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BeyondBlue Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
  • replies: 0

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for ... View more

Welcome This section of the Beyond Blue Forums is for talking about our experiences with Depression. There are lots of chats about how it makes us feel, what it’s like to live with depression and what has worked to help in these times. Thank you for coming this far, we know it can be really hard to take these steps if depression is in your life - we see you and think this is a great step. To get the most out of this space we have a few tips: Get involved. The Forums work best for you when you get active and post where you can. Now, we know that can be really hard, especially when you are experiencing depression. So, if you can post something supportive to someone else here, that would be an incredible start. Speak from the heart. This community wants to know how YOU feel and what has worked for YOU. We trust that you have something unique to say and we can’t wait to hear it. Check in. Lots of the chats on this Forum having been going for years and they are some of the richest conversations we have. Keep checking in to get new ideas and offer your support. We know it can be tough to start, but when you are ready we want to hear your thoughts. If you need some time to get to know the community, that's okay! Have a look around and see where you want to get involved. Thank you for being here Beyond Blue

Jeriava How do I talk to my doctor?
  • replies: 9

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really ... View more

I’ve been struggling with my life for the past 7-8 years but I finally made an appointment with a doctor. I feel really scared though because I don’t ever go to the doctor for anything, and I havent seen this doctor for so many years that I’m really scared that they’ll judge me or won’t believe anything I say. I’m really anti social so I feel like I won’t be able to say what I wanna say or I’ll say the wrong thing causing them to just dismiss me and move me along without helping. I’m just tired of feeling alone, depressed and just worthless but I’m really scared to talk to them.

AGrace SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING DEPRESSION
  • replies: 132

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the ... View more

Hi Everyone, Here are some ideas you might like to try for managing symptoms of depression. Of course everyone's different, so let us know what works for you, and please feel free to add to the list... Mindfulness – through breathing or engaging the 5 senses Distress Tolerance – Accepting Emotions and Self Soothing Distraction – Put the thoughts/feelings aside and come back to them when you are ready to deal with them Positive Affirmations – Have some affirmations written down repeat them to yourself daily Sleep/Exercise/Diet – All 3 aspects of our lifestyle can impact the way we think/feel Increasing Pleasurable Activities – Engage in at least one pleasurable activity per day

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hedi always alone
  • replies: 8

Hi there, I am new on this forum. Am on one hand lonely but also have people am trying keep away from me ala restraining order. Being isolated and lonely should not make me want to be with anyone. As a youngster i socialised with my bullies who calle... View more

