Hi everyone, I'm back.

[Guest_4643]

Hi everyone, mb20lover here. I wasn't sure where to post this.

It's been a while since I was on the forums, so I just wanted to make a post saying that I'm back. However, I'll try my best to limit my time, comments, etc on here.

I won't bother tagging anyone, and I'll try to keep this as my only open thread that I have created.

I've missed everyone I've spoken to on here, and I hope to talk to some new people. I have been using my offline supports - my Psychiatrist, GP, Parent support of course, and a Social Worker. I'm in the process of finding a Psychologist but I'm having no luck.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say hello, and also I hope I haven't upset anyone on the forums or anything like that because nothing was intentional, so I deeply apologise.

An update on me, I recently turned 21, can't do much with COVID though, it's a hard year for everyone unfortunately.

I also have a milestone, an achievement, I've been seeing my Psychiatrist for a year which is the longest I've stayed with a therapist. And I also finally have a GP I feel comfortable with. I'm on different meds that seem to be working a little but I still of course have my moments, but these meds I've been on the longest for out of any of the ones I've tried.

Other than that, please don't feel pressured to comment anyone, although it would be nice to connect with some people, old or new, but like I said that's okay. I just wanted to check in.

If you've read this and made it this far, thank you. Stay safe and take care everyone, as much as possible with the unfortunate COVID circumstances.

Thinking of all the Beyond Blue Mods & Users. I've missed everyone.

- mb20lover.

[Guest_4643]

Thanks for the kind words Mark, means a lot. The same for you.

I had an appointment with the Social Worker today, but they called my Mum & said they cancelled it, although they sent her a text confirming it a few days ago. I had to wait ages for this appointment with Christmas & all. They didn't say why, someone else probably wanted it I guess which has happened to me a few times, even with the GP, it's like I don't matter, they do it behind my back. My Mum said she isn't happy because they let me down & I had to wait long enough. Now I can't see her until Feb 25.

I have my Psychiatrist (FINALLY) on Monday though, & the new GP on the 21st. Can't see my normal GP until the 9th Feb.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla that must be frustrating for you getting appointments cancelled.It has to everyone at times.Thats good you have your pcychiatrist appointment coming up.I hope you can discuss your medication.I haven't made any appointments for myself lately.I need to see my GP to discuss a few things.I allways seem to be busy taking my kids to appointments these days.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Sorry to hear that Mark, I hope you can get in to see a GP for yourself. And yes it is frustrating. If I had an appointment don't cancel it for somebody else

[Guest_4643]

Hi all. I'm going to have a haircut soon but I'll type this quickly as I need some advice please.

Ok so I have to email the Telehealth company if I have to ask my Psychiatrist a question or something, because I don't have a way to contact him myself because of privacy, etc. So I email the Executive Assistant, one reason being that whenever I contact the company directly, they never get back to me & he says he doesn't receive it, at least he does if I email her.

Anyway, she's a bit rude at times. I emailed her asking why I couldn't see the appointments for my Psychiatrist and Psychologists, she was fine about that and she said it was causing too much drama (don't know why but anyway) with other patients.

I then let her know that I haven't heard back from the Psychologist I saw before Christmas, and she was snappy, saying "it's not her fault she didn't get back to you, it's up to you and the team here to make appointments." Yes to a certain extent, but it's also the Psychologist's job, am I right? She could've said something too. I think none of them want to even do their job.

I also said that she was ok, but I wanted to see someone who has more experience with my diagnoseses and things I struggle with (grief/loss being one of them), and she told me to give this same Psychologist another go. I said I wanted to also see a different one because they're more qualified with CBT, EMDR (I'll ask my Psychiatrist if that's appropriate for me), amongst other things. I think personally that may be best for me, someone with more experience and qualifications, as I have about 6 diagnoseses.

I always thought I, MYSELF, was allowed to pick who I WANT TO SEE, not forced to see someone no matter what type of field it is?

She can be rude at times this assistant (to the company not my Psychiatrist directly). So my question is, do I have the RIGHT TO SEE WHO I WANT TO SEE, without being forced?

And my other question is, should I tell my Psychiatrist about this, that she's rude at times? I don't want to start a fight between them or anything though. But I trust my Psychiatrist.

My Psychiatrist has chased this stuff up & questioned them as to why they said & did what they said, didn't get back to me, etc. So he sorts it out & it seems fine then, there doesn't seem to be any drama.

When I told my GP that I never heard back from the Psychologist, he seemed disappointed also, I think my Psychiatrist will be too.

