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Chris_B PLEASE READ: What this forum is for (trigger warning advisory)
  • replies: 2

The threads in this section have been created by longer-term community members, and have evolved over time into rich, complex discussions about many aspects of living with a mental health condition. They were originally started in one of our other to... View more

The threads in this section have been created by longer-term community members, and have evolved over time into rich, complex discussions about many aspects of living with a mental health condition. They were originally started in one of our other topic sections, and have migrated here once reaching the milestone of 100 posts in order to allow members to keep following the life story being shared as it happens day to day. This is not a place to start new threads - discussions here have reached a sufficient level of popularity and depth that they have been moved here by moderators. Long-term support here on the forums is defined in terms of receiving that support here in this space, which is why we have chosen the 100-post milestone to select threads that will appear here. Our research tells us that 55% of our members have been living with a mental health condition for ten years or more, so long-term support in the real world will not be a strange concept to many of you. If you're seeking long-term support on your journey, we'd encourage you to start a new thread in the section that best suits where you are at this point. Making a commitment to daily posting and supporting others will eventually see your thread join the wonderful stories here in this section. A few important points to note: 1. The "new thread" button has been disabled for this section - if you click on it, you will be redirected to the beyondblue home page. 2. Please be aware that threads in this section may contain discussion of suicide, self-harm, sexual abuse, domestic abuse and other trauma-related topics. 3. Threads in this section may be archived periodically (locked or unpublished) at the discretion of moderators.

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Jayne106 Husband left and I feel hopelss
  • replies: 121

My husband of over 16 years decided to break the news to me that he is no longer in love with me and needs time and space to find himself. He works a hugely demanding job and has been unhappy in his employment for a long time although he claims this ... View more

My husband of over 16 years decided to break the news to me that he is no longer in love with me and needs time and space to find himself. He works a hugely demanding job and has been unhappy in his employment for a long time although he claims this has nothing to do with his unhappiness. He has now moved out of our home. I am madly and deeply in love with my husband. I know he has expressed he has had suicidal thoughts and has also tried to take his life recently. I have asked him to get help and I believe he has seen a GP but I have no idea if he is booked to speak to any one further and every second of the day I think about him. I really want to be there to support him. Our children are missing him dearly.They see my pain daily as I feel utter despair.I know people would tell me I have to look after myself and children and the children are my first priority although I am not able to function for myself.I just want to sleep as at least when I am sleeping the pain stops. I have always been a happy bubbly person and involved in many things and now I am finding I am withdrawing. I don't eat at all maybe a mouthful of food at each meal as I feel sick. I don't sleep more than 2 or 3 hours per night and I need sleeping tablets to get that. I begged for him to come to counselling with me to work on the marriage and he went to 2 sessions and didn't say alot except that he didn't love me. he was done and felt I didn't listen. I begged to keep going and to let me be his support through this. I am gutted and I feel I am losing it. My body is numb. I cry all the time. I am constantly thinking of him and how he is. I have booked to see a GP although not certain I will go as worried he will think I am weak. Do I continue to hold hope my gorgeous husband just needs time away and help? Am i just living in a fantasy. Can depression turn around and people see that there spouse was not the problem and they can make things work. Has anyone experienced this and had there spouse return or am I a fool and he really doesn't love me. One of my children told me today.. mum I believe dad does love you and I hope he soon will see it. Our friends are shocked and taken back at his lack of ability to try and this is why I am concerned for his mental health. My husband is the most amazing man and I see the hurt in his eyes now. I look at him and he looks broken ... I am a broken unit but should I be looking fine so he doesn't feel pity on me. I don't want him to come home from pity

Lilly99 Feeling desperate to make this stop
  • replies: 675

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to hav... View more

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

Speak Your Truth When buttons get pushed
  • replies: 286

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

Can anyone help ? My buttons have been pushed to the point of bringing on severe anxiety. Does anyone think this is curable ? I am desperate to feel relaxed and at peace again and to be able to enjoy my life. I don’t know how to cope

Tams20 Thoughts of suicide when not ‘suicidal’?
  • replies: 192

I’ve been struggling with depression lately and have been experiencing some very dark moods. I haven’t missed a day of work or caring for my family, even though I barely hold it together some days and my weekends are usually spent recovering. I’ve be... View more

I’ve been struggling with depression lately and have been experiencing some very dark moods. I haven’t missed a day of work or caring for my family, even though I barely hold it together some days and my weekends are usually spent recovering. I’ve been on SSRIs for a few months that I feel aren’t working that well and have also scheduled a review with my GP this week. Am also going to ask for counselling just so that I can talk to someone about my issues, as I am not one for burdening friends and family with my problems. Just recently I have started fantasising about a particular method of suicide. Quite graphic thoughts and planning (I won’t go into detail) that has gotten me so concerned that I now take steps so that I physically couldn’t do it. I don’t actually believe that I could do it, I don’t actually think that I am suicidal, but on some days I feel quite reckless about it, almost as if I’m daring myself to do it. I almost enjoy the thought of it. After the urge has passed I think if my kids and I feel like the worst person in the world. Is this a common thing for when you’re depressed? Is it perhaps related to the medication? Thanks.