Hi there, I am new on this forum. Am on one hand lonely but also have people am trying keep away from me ala restraining order. Being isolated and lonely should not make me want to be with anyone. As a youngster i socialised with my bullies who called me ugly every day and abused me etc and today i know its better be alone than with those who are bad for and to you or when to many times is to many times. One must have a right to choose ones spouse and friends. Recognised a lot of the things chriscat wrote of in his post as i feel the same in many regards. Except I truly know i deserve to feel loved and have a love and social life swell as a sense of belonging and simply ackknowledged i have rights. I beleive and know i deserve this but still do not have it and truly have been bullied and threatened , abused etc and truly deserve a better life. I have been to counsellors since childhood and never found help, on contrary it had opposite effect as did medication which made me feel worse with sideffect and one dr giving me 5 different types medications (many which are illegal now). Think of the song "ive seen seven drs and they cant help me they say im in trouble and its love i need" It may be that simple :0 Being isolated, alone and on top of that perhaps have trauma, abuse, molestation and other things in baggage may not help. Not feeling a part of community, no inclusion but instead a alienation, bullied and when it hits "adult years" it just becomes more educated and clever.Beyond organised crime and often disguised to not be seen. I had ovarian cancer 3 yrs ago and am living alone, isolated and ontop of that had death threates, abuse, bullying, stalking etc upon me. Am 35 years old single woman with no friends . No social life , no love life. I also have been working very hard and not asessed my finances or ackknowledgement for it. (yet). Thought advise plan things to look 4ward to such as a holiday. But since have not assessed my money yet i can not do so. Some one i know of went travelling the world when i had cancer and was gone for few months. That would be wonderful to do such a thing. One could go on a shorter weekend getaway. I also understand what chriscat wrote of loosing passion or flow for hobbies and talents. For me its more been du to so many years of suppression. Like a artist or author who 4bidden may not flow. It may not be you. One woman apparently had a polititian with all her friends attacking her , slandering and it was indeed very educated and clever a ways also illegal but that was covered to look good. She had no friends in community and lies told of her etc. She was also a educated and good woman but this still happened to her and defending her self was not so easy despite as she was alone. Hope to start exercising (get walkman start jogging) and be more physically active aswell as maybe start attending church but one may feel a fear of people if one been treated bad, wrongfully judged etc so not dared go yet but shall. Also low on energy. Have a few people live far away i would love to be with including a romantic interest. Could say we been in contact "online" as its not in person so to say. If some one is depressed , what would i advise? Depends who they are and circumstances. Exercise, forums, asking for help are a few . But maybe a symptom is exhaustion and one has no music to pump up with and who can one ask for help and what when forum does not help. My body has pretty much not been touched in 3 years , no friends nada and specially after cancer wuld love cuddle , massage and one say :give yourself one. True : why dont i. One could indeed sit down and massage ones hands for a good ten minutes. Is that also a part of depression , not grooming so well and if lack of energy. My latest thought is to start attending church, try do exercise of some kind, eat better, groom body better, clear up legal matters in court now regarding my work and finances and realestate. And keep faith love and "my people" i miss and love will come be with me soon. Have volunteer worked a bit also. I do not know of any one who is so lonely as i. Every one seems have friends and contacts , specially at such a age. Even old people with no family seem have very active social and love life . People speak "watch a movie together", go out for lunch and they always do these things. I have never really done these things, socially and thats just not ok. ive been giving love and work( but not been working physically with my body) but dont get back. dont feel good or happy can not seem to articulate myself well as i speak another language that most do not know and that is a part of my court case that i am educated and worked hard but not had it acknowledged. Advise for myself..... to do mean while Finish of court case and legal matters start exercise and eat better study read, volunteer untill my work and finances been acknowledged Attend church (afraid) take up a new activity, learn some thing new go horse riding start to groom better such as paint nails and keep maintnance of it do sweet things to self until lovelife happens such as massage hands keep the faith keep working determined to get my legal rights met and receive what is legally mine. go and play in water with myself like jump and skip and keep playful (maybe one day a friend will join me) lol (that is some one i actually want as a friend) (in court restrainingorder long story) try baking (no fun baking for self) (bake anyway) cookies, buns.... awake passion to do so. Will think of some more things. Still, what do those things help with love life, social inclusion, restraining order (in court for that one) forums have not helped me either feel connection. had one man chated with 3 yrs (that was 7 yrs ago)but then computer was hacked. sure we can think of more things that are uplifting so to say God bless

caroline_ My story
  • replies: 15

I just turned 33, and I've been struggling with mental health issues for most of my life. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, not currently on any medication. I was bullied through... View more

