he tells me to replace every negative thought with a positive one, but for some reason I don't think it's that easy. Does anyone else find this? I try, I really do. I'm doing everything right to try and make myself happy but nothing seems to be working and I don't think there is anyone that understands how I feel. I'd love to have some feedback or advice on how other people cope or are coping and just to know that I'm not the only person out there who is feeling like this!

PrvtWoft What do I do ?
  • replies: 1

I have been battling depression with little success for about 5 years. (When I lost my last full time job). Since then I have been hired a few times but only lasted a matter of days and either walked off the job or had what I think are anxiety (or an... View more

I have been battling depression with little success for about 5 years. (When I lost my last full time job). Since then I have been hired a few times but only lasted a matter of days and either walked off the job or had what I think are anxiety (or anger related) attacks which have landed me in bad situations. Through all this I have been in hospital a few times and mental wards about 5 times now. I cannot seem to stay positive about anything for more than a week or so and ponder suicide nearly every second day. I have thought about my future which seems grim. I have no job, no friends, no brothers or sisters and the rest of the family is ageing. I will be truly alone sooner or later. The only future I can see for myself is some unemployed bum who lives on the streets because his family is gone and he knows no one else and cant land a job. I thought id try something else so I have enrolled in study and am in my second week. It is not going as well as I thought it would. I have already had multiple arguments with teachers. I have already missed three classes and am getting letters from my lecturers about this. As soon as I get panicked by this all I can think about is running away, killing myself etc. Then I think of the other side of things and try to cheer myself up.. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesnt… WHAT if I do get a job. A nine to five job in some office doing something I hate for the rest of my life. This sounds even more depressing than the alternative. I really don’t know what to do, because every alternative seems just as depressing to me.

Sarthom Only me!
  • replies: 2

After a short battle, with short i mean 2yrs, with depression and finally feeling on top of things, I was beginning to function as a human being, basically I was feeling good! I went back to my GP for a medication review where we decided to reduce th... View more

After a short battle, with short i mean 2yrs, with depression and finally feeling on top of things, I was beginning to function as a human being, basically I was feeling good! I went back to my GP for a medication review where we decided to reduce the dose, which I was ecstatic about. I was invincible nothing was going to stop me now..... Well that's what I thought! 3 weeks in and I was hit with a ten tonne truck and driven into the ground and couldn't tolerate or function in daily schedules. The tears turned on and I couldn't turn them off I knew something wasn't right. To make matters worse I began having a reality check and felt like failure all over again. I couldn't be happy without medication. What sort of person was I if I couldn't be happy or function with out medication. Along with this feelings it also bought feelings of anger and frustration. To tell you the truth I was p*%#*# off! i wanted to scream out the anger but didn't know what to scream I knew I was angry but also knew not many would understand my despair. So I continued to disintegrate to a point where I wanted to lock myself away as I knew I couldn't cope with dealing with others. I felt sick, dizzy heavy headed to name a few oh and on the verge of tears when ever anyone wanted to speak with me. Back to the GP I went as I knew he would put me on the right track. After my visit and a long reassuring chat, I couldn't shake the numbness I felt once again I didn't know whether it was because I wasn't in control or the reality of possibly being medicated for the rest of my life! The tears continued too flow much to my disgust, my eyes were puffy and I look like shift to put it mildly! How many more times can I keep fighting this? I'm scared there is going to come a time when I say enough is enough, where I haven't got the strength to fight anymore. I saw a tree on the side of a tree the other day in a way I haven't done for at least 18 months. All in all my journey continues and I continue to fight the black dog, for now I am being patient and hoping the medication takes this new found pain and numbness away. Hopefully then I can deal rationally with my thoughts and deal with the future in a different light. I am trying to be positive but its taking all my energy at this point of time. yours truly frustrated

kford Hi. I'm new here.
  • replies: 1

Hello. Just thought I'd write a quick post since I'm new. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 20 and my first relationship was breaking down. But I think it had been around since my mid-teens. (I'm 37 now.) It's been a rough road but I'v... View more

