Spending Christmas alone

[Peter56]

I am 66, and my entire life has been a story of loneliness. I have never marries, have no children, partner of family. Since I recently was able to retire from work, to keep occupied, I decided to put something back into the community and have been doing some volunteering 2 days a week that has given me a sense of belonging and feel it's given me a sense of belonging and a meaningful connection with other volunteers, staff and their members.

Since my mother passed away in 2021, I have been spending Christmas day on my own at home, which I am OK with.

However, since I’ve been volunteering, some of my colleagues will no doubt ask me how I will be spending Christmas? e (despite being popular) is alone this holiday.

Sometimes I feel like fabricating some sort of story because I feel a bit embarrassed telling them I will be spending Christmas alone thinking that I’m a bit of a loner.

My position reminds me of an episode in the TV series “Happy Days” where Richie found out Fonzie (despite being popular and saying he had plans) intends to spend Christmas day all alone.

I was wondering if anyone has been in this situation how did they manage it when other people asked? e (despite being popular)

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Peter56,

I will most likely be spending this Christmas alone too. I also spent it alone in 2021 and 2022. I do understand what you mean about being asked about it. I have answered honestly and I didn’t feel anyone judged me negatively for it. I think most people are caring and understanding. You may even find someone invites you along to lunch or dinner. I think it’s only a few people who might judge you about being alone, and if they do that’s on them and you don’t need to take on that judgement.

I have a memory of a thread here on this forum on a previous Christmas Day for people who are alone and want some company. So I might start a thread in the Social section on Christmas Day for those of us who are alone.

I feel for you Peter as I’ve really been hit by loneliness lately. I’m in a small town that I just can’t find a sense of belonging in and planning to most likely move back to the city when I’m able. I at least have some friends in the city I have a good connection with.

I think it’s wonderful you are doing volunteer work. Those meaningful connections are so important. I hope you know you are welcome here to chat anytime.

Kind regards,

Eagle Ray

[quirkywords]

Peter56

I have a partner and children and grandchildren but I don’t have many friends since I moved to a new town a several years ago after  fires destroyed my home and shop.  I volunteer. I f eel lost at times and I don’t fit in. 

i was wondering could you volunteer on Xmas day at a lunch or go to a lunch at a community centre. 
Feel free to write here when you want to. 
Thanks for sharing your story. 

[tranzcrybe]

To save self-consciousness or (undue) embarrassment, it is sometimes handy to provide a generic but truthful response to the effect that you will be having 'a quiet Christmas this year'.

This avoids causing discomfort for the asker when having to process the contrast to 'being alone' and all that implies.

It also possibly seeds the notion that you are in the preferred position of not having to put on the charade of feigned jubilation... hm, a bit Scroogey perhaps, but more common than you might imagine as families disperse and lose touch.

Personally, I take the opportunity of attending a Memorial service to reflect on departed loved ones and many others in their absence to remember Christmas literally in the Spirit. It is a 'different' Christmas but no less engaging and heartwarming to contemplate as a celebration without succumbing to the stereotype.

I think there is a distinction to be made between being alone and loneliness at Christmas, as it is for the most part a very private experience. However, it could be a good thing to invite your compadres to a get together (BBQ, lunch out, drinks) soon after Christmas to share in their experiences, perhaps vicariously, but no less collaboratively for, as they say, 'tis the Season... fa la la la... la la, or something...

[Peter56]

Hi Eagle Ray, Thanks for your reply. Having a forum here on Christmas Day sounds like a good idea. Might catch up with you then. Take care. Cheers. Peter056

[Peter56]

Hi Quirkywords, Thanks for your reply. You're so lucky to have a partner and chldren, you should cherish this.  I just might take youre advice and look into doing some volunteering on Christmas Day. Sound like a good idea. Take care. Cheers. 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Peter,

Its okay to say your spending Christmas alone…I have done for the past 7 years, I also volunteer and when asked what I’m doing Christmas Day…I tell them that I’ll be spending a quiet Christmas Day at home, maybe watch a couple of Christmas movies and enjoy the day the best I can….There’s nothing to feel embarrassed about spending Christmas alone…so many people do it, especially I think elderly people like us…some do it by choice, others do it because of circumstances beyond their control….

Their are so many people like yourself and myself who spend it alone…I have Children and grandchildren even 2 great grandchildren, my husband passed away 11 years ago, but my children don’t visit me Christmas, Easter or birthdays or any day really because they don’t like to travel the distance needed to visit me….and it’s hard for me to travel to see them because of my bad hip….and finding someone to care for my 2 dogs…I do get phone calls from them, but it’s not the same…

I tried volunteering a few times for Christmas Day..but was never successful at being able to…those volunteer positions seem to be automatically filled each year by the same people…Do you have any neighbours or friends that will also be alone that you could invite to your home for Christmas?…

Being honest is the best thing to do…fabricating a story could only backfire…Maybe without you even knowing it, one or more of your co volunteers might also be spending Christmas alone….

My kindest thoughts are with you Dear Peter..

Grandy..

[Peter56]

Hi Grandy, Thanks for your advice. Yes, I do agree that honesty would be the best approach here. You've made me feel a lot better about myself. Regards, Peter.

[Guest_70757281]

Hi Peter,

You are not alone, that is to say there are many many people that will not be sharing Christmas with their family or friends.
Myself included.
I have a tweenager and we too have moved away from the place and the people we once called family.

It is hard. Yet, Id rather be on our own for Christmas, than within an environment where my tweens wellbeing and certainly my own is not a priority but is deemed necessary to keep up appearances.
Do you know what I'm saying?

The question I'd like to ask you is do you feel lonely? Is Christmas difficult for that reason....or perhaps another?
Are you overthinking the image you believe people will have of you...just a little?

My Tween said it best

"We aren't alone Mummy, not when we like who we are with and they like us back...and frankly I love me more than I love you"

So love yourself enough to enjoy your day the same as any other, and if you feel the need to be amongst a community don't let other peoples judgements hold you back from living your truth

🤗

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Peter,

I just thought I’d mention that I just created a thread in the BB Social Zone for people alone over the festive season. I just thought I’d do it now as I know even the lead up to Christmas can be a bit hard for some people if they’re on their own. I just thought it can be a place for people to connect and have a chat if they want to.

Kind regards,

Eagle Ray