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Just_Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 703

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

Kazzl Helpful books and resources
  • replies: 103

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, sp... View more

Hi everyone Members often refer in their posts to books and other resources that have helped them. This thread is a place to list those books so all members can find them easily. The titles might include scholarly, mass market and self-help books, specialist websites or blogs, podcasts, vodcasts or print or online journals or magazines. Please note BB has a list of websites and resources under Get Help, so maybe check there first for online resources. (Also note that we cannot include live links to online resources.) To make things easy to find, please put the category of the content first in bold, then the title of the book and then, if you want, a brief comment. Please note that anything listed here reflects the member's views only. Publications and other resources are not necessarily endorsed by beyondblue. Happy reading!

Chris_B Worried about other users - how are we all doing?
  • replies: 43

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences... View more

Hi everyone, I thought I'd check in to see how everyone is doing; while the nature of these forums is as a place of support, and it feels good to help others, we need to make sure our own welfare is looked after too. Sometimes reading the experiences of others can be validating, because we feel 'we've been there', but sometimes it can also be a trigger for bringing up unpleasant feelings. I've started this thread so we can have a constructive discussion about helping others and helping ourselves - how do you cope when you read about others in distress? Do you have a self-care plan in place, and if so, what is it? Really looking forward to hearing from you all.

All discussions

Eagle Ray Getting a rescue dog?
  • replies: 14

I’ve found a rescue dog online I’m drawn to adopt? He is on the introverted side and quite scared of people, and they are looking for someone of a similar nature who will be gentle and understanding of him. Not long ago I saw an episode of The Dog Ho... View more

I’ve found a rescue dog online I’m drawn to adopt? He is on the introverted side and quite scared of people, and they are looking for someone of a similar nature who will be gentle and understanding of him. Not long ago I saw an episode of The Dog House where a guy with PTSD was looking to adopt a rescue dog. He was initially matched with a dog who had trauma like him but it didn’t work out. In the end they matched him with a young, happy non-traumatised dog and it really worked. What I’m a little worried about is my whole life I have been a carer for others who are traumatised, including caring for my mother from a young age. This has left me with my own trauma. I wonder if it would be better for me to adopt a less shut down and frightened dog. At the same time I feel I would understand him, be able to help him come out of his shell and help him feel safe, that the world is not a threat (even though I’m still learning this myself). It’s like I’m exhausted from a lifelong carer role and feel I have nothing left to give, and yet I love dogs and am drawn to this one. I’m confused Obviously no one else can make the decision for me, and I can travel to meet him at least. But I just wondered if anyone else here with a trauma history has adopted a dog before? Was it a rescue dog and how did it go? I didn’t grow up with dogs but have lived with others’ dogs several times as an adult. I’ve cared for housemates’ and landlords’ dogs for extended periods when they’ve been away. So I’m aware of the work involved but also loved them to bits and they’ve been an important part of my life. I have some chronic health issues so this one I’m considering at the moment might suit in that he’s not high energy and sounds like he’s happy to go on sedate walks. Anyway, just wondering if anyone has any thoughts or similar experiences?

Guest_1055 Positivity Words A - Z
  • replies: 3902

Hello, Sometimes it is really challenging to think positive. Especially when we are struggling with things or when circumstances in our lives seem difficult. So I thought this may help. Just think of a positive word. Words go from A to Z. Like one pe... View more

Hello, Sometimes it is really challenging to think positive. Especially when we are struggling with things or when circumstances in our lives seem difficult. So I thought this may help. Just think of a positive word. Words go from A to Z. Like one person says something starting with A the next person say something that is starting with B. And so on. All words must be positive, so no doom and gloom. Feel free to write the meaning of the positive word you choose if you want. Maybe that would help us all. Not sure how this will go....

