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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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white knight BULLYING
  • replies: 22

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my ... View more

Part of my strategy of "staying well" is to tackle some things differently. Rather than relying on my instincts, that have clearly let me down over the years due to over reaction from my sensitivity, I would ...take a breath and use the advice of my psych and good friends on how to respond. I've been a target of bullying for near 10 years now. Forums havent been around long in the scheme of things and if you are an up front person with some vulnerability, the chance a predator will spot you, hone in on you and harrass you is high. My usual reaction to these people was- throw a rock back at them immediately and fume for days, constantly logging in and waiting for another response so I could reply with more rock throwing....after all (I'd think to myself) he needs to be taught a lessen. I'm right here and he is wrong. The best response would have been to ignore the bully....as everyone says...but that was never enough clout for me. This time, two days ago I would put that to the test. A female member of the car club I'm a member of, has had a simmering dislike for me. That's ok, that happens with a few hundred members. I've been aware of it from others telling me and have tried to tread softly on the clubs Facebook page. Out of the blue she posted a nasty comment levelled at me. Now, since I've had a few bullying members and that I havent handled them well, I have a mentor. Yep, 59yo large strong guy with heaps of experience in life...has a lady that I call my "parole officer"....labelled as such by me in a joking manner that she adores. My mentor read the comment and suggested that the bully would be seen as the aggressor. nother member, unaware of the connitations of the bully's intent posted a cartoon that shows Charlie Brown laughing alongside his dog Snoopy, also laughing. So I posted a reply...."is that cartoon of me and my dog". Not only had I ignored the bully's nasty remark I'd caused many members to laugh at my own post thereby swaying attention away from the bully's statement. It worked. Several posts following these comments and all were responding to my comical post. The bully has gone quiet. People didnt give her the attention she craved. She was "out of line". She will lose popularity as time goes by if she continues to hold a grudge. The committee have contacted me individually to acknowledge how well I handled it. Bullying hurts us. We can be really sensitive at times and feel we have our backs to the wall. Dont feed the sharks. Tony WK

white knight Three types of empathy
  • replies: 11

It's amazing when your own behaviour comes into question and someone suggests (in this case my wife) that I should discuss that with my psychologist next visit. The picture is that my daughter and husband are about to move into their newly built home... View more

It's amazing when your own behaviour comes into question and someone suggests (in this case my wife) that I should discuss that with my psychologist next visit. The picture is that my daughter and husband are about to move into their newly built home. The house was broken into and about $600 of belongings stolen. When she was telling us this on the phone I began to get upset along with some frustration. After the call ended and my wifes suggestion I googled "empathy for others" and found there was 3 types..... Cognitive, emotional and compassionate. Cognitive empathy- the ability to feel what the other person is feeling. It is a healthy type of empathy Emotional empathy- the ability to share the feelings of another person. It helps you build connections Compassionate empathy- this goes beyond the other two in that you take action for the empathy you feel. This is interesting because my wife said "its our daughters problem, why are you feeling so upset?". Indeed, why was I feeling so deep about an issue that is their issue and easily affordable for them eg we dont have to even consider them financially. Their insurance has a $1000 excess so wasnt wise to claim. The other aspect is "crowding" in that people might mention their problem but if your empathy is beyond normal and you always offer to assist, they could feel like ceasing sharing issues as they dont want the help. One offer is enough, two and they repeat their rejection but three and you have a friend that want to exit quickly. Sensitivity, sorrow, sadness, dysthymia are all things that can make us extreme with our kindness. Best to develop some internal guidelines to reduce that extremity to not put your loved ones off. Have you been extreme in your empathy? TonyWK

Aussiepom123 Emotional numbness
  • replies: 4

I’m just going to jump straight in the deep end here. I’ve been feeling a certain way, unable to put my finger on what the word for it would be. Until I did the classic Google search on just feeling a lack of emotion lately due to stress from work. A... View more