I just turned 33, and I've been struggling with mental health issues for most of my life. I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Generalised Anxiety Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, not currently on any medication. I was bullied throughout primary school (from year 3 - 6), the other children in my year decided I had 'germs' and wouldn't touch me or else they would catch my germs. By the time I went to high school I had developed terrible anxiety issues and had extremely low self-esteem. I was unable to make friends and had a lot of trouble fitting in. I realised I was depressed when I was 16, but I could never tell anyone how I felt (and at the same time my brother got cancer, so I felt more alone than ever). I was suicidal for a few years. I finally had the courage to see a doctor the year after I left school, and I was put on anti-depressants, but was not able to make myself see a counsellor or speak to anyone. My life changed when my family moved away from our home town, and I got a job in a childcare centre. Things started to get better, and life didn't seem so bad. The past 13 years have been a rollercoster. I have periods when I'm fine and happy, but then my anxiety takes over, closely followed by the depression. I saw a psychiatrist in (I think) 2006 after I had a breakdown at work, and she diagnosed me, but I only saw her 6 times because I never felt any better and often a lot worse after the appointments. I quit my job because I felt I was being bullied by the director and her friend who was running the nursery, after disclosing my depression to them. I intended to go on a European tour, but I had a panic attack in London and came home after 4 days. I still hate myself for that. I have never had a relationship because of my anxiety and depression, and I still live at home. Currently I'm at university and almost finished my early childhood teaching degree. I have taken advantage of the free health and counselling there, but I had a very intense depressive and anxious period last year where I was suicidal. It's not so bad now, but I still feel down and anxious. I have suicidal ideations every day and in general I hate who I am. I'm struggling to finish my final assignment for my degree, and I have a huge amount of anxiety about going out to to teach. My counsellor has said that I don't have to teach, but I know I do. All I've ever wanted is to be a preschool teacher, but I can't get over the feeling that I'm not good enough. I don't know if it's even possible to be a teacher with mental health issues, I can't find any (Australian) information about it at all, and I'm afraid to disclose it to anyone because of what happened last time I did. I feel like a complete failure.

Bright_Spark Just nothing (that is all)
  • replies: 3

I go to work, race home, watch telly, eat and sleep, but I don't often get to sleep because I've passed the day in such a dull drudgery that it's impossible. How can I get to sleep if I haven't truly woken up yet? Anyway, I don't know if I'm asking f... View more

I go to work, race home, watch telly, eat and sleep, but I don't often get to sleep because I've passed the day in such a dull drudgery that it's impossible. How can I get to sleep if I haven't truly woken up yet? Anyway, I don't know if I'm asking for help here. I won't try to make my issue seem worse than it is. Basically though, I just don't feel anything. I can't love other people. I can dislike others in that I don't want to be around them but I don't actually hate anyone. I don't like animals and don't think puppies are cute. It's just all the same. I like talking to my friends just as much as I like eating an apple. I can get angry and lash out at myself for leaving something in the other room (eg) and I can yell at the telly but I can't really enjoy things anymore. This is why I don't go out. If it weren't for my need to work or eat, I wouldn't leave home. So the question is, how can I get motivation back???? How can I get excited about anything again????

Mel_D_1978 I don't cry anymore.
  • replies: 8

I don't cry. Even when I am upset, I just feel emotionally distant or I switch completely off and lose big chunks of time. The last time I remember crying is about a month ago in my psychologist office and only because I thought I might disappoint my... View more

I don't cry. Even when I am upset, I just feel emotionally distant or I switch completely off and lose big chunks of time. The last time I remember crying is about a month ago in my psychologist office and only because I thought I might disappoint my husband that I was suicidal again but as soon as I walked out the door" bam" nothing just numb. Then when I was transferred to emergency I remember walking into the triage nurse then nothing else really until I was up in my local doctors office. But before then it's been like a good nearly 12 months and still after that nothing. Even though I want too, I can't. I usually just land up with a painful headache or zoned out. Its like I have shoved my feeling aside and shoved them aside that they no longer have an impact on me. Last week a family passed away suddenly and I haven't cried at all. It was sudden and unexpected and even though I want to sit and have a good weep. I couldn't. I do have a voice who I call the commander that says to me all the time "Cry and I'll punish you", but I haven't been listening to her lately and I use weight and exercise training to let her get her punishment out. I go to training and I am like "Here you go if you want to put me in pain now's the time to do it" and just let her do her worst. She seems completely satisfied that she can do this so I haven't had "If you cry I will hurt you." voice for awhile now. So I still don't get why I am not crying when I need too.

