advice for a 19yr old

[cvberwrld]

helloooo

its my 19th birthday today, and i’m grateful to celebrate it but in the back of my mind i’m pretty embarrassed. i’ve never had a job before and it’s really been getting to me, to the point where im starting to equate my self worth to it. i’ve been trying endlessly to find a job since i was 15, i’ve had some interviews but i’ve mainly been ghosted after them. i’m not the best socially, i’ve been called timid and socially awkward so i just want some advice on how to overcome feeling like a failure, and how to persevere from here. 

thank youuuuu

[Eagle Ray]

Hello dear cvberwrld,

When I was 19 I felt a bit like you. I had done a few jobs but they were things like delivering advertising pamphlets (aka junk mail) and babysitting. I felt inadequate that I had friends working in retail and hospitality and I didn’t seem to be able to get into those things, even with a few job interviews. I had health issues including chronic frequent migraines which did make things hard for me, so I preferred work where I could direct it to some extent (e.g. I controlled the pace and time of delivering the pamphlets).

But in the end I did get into the workforce in a more substantial way and it was good for me, and I’m sure you will too. Like you I was quite timid and socially awkward too. I didn’t find it easy to just go into any job. But little by little my confidence grew with the experience. Although it can feel so hard to do, just starting at something and bumbling through is often the only way to go. Be patient and kind with yourself as I think it’s often we more timid people who give ourselves a hard time. Plus I think we often underestimate ourselves relative to others when in fact we might be one of the most capable people. I think it’s often the quieter ones who doubt themselves and the louder more extroverted characters who can overestimate themselves, and also talk their way into jobs. I had good feedback from a job interview once where I was told I was ranked second and that I just needed to put my best foot forward and come across with more self-assurance.

One of the best ways to build up some skills and confidence is to do some voluntary work. You could try something that would involve skills that you would want to have for other jobs, whether it be retail skills, care work, admin type work etc. Having done voluntary work looks good on your resume too. Is there something you are passionate about that you could connect with as a volunteer? Also, what attributes do you see in yourself as a person? Often quieter people have qualities such as good listening skills, sensitivity, empathy and a capacity to reflect among other things. So although you feel a timid person there will be a flipside to that with a bunch of attributes that some louder, more extroverted types may lack. You may have superpowers there that are a genuine asset in particular jobs.

I think just starting to have a go at things can make a difference. I ended up working in a range of different jobs and in some places went from entry to level to being a supervisor, and I find that amazing now that quiet little me ever did that. While certain responsibilities were a bit daunting at first, the fact that I had to step up and do the required tasks was ultimately good for me and I had to develop the attributes to manage. There were some things I definitely struggled with, such as managing staff who were not 100% doing the right thing, but it made me use emotional intelligence and think of the best way of handling things. So basically, I think if you look at work from a glass half full perspective, it is going to teach you things including really valuable life skills. It can be both challenging and rewarding.

I would say write down a list of your strengths and interests and perhaps work from there as a way of guiding yourself forward. I’m sure you will have a number of strengths, probably some you may not even be aware of that will emerge once in the workplace. I discovered a number of abilities in myself in the workplace that I didn’t even realise I had. I especially enjoyed helping people in customer service settings. So although I was shy I would come out of myself because I genuinely wanted to help people and got real joy from making their day better.

So try not to be hard on yourself, focus on your strengths and see if you can believe in yourself and connect with something that feels like a good starting point for you. Happy to chat further if it helps.

Best wishes,

Eagle Ray

[cvberwrld]

hi eagle ray

thanks for replying to me, i really do appreciate it. i’m glad to get a response from someone who was in the same boat as me. i’ve done some thinking a while ago about my strengths and i hope to think that i am a patient and kind person, as well as a good listener. it essentially helped me dictate what career path i want, and i’m currently studying nursing in hopes i can specialise in the mental health sector. i’ll take your advice on board and try to find volunteer experience, as well as try and see work from the “glass half full” perspective cause it’s a good analogy. i think now for me it’s mainly about overcoming the self doubt, i think that self assurance is something that most employers look for. once again thank you for replying 🙂

[Eagle Ray]

Hi cvberwrld,

You sound like such a lovely person and I’m sure you’ll make a wonderful nurse. Those qualities of patience, kindness and being a good listener will be so good in that profession. It’s a profession where you can make a very real difference to people’s lives and see it in real time too through your interactions with people. The most meaningful and rewarding job I’ve done is working as an education assistant in primary schools and I think it was being able to see an immediate difference in interaction with the kids that made it so rewarding. Some jobs you work away at something but can’t really see the difference you’re making, at least not directly.

I think self-assurance does increase over time, it just takes a bit longer for some of us to develop it. I’ve long had a pattern of chronically doubting myself, yet I look back and can see now where I have made some meaningful contributions. One thing a good friend has taught me recently who has also been prone to self-doubt, is to realise that we are absolutely ok in this moment now. There’s nothing wrong with us and we have much to offer. It’s like radical self-acceptance and fully supporting ourselves if that makes sense?! I’m sure you will get there and have much to offer this world with the qualities you have.

Take care and all the very best 🙂