Hello. Just thought I'd write a quick post since I'm new. I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 20 and my first relationship was breaking down. But I think it had been around since my mid-teens. (I'm 37 now.) It's been a rough road but I've managed to get a degree, work, marry and have children. Eighteen months ago, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time and was diagnosed with dysthymia. Suddenly it all made sense. I thought I was just lazy and ungrateful. I knew that my life was good, but I didn't FEEL it. I was forever searching for the next thing to make me happy. I bought a home. I got a dog. I got married. I got a second degree. I got a better home. I had a baby. But none of these things made me happy. I had all the 'trappings' but I still felt empty inside. And incredibly selfish for not appreciating things I did have. Since going on different medication, life has improved so much. I no longer felt miserable without reason. Unfortunately, I now have reason - it looks like I may be made redundant in the next couple of months. I hate to admit it, but my work is the only thing in my life that I feel good at. I love my husband and kids, but I'm a pretty mediocre wife and mother. The thought of losing my job has really got me in a spin. I'm trying to work out what feelings are 'normal' ones and what is the dysthymia. Frankly, the meds must be working, because usually I would be a wreck. Anyway, that's the guts of my story. Thanks for listening (reading).

bman42 Oh so tired
  • replies: 15

Hi all.Just decided to join this forum as I have no one to talk to and just needed somewhere to rant where people might understand. I am in my 40's and have had SA all my adult life and also in and out depression a lot of that time,i have never seen ... View more

Hi all.Just decided to join this forum as I have no one to talk to and just needed somewhere to rant where people might understand. I am in my 40's and have had SA all my adult life and also in and out depression a lot of that time,i have never seen anyone about it as I am still physically able to work and survive and have been brought up to not to complain and every time I think about getting treatment I think to myself i'm just being weak and to suck it up and get on with it. I managed to have a relationship for 5 years but my condition eventually destroyed that.I have never told anyone about my condition,even my ex.I'm too embarassed to tell anyone.Anyway that was 18 months ago,we are selling the house we bought soon and I have no idea where to go or what to do.I am so sick and tired of starting again and having no direction in my life,would have thought that being in 40's I would have some direction and stability in my life.I really cant decide what to do and feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders when I shouldn't as I know there is a lot of other people out there that are worse of than me.I have very little motivation in doing anything even cooking dinner at night is a struggle and I really don't know what makes me happy anymore....Just so tired of living this lonely,boring,meaningless life.I am not thinking of suicide but struggling to find some meaning in my life Well thankyou for letting me let of steam and am VERY sorry for my poor grammar!!!

Jafo Depressed and have no feelings
  • replies: 1

I have been on medication for the last 7 years and I am not symbols still have the occasional subside thoughts. Every day is a struggle and I have no happy emotions. I can't even watch documentary as the animals kill other makes me sad I only get 3-4... View more

I have been on medication for the last 7 years and I am not symbols still have the occasional subside thoughts. Every day is a struggle and I have no happy emotions. I can't even watch documentary as the animals kill other makes me sad I only get 3-4 hours sleep have tried all herbal and melatonin product without any success. Went on X medication and two tablets a night only gave me extra1.5 hrs and after 1 month I got used to them and now are useless. I use alcohol to help me sleep as doctor will not give me anything but anti psychotic to help sleep I have tried 6 and none have worked I am at wits end the only thing keeping me going is my two children who live with me but every day is a struggle.

hedi always alone
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I am new on this forum. Am on one hand lonely but also have people am trying keep away from me ala restraining order. Being isolated and lonely should not make me want to be with anyone. As a youngster i socialised with my bullies who calle... View more

