Dear Ghost13,
I'm so sorry you are dealing with these things and it's great you've reached out for support. I can hear how you don't have people you feel you can talk to in your life, so I'm thinking that keeping some kind of communication going with support services may at least kind of keep you a bit afloat and able to cope a little better. I have used helplines many times now when things became overwhelming and sometimes just talking with another human can provide some grounding and stabilisation. There are helplines like Beyond Blue and Lifeline that are available 24/7. If you have a trauma history, there is also The Blue Knot Foundation who are available 9 to 5 each day (eastern states time). They can be especially good for finding some stabilisation when feeling overwhelmed. There can be a wait time though on the phone as they are in high demand and you can call them just once a week (calls are 30-45 min). Lifeline and Beyond Blue you can call as often as you need to. I guess what I'm thinking is that it might be good for you to just keep reaching out and stay in contact with others, rather than spiral into a pattern of using and then doing things that lead to similar outcomes that have occurred in the past. While talking with someone doesn't automatically solve all the problems you are currently dealing with, what I find is that it often takes me out of a spiralling pattern and I feel more grounded and able to cope again and make decisions, even if it's just for that day. I think we stabilise and heal through co-regulation with others and so even doses of that human connectivity here and there can keep us afloat more than is possible than when we're struggling alone.
I feel like you really need support for what may be the underlying issues behind drug use. I have fibromyalgia too and I know how that can be a daily struggle. I also know how many with fibromyalgia have had a complex trauma history or a lot of cumulative stress through periods of their life. So I'm guessing you've had to deal with a lot and I know things like drugs can be a way to try to numb the pain and feel something different. I can hear you saying that it's what gives you motivation. I can sense how you need some support to work through that. A wonderful thing would be finding something else that can help with motivation that isn't drugs but I know it must be very challenging. I'm wondering what programs of support may be out there for you. I wish I could recommend something. If you end up with, or are already with, Centrelink I think you can get some support via a social worker. I also realise right now the focus is on the impending eviction and worrying about your pets. I truly hope there is a way you can stay with your pets. I am wondering what workarounds there may be. Sometimes there are options that involve thinking outside the square that aren't automatically obvious. So there may be a way through all of this that could lead to a good outcome.
Take great care and please feel free to talk more here if it helps. Best wishes,
Eagle Ray
