advice for a 19yr old

cvberwrld

helloooo

its my 19th birthday today, and i’m grateful to celebrate it but in the back of my mind i’m pretty embarrassed. i’ve never had a job before and it’s really been getting to me, to the point where im starting to equate my self worth to it. i’ve been trying endlessly to find a job since i was 15, i’ve had some interviews but i’ve mainly been ghosted after them. i’m not the best socially, i’ve been called timid and socially awkward so i just want some advice on how to overcome feeling like a failure, and how to persevere from here.

thank youuuuu

Eagle Ray

Hello dear cvberwrld,

When I was 19 I felt a bit like you. I had done a few jobs but they were things like delivering advertising pamphlets (aka junk mail) and babysitting. I felt inadequate that I had friends working in retail and hospitality and I didn’t seem to be able to get into those things, even with a few job interviews. I had health issues including chronic frequent migraines which did make things hard for me, so I preferred work where I could direct it to some extent (e.g. I controlled the pace and time of delivering the pamphlets).

But in the end I did get into the workforce in a more substantial way and it was good for me, and I’m sure you will too. Like you I was quite timid and socially awkward too. I didn’t find it easy to just go into any job. But little by little my confidence grew with the experience. Although it can feel so hard to do, just starting at something and bumbling through is often the only way to go. Be patient and kind with yourself as I think it’s often we more timid people who give ourselves a hard time. Plus I think we often underestimate ourselves relative to others when in fact we might be one of the most capable people. I think it’s often the quieter ones who doubt themselves and the louder more extroverted characters who can overestimate themselves, and also talk their way into jobs. I had good feedback from a job interview once where I was told I was ranked second and that I just needed to put my best foot forward and come across with more self-assurance.

One of the best ways to build up some skills and confidence is to do some voluntary work. You could try something that would involve skills that you would want to have for other jobs, whether it be retail skills, care work, admin type work etc. Having done voluntary work looks good on your resume too. Is there something you are passionate about that you could connect with as a volunteer? Also, what attributes do you see in yourself as a person? Often quieter people have qualities such as good listening skills, sensitivity, empathy and a capacity to reflect among other things. So although you feel a timid person there will be a flipside to that with a bunch of attributes that some louder, more extroverted types may lack. You may have superpowers there that are a genuine asset in particular jobs.

I think just starting to have a go at things can make a difference. I ended up working in a range of different jobs and in some places went from entry to level to being a supervisor, and I find that amazing now that quiet little me ever did that. While certain responsibilities were a bit daunting at first, the fact that I had to step up and do the required tasks was ultimately good for me and I had to develop the attributes to manage. There were some things I definitely struggled with, such as managing staff who were not 100% doing the right thing, but it made me use emotional intelligence and think of the best way of handling things. So basically, I think if you look at work from a glass half full perspective, it is going to teach you things including really valuable life skills. It can be both challenging and rewarding.

I would say write down a list of your strengths and interests and perhaps work from there as a way of guiding yourself forward. I’m sure you will have a number of strengths, probably some you may not even be aware of that will emerge once in the workplace. I discovered a number of abilities in myself in the workplace that I didn’t even realise I had. I especially enjoyed helping people in customer service settings. So although I was shy I would come out of myself because I genuinely wanted to help people and got real joy from making their day better.

So try not to be hard on yourself, focus on your strengths and see if you can believe in yourself and connect with something that feels like a good starting point for you. Happy to chat further if it helps.

Best wishes,

Eagle Ray

cvberwrld

hi eagle ray

thanks for replying to me, i really do appreciate it. i’m glad to get a response from someone who was in the same boat as me. i’ve done some thinking a while ago about my strengths and i hope to think that i am a patient and kind person, as well as a good listener. it essentially helped me dictate what career path i want, and i’m currently studying nursing in hopes i can specialise in the mental health sector. i’ll take your advice on board and try to find volunteer experience, as well as try and see work from the “glass half full” perspective cause it’s a good analogy. i think now for me it’s mainly about overcoming the self doubt, i think that self assurance is something that most employers look for. once again thank you for replying 🙂

Eagle Ray

Hi cvberwrld,

You sound like such a lovely person and I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful nurse. Those qualities of patience, kindness and being a good listener will be so good in that profession. It’s a profession where you can make a very real difference to people’s lives and see it in real time too through your interactions with people. The most meaningful and rewarding job I’ve done is working as an education assistant in primary schools and I think it was being able to see an immediate difference in interaction with the kids that made it so rewarding. Some jobs you work away at something but can’t really see the difference you’re making, at least not directly.

I think self-assurance does increase over time, it just takes a bit longer for some of us to develop it. I’ve long had a pattern of chronically doubting myself, yet I look back and can see now where I have made some meaningful contributions. One thing a good friend has taught me recently who has also been prone to self-doubt, is to realise that we are absolutely ok in this moment now. There’s nothing wrong with us and we have much to offer. It’s like radical self-acceptance and fully supporting ourselves if that makes sense?! I’m sure you will get there and have much to offer this world with the qualities you have.

Take care and all the very best 🙂

sbella02

Cvberwrld,

Hey, happy birthday by the way! Thank you so much for posting here, welcome to the forums. As somebody who also struggled to get a job when I was younger despite applying to many places, I've seen many of my friends have similar struggles. You're also still very young, which is a great advantage. Here's my best advice, which will echo much of what Eagle Ray has said too.