I also don't like seeing ANY Psychologist because I get triggered

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I believe you have the right to see who you like.A pyschologist is very important to get one you feel comfortable with and who understands your diagnoses and being able to treat you.I am sorry you are coming across such rudeness it really isn't acceptable and everyone had the right to be treated with compassion and professionalism.
Take care,
Mark.

[Guest_4643]

Thanks for understanding and agreeing with me Mark. Some "professionals" don't seem to understand that you have your rights, not just them. Like why would I want to see a Psychologist who never got back to me? She could've atleast said something herself and booked me in. I don't bother with people like that. Yes I know I'm not the only patient, but still. This then makes me feel like I'm not worthy of help, etc.

What would this receptionist know anyway? I don't even think she knows about mental health personally. She's been rude to me a few times over email, I wonder if I should let my Psychiatrist know this but I don't want to start arguments.

I can understand if my GP and/or Psychiatrist make recommendations on which Psychologists to see but not a receptionist forcing me to see one

[Guest_4643]

Hey again everyone. I'm feeling down right now, I'll explain why below. But first off, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has commented here or just talked to me anywhere on the forums, it means a lot to me. Thank you for the kindness and support. I give it all right back to you and anyone here who responds to me.

Okay so I'm feeling down for the following reasons:

• My so called "family" (cousins, so one of my Dad's Sisters' Sons, and their Wives) say they love me, but they can't even talk to me, whether I'm in an ok mood or I'm depressed and have SI thoughts (I'm safe, I never act or anything, the thoughts just get really strong and intrusive). They always use the excuse that they're busy, but they're online pretty much 24/7 and they can talk to other people, comment on posts, share posts, basically everything but they just ignore me, then they say they don't. This has happened to me MANY times, not just with them but so called "friends" too. I try to be there for them and give them space but it seems I'm not good enough and worthy enough for them regardless. I've only known them a month or so, just before Christmas when they all added me on Facebook.
• My Auntie, also one of Dad's Sisters, seems to hate me for no reason. But she completely sucks up to one of these Cousins. I have 6 diagnosed mental illnesses and she never seemed to care about me, but whenever he posts that he's depressed or something, she jumps and helps him in any way she can, but she never cared about me, no matter how nice I was to her. I sent her cards and a personalised necklace and she still seems to hate me.

I try my hardest with everyone and no matter what I do, how nice I am and whatnot, it's never good enough. It makes me feel horrible when people ignore me. My Avoidant Personality Disorder makes me very sensitive to people ignoring me, failure, rejection, criticism, etc. And nobody seems to understand it, they all just call me annoying etc.

It really breaks my heart, I don't know what else people want me to do. I always try to be there for people whether it's on here, in person, whatever. I try my hardest to be a good person in endless ways, even to strangers. And I feel like everyone on earth just hates me, even people who don't even know me. Why me? It hurts beyond words. And I can't even see a Psychologist to discuss this stuff. Sigh. I hate myself.

[Matchy69]

Hi Tayla I am really sorry about your family and their reaction towards you.I have had things like that happen to me with my family and have a brother who never answer my calls.Feeling unloved by your family makes you feel worst.I think you make a really great friend as you are warm and caring and I can that from your post.You should be proud of the person you are.

Take care,

Mark.

[Chris D]

There is a support which I found to be useful over many yrs which is suicide callback service. This is a service that does provide online chat, call or as name says callback service. They have provided helpful advise & assistance to me when I have had very strong thoughts & one I continue to stay in touch with.

I understand how you feel with relatives/cousins. They say they'll be there but when it comes down to it they don't want to hear about it.

I'm always here if you want to chat about things.
Take care

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Tayla..

I’m really so sorry about the way your family is treating you..I wish I could give you a tender caring hug..🤗..I can resonate very much to the hurt that it makes you feel..I have had this happen to me a lot in my younger years and even now it still happens...

We don’t know what goes around in other people’s thoughts..and I think we never will..maybe they think that you have amazing and caring parents who are their for you..Idk..I wish I did know, they might be concerned that they say the wrong thing to you..people are very hard to understand at times....

Please Dear Tayla....Please don’t hate yourself ever...You are a beautiful caring, compassionate and gentle young lady...who has helped people here on the forums with your gentle words...Right now sweetheart your feeling down and ignored...Your depression is telling you so many lies about yourself...please try hard to not listen to your thoughts..Someone once said to do the opposite of what your depression tells you to do...and to think the opposite of what your depression is saying to you...

Stay true to yourself Tayla...They are family yes...but if something or someone is hurting your mental health..you need to protect yourself...as hard as it is...let go of them....at least until your feeling mentally better..

Here for you..when I can be Dear Tayla...along with your other amazing friends here on the forums..

Love and hugs Tayla..

Grandy..