I’m just going to jump straight in the deep end here. I’ve been feeling a certain way, unable to put my finger on what the word for it would be. Until I did the classic Google search on just feeling a lack of emotion lately due to stress from work. And bang - emotional numbness. The clear word to describe it. The only feeling I’ve felt is stress - I guess that’s a emotion. Because to be honest I’ve felt like I’m not feeling any emotion lately. It’s impacting my social relationships to a great degree outside of work. My inability to let go of the stress on the weekends and be okay is growing. I have no desire with my partner for love, intimacy or anything. I’m more irritable , more frustrated . Just feel like I cannot shake this phase. I often go through phases of depression or anxiety but this one just won’t budge. I’ve distracted myself with our house Reno’s . And going out for day trips. But nothing budges this lack of emotion and feeling lately. i put a lot of pressure on myself , especially when it comes to intimacy and it’s just not there. I feel like I’m not normal, I feel like a robot, I feel tired of how much work is impacting me. I truly don’t know what the solution is - and work won’t change trust me- I enjoy it but I’m also overloaded and I guess it’s taking its toll a fair bit. any one relate or can help?

Casscade Sobriety day 1
  • replies: 5

Hiya just letting you know that I am on day 1. Any encouragement from you guys will be great

Hiya just letting you know that I am on day 1. Any encouragement from you guys will be great

Guest_50030126 I can't cope being alone - I use drink to cope with how I feel
  • replies: 2

Hey, This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself... View more

Hey, This is my first time posting and I'm hoping this is the right place to say this. I am 33, work long hours in advertising. Have wonderful friends, my family is in another country but I am loved.I just can't seem to feel the same way about myself and I really don't understand how to do it. I hate being on my own, nothing really brings me joy. I distract myself with work, or alcohol in the evenings. I've tried everything - writing, cooking, excercise classes, painting, reading, therapy, medication etc. tried watch tv etc but nothing calms my mind in the evenings when I'm alone - so I turn to drink.I am told that I need to love myself and should enjoy being on my own but I don't and I feel like it's getting worse and worse recently. I can't let go of my ex either and I know I put too much emphasis on how he feels about me. If he loves me and is happy with me, that gives me all my validation. Having his attention is an addiction in itself.I just am really lost, feeling so lonely and sad but have no motivation to talk to my friends, or ask them to come and see me. I have so many messages to reply to and it's too overwhelming so i'm hoping this forum might help.I want to know to love myself, be happy, and when it gets to the evenings not just drink myself to sleep or to quiet my mind. I joined this today, and downloaded Daybreak. But I'm worried about this evening and how to get through today where I don't have work or not drink.

Despaired87 Paranoid I'm being framed
  • replies: 1

I moved cities 2yrs ago to be close with my family and have a fresh start after struggling alone for 18yrs.After a few weeks of being here, I began to feel as if I was being followed by police or someone.I was living with a friend and his parents for... View more

I moved cities 2yrs ago to be close with my family and have a fresh start after struggling alone for 18yrs.After a few weeks of being here, I began to feel as if I was being followed by police or someone.I was living with a friend and his parents for a while prior to moving, this was an on and off circumstance due to struggling to find a place to rent. I had a feeling in my stomach that they were up to something sinister and that they were drugging me. They used to belittle me and made me feel I couldn't cope on my own and that I needed them in order to survive. They would steal money from me, make me work on their property, belittle me and overall made me feel inadequate at life. They would interfere with my girlfriend and relationships and I began to feel isolated and helpless. My friends dad said a few times that he had the feeling like hurting and killing. His mum was a hypochondriac and would tell me every year that this was likely going to be her last year alive (for 15yrs). She knew whether I had been masterbating or not. Identified some features of my body that I never exposed to her and tried to control me. My friend has schizophrenia and his mum would constantly give him weed and kept him in a psychosis for several years. I wanted to help him desperately but couldn't. I had to develop a plan to leave when they went out of the house and waited for my opportunity to pack up and go. The day I had the opportunity to leave, I loaded up my little hatchback with whatever would fit inside plus my dog and drove 10hours into the night to seek refuge from them and be close to my family.After a few weeks I began to feel as if I was being followed by what I suspected is the police. I feared that my friends parents had done something awful and I was being framed for it. I thought that they were mixed up in dealing hard drugs and that I was going to be the fall guy, or that they were going to kill an ex girlfriend or someone I knew. They knew everything about me - I have a tendency to overshare and had a difficult upbringing so presumed I'd be a suitable fall guy.I went to hospital due to an apparent psychosis not long after moving close to my family. When I came out I felt okay - however 6 months later began to feel the same thoughts of paranoia. Went to hospital again to get help - taking anti psychotics and it went away. Then around the same time this year the same thing happened. Now I don't know if I'm losing my mind or if this is real. Help

