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Be Yourself but who am I?

Community Champion
Community Champion

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?


1,888 Replies 1,888

Community Member

Hey Quirky

Having a break from forums but Just wanted to drop by and say good luck with your thread - lots of good questions hope u get lots of posts.

Maybe go with what feels right for you -the old gut instinct ?

Be kind to yourself


Community Member

Hi Quirky, your words sound a little bit like how I think.

I am not sure who I am exactly, so how is it possible to be one self.

I cannot answer your questions. But maybe this issue has something to do with our personality as well. I few things I have worked through in this support group I attend have made it a bit clearer. One was learning about the five different love languages and which one you mostly fit in. The other was the Myer Briggs test. You can do both of these online in a free quiz. The questions helped me to think about what I am like. My personality I guess. From my basic understanding ones personality does not really change. ( though there is exceptions,ie some mental illness)

There was another lesson on temperaments, like whether you are in extravert or introvert. Whether you show parts of being a choleric, sanguine, peacemaker or Mmm I have forgotten the other one. This lesson was quite good as it showed which one you could identify with. But also when you are in the process of healing you may show many weaknesses in one particular group, plus you see your strengths as well.

As you can see I am quite muddled up and everything I write is either long winded or what ever else.

Anyway maybe you could just do one of this lessons or quizes just to sort of get a glimpse into who you are.

Someone started a thread on here about the five love languages and a member called Blue started the myer Briggs one.

You have an inquiring mind and it is great.

Shell xx

Hi Quirky

Great to see stressless and Sheel drop by, great people.

The question you raise asks more questions about the people around you than from yourself.

I saw today a boy anout 9yo running and scaring ducks at a park. His mother called him over and berated him saying "those birds have just as much right to a world of peace and happiness as you do, dont ever treat others like that again"!

You have a right to act as you would naturally, but with consideration for other so you blend in for the sake of happiness all round.

A quote : you are not in this world to live up to others expectations"

Tony WK


Thanks for being my first person to reply to my first thread. That means a lot to me.

I hope you can relax and pamper yourself on your break from the forums,

My gut instinct changes due to my mood.

Thanks again


Shelly Anne

Thanks for your detailed reply. I have done Myer Briggs tests before and each time emd up with a different result depending wat mood I am in.

I have heard of the 5 languages of love but have not read further on them.

I enjoy reading your posts and find them interesting and thought provoking.

Thanks again for your help.


Tony thanks for your reply. I suppose sometimes I feel others expectations become mine and the line is blurred.

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello quirky

I have the same issue because of my "identity diffusion" which basically means I don't have a consolidated sense of self, and I feel like I have to be one thing or another, not that both are part of me. E.g. I'm either a a thinker or I'm impulsive, I don't see myself as being a thinker who's impulsive some of the time, or an impulsive person who thinks sometimes.

I don't know if you have the same symptoms, but if so, perhaps it's a matter of dealing in non-absolutes. That's what I'm trying to do anyway.

So when people are saying "be yourself", they maybe don't understand that you feel like to be yourself, you have to be either the carefree one, or the fast talker or the overthinker, etc. For them, they are trying to say: just be you - the one that is all of those things combined.

But that's hard if you don't know how.

And when they say you need to be more x or less y, they're saying you're being overly x or not enough y. Perhaps again, that's because you are being one aspect of your personality, not the entire range of people that live inside of you.

Just a thought anyway 😕 I'm fumbling my own way around too!


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Community Champion

James 1

Thanks for your informative reply. I really could relate to not dealing in absolutes. I will try to do this more often as I tend to look at things in generalisations.

All the best


Hi Quirkywords,

That is an interesting idea for a thread, I'm glad you decided to make one after all 😊.

Who am I? Such a bloody difficult question. I wrote on the forums once that I ask myself constantly... Am I doing this because I want to or because I have to? At heart I don't really know who I am or what I want.

My head is a muddle most of the time. I know some things about myself but like you some things change with my mood. Some days I'm bubbly the next week I'm a hermit. Some days I'm patient. Others the rage overwhelms me.

So I choose to focus on the things within my self that don't change and let everything else fluxuate.

I know that regardless of my mood...

I don't like seeing people hurt and helping others feels right.

I need time alone to recharge and feel stable

Family is vital to me.

I need a place to call home. I feel lost without a physical place which is my home base.

I am uncomfortable with physical contact.

That's it. That's what I know of me. It doesn't sound like much but it helps when I feel chaotic and my mood changes to know that some things remain stable.

Do you have anything like that Quirky?

I hope it was okay to laugh at what you called me Tony?? I mean no offence to you. I am pretty sure you were referring to me Shell as Sheel. I truly needed a laugh and a bit of lightness just now. Many thanks to you.