a_hiding_rainbow Depression and Anxiety confusion
  • replies: 4

hi so I've been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression in my life but no diagnosis in the last little while as the last year was pretty stable. everything has just flared up the last few weeks. I want to know which comes first, anxiety or depress... View more

hi so I've been diagnosed with both anxiety and depression in my life but no diagnosis in the last little while as the last year was pretty stable. everything has just flared up the last few weeks. I want to know which comes first, anxiety or depression because they seem to be constantly linked. Sometimes I'm definitely more one than the other but not the majority. I'm new to this while forum thing and I hate asking for help but I'm getting to the stage where I need it if I want to try and cope. So much of this confuses me and I'm constantly blaming myself. I sorry of believe it's not just me but I also don't want it to be my crutch and excuse in life....

jay05 feeling alone and judged
  • replies: 1

basically here is a quick run down im 25 year old female my family has struggled financially my entire life when i was 10 my grandfather passed and that was the first time i was told i was depressed i was teased all throughout school for being over w... View more

basically here is a quick run down im 25 year old female my family has struggled financially my entire life when i was 10 my grandfather passed and that was the first time i was told i was depressed i was teased all throughout school for being over weight so never had any self confidence at 18 i met a guy and got engaged/married, after 9 months of marriage and almost 5 years together he left me via text message, this was the second time i was diagnosed as being depressed during this time i had suicidal thoughts and even sat there one night with the means to do but was scared of death, even though i desperately wanted to die got counselling then things got better recently have been feeling depressed, withdrawn and cry over stupid things i feel as though people judge me and i cant trust people suicidal thoughts occasionally return but im still scared to follow it through i feel as though my own family dont appreciate me and feel as though everything is always my fault i feel as though im a doormat for my friends, family and work mates i have constant feelings of self loathing and strongly believe that i should not of been born recently i took a chance and went away with a family member and her friends, during the trip one person made a comment that "you cant love a fat person" i have constant feelings of not being good enough for anything or anyone, i feel as though i will never be successful in my career or have a family of my own nothing ever goes right for me, its just always one bad day after the next, i struggle to get out of bed and go to work in the morning i cant talk to my family or friends they tell me im being a drama queen or an attention seeker ive tried medications, ive tried therapy, ive tried exercise and distraction methods WHY CANT I FEEL BETTER!!! WHY CANT I GET CONTROL OF MY LIFE!!! i would love to hear suggestions on how other people deal with this

Zombie_wren Trying to recover
  • replies: 1

I've just gotten off my antidepressants after just over a yr of being on them, and just been so up and down. Ive just got some problems on my mind which I would like some outside views on... 1. My partner just won't marry me ( been together 7yrs so i... View more

I've just gotten off my antidepressants after just over a yr of being on them, and just been so up and down. Ive just got some problems on my mind which I would like some outside views on... 1. My partner just won't marry me ( been together 7yrs so it's just the 'day') I don't know why he puts it off so much. And kids too he puts off ( yes he wants both we're not breaking up anytime soon) but he says that coz we just bought our house that its too much?? I dunno these feelings are just so strong 2. This weight problem since being on the pills. The no motivation to do anything. I'm not obese or anything but I don't fit any of my clothes anymore 3. The damned 'not wanting' if you get my drift. It's always an argument on that one. I dunno I just wanted some outside options on these if you care to write.

Jilly Lost and confused
  • replies: 2

I am new to this site, but am glad I found it, it is a chance to connect with people who know what I feel and wont treat me as though they are sick of my whinging. Well I hope not. I am 46 years old. It seems I have spent most of my life pretending e... View more

