Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[CMF]

I know who I am. I like who I am bur I feel sad as I feel I don't fit in. I'm always told what a nice person I am, too nice in fact but I just don't fit in. I can be with a group of people & yet be alone  . Classic example, we had a work lunch last week. We sat at an oval table, everyone talking to someone except me. It was partly due to seating arrangement ie there were 3 empty seats to my left & person on my right was talking to person on other side of her so she was turned away from me. I moved seats so I joined another conversation bur I still felt awkward. I think differently to alot of my team & I'm proud of it. I'm not going to change who I am bur it hurts when you feel you don't belong. I am more of an observer but I always find people talk around me & I feel left out. It's making me really sad 😔 

[quirkywords]

Cmf

I feel I don’t fit in when it is a big group. I find big groups hard and I too am usually left out.

one to one I can relate but big groups can be noisy . 

[CMF]

I have found myself again. Who am I?

I am;

Strong

Resilient

Confident

Fun

Smiley

Thoughtful

Caring

Enough

Sticking to my boundaries

Happy. SO HAPPY

[quirkywords]

CMF

I like your list. 

[quirkywords]

I am tired of trying to be myself and then being criticised by friends and families. 
I don’t know what is my real self. 

[CMF]

Dear Quirky, 

May I ask what you are being criticised for?

It is unfair that others make us question who we are with their criticism.  Do you think you feel unsure because their criticism makes you feel you are being judged or not enough?

You are more than enough.  Could you create a list of who you think you are like I did?

[Moonstruck]

Dear Quirky...can I ask too, what are you criticised for and who are these people who do this. are you sure they are actually "criticising" you or just making conversation?  I think I mentioned to you ages ago, that I couldn't think of anyone in my close circle...friends, relations etc who often, or ever..."criticise" me.  They may give advice or opinions if I ask, but I wouldn't want to be around someone who criticised me all the time....I can't understand your predicament exactly...can you explain further or have I read things wrong?  I think you are pretty wonderful and resilient...a good person who has been corresponding with me for years now..Love Moon

[quirkywords]

 Cmf and moon

thanks for your kind words. I did a list like yours Cmf.
ok moon where do I start.

one adult child criticises me as she felt I was not supportive and was always depressed, this is not my or my other children’s memories.

present and past partners tell me told and tell me my problems cause all the relationships ship problem. 
2 exes and o e present told and tell me to see a psychiatrist when I disagree with them.

heaps more but it is painful to repeat. 
I am only one in family with diagnosed  mental illness so that is fair game to complain ,about my behaviour. Even though I have been symptom free for over 30 years.

 I have supportive family and friends .

[quirkywords]

I think it is easier to be oneself when one is with supportive understanding people who you trust.when people criticise me, I become quiet and I can’t be myself. 
I think some of us learn early who we

can trust.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi dear Quirky,

I feel this is so true. I have been learning that some people judge while others try to understand. Those who judge are not present with you. Those who understand are truly present with you and have open minds and hearts and can connect with your heart. That is when trust is possible.

Hugs,

ER