AzureHorizon Feeling Trapped: Depression, Anxiety, and Finding My Way (Cross-dressing, Uncommunicative Marriage)
  • replies: 2

## Reaching Out - Struggling with Depression and Anxiety Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and wanted to reach out because I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been living with depression for a while now and take medication to manage it. Lately, though, wit... View more

## Reaching Out - Struggling with Depression and Anxiety Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum and wanted to reach out because I'm at a bit of a loss. I've been living with depression for a while now and take medication to manage it. Lately, though, with the pressure at work, it feels like I'm barely staying afloat. The depression and anxiety team up to really mess with my mood and sometimes even my work performance. It's like being trapped, and it's hard to see a way out sometimes. I'm married, and my wife knows about my depression. The thing is, I don't think she quite knows how to help. Maybe it feels overwhelming for her. To cope, I've turned to some things that aren't necessarily healthy – like looking at pornography and occasionally cross-dressing. Cross-dressing, in particular, can help lower my stress, but it's not something anyone in my life supports, especially my wife. We've had arguments about it before, and while I stopped for a while, the urge keeps coming back. The problem is, I can't really talk to her about it openly. It just opens old wounds and makes things worse. Lately, I've noticed her spending more time focusing on her faith – she's Catholic, and I'm not. I've been in Australia for 25 years now, having migrated from India. I don't have any family here, which adds another layer of isolation. Honestly, I'm just looking for some answers. Has anyone out there dealt with something similar? Any advice on managing depression and anxiety, especially when work adds to the pressure? Thanks for listening, and I hope to hear from some of you.

Lauryn21 How do I return to work after breaking down crying.
  • replies: 3

I’m just started a new job in the past 3 weeks and it’s a big jump in workload and starting a new job is very overwhelming. also in my personal life a lot has happened, I’ve lost a family member, moved, studying and have a lot of big assignments due.... View more

I’m just started a new job in the past 3 weeks and it’s a big jump in workload and starting a new job is very overwhelming. also in my personal life a lot has happened, I’ve lost a family member, moved, studying and have a lot of big assignments due. I don’t think I’m coping. With everything happening I have broken down twice now at my new job an hour in and had to leave as I get very flustered and embarrassed. Im also getting micromanaged by a person I work with and I’ve never been good at trying not to take things personally and feel like I’m really inferior in this new job. Any advice would be helpful as i now feel like I just want to give up and I’m so scared to go back into work to face the judgement after crying and panicking in a ball of anxiety.