white knight Triggers that down you. Triggers that lift you
  • replies: 84

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigg... View more

How often have we felt those triggers snap us into depression? Down we go. A workplace bully only has to smirk at us. A bit of sad news. A red letter from a bill we've missed. A piece of gossip about us that reaches our ears. For many of us our trigger is unavoidable and I don't think there is much we guilt ridden over sensitive types can do about it. There are some things that medication cant control and psychiatrist session cant solve except a mental bandaid that might make us feel better until the next trigger. So if triggers that cause our emotional drop cant be stopped or lessened what can we do about them? Is there a counter measure? If the negative trigger is on one side of a weighing scale what can we put on the other side to at least try to give a balance? Well in my view its not unlike positive motivation but in a different sense. What I've tried to do, and in most cases succeeded, is to lock onto quotes. My daughter has anxiety and it peaked last year. She attended a psychologist for one session only, she believed she would need many sessions and extended visits. after her session she rang me and told me she wouldn't be attending anymore. She said that the professional told her that her reactions about elements of her childhood were typical reactions for a child in her circumstance. That at 12yo to leave her mothers home and live with her father (me) and for her mother to disown her for such a move was bound to create many mixed and hurtful feelings. She told me she felt that his comment triggered her in a way that she found the answer to the whole problem. "I'm right now dad" she said. Similar things have occurred to me over the decades. Once I fought corruption on a small scale at a local council. I was one of their employees. It confused me. I asked my doctor why the mayor acted the way he has, grandstanding and manipulating the facts - "power Tony, its a lust for power". That was the positive trigger I needed. There was no other need to delve into the smaller details. "Power" covered it all. Reading through some of the threads here has found many more. Posters quote other posters because they "hit the nail on the head" as they say. Can you, the one that falls mentally down the well of despair, use positive quotes, phrases from others to build a stairway back up? We have a "quotes" thread here to. Ones that I have found so helpful from the likes of Churchill, Ghandi and so on Try to focus on these. It might help. Tony WK

ladybird22 "Grey days. ."
  • replies: 6

Ive finally come to the conclusion in my autumn years that I've a melancholy personality and absolutely nothing I do can or will change that fact. I've had bouts of deep depression and anxiety most of my life. I've taken medication for this for many ... View more

Ive finally come to the conclusion in my autumn years that I've a melancholy personality and absolutely nothing I do can or will change that fact. I've had bouts of deep depression and anxiety most of my life. I've taken medication for this for many years now, off and on and accept that ill possibly need to stay on it forever. However the meds don't change what I'm feeling, they don't take away my every day "mood"... Some days I can cope with the world but most days like today it's like a big grey cloud looms over me when I get up. I've been retired for a couple of years and thinking I should join up with a Groupon like minded friendly people...Covid lockdowns put an end to that and now my confidence and self esteem are very low. I've tried to join classes of something new but I'm just not enjoying much at all. I've had to work on a new live in relationship a few years ago and it's been a struggle. I guess I was set in my ways and not very patient or tolerant anymore. I've also recently moved so I'm trying to settle into another new area, so have lost contact with a few people. I don't seem to be able to settle down and get involved much in the community anymore. As I get older I'm losing interest in many things including people. It's awful as I can't be bothered anymore, whereas five years ago at least I'd give things and people a good try. I meet people enough and try new things, but im thinking it's because I've moved house so so many times I've become unsettled in life. I've tried writing a list of things I enjoy doing so on my "Grey days" I can try doing some of them, but im not even in the right head space to bother trying anything. There are a few days that I'm outgoing and interested in life, but the majority of my days are filled with doom n gloom...I really hate being like this and I wish I could change my outlook. Maybe it's winter, but maybe it's just "me" and if I haven't been able to change my outlook by now I never will. Does anybody else just feel like your tank is near empty? Do other people get sick of reading the same thing over n over ; Re: "It's not what happens to you on the outside world, its how you respond to what happens to you!" Sounds good but in reality I doubt whether thus is possible for a lot of us...

TheBigBlue A girl & her dog
  • replies: 17

Got a pup & he has turned my life around far more than I had ever imagined. He was a thought out & planned for addition to the family. coincidentally I was pretty much in the pit of despair with my depression. No getting out of bed, no showers, no pr... View more

Got a pup & he has turned my life around far more than I had ever imagined. He was a thought out & planned for addition to the family. coincidentally I was pretty much in the pit of despair with my depression. No getting out of bed, no showers, no proper meals, no job, no leaving the house etc etc Then pup arrived & I suddenly had a reason to get out of bed. Initially just to feed him & have a cuddle. Then toilet training. Then finally I decided he needed exercise so the walking started. Fast forward to today & looking back all these things have become routine since getting the dog: I get out of bed at a set time I shower i brush hair & teeth i dress i walk dog we stop at cafe & I get a coffee (not a usual activity on my own but I feel more confident with the dog) I started interacting with people as they would ask about the dog suddenly I recognise certain dogs when I see them & I greet the owners i discovered a park where people tend to let their dogs off leash for a run. I have taken my dog a couple of times. While the pups play I am kind of forced to interact it’s other people. I’m uncomfortable but it’s good practise for managing my anxiety i plan different walk routes so the dog can experience new sights/sounds/smells having a morning walk & coffee means when I get home I am motivated to do a small amount of cleaning eg do the dishes & pre prepare dinner i am now cooking dinner as I have done all the prep earlier in the day It might not seem like much, but it’s a huge turnaround for me. Both my psychiatrist & psychologist were surprised & happy by these changes the dog has brought about. I can’t help it, I love the dog & want the best for him. Last week I went to obedience class with him & my partner. Sometimes my partner brings the dog to watch my soccer games. On weekends we go out to lunch to local cafes for the simple reason that I like to take the dog along & get him out of the house. In turn I get myself out of the house & interacting socially. Today I even felt content. I have lacked feeling any emotions for so long, it just feels good to feel something. This dog will never know it, but he has totally changed my world. My favourite moments are when he climbs up onto my lap in the lounge & we have cuddles. I should point out, this is a giant breed so he is a very BIG boy even at just 6mths old i actually look forward to our morning walks every day now. Thank you doggo for bringing some sunshine to my life

