40 year old male in need for advice

[Nathan_Drake]

Hi ladies and gentlemen,

This is my first post and i wanted to share something that’s been on my mind for a while. I’m 40 years old, and to be completely honest, I’ve never had sex and don’t really have any close friends. It’s something I’ve been quietly struggling with for a long time. 

I see people i work with with much exciting life’s and, when they ask me what I’m doing for the weekend, i give them either the silent treatment or make an excuse so ill end the discussion quickly. 

I never expected to be in this position, but i cannot change what happened in the past but move forward. I always have resentfulness, and jealously that people half my age have accomplished more than what I have done.

My concern would be that if somehow i did meet someone, how do i bring this up?, how to tell that special person i have no friends and never been intimate or kiss a woman in my life as this may be a red flag. Also, i am on the shorter side, and slightly overweight but do go to the gym on multiple occasions.

Has anyone else felt like this or gone through something similar later in life? How did you start to turn things around? Any advice on buildind friendship at an older age.

Thanks for reading.

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

Welcome here to the Forum where I suspect that there are many who have difficulties making friends and some who haven't had a sexual expereince. For myself intimacy/sex is bound up with affection and knowing the person concerned, it is not a single act but part of a relationship.

To answer part of your question, bearing in mind that this is just my answer, being rather a straightforward person, I'd simply tell them when things have reached a certain stage, that I had no expereince.  This leads on my answer for the other part of your question.

I'd suggest you take every opportunity to be with others, particularly potential mates. At work, organizations or volunteering spring to mind. This may make you feel very awkward and out of your depth to start with. There are two tihngs to bear in mind, see if you can choose someone who is kind to concentrate you attention and getting to know their likes and interests, not just talking about you. 

Also seeking friendship is not down just to you, for it to work in all probability the other person is seeking too, so it is a mutual, not lonely, activity. 

I honestly don't see bodily characteristics as any bar, it is you that people can like.

I wish you well and am sure your life can change

Croix