Soberlicious96 Restless, Irritable and Discontent
  • replies: 4

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know wha... View more

Sometimes I get restless irritable and discontent, even though my life is going great. I have so much to be grateful for, I really do. But it's like I get this 'itch' for more. Like I want to do something more, and I want it now, but I don't know what it is. I start looking at online courses, or starting a new hobby or something ...... but it's always something I can get quickly ...... like I used to get that quick fix from a drink or a drug. I haven't HAD ANY (alcoholic) drink or (illicit) drugs for a long time now, nor do I desire that. But I feel like my disease .... or, as I've heard others pronounce it as dis-ease - as in, away from ease - is trying to sabotage me and get me back into the gutter, one restless, irritable and discontent thought at a time. I've also heard people call it alcoholISM, not alcoholWASM. As in, I may be recovered, but I'm not cured. I fully believe that that is the eternal condition of the disease and that the 'R.I.D. feeling may never bee totally gone. And it's times like this that I fully get that ISM bit ..... because even though I don't want to drink or drug, I want to eat. Just something, anything, but I can't decide what it is, because I'm not actually hungry, I'm 'bored' ...... I've got the RID's and want to rid myself of that feeling. I'm probably not alone in having these feelings either ...... I just identify it, for me, as being the core of my dis-ease, drinking or not. If that makes sense anyway. Distraction helps though; I cleaned my teeth. Why is that important you ask? Because it helps to deter me from wanting to dirty up my teeth with food! And I write. .... or, in this case, type. ...... I've also brought some little things on eBay which I've wanted for a while, looked at buying lego, looked at short courses in Mental Health First Aid (which was a module in a Diploma I did years ago and really enjoyed it, although also found quite challenging). Oh, and watched MAFS!!! Wow, has THAT got some interesting stuff going on! I suppose at least I'm aware of what is going on, and I know what to do about it. I only know two ways of living; the way I used to live before recovery (drunk, alone, angry, scared and confused) or sober, reliable, mindful, useful and grateful. I know which way I prefer and will go to ANY reasonable lengths to maintain and grow in that way; sober and with my dignity intact. Anyway, thanks for reading. I feel better now. xo

HamSolo01 Hello again, or "Sharing what has happened in the hope that it inspires you somehow"
  • replies: 2

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and ... View more

Good morning.It has been quite some time indeed since I posted here at length and my intention today in doing so to both educate myself, provide some insight for others and ultimately move towards betterment (even though that is itself a process and not a destination)As I write this note now, I sit in the cramped but altogether snug corner of the granny flat I now share with my partner of 21 months (as of last Tuesday). She is currently at work on her shift, while the Roster gods at my work have given me 4 days off between weekend shifts. The two of us have seen our fair share of suffering, hardhsip and personal struggle - both during and before we met. But it is ultimately this struggle that reminds us all that life is not always easy. To quote Coldplay "but no one ever said it would be this hard", and I believe that's true. But as i struggle forward in life, I believe that Michael Kiwanuka is right when he said "maybe this time i can be strong, but since I know who I am I'm probably wrong". I believe musicians and music itself both have ways of speaking to us in short, stacato stanzas that academese and general waffle (my favourite member of the army corp after Leiutenant Sarcasm) can't. the overal sentiment here is one of struggle, but one of success. For I would rather not live in a utopia or blissful ignorance of my own mortality. Mortality is itself a curious thing because it was once the very thing I focused heavily on and at one point wanted to call an end this life of mine. Oh how much has changed since then! I invite you, the reader, to have a look at some of my other posts over the years. To see how I have changed, grown and struggled and yet have come through, out on top of and from underneath whatever things found themselves in my life - rancid though they were. Ultimately, I believe, like Solzhenitsyn once did, that beauty will save the world. I now invite you, the reader, on this journey of mine. Perhaps it is the fact that I have turned 30 and have hit a new decade that has got me going back over my 20s and indeed many times prior, that has spurned me on towards better things. Recently I came across an old letter I wrote when I was 16. It was an exercise entitled "the man I wish to become". I only remembered this recently and by some strange chance of fate, looked in a box I knew I had in my old bedroom and there it was - sitting there in the open ready for me to read. Meditating on that was deep. Oh so very deep. An anchor for my soul even. Am I that man now? Well, no, but I'm definitely closer than I was before. Maybe that is all that matters. For the life of me I wish I was able to articulate EVERYTHING that has happened in the years since I started posting here - but, to quote Roy Batty "those moments will be lost like tears in the rain". I had many tears in the rain as I grew into who I am now, and many more will come my way no doubt. Oh but I would rather shed that tear and embrace a fear, than its opposite. Before this descends into yet another level of literacy prose, I'll leave it there. YoursMe