Starting in volunteer work can be very helpful, as it can allow you to gain some unpaid experience, help out in different facets of the community, and also learn how to be part of a team in a workplace setting, which can be a valuable and highly desirable skill when you're starting out in paid work.

In my experience, it's a little more difficult to break into retail without any experience, whereas places like food joints tend to be quite willing to take on people with little experience. Some admin jobs can be quite willing to take people on as well, or anywhere that requires much on-the-job training. Corporations like Coles and Woolworths are where a lot of my friends made their start. I found mine at a "fast food" chain, where I was working in what I would consider to be a cross between fast food and a restaurant. Food-running is generally a job that requires little to no experience, and there are pubs, hotels, restaurants, etc. that are always looking for people to do this.

Do you have any people around you who work somewhere that you think may be a good fit for you? I've seen this happen a lot, where people will get hired somewhere that their friends are employed based on their recommendations.

Babysitting is another job that may be a good start, that Eagle Ray also mentioned. If you know anybody who would be happy to pay you a little to babysit their kids, or anyone who can recommend you to somebody else, this can be a good way to find employment too.

Gaining qualifications before you apply to places can also be helpful - there are companies that offer training like barista skills, certificates in hospitality or retail, etc. that might be good to look into as these can give you better grounding to go and seek employment in certain fields. While companies do tend to like experience, they do also value discipline and initiative in seeking skill-building activities outside of work.

I hope this helps, please feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here to support you.

All the best, SB

cvberwrld

hey sb

thank you so much. volunteer work seems to be a good option right now so i’ve been searching for some opportunities. i’ve had a few interviews for fast food places before but had no luck even there (slightly embarrassing 😭). i’ve mainly been on the lookout for supermarket/restaurant employment since some people i know have/had worked there as a first job. i’ve also tried asking cousins and friends if they can recommend me to their managers but i get no response. babysitting is also a good option but i’m not good with kids sadly 😭. i do study full time so i think my best bet might be getting volunteer work, i’m sure it’ll help with getting experience and give insight into what it’s like working with a team. thank you so much for responding.

Earth Girl

Happy birthday, cvberwrld!

Like sbella said, you're still really young so there's definitely no need to be so hard on yourself. I'm 30 and I'm still struggling to get a job actually. I'm also a shy, socially awkward person so I get why it makes it so much harder to get a job when you struggle a lot socially. I technically have a job but it's not a job-job, it's just one day a week, but I am also going to do some more volunteering at a Vinnie's store soon which I'm really excited about. The people working there are probably very happy to get volunteers as well because those stores can get really busy for the managers so having extra helping hands makes a difference.

I'm also not particularly good with children as I don't really know how to socialize very well. I do love children though, but I don't think I would do well working with them. I do get to look after my nephew though which is nice.

Also, with the getting ghosted by employers after an interview, don't let that get to you either. I sometimes got ghosted by them after interviews too which made me worried because it made me feel like they might not have liked me, but it's probably quite common for them to do this sometimes. I guess they just think it will hurt our feelings more if they send us an email saying we didn't get the job, even though emails like that don't actually hurt my feelings, they just make me kind of disappointed that I didn't get in that's all. I too actually prefer when they just let me know that I didn't get in.

In my opinion, people's self worth have nothing to do with whether they have a job on not, or where they work, though I have a lot of respect for people who are nursing and in those sort of roles because I'm sure they are hard so I think it's pretty cool that you are currently studding nursing. I hope it goes really well for you. 🙂

In my opinion, it's okay to do just studying for the time being, especially since you are only 19. It's also good that you are trying to get a job and have clearly been very determined to do so since you've been trying to since you were 15.

You seem like a very kind person like you say you hope you are so that should definitely help. I think one of the most important things for getting a job though is confidence so even though I'm sure you're a very nice person, it's probably just your lack of confidence that is making it hard for you to get in. People tend to get more confident as they go through life so I'm sure your confidence will improve if you keep trying to believe in yourself instead of seeing yourself as a failure over something that doesn't even say anything about who you are as a person. You clearly want a job, you're just having trouble getting one, that's all.

sbella02

Cvberwrld,

Not embarrassing at all, I have been rejected from so many places, even with experience. I think I applied for about twenty places before my first job finally accepted me. Even with my current job, I was searching for months. I also rang into both of these jobs a few days after I'd submitted my resume to show my interest, which can help too. It doesn't hurt to show that you're eager.

That's great if you've been able to interview for places. If you ever need a refresher on how to interview well, there are always great tips on places like YouTube to help you answer questions with tact and elegance. This goes for CVs and cover letters as well, it's always good to peruse templates to see how other people structure theirs, and what employers might be looking for. Making sure that you're familiar with a company's values and brand before writing and submitting any cover letter also helps.

In the same vein as babysitting, petsitting or even housesitting in general might also be good, particularly if you don't have much experience with kids.

Supermarkets generally have places going - cashiers, night fill workers, etc. Dropping resumes/cover letters in person tends to be great for these kinds of places, and asking to speak directly to the manager, introducing yourself, etc. Managers do appreciate seeing prospective employees in person.

Good luck! We're here to support you if you need any more advice, or just want to chat some more.