Ms

[Yoyo]

Hi, this is my first time posting. A couple of years ago, I was diagnosed with BPD, complex PTSD, and anxiety. I’ve tried numerous medications, shrink sessions, and hypnotherapy to help manage my conditions, but so far, nothing has worked or I’ve ended up having night terrors and other negative side effects. No one knows of my conditions and for my whole like I have tried to fake it til I make it. But a couple of years ago I had two nervous break downs over work and have never recovered. Since the breakdowns I know I now present very differently to people who know me . I am extremely depressed, exhausted 24/7, have insomnia, brain fog, no focus, can’t deal with too much noise, lost my ability to speak up, self hate, have suicidal thoughts constantly-or more like I can’t wait until death comes for me, feelings of rage like I want to physically get in the ring with people, spend money I don’t have recklessly, binge eat and  self sabotage all kinds of relationships. It feels like I’m constantly at war with my own mind, and I don’t know how to stop it. Apparently group sessions for CBT may help me. Can anyone out there relate or provide any insight the group therapy???

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Group therapy like all treatments is an individual choice, for me I didnt like sharing to strangers but I've heard that some people like it. So best to try, try anything and everything.

Reading your quite sad post and your struggles takes me back to a time when all my emotions and toiling against my toxic workplace took me down a path that, thankfully, I had the skills to claw my way out of. By skills I mean I'd tackled positive thinking and became exactly that however, before I could put in place my plan to recover I had to take many steps back to basics and remove all the things that was holding me back. These included- any toxic people (including family or reduction of contact), getting my financials in order (it took time), not subjecting myself to things that harm (like violent TV shows) and good diet and exercise. Even when bored I'd get up from the couch and walk around the block. One time I did that and helped an old lady lift her groceries, that simple task helped my mood.

Medications as I found need our persistence. I had tried 12 once only to find I was wrongly diagnosed. That might not be the case with yourself but regular reviews of meds and especially dosages is really important. I'd contact your professional to tell them of your current symptoms. 

Your GP can help you with nutrition and binge eating. It's amazing what they can do in recent times. Weight gain is another negative effect and all these things multiply to a point whereby your self esteem takes a battering. 

Anxiety is one illness that can be tackled successfully. I have a long history of it and eliminated it from my life. The following post shows how.

 https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it/td-p/183873

As for BPD I do know its a difficult illness to live with for the sufferer and their loved ones. Like all mental health issues we should in the first instance- seek as our goal to reduce symptoms rather than fight them. Good management is a good goal.

I hope I've helped you even a little bit. We have a large library just use search and that might help also. Reply anytime.

TonyWK

[Yoyo]

Hi White Knight,

Thank you for the warm welcome and for taking the time to share your experience and advice. It really means a lot.

I appreciate your perspective as well. To be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about group therapy—it doesn’t seem like something I’d be comfortable with, but I know I need to keep trying different solutions. Things either stay the same or feel like they’re getting worse, so I can’t afford to stop looking for what might help.

Your story about overcoming workplace struggles and making conscious efforts to rebuild your life really resonates with me. I’m constantly working on removing toxicity from my life, and I’m getting better at managing finances—but I struggle with that dopamine hit from buying something new. A fresh T-shirt or a pair of shoes makes me feel good for a moment, but then the guilt sets in. Your approach of small acts of kindness is something I really love. I try to do the same, but people around me tell me I can’t save the world, which makes me second-guess myself. Then I get frustrated that I let their opinions have so much power over me. Just another thing I need to work on.

I’ll definitely keep your advice on medication in mind. I do my best to check in regularly, but it’s frustrating trying to find the right balance. I also can’t shake the feeling that I’m being a burden to my doctor, which makes it even harder.

You’re absolutely right about how everything compounds—mental health, diet, weight, self-esteem. It’s overwhelming, but I really do try. I exercise daily—yoga, Pilates, gym, walking, beach swims—and I eat well, but it feels like cortisol has me stuck, keeping the weight from budging.

I’ll check out the link you shared and explore the library here. Thanks again for your kindness and support—I really appreciate it.

[white knight]

Well done in your efforts.

A few things- guilt seems to be a major challenge for you so I have some links below to cover that.

I was told by a therapist in 1987 "Tony, when are you going to stop saving the world"?. So getting our efforts into normal perspectives is essential to an anxiety free life.

Weight, I've lost 12kg since new years day. My GP prescribed weight loss meds )no brand names allowed) but also we bought a soup maker. We eat a coral breakfast, soup for lunch with one slice of toast and normal dinner. The meds stop hunger in between. 

I don't know how handy, creative you are but sewing can help with the shopping addiction. Making your own clothes or modifying clothes might give you the same fix. Used clothes from op shops can be worthwhile.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/guilt-the-tormentor/td-p/321604

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/anxiety/worry-worry-worry/td-p/87808

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/they-just-wont-understand-why/m-p...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/meditation-words-of-wisdom-it-helped-me-for-25-year...

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/30-minutes-can-change-your-life/td-p/154525

I'm here daily if you'd like to post again

TonyWK 

[Yoyo]

Thank you, I really appreciate the encouragement.

You’re absolutely right—guilt is something I struggle with a lot, so I’ll definitely check out the links you shared. Finding a healthy balance between helping others and protecting my own well-being is something I’m still working on.

That’s amazing progress on your weight loss—congrats! The soup maker idea sounds like a great way to keep meals simple and healthy. I’ve been taking weight loss meds myself for around 3 months but the weight isn’t moving but I have noticeably reduced the amount of food I eat. Hopefully the weight drops off soon as I can’t afford to keep going on the meds for too much longer.

As for sewing, I am absolutely useless but I do love to paint to I probably need to turn to that as a fun  and satisfying distraction.

Thanks again for the advice and support! Appreciate you!!