Worry, worry worry

[white knight]

I've often said in these forums "worry is non productive". It doesnt produce a thing for your positivity.

You can worry that you have an appointment the next day. Then you dont sleep because you are worried you will sleep in or forget your CV documents or not be dressed up well enough. All 3 things in this example is worry for zero benefit. You can have 2 alarm clocks to prevent you sleeping in, you can place your CV in the car so you dont forget it and you can select your clothing the night before....so off you go and have a good night sleep...bet you dont!!

That's because 'worry' is inground, it's part of you, like a limb. So it's extremely difficult to rid yourself of this burden.

The first and most important step is separating reality with unrealistic thoughts. When we allow out thought patterns to trod along without challenge then we have a problem. Discipline to attack unrealistic thoughts has to be there for many reasons like - the less you think unrealistically the more time you have for real thoughts. And unrealistic thoughts can cause other issues to-

Fear!  In 1987 I had a big dispute at my workplace. A pain in my chest and an abnormal heart beat led to a diagnosis of heart attack. This was incorrect and after a few months it was found to be a panic attack. My therapist asked me weekly what happened during the week and I'd tell him I thought my boss would knock on my door, or my doctor wouldnt believe my fear was real or I really did have a heart attack and they got the diagnosis wrong again. Can you the reader see where I'm coming from?

The next step is relaxation. Learn it. Go to relaxation classes. Learn muscle tensioning exercises. They really work. What you would be doing is learning a task that some do naturally but for some reason you missed out. It isnt your fault but if you dont attack the issue it will be your fault. You wont find a relaxing life and that is not good. Take it from someone who knows.

The last step is prioritising.  Placing things in priority allows you to tackle the hard things first then as you tackle less important things you begin to relax more. Finances is a good example. Low on funds you should be shopping for food instead you decide to get that truck load of manure for the garden. For the rest of the week until pay day you struggle with coins only in your pocket. = worry.

Worry is non productive.It doesnt produce a thing except hurt, anxiety, depression or at least assists these things.

Remove it from your life.

Tony  WK

[JessF]

Agree on the prioritising as a way of reducing worry. Being a sucker for lists, I read a business book a few years back that suggested putting the things you need to do (or think you need to do) into categories at the start of the day.

A for I have to get this done today, B for I'd like to get this done today, C for I realistically won't get this done today and D for delegate. 

The next bit of advice was how to tackle these. Do the D's first, then the A's, and then...most amusingly for me, who feels everything has to be done NOW... he said forget about the B and C's, because they don't have to be done today. They are a problem for tomorrow.

I can't say I've used this habitually, but it did help me get a new perspective around prioritising, and especially with the D part, realising that it is ok to ask others to help you out.

[white knight]

Hi JessF

Re: "...everything has to be done NOW". That's how I used to be. Then when everything was done I'd have to create a task so the task train kept going. When will we learn to RELAX?

So I dont know if you've tried this, but I've purchased crosswords books, magasines and newspapers. When we came to our camping spot we'd set up. Then we took our dog for a walk. I wouldnt enjoy the walk because I'd be eager to do the crosswords and munch on some lollies, and have a cuppa beside me. As soon as a few crosswords were tried and they became too hard I'd start cooking dinner 2 hours early or read the mag and make sure I had a bourbon beside me. So much for relaxing during camping.

Remaining alert and active was the reason I was initially diagnosed with ADHD but according to my psychiatrist it was/is mania. Thankfully my AD's and mood stabilisers have lowered this symptom to a better level, a level my wife finds acceptable. Besides......she has a guy that does a great amount of the workload so she's happy.

An over active mind can suffer burn out. We must ensure the mind has time off to avoid that. To lower the level of that full bucket of worry and over activity we need to laugh, leave the tasks for another day or find fun. Ever noticed the feeling you have a day after a night out or a night at the movies. Feelings of being recharged?

Worry is something that fills the bucket.

Tony WK

[JessF]

Yes, it is very hard to do NOTHING, although this is probably part of the problem - labelling relaxing as doing nothing. A lot of us are so conscious of "wasting time" that we are eager to fill every second with something that we perceive to be valuable or productive. A must-see-results mindset. I have been weaning myself off this mindset for several years now.

[white knight]

Hi JessF

"A must-see-results mindset". Exactly. I moved a raised garden bed this morning. 15 wheelbarrows of heavy dirt. I had to finish it because it might rain, or my wife will want me to accompany her shopping or, or or... and I'm now retired.

2014 was a bad year foe me physically and mental health was more unstable than I liked. So yet more reasons to get that garden bed done and done NOW!!!.

Weaning yourself off this mentality is really hard. I'm more inclined to believe its part of our nature. Like the frog and the scorpion...

Tony WK

[Looking_forward_to_managi]

I'm glad that you mentioned that JessF: the whole "can't be wasting time" mentality. That's a major part of my thought process every day. The silly thing is: who are we reporting to with this incessant demand? Do we have to hand in a productivity report every day to someone? Lol. I, like you, am learning to wean myself off this ridiculous daily pattern. But it's hard to differentiate whether it's a good thing (ie. Just liking to have things to do) or whether it's a bad thing (feeling we have to justify every second of the day, otherwise we feel useless). A conundrum for sure. Glad to see it spoke about: It's yet another reason I am thankful for this website: The comments in these forums helps us all to put the pieces together, helping us all realise the similarities between each other means that concrete medical labels can be attached to the problems. And once labels get attached, solutions can start to be found- Just like any other medical problem within the body. Some people have medical problems with their heart, or their foot; or their back ... We just have medical problems with our brain- just another human organ (Another thing for us to always remember as we all strive to work out remedies)

[white knight]

Hi LF,

Oh yes, this is hitting something well and truly on the head for me also.

How can we ever relax if we have so many things running around our carnival of a brain? I have dismantled the merry go round and the giant slide but am yet to chuck the fairy floss out...I'm getting there.

[JessF]

Hello Looking Forward, I know you joke about the productivity report, but I think that's how my mind has worked! If at the end of the day I hadn't achieved things, then I would feel worthless and that I had wasted my time. I have been a relentless list maker at times. This can be helpful when you have genuine things that you have to do, but you have to learn to tell the difference between sorting the wheat from the chaff, and just filling time for the sake of it, fearing what you'll be left to ponder if you have nothing to do.

[Daneeka]

Hi White Knight,

this post is really helpful, Im a worryhead but yeah its true most of the things we worry about dont actually happen, but it is hard not to worry but everything takes time one step at a time and I'll get there.

[white knight]

Hi Daneeka

Yes, you are right, worry is part of our character, very hard to chill out and stop it.

There is an element of acceptance that we should also try, to accept that our worrying persona will always be there.

We have to accept ourselves. But try to minimalise worry as it isn't good for us.

Google

Topic: accepting ourselves, the frog and the scorpion- beyondblue

Tony WK