Dean_Dharug How do I drive myself when the goals don’t exist?
  • replies: 3

People say “have goals to strive for” or “work towards your dreams”, but…what do I do when the dreams are impossible, or when I have no idea what they look like? Right now, my Frankenstein of a goal is to “get better”; what that means or even looks l... View more

People say “have goals to strive for” or “work towards your dreams”, but…what do I do when the dreams are impossible, or when I have no idea what they look like? Right now, my Frankenstein of a goal is to “get better”; what that means or even looks like, I don’t even know. I have two hazy ideas on how to get about it, but both have massive hurdles towards striving to them. 1) To address the house: My mum passed away 1.5yrs ago, leaving me (27m) with the family home (single parent, only child). This place crushes me emotionally - I’ve only very recently been able to so much as touch mum’s stuff, let alone consider removing it from the house (donate, dispose, etc.). I live here alone, too, so that makes it feel doubly harder: I’m isolated in what feels like a mausoleum. My main issue with pursuing this goal is that…I don’t know what/where to go after? Say I rent it out…I have nowhere I want to live (past dreams say the US - not feasible right now due to past relationships, friends say Melbourne, but…that’s their dream, not mine). 2) To take care of myself: For many years I haven’t taken care of myself - I’ve been lazy and slovenly, no real job prospects or hobbies or anything that really made me stand out. There are (likely) many reasons why I didn’t, but probably the biggest one was that I didn’t have a reason to try. I felt I was okay in my little comfort bubble. Recently, an ex I still have strong feelings for (“love” isn’t the right word, but it’s a short one) moved in with his partner of about 3 years. This…pretty much popped my bubble: it made me realise that I still felt that strongly for him, that I still wanted that dream life, and all the rest. So, I’ve been trying to take care of myself (trying new hobbies a bit, exercising, watching what I eat, sticking to a schedule, trying to get work, etc.) but…every now-and-then it hits me: “This won’t result in being in a relationship with Him”. It just…stops me in my tracks: he’s happy, and confidently so - no matter how fit I get, nor how prodigious I get with any/any number of hobbies…he’s gone. I don’t want someone else; I love(d) him. Right now, the part of me that needs a reason/goal is using something like “If you get yourself and your life together, you’ll be able to live with him/you’ll be in the best possible position to meet him”. It’s unhealthy, and it’s impossible…but it’s all I have left. What do I do? Anything else just feels like it’s either a distraction or a waste of precious time.

ecomama Easy peasy recipes - please share yours.
  • replies: 151

Hello BBers Please share an easy recipe you love. If you have a story of where your recipe(s) came from, chat away. Feel free to write your recipe in any format you like! I can't wait to try Mara's specialty Rocky Road..... like yesterday. Here's min... View more

Hello BBers Please share an easy recipe you love. If you have a story of where your recipe(s) came from, chat away. Feel free to write your recipe in any format you like! I can't wait to try Mara's specialty Rocky Road..... like yesterday. Here's mine. A perfect 'day off' meal and absolutely wonderful for Winter. You can prep in the morning and put it together at lunchtime for dinner. I made up the recipe after a few dismal failures lol. I have ideas for any leftover cooked stock mixture later... Beef brisket - the BB easy peasy way. You'll need: 1 beef brisket that fits into your baking tray with some room. 1L beef stock. 2L if the brisket is BIG. Worcestershire sauce. 2 onions sliced anyway you like. Mushrooms sliced thickly - as many as you like. Oil - any type. Salt. Pepper. A baking tray... the best tasting one I've made was cooked in a cast iron, enameled baking tray but any will do. Aluminium foil to cover the baking tray. A frying pan / skillet. Utensils for pan and tray. Oven gloves. Oven & stove top. To cook: Pour cold stock & 2 tblsp W sauce into baking tray. Saute onions in oil in pan & add to baking tray. Brown mushies as above & add to baking tray. Sprinkle salt / pepper over brisket. Brown both sides of brisket in pan then add to baking tray. Cover whole tray with foil & scrunch under edges. Spoon stock mixture over brisket to coat. NB: The stock mixture needs to come up to around half way on side of brisket. Add more stock if needed. Slow cook in warm oven c110C for about 2h. Check. Turn brisket. Repeat. Taste to see if more W sauce is needed. Rest meat for 15 mins. Slice and serve. Note: IF you want a pulled beef effect then you can cook longer until beef is falling apart. Add to sliders, Turkish bread. If this isn't easy for you, sorry! I have a great Boscaiola coming up later that is super easy, promise. EM

