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Just Sara A Bouquet for Pearls - share your appreciation for other members
  • replies: 715

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful word... View more

Every now and then, members share a beautiful Pearl of Wisdom. How often do you think to yourself; "OMG that's great! I wish everyone could see this." Presenting someone with a bunch of flowers is a generous way of acknowledging their insightful words. I hope this thread stays active through members giving out praise regularly to people they feel deserving, and therefore keep generosity of spirit alive within the pages of BeyondBlue Forum. My bunch of Red Roses (my choice) goes to Wishful for the following sentence; 'Personally, I see no reason to be praised in me, but I'm learning that seeing through the eyes of others can be more accurate!!' I so hear you Wishful. Just beautiful... Try to keep your leading comments short to focus on 'their' words. Choose specific flowers (or a gift if you like) to present to them. Sign off respectfully and sincerely. I hope this takes off... Spreading the love...Sara

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Eagle Ray Managing Boundaries
  • replies: 47

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but no... View more

Throughout my life I have had great difficulties with boundaries. I have often allowed others to transgress my boundaries because I felt like I had no choice. This pattern comes from childhood where I was taught to focus on the needs of others but not myself. The consequences of not anticipating and meeting other’s needs in childhood were quite severe and often involved rage being directed at me. Hence I’ve been very sensitised to others’ needs in a kind of compulsive, unconscious way. Countless times others who’ve wanted someone to meet their needs have sensed this about me and quickly attached to me but they have often then become unhealthy co-dependent situations and I’ve felt trapped. I am now in a transition phase where I am learning to unlearn this pattern. But my goodness it’s hard. With people who were being particularly exploitive with me it has been easier to leave those situations. But with others I can see their vulnerability and continue to have empathy for them. They’ve often had some kind of trauma themselves and have developed a particular attachment style. Just as I’ve developed the role of the carer/support person for others, they have developed a kind of dependency role. It’s partly because I have empathy for them that I can still struggle to set boundaries with them. I don’t necessarily want to walk away from the person and I care about them but I can find it hard getting the interpersonal boundary right. I am gradually learning the following:how to see myself and start to consider my own needs.not feeling guilty for setting a boundary.listening to my body which never lies and will feel uneasy if something is unhealthy about the way someone else is attaching to me. I used to ignore this feeling by convincing myself that everything will be fine only to end up in bad situations.feeling a higher level of assertiveness.observing how the other person reacts when I do express a need around boundaries as this is often an important indicator of whether they can genuinely see me and respect my boundary needs or whether the relationship is one-sided.I am interested to know how others may have learned to establish boundaries. I realise for some people it is second nature to take care of their own needs and boundaries while for others it’s very difficult. I just thought this might be a good topic for the Staying Well section as for me my ability to stay well has been impaired by my inability to protect my boundaries in the past. Have you had similar boundary issues and have you found ways to manage your boundaries in healthier ways? Or you may have a different set of boundary issues and dynamics to me so feel free to discuss what is relevant for you.

Croix Store Your Happy Memories Here:
  • replies: 1000

Dear All~ What this place is for: This thread is a tool, a resource, and also I guess a dash of entertainment. I’ve found that when life is grim that sometimes thoughts of past happiness can create a chink of light in the grey overwhelming press of d... View more

Dear All~ What this place is for: This thread is a tool, a resource, and also I guess a dash of entertainment. I’ve found that when life is grim that sometimes thoughts of past happiness can create a chink of light in the grey overwhelming press of down. They can help occupy the mind with lighter reflections. With that in view I invite people to set down a brief passage describing some happy event they look back to with fondness and peace. They - and others too - can then return to it when they feel the need to glean a little warmth. It is not a place for gloomy or dire tales, those can go elsewhere. What to do: Just set out, as simply as you like, your recollection of some past experience that means something good to you, something you enjoyed, something from safe times. It can be, like my story below, anything – from an account of visiting grandparents to simply cooking and eating a melted-cheese sandwich in a favorite kitchen – you get to choose. How to do it: Write. Write enough so someone else can feel the mood, know what happened, find the goodness. (stop at 2,500 characters please!) Grammar, syntax, spelling, punctuation are not compulsory, just write as you can – the only important thing is the content - not literary merit. Short or long - it does not matter. I hope you enjoy, contribute and find a little distraction here when you need it. Croix