I am new to this site, but am glad I found it, it is a chance to connect with people who know what I feel and wont treat me as though they are sick of my whinging. Well I hope not. I am 46 years old. It seems I have spent most of my life pretending everything is great. but about 4 years ago I couldnt do it anymore, I lost the ability to pretend anymore, it seems I had no control anymore. You see when I was a teenager I was physically abused by my older brother who I loved alot. He also sexually humiliated me in front of other boys. Alot happened. I left home at 17, as soon as I got enough money I was gone. Then after years of travelling around avoiding home, I finally came home and stayed. I just carried on as though nothing had happened. I got on with life. Then just over 4 years ago I began to have memories coming back all the time, they where always there but this time they seemed to take over my days and nights, becoming clearer and clearer. I woke up one day in the hospital, I had experienced a seizure apparantly. From that moment on I continued to have all sorts of seizures, some they say perhaps are psycogenic non-epileptic. When I had these particular moments I would feel a terror come over me, and a strong sense of what my brother had done. Sounds weird I know, but apparantly during these I look incredibly scared. My brother and I had a talk about this and I expressed how I feel about him and how I had spent my life pretending and feeling guilty if I brought our experience up. Secretly over the years everytime something bad happened to him in his life I would feel a sense of joy, then guilt because I felt that. It was an awful way to live. But I managed to have 2 kids, marry and finish a degree in nursing. Sadly my career is over due to the depression, seizures and medication side effects. I lost my drivers licence, I lost my independence, I became angry with my mother and only started talking again about 6 months ago after 4 years. I have not spoken to my brother since our confrontation. He has not bothered to contact me at all. I ended up in a psychiatric ward as I was about to take my life, unable to cope with the memories and the losses. I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, anxiety, of course depression, PTSD, major depressive disorder, and now colitis and of course epilepsy. Due to loss of income we lost our home, now recently my marriage broke down and I live on my own with my 16 year old son staying part-time. My daughter (21) is living out of home. I have isolated myself so much that I have lost many friends. I stay home alot and at times cant handle being around people. I avoid phone calls. I avoid life. I feel guilty because I know there are so many others out there with far worse than me. I am angry with my mother, and my siblings. I have lost so much I feel my brother needs to pay somehow for my losses. He is happy, he his working and holidaying with the family, he has not bothered to attempt to make amends despite me writing to him twice to explain how I feel. I was told the other day by my step-father perhaps I should go away and stay somewhere so I can get help for a while. I would like to but cant afford it. I have been asked many times do I want to pursue a civil case against him, considering my losses. I am confused. I am scared. I am lost. What do others think? Should I pursue this case and use it to get proper treatment? Well thats off my chest...always good isnt it? Thank you for reading my story so far.

Friendship Feeling so lonely and sad
  • replies: 2

I believe I have been depressed for sometime, have spoken to doctors had counselling but just can't shake it, yes I do feel suicidal my main concern is WHY am I here I give nothing, all of my very close friends have moved away, and others have given ... View more

I believe I have been depressed for sometime, have spoken to doctors had counselling but just can't shake it, yes I do feel suicidal my main concern is WHY am I here I give nothing, all of my very close friends have moved away, and others have given up on me because it is so hard for me to make an effort they think I am bumping them off, to people at work my family parents and children I am my usual happy go lucky person and nothing could possibly be wrong. I want to start going out and having fun again but because it seems such a hurdle it's easier to stay at home and watch tv in my bedroom. please help

cazza bad day nightmares
  • replies: 2

well me not have a good day too afraid to sleep god I have these night mares where I sometime wake up screaming and crying so depressed I don't want to get out of bed and then I don't want to get back in life just one roller coaster one big one up an... View more

well me not have a good day too afraid to sleep god I have these night mares where I sometime wake up screaming and crying so depressed I don't want to get out of bed and then I don't want to get back in life just one roller coaster one big one up and down most time I don't want to leave the house when I go shopping some days just drive back home to many people feel a lot safer if I stay home like if I go I have to check all doors and windows I even turn all power points off I case there is a fire but lately I have to check them more and more thing have 2 b in strait lines I hate things being out of place just don't know why cant stop this house is the only place that has ever made me feel safe not sure I deserve to get better or if I even want to after losing my job and that big pay check I think that why my ex left as well he didn't like responsibility