Be Yourself but who am I?

[quirkywords]

I have often been told to just be myself but then I am encouraged to be softer, think less, eat less, worry less, relax more , exercise more, be more confident, less timid, less cautious, more adventurous,less selfish, stop being a people pleaser, be happier, be kinder , ask less questions and the list goes on.

I find this confusing if I am to be myself why must I change?

The other problem is who am I, which self should I be: the introvert, the extrovert, the cautious, the risk-taker, the overthinker, the fast talker, the quiet one, the indecisive one, the spontaneous one, the carefree one, the worried one, the selfish one, the altruistic one, and much more.

Thse two words be yourself seem so easy for many people but not for me as it fills me with many questions.

I will limit myself to two questions .

Can you be yourself without changing?

Is it possible to change/improve a part of yourself and still be yourself?

Quirky

[quirkywords]

Eagleray thanks for you reply.

Trust is so important for me once it is broken I find it hard to trust again.

[quirkywords]

Does anyone find it hard to be oneself when in a group.?

I am not good at large groups. 

[Eagle Ray]

Yes, me too Quirky. I do best with one or two other people at a time. I find it hard to converse in large groups, such as a group having a meal. Others will talk over one another as a way of conversing but I simply can’t talk over others. So I often end up being really quiet and not speaking for most of it. I find it hard to enter conversations and also keep up with the speed of conversations.

[CMF]

Hi friends 

Yes. I too find large groups challenging.  I am a person who can be with a group of people & still be/feel alone. I am very quiet in large groups. In fact I feel invisible.  It makes a little anxious to be honest. 

[quirkywords]

Eagle and Cmf thanks for not making me feel alone.

cmf I have felt the most alone in a relationship with someone who didn’t care listen or respect me. 

[Croix]

Dear All~

many people, myself included, find being in a large social group, perhaps at a meal, to be a trial. There are simply too many engaging in cross-talk, and so occupied wiht it htat others are effectively invisible. Trying to break in leaves me uncomfortable and usually does not last.

As now is the time of the 'Christmas get-together" I try to go with a friend, sit next to them and we converse quite comfortably (sometimes I take Mrs C if that is suitable). I also prefer one to one meetings, as there is a chance to engage properly with the other person without extra noise and interruptions.

If I pick who I'm with there is less likelihood of violently diverging views on social and other matters (or drinking and driving to excess).

Croix

[quirkywords]

Croix

 I find even if I plan to sit with a friend, sometime the person sitting next to them talks to then

m a lot. I sometimes walk around the room so I don’t look like I am being left out. 
Anyway I am being myself and accept that. The hardest part is when someone says you are very quiet which guarantees I will be even quieter!!

[Croix]

Dear Quirky,

I'm afraid plans don't always work out, I think someone said "The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, / Gang aft agley," so if they work half the time one is ahead I think. I still don't like crowds, 'mingling' or parties.

Croix

[quirkywords]

I was at a meeting today with about ten people. I kept waiting my turn to talk because in an hour not one person noticed I wanted to talk. I put my hand up and at last I was noticed.  Not many listened to what I said they just went on to the previous topic. 
I find unless there is a good chairperson at a meeting in charge it really can be very disorganised. 
I wonder why in my family, and life not many people really listen to me. I do my best to really listen to others. 

[CMF]

Quirky. I too find if I sit next to someone at a dinner they'll talk to the person on the other side.