JacintaMarie Hi
  • replies: 1

HiMe again, been doing okay, however my inner voice keeps on thinking my management at work aren't very good. I feel terrible for having these thoughts & need to find another job. They're doing their best, is what I'm trying to tell myself, they're o... View more

HiMe again, been doing okay, however my inner voice keeps on thinking my management at work aren't very good. I feel terrible for having these thoughts & need to find another job. They're doing their best, is what I'm trying to tell myself, they're only human & not gods! I suppose I'm kinda asking for forgiveness for thinking this, as I cannot ever tell them this! They'll be hurt & angry. I need to accept the thoughts & don't deny otherwise the thoughts will get worse. I'm a bad person though, for thinking this.

Happylife Re: Feeling stuck
  • replies: 7

Hi Emilyem, Welcome!!! Feeling stuck can be very annoying especially when you know what to do but can't seem to get out of it. It's a very natural human experience, we all feel stuck at some point in life. So, the good thing is you are not alone. If ... View more

Hi Emilyem, Welcome!!! Feeling stuck can be very annoying especially when you know what to do but can't seem to get out of it. It's a very natural human experience, we all feel stuck at some point in life. So, the good thing is you are not alone. If you don't mind me asking and if you feel like sharing, is this feeling in general or is it a particular area for e.g. career, relationships or personal growth? The most challenging process is to identify the root cause that can help you become better like is it fear of failure, scared of change, self-doubt or something else. You can also speak to your GP or a professional who can guide you in the right way (if you haven't already). In the meantime, you can try taking small steps to get you out of your "comfort zone", make the task as easy as possible on yourself. Also, be gentle with yourself and give permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Challenge any negative self-talk and surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. Whenever I feel stuck, I take baby steps to try something different and I try to focus on making little progress than achieve perfection. Don't forget to appreciate yourself for whatever you achieve no matter how small, this will motivate you to move forward. I really hope you feel better. Here for you if you feel like chatting... Take careHappylife

LWW How to find meaning in life?
  • replies: 2

Hey guys, just recently moved to Australia this year, I'm currently in Year 12 and have been feeling monotonous recently, like everyday is more like a routine than having a purpose. I can't seem to find joy in what I do recently and with my friends, ... View more

Hey guys, just recently moved to Australia this year, I'm currently in Year 12 and have been feeling monotonous recently, like everyday is more like a routine than having a purpose. I can't seem to find joy in what I do recently and with my friends, I find that I have to put on a mask to pretend that everything is fine and dandy. I can't share my thoughts and feelings with them because I know that they are either not of maturity yet to handle these kind of things or they just don't want to handle emotions in general. I've tried to find some meaning by doing other things like hanging out with them, drawing or going to the gym but there's still an emptiness lingering. Has anyone been there before? Would appreciate some advice on this. Cheers.

blondguy Do You Like Yourself? Your Thoughts are Welcome!
  • replies: 4021

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-) I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the las... View more

