-LE-

[-LE-]

Hello everyone, Im an optimist who has been clinically depressed for 20years.  (Interesting combination). I have finally become tired of the “sort it out” mentality and need to connect with other people struggling against this monster who understand it’s not a case of taking a pill and everything’s good, or you are weak if you are a depressant.  Im fighting hard to stay me and keep alive.  Reading this forum gave me the strength to engage so thank you to every one of you!  

I’ve turned 60 and life is NOT what I expected.  It is controlled by so many other things, most not of my own making, so very frustrating and another reason why Im seeking reassurance.  Done the expensive therapies and retreat, but I guess I know why I'mp depressed, just need some validation for being so and not rejection. While it’s not OK having it, it’s not a crime being a depressant.  Nor do I feel it fair to be judged and found wanting because I have it, particularly when the causes are NOT of my making; toxic in-laws, a car accident I didn’t cause, neuralgia, caring for 2x90+ parents with dementia, etc. 

Not wanting to make my introduction a litany of whinging,  I am also incredibly lucky living in an old Queenslander with a dog, cat, five chickens and a husband who I love dearly but he just does NOT get this whole depression thing and cannot understand why Im not stronger and “just sort it out”. 

I have two children both now in their 30s, both have left home,  both single, both navigating their way through life.  Reading your posts my heart bleeds for so many of you younger ones as I fully understand what you are going through and wish I could help, give you a big hug and tell you how wonderful you all are. 

Well, that’s the most I’ve spoken about me in ages.  Hope to be able to chat soon.  Big smiles and best wishes to you all.  LE

[indigo22]

Hi LE,

Welcome and so glad you decided to reach out to us.

I can relate to your difficulties and it was the one thing I found so refreshing when I joined the forums, I no longer needed to explain what I was going through, because everyone here 'gets it'.

I was an optimist when I was younger too, but life threw so many challenges my way that I became overwhelmed and lost that sense of optimism. I have been dealing with dysthymia and major depression since I was just in my teens, I was not aware this is what I was dealing with and got no help at the time. I was not diagnosed until I was in my 40s, now in my 60s and still working through all the pushed down emotions that caused the depression in the first place. I also cared for both parents with dementia, I know that is not easy and can be quite depressing in and of itself.

The truth of it is that we are stronger than anyone gives us credit for, to be able to go through tough challenges and still be here to talk about it shows inner strength and fortitude, we have just been overwhelmed by it all.

There is only one other person I know, outside of the forums, who has been effected by mental health issues. It's difficult to talk about it when things start weighing us down because we get the same old responses from those who don't have any idea what it's like.

I hope you will feel comfortable here and feel supported by this kind community. We are all in this together so we don't need to feel alone in our experience.

Please feel free to continue this conversation and perhaps let me know what steps you are taking to help with the depression.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo

[-LE-]

Thank you. 

[therising]

Hi -LE-

It's amazing, hey, how when you can feel the scales tipping out of balance (when what weighs heavily becomes stressful/anxiety inducing or depressing) others tend to say stuff like 'You'll be right' or 'You just need to get on with things' or 'You need to get over it (whatever it is)' etc. To this I say 'No, I can feel something wrong. So, I won't be right until I manage what's wrong'. 'No, I can't get on with things when there are too many things to get on with or they're depressing things'. 'I can't get over some forest of thought I feel compelled to explore, as though it's a little hurdle. I need to make my way through it'. People are interesting, they way they phrase things. They can make everything sound so simple. 

What I like about sensitive people is how they can sense so easily when others can't. As you point to, it's not a crime to sense what's depressing. I like to think of it as an ability. A pretty sh***y one at times but still an ability. As a gal whose father suffers from dementia, you can definitely feel challenging and depressing elements of dementia. As a wife whose husband becomes upset with me mentioning how I can feel myself heading into a depression at times, I feel him walking away to leave me alone with what feels depressing. Lost and alone in the darkness (of depression) isn't a pleasant feeling, that's for sure. He doesn't like to feel my upset, as it makes him sad. He'll watch tv to distract himself from feeling for me. Btw, while I used to find his actions even more depressing, these days (having woken up to them) I'm amused while tending to think 'My gosh, this guy's insane. Who leaves someone alone to feel what 'down' feels like while they're in a desperate state to feel raised in some way?'. All good though, as I have key people in my life who are my raisers, just like I am a raiser for them at times. They're brilliant.

I think sometimes it's about the people in our life who are happy to do the deep dive into our depression with us. In there they might sit and talk with us for a while, they might lead us to wonder about the things we need to wonder about, they might share revelations and much needed visions they have for us (when we become blinded by the darkness and can't see the way for ourself) or they might simply say 'Vent it all out. Scream or cry it out if you want to'. They look for ways for us to rise. On the other hand, there are those who call down into that deep dark well 'You'll be right, you just need to smile more often'. Hmmm 🤔

-LE-, you're a feeler and a raiser of others. You are doubly amazing. Sometimes it takes twice the energy, to feel and to raise. Can definitely become exhausting at times.