Guest_1055 *Trigger warning* Eating for Health and Wellness
  • replies: 1399

I have been struggling eating and eating healthy foods over the last couple of weeks. I really do not want to go back further to how I use to eat, that is eating junk food, takeaways, copious amounts of chocolate, processed junk and comfort eating. F... View more

I have been struggling eating and eating healthy foods over the last couple of weeks. I really do not want to go back further to how I use to eat, that is eating junk food, takeaways, copious amounts of chocolate, processed junk and comfort eating. Finding it challenging to stay motivated to actually prepare what I know helps me feel better mentally, emotionally and physically. Plus I have been feeling overwhelmed with other stuff happening in my life, which somehow makes it more challenging. The old unhealthy comfort eating thing is coming back. And I think I am getting concerned and scared about that. I so much do not want to go back to how I use to be. I was so sick. Plus I now have some physical things not right in my body , so I need to be more careful and mindful of what I eat. ( Pre cancer cells , high blood pressure ) I was eating really well since Febuary of this year, it’s just the last couple of weeks I haven’t. So I would like to use this thread to help me be accountable to Beyond Blue people. So like a diary where I can post and report what I eat. And also any healthy eating tips, motivating strategies to help eat better or anything related to healthy eating for our bodies including our mental health.

white knight Coping with tyrants
  • replies: 3

"What is a tyrant person? 1 : a ruler who has no legal limits on his or her power. 2 : a ruler who exercises total power harshly and cruelly. 3 : a person who uses authority or power harshly My boss is a real tyrant A "ruler". Overuse of power in a h... View more

"What is a tyrant person? 1 : a ruler who has no legal limits on his or her power. 2 : a ruler who exercises total power harshly and cruelly. 3 : a person who uses authority or power harshly My boss is a real tyrant A "ruler". Overuse of power in a harsh manner. Unlike characteristics ingrown from DNA, tyrannical nature is changeable be it by maturity or learning that being a tyrant gets you into trouble. A tyrant parent might lose their child's love if overly harsh dictatorship/control doesn't wain for example. Tyrants are in every profession and we only know of one with contact or prior warning. Commonly we get surprised when we identify one and are subjected to their methods of control. How do we react? If you're like me in my youth you'd be submissive, obey, followed by anger at why you allowed it to continue without any defensive recoil. I had a work colleague, we were both prison warders 4 decades ago. He was tyrannical to prisoners when normal communication was sufficient. We were friends also but I soon learned that his domineering ways extended to his wife and later- to me. I concluded this was more satisfying to him and far easier than treating others as equals. This disrespect was summed up with him often saying "what would they know"? Yes, arrogance plays a role in the tyrant. So, what is one's options when confronted? Continuation of submissiveness Defend with calm but equal force Reject and abandon Reject was an issue for me because if I didn't converse with pointing out his unacceptable bossiness then I'd be left with guilt and he would continue his behaviour. I found that option 2, defend calmly then give him an opportunity to change was the better choice knowing all along change was highly unlikely. Sadly, to obtain peace in your life our separation from tyrannical behaviour is essential. We cannot change the world, we are not responsible for others behaviour but we are responsible for our own mental well being and freedom from domination. Protect yourself, exercise your right to defend but not mimic the tone of the tyrant. Bid the tyrant farewell and wish them luck for being humble is good. Eliminating tyrants imo is good. Social media is full of them. Use "block" when required. How have you coped with a tyrant? What methods do you recommend? TonyWK

livi_mivi What is the best piece of advice that you have gotten that has stuck with you?
  • replies: 6

I heard this question the other day and it has been playing on my mind ever since. I would love to hear advice, quotes, books and/or experiences that you have come across that have really changed your perspective or shaped you in some kind of way. I ... View more

I heard this question the other day and it has been playing on my mind ever since. I would love to hear advice, quotes, books and/or experiences that you have come across that have really changed your perspective or shaped you in some kind of way. I think that we all have so much to learn off of each other's experiences and wisdom!