Hello Everybody and new posters especially:-) I have had anxiety since 1983 and depression from 1997. There is always someone that says 'You have to Love Yourself' before recovery. When people are suffering from anxiety/depression this may be the last 'advice' they really need. This is only my experience when I am 'advised to love myself' to rebuild my life. I have heard the following from people that cant 'love themselves' which is fair enough as I am a person that cant either. Your thoughts will help me and others learn from your point of view. I can only be 'gentle' to myself to heal...not love. Why should I love myself if I dont in the first place? I am in a dark place, how can I love myself? I dont deserve to love myself I am depressed...How can I love myself? I have mega anxiety attacks..what is there to love about myself? I hate myself and what I stand for...why should I? I love my partner more...I will care about myself 'later' When people have depression/anxiety/denial they dont need to be counseled with ' love yourself'. Thats a huge ask. I dont need to climb Mt Everest by trying to love myself when I cant. It can be an unrealistic and even silly target to achieve having depression I just prefer to be 'gentle' to myself. Same results and way less stress Your thoughts/opinions are more than welcome Thankyou so much Paul

hello_mae I Contain Multitudes - Thoughts on Selves-healing
  • replies: 16

I had a realisation recently. As much as I've asked for it, help isn't coming. My friends and partner are busy with their work most days, I get to speak with my psychologist 1-2 times a month, and my psychiatrist every 3 months. I guess it's a good t... View more

I had a realisation recently. As much as I've asked for it, help isn't coming. My friends and partner are busy with their work most days, I get to speak with my psychologist 1-2 times a month, and my psychiatrist every 3 months. I guess it's a good thing that my selfhood is actually multiple selves, multiple persons, multiple minds flowing through this one body, because in terms of actually healing, we're on our own. We've been trying to access EMDR, support workers to safely navigate our local community, NDIS over and over again, but they haven't helped. We're on our own - and that's both empowering and terrifying. Tonight, it's definitely more terrifying. We've been sobbing a lot. It's so unfair. Our first major trauma, not counting the everyday neglect, started at 2 years old. We thought healing would be learning we could trust and depend on others, and in a way it is the case, but in a lot of ways it isn't. No one but us is here to rock our sobbing body and personhoods. How heartbreakingly lonely it is to be destroyed as a baby, and be the only one able to stitch yourself back together. And - because there's always an "and" - that's okay. Everyday is a good day to do hard things. We can hurt and still show up for ourselves. These painful feelings are just that - feelings. They're experiences within our bodyminds. They're just a piece of our reality, not the entirety.

Tonic The Therapeutic Art of THANK YOU Letters...
  • replies: 4

Hi Gang/Posse!The FINE and Therapeutic art of Thank You Letters.Great way to COUNT Your Blessings, and fun to write out your Gratitude for some Past Act that Made a Deep Impact on you... Some Small Kindness of some Friend or aquaintance (or Stranger,... View more

Hi Gang/Posse!The FINE and Therapeutic art of Thank You Letters.Great way to COUNT Your Blessings, and fun to write out your Gratitude for some Past Act that Made a Deep Impact on you... Some Small Kindness of some Friend or aquaintance (or Stranger, you Don't have to SEND THEM, its Sorting Out your Gratitude in your Mind). Great if you CAN send them!! I used to write letters to Imaginary Friends when I HAD no Friend I LOVED from age 8 (didn't think I deserved NICE friends, I got the psych abusers and Toxic ones) to 19. Sometimes I would write their kind replies too, stuff I need to Hear, by Projection. I wrote to REAL childhood friends I had lost Contact with by age 8 (we Moved ALL the Time. Left Me Vulnerable, missing Friends terribly...) Here's Good example of the sort of thing I mean!LoveTONIC/D--To Paul R...Tried to Track you down on The Net - have located Some old Friends like My Name was Earl, but can't Find you. I wonder if you'd even Remember me (hope so! ).But you were my First BEST FRIEND! I was Horrified on my First Day of School, that my Mum could LEAVE me in this grim place full of noisy Strangers... Roy Orbison's Pretty Papers was on the radio that morning, and it gives me the Whim Whams. I was sitting by myself at recess time, Crying, and You came and sat beside me, and Put an ARM around me, and said it "Wasn't so bad when you got used to it."And offered your Wonderful FRIENDSHIP.I fell in LOVE with you Instantly for your Kindness, Empathy, compassion, PERCEPTION and Charity.We went Everywhere together, Joined at the Hip. I had you for a year... then moved 10,000 Miles away, to the other side of the world.I waited for the New YOU to show up and OFFER me Friendship, I was Way too SHY to ASK it of some boy or girl I ADMIRED...Your Like came 2 more times, Debbie W at 6-7, Andre S at 7.Lost them.Then fell in love with a Predator, the First to offer me Friendship in another new town. A much Older boy. They call it IMPRINTING in the Animal Kingdom... Not Your Fault! Bless you for your Kindness, and a Model of Wonderful, Kind Friendship. I lived off its Memory for Many Years, a COMFORT.HAPPY thoughts of Happy Times.Live Long and PROSPER!Your Friend,TONIC