Hi there, I am new on this forum. Am on one hand lonely but also have people am trying keep away from me ala restraining order. Being isolated and lonely should not make me want to be with anyone. As a youngster i socialised with my bullies who called me ugly every day and abused me etc and today i know its better be alone than with those who are bad for and to you or when to many times is to many times. One must have a right to choose ones spouse and friends. Recognised a lot of the things chriscat wrote of in his post as i feel the same in many regards. Except I truly know i deserve to feel loved and have a love and social life swell as a sense of belonging and simply ackknowledged i have rights. I beleive and know i deserve this but still do not have it and truly have been bullied and threatened , abused etc and truly deserve a better life. I have been to counsellors since childhood and never found help, on contrary it had opposite effect as did medication which made me feel worse with sideffect and one dr giving me 5 different types medications (many which are illegal now). Think of the song "ive seen seven drs and they cant help me they say im in trouble and its love i need" It may be that simple :0 Being isolated, alone and on top of that perhaps have trauma, abuse, molestation and other things in baggage may not help. Not feeling a part of community, no inclusion but instead a alienation, bullied and when it hits "adult years" it just becomes more educated and clever.Beyond organised crime and often disguised to not be seen. I had ovarian cancer 3 yrs ago and am living alone, isolated and ontop of that had death threates, abuse, bullying, stalking etc upon me. Am 35 years old single woman with no friends . No social life , no love life. I also have been working very hard and not asessed my finances or ackknowledgement for it. (yet). Thought advise plan things to look 4ward to such as a holiday. But since have not assessed my money yet i can not do so. Some one i know of went travelling the world when i had cancer and was gone for few months. That would be wonderful to do such a thing. One could go on a shorter weekend getaway. I also understand what chriscat wrote of loosing passion or flow for hobbies and talents. For me its more been du to so many years of suppression. Like a artist or author who 4bidden may not flow. It may not be you. One woman apparently had a polititian with all her friends attacking her , slandering and it was indeed very educated and clever a ways also illegal but that was covered to look good. She had no friends in community and lies told of her etc. She was also a educated and good woman but this still happened to her and defending her self was not so easy despite as she was alone. Hope to start exercising (get walkman start jogging) and be more physically active aswell as maybe start attending church but one may feel a fear of people if one been treated bad, wrongfully judged etc so not dared go yet but shall. Also low on energy. Have a few people live far away i would love to be with including a romantic interest. Could say we been in contact "online" as its not in person so to say. If some one is depressed , what would i advise? Depends who they are and circumstances. Exercise, forums, asking for help are a few . But maybe a symptom is exhaustion and one has no music to pump up with and who can one ask for help and what when forum does not help. My body has pretty much not been touched in 3 years , no friends nada and specially after cancer wuld love cuddle , massage and one say :give yourself one. True : why dont i. One could indeed sit down and massage ones hands for a good ten minutes. Is that also a part of depression , not grooming so well and if lack of energy. My latest thought is to start attending church, try do exercise of some kind, eat better, groom body better, clear up legal matters in court now regarding my work and finances and realestate. And keep faith love and "my people" i miss and love will come be with me soon. Have volunteer worked a bit also. I do not know of any one who is so lonely as i. Every one seems have friends and contacts , specially at such a age. Even old people with no family seem have very active social and love life . People speak "watch a movie together", go out for lunch and they always do these things. I have never really done these things, socially and thats just not ok. ive been giving love and work( but not been working physically with my body) but dont get back. dont feel good or happy can not seem to articulate myself well as i speak another language that most do not know and that is a part of my court case that i am educated and worked hard but not had it acknowledged. Advise for myself..... to do mean while Finish of court case and legal matters start exercise and eat better study read, volunteer untill my work and finances been acknowledged Attend church (afraid) take up a new activity, learn some thing new go horse riding start to groom better such as paint nails and keep maintnance of it do sweet things to self until lovelife happens such as massage hands keep the faith keep working determined to get my legal rights met and receive what is legally mine. go and play in water with myself like jump and skip and keep playful (maybe one day a friend will join me) lol (that is some one i actually want as a friend) (in court restrainingorder long story) try baking (no fun baking for self) (bake anyway) cookies, buns.... awake passion to do so. Will think of some more things. Still, what do those things help with love life, social inclusion, restraining order (in court for that one) forums have not helped me either feel connection. had one man chated with 3 yrs (that was 7 yrs ago)but then computer was hacked. sure we can think of more things that are uplifting so to say God bless

caroline_ My story
  • replies: 15

I just turned 33, and I've been struggling with mental health issues for most of my life. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, not currently on any medication. I was bullied through... View more

