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Thinking about death.... all the time...

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all

I've been struggling for 3 weeks with suicidal thoughts

My new GP is amazing

He tells me to think of suicidal thoughts as a symptom maybe a solution

Could he be right?

Today he assigned someone to give me a call to check in on my safety. I don't think that will happen. I've not received the call.
Small things like this lead to rage, hurt and fear for me.

And so I am left to deal with the thoughts alone.

948 Replies 948

Popping in to say hello dear Sleepy. Hi to every other kind soul.

I was reading back and noticed you noticed a itty bitty ladybug near you. Such cute little bugs with their tiny black dots.

No pressure to respond to me or anything. You popped into my mind... so just saying hello

Hi all,

Katy Ur post made me think about natural beauty, and how we are being challenged with lockdowns of hair and make-up and nails and skin appointments closed down, to look at ourselves as we are and how ppl are leaning into a slower pace in terms of dress and make up. Natural beauty !

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi j, I like your idea of connecting to strong female writers. There are some interesting female thinkers I like to follow.

I need the reminder that we are ore than our looks and thigh gap.

Totally Sleepy!

Hope your day has been peaceful- watching those protest marches and the police response was a bit freaky...

Love,

J*

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi j, thanks , we had an earthquake this morning, oh my gosh

It felt confusing as we are all on edge anyway so my mind was extra tense

How are u doing in ld

Hi all,

I have been a bit out of it as I took some meds last night. The pharmacist here is so good, he gave me some really wholistic tips for sleep

He said even to set up a tent and sleep on the floor, whatever works, and that the actual process of trying different approaches is letting go of the awful, horrible feelings of sleep

Tent on the floor!!! Maybe it would be nostalgic, like childhood, and would kick trauma in the ****

It's hard to sleep lately and trauma itself ends up I me crying on the couch a lot, feeling like chunks of me are not good.

I wish I could cry more, and louder.

And I wish I had someone to hold my hand while I cried and just bear witness

Oh Sleepy!

I would totally cry with you, and hold your hand! Maybe just knowing that about me would help next time you feel the need to cry. Cos I’m crying with you, just thinking of it.

the tent on the floor is a nice idea- maybe like a princess canopy even, all strung with fairy lights and pretty rainbow colours.
It’s an awful feeling, when you can’t sleep well. How long has this been an issue?

I used to stay up really late, and then not get enough sleep- esp with a baby waking up thru the nite and early in the morning. But it felt like that was the only time I got to myself, uninterrupted!

yeah those quakes must have felt weird, esp with everything else going on. Was it really strong? Did any damage occur near you?

Hope you’re able to sleep tonite my friend.
oh dur! I just realised that’s why you’re sleepy! Sorry, but slow here!

sounds like the pharmacist was nice to talk to anyhow.
did he tell you about hot baths just before bed? Something about as the body cools it induces a sounder sleep....

love

J*

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi j, you must be great with decor, I want to melt into that rainbow pillow fort! I was just looking on easy tonight and saw so,e cute rainbow stuff, before I read your post!

My plant is still well and alive too, and it is making me pleased in this dreary time. Apologies for asking about ur ld, I saw on ur thread ur not in ld but it may be looming? Hugs. These are wild days.

Today was really sunny and pretty , I am a little anxious about the public holiday tomorrow, I find those times a little extra rough.

Thank u for holding my hand x back at you

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi everyone, how is it going.

I feel bit sore today, slept on my couch and wasn't so soft, my meds also contributed. Knocked me out .

Super quiet with the pub,jc holiday, I just wait it out as I don't enjoy these days, and when I became unwell and contacted the hospital and crises services, I remember it as a public holiday, made it hard. So triggering

Guest_1643
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all

My day has been really stressful and I have felt pretty off, had to be gentle

I feel like my neighbours are partying again which is a trigger and then a few bad nights sleep as well

My plant ismthriving and I hope to add another one to it

My psych has had to call me a few times recently to check safety and also I'm taking a medication PRN

I had a chat to him about it and basically made a plan.

I have to keep returning to thr pharmacy as I lose the medication they give me. It sounds fake, right. Suspicious

Or just object permanence

Hope they believe me