Tonic Morning (beyond) BLUES...
  • replies: 2

"Well Ya Wake up in the mornin'..." The Midnight Special..and The Weight of the World comes crashing Down on You.LOAD: Existential DREAD... If you Lay there Half Asleep, it will all keep churning around in your mind. Self Inflicted Suffering, but i D... View more

"Well Ya Wake up in the mornin'..." The Midnight Special..and The Weight of the World comes crashing Down on You.LOAD: Existential DREAD... If you Lay there Half Asleep, it will all keep churning around in your mind. Self Inflicted Suffering, but i DO IT myself still.. Don't WANT to be seething with Depression, but don't want to Face the DAY Either..."I don't wanna Face... the Day... the Day... TodayLong Night leaves me Stranded - Black Visions, Danger Signs""Cover my Head - Stayin' in Bed - Too late the Luckless Warning" - The ANGELS, Face The Day. Best thing to do, if you haven't figured it out, is to GET UP straight away. Make a cup of tea of coffee, DISTRACT yourself, and the Worries seem less. Same applies with Bad Dreams. Lay Half awake and it will keep Playing over and over. The Quicker you get up, the more of the dream you will Forget. Light on - ALL the lights On, get a drink, have a snack, calm down, Centre/Get Grounded, you are Not in Danger, DISTANCE yourself from The Nightmare. I have some LuLu Bad Dreams from the past. Worth a Try! Tonic

Tonic Music Hath Charm...
  • replies: 3

".. to Sooth the Savage Beast" - William Congreve, 1697. Blows off SORROW, as I just covered, but can Calm, Relax and INSPIRE also. I Like UPLIFTING songs too. Like Eurythmics "Right By Your Side" and many others. I have Therapy Songs for New Survivo... View more

".. to Sooth the Savage Beast" - William Congreve, 1697. Blows off SORROW, as I just covered, but can Calm, Relax and INSPIRE also. I Like UPLIFTING songs too. Like Eurythmics "Right By Your Side" and many others. I have Therapy Songs for New Survivors too (and OLD ones! ) Great Music, and sometimes the WORDS work out Awesome from a Survivor's POV. Just FIT!! Two good Starters, for a bit of HOPE and HEALING here.. "I'll Find My Way Home", by Jon Anderson of YES, and Mr Vangelis Papathanous, of Chariots of Fire Fame. "You ask Me Where to begin - Am I so Lost in MY Sin You ask me Where did I Fall - I'll say I Can't tell you When But if my Spirit is Lost.... How will I Find what is near? No Question, I'm Not ALONE - Somehow I'll Find My Way Home And Our Own Lady Olivia Newtron Bomb, (((RIP))). MAGIC from Xanadu Loved the Eerie TUNE - what IS that Guitar chord? - and when I SAW into the Words, well Olivia was the Kind voice of Every Guardian Angel I ever dreamed of, ready to Drop Everything And Fly to my Rescue.. AND Offer Healing. Awesome! "Come take my hand, you should KNOW ME I've ALWAYS been In Your Mind - You KNOW I will be KIND, I'll Be GUIDING YOU, Building your DREAm Has to Start NOW, there's No Other Road to Take You Won't make a Mistake, I'll be Guiding you" "I'll be Near You, Come ANY Time you call, Catch You when you Fall.."