I just turned 33, and I've been struggling with mental health issues for most of my life. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, not currently on any medication. I was bullied throughout primary school (from year 3 - 6), the other children in my year decided I had 'germs' and wouldn't touch me or else they would catch my germs. By the time I went to high school I had developed terrible anxiety issues and had extremely low self-esteem. I was unable to make friends and had a lot of trouble fitting in. I realised I was depressed when I was 16, but I could never tell anyone how I felt (and at the same time my brother got cancer, so I felt more alone than ever). I was suicidal for a few years. I finally had the courage to see a doctor the year after I left school, and I was put on anti-depressants, but was not able to make myself see a counsellor or speak to anyone. My life changed when my family moved away from our home town, and I got a job in a childcare centre. Things started to get better, and life didn't seem so bad. The past 13 years have been a rollercoster. I have periods when I'm fine and happy, but then my anxiety takes over, closely followed by the depression. I saw a psychiatrist in (I think) 2006 after I had a breakdown at work, and she diagnosed me, but I only saw her 6 times because I never felt any better and often a lot worse after the appointments. I quit my job because I felt I was being bullied by the director and her friend who was running the nursery, after disclosing my depression to them. I intended to go on a European tour, but I had a panic attack in London and came home after 4 days. I still hate myself for that. I have never had a relationship because of my anxiety and depression, and I still live at home. Currently I'm at university and almost finished my early childhood teaching degree. I have taken advantage of the free health and counselling there, but I had a very intense depressive and anxious period last year where I was suicidal. It's not so bad now, but I still feel down and anxious. I have suicidal ideations every day and in general I hate who I am. I'm struggling to finish my final assignment for my degree, and I have a huge amount of anxiety about going out to to teach. My counsellor has said that I don't have to teach, but I know I do. All I've ever wanted is to be a preschool teacher, but I can't get over the feeling that I'm not good enough. I don't know if it's even possible to be a teacher with mental health issues, I can't find any (Australian) information about it at all, and I'm afraid to disclose it to anyone because of what happened last time I did. I feel like a complete failure.

Bright_Spark Just nothing (that is all)
  • replies: 3

I go to work, race home, watch telly, eat and sleep, but I don't often get to sleep because I've passed the day in such a dull drudgery that it's impossible. How can I get to sleep if I haven't truly woken up yet? Anyway, I don't know if I'm asking f... View more

I go to work, race home, watch telly, eat and sleep, but I don't often get to sleep because I've passed the day in such a dull drudgery that it's impossible. How can I get to sleep if I haven't truly woken up yet? Anyway, I don't know if I'm asking for help here. I won't try to make my issue seem worse than it is. Basically though, I just don't feel anything. I can't love other people. I can dislike others in that I don't want to be around them but I don't actually hate anyone. I don't like animals and don't think puppies are cute. It's just all the same. I like talking to my friends just as much as I like eating an apple. I can get angry and lash out at myself for leaving something in the other room (eg) and I can yell at the telly but I can't really enjoy things anymore. This is why I don't go out. If it weren't for my need to work or eat, I wouldn't leave home. So the question is, how can I get motivation back???? How can I get excited about anything again????

Mel_D_1978 I don't cry anymore.
  • replies: 8

I don't cry. Even when I am upset, I just feel emotionally distant or I switch completely off and lose big chunks of time. The last time I remember crying is about a month ago in my psychologist office and only because I thought I might disappoint my... View more

I don't cry. Even when I am upset, I just feel emotionally distant or I switch completely off and lose big chunks of time. The last time I remember crying is about a month ago in my psychologist office and only because I thought I might disappoint my husband that I was suicidal again but as soon as I walked out the door" bam" nothing just numb. Then when I was transferred to emergency I remember walking into the triage nurse then nothing else really until I was up in my local doctors office. But before then it's been like a good nearly 12 months and still after that nothing. Even though I want too, I can't. I usually just land up with a painful headache or zoned out. Its like I have shoved my feeling aside and shoved them aside that they no longer have an impact on me. Last week a family passed away suddenly and I haven't cried at all. It was sudden and unexpected and even though I want to sit and have a good weep. I couldn't. I do have a voice who I call the commander that says to me all the time "Cry and I'll punish you", but I haven't been listening to her lately and I use weight and exercise training to let her get her punishment out. I go to training and I am like "Here you go if you want to put me in pain now's the time to do it" and just let her do her worst. She seems completely satisfied that she can do this so I haven't had "If you cry I will hurt you." voice for awhile now. So I still don't get why I am not crying when I need too.