dragonflies Wishing for a friend to talk to
  • replies: 195

Hi, I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the... View more

Hi, I feel alone. I'm 19 and I have no friends anymore. No one to confide in, trust, or share my life with. I just want someone to talk to. Someone who gets me and who I can relate to and vice versa. I find it hard trying to make friends. I dread the process of getting to know someone completely for who they are. It takes so much time and effort. I have only ever been hurt in the past after making such close friends and having them just drift away from you without a care in the world. Does anyone feel like this too? dragonflies

PamelaR Sharing strategies to help with PTSD
  • replies: 159

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre ... View more

One of my biggest learnings has been - PTSD is not like a broken arm. When you break your arm, it mends. PTSD is with you for life. It took me ages to recognise that I'd been triggered. Some of the simplest things - like going to the shopping centre at the beginning of winter and seeing the multi-colour shirts - red, blue, black squares. The hardest part for me is identifying the trigger because the pacing heart, the sweats, the panic, the fear doesn't happen immediately. It happens after I walk out of the shopping centre.For the first few years after being diagnosed with PTSD I was hell bent on identifying the trigger. Now - I don't worry. I simple accept I'm triggered - do my breathing, relaxation to beautiful music, write down my feelings and emotions, talk with my husband. Let him know I've been triggered. Most times my cats won't come near me while I'm working through a 'phase', but they certainly know when I've come out the other side. They come and give me lots of comfort and love. The down side of how I manage is to drink alcohol - to stop the feelings and emotions. It doesn't work, but it helps go to sleep. I'm not recommending drinking as a strategy!! I have had 2 excellent psychologists that helped me. It's important to find someone other than those close to you to talk to. One was very good at helping me identify what was happening - e.g. being super alert, wanting to save or please people. Recognising these things helped to build better relationships with my work colleagues and my friends. I have conversations in my head - oh, you just want to please because something has frightened you. Then I say - you're okay, you're safe, you can say what you need to. Basically, the strategy of self talk in a challenging way - I challenge what I'm doing, what I'm thinking. But I also recognise the little girl who screams out when things happen and comfort her. Very important to know she hurts terribly and needs comfort. The comfort she never received as a child.

Unicorndogge I so lonely 😭 and I am tired of this
  • replies: 187

I don’t know how to start this but I am sick and tired of having no one to talk to and nothing to do. I sit at home and just do written jobs. No one even cares if I sit on my own all day.I have tried to talk to people that i went to school with but n... View more

I don’t know how to start this but I am sick and tired of having no one to talk to and nothing to do. I sit at home and just do written jobs. No one even cares if I sit on my own all day.I have tried to talk to people that i went to school with but none of them have even showed any interest, I am so desperate. I cry myself to sleep most nights I can’t sleep because what’s the point. I am good at nothing which makes me un- useful. None of this youth groups can help me and my consular doesn’t know how to help either. I am so scared of what I have become, 20 and I have no friends or job even worse no one likes me. I just think what is the point of living when there is nothing to live for, this is cruel world. If anyone is reading this I am not forcing you to answer but if you do Thankyou very much.

Emmy. I Choose To Survive (Battling anxiety, depression & avpd)
  • replies: 193

I believe that I wasn’t meant for this world. I feel misunderstood by those around me. I feel I am a burden. But I choose to survive for my husband. So a little about me... I’m 35, married to my soul mate - he is my everything. No kids (yet... maybe ... View more

I believe that I wasn’t meant for this world. I feel misunderstood by those around me. I feel I am a burden. But I choose to survive for my husband. So a little about me... I’m 35, married to my soul mate - he is my everything. No kids (yet... maybe ever due to my physical and mental health). 2013 is that year... that year that marks the before and the after. Experienced my first ever panic attack whilst away celebrating my 30th birthday. The attacks continued (still do) and in June 2013 my GP prescribed me with anti-depressants and referred me to a psychologist. My psychologist diagnosed me with generalised anxiety disorder (GAD) & depression. I was told I have no self-worth or self-confidence and a fear of rejection & abandonment. My world grew dark.. very dark. I wanted out! Anxiety has always played its part in my life, possibly a genetic predisposition as there’s much history of mental illness within our family. I’ve lost my Pop & Uncle to suicide and my dear Grandma suffered many years with agoraphobia (something I’m developing tendencies of). Then tragically in 2014 my mother died very suddenly, she’d not been ill. My world fell apart. I retreated from everyone and everything. Had to quit my job as my GP and psychologist were concerned I’d have a breakdown. Some days I wouldn’t leave the safety of my bedroom, wouldn’t shower, wouldn’t even brush my teeth! My husband had to help dress me on my really bad days. Having made little progress with my psychologist I was further referred to a psychiatrist. He reviewed my medication, also diagnosed me with avoidant personality disorder (AvPD) and I opened up about self harm behaviours I’ve battled with for quite some time. It’s been almost 5 years of battling my demons. I need to work on the past traumas that have caused this, but I’ve been told I’m not strong enough yet. I still see my psychologist & psychiatrist each month and still take my medications. I know this is just my life now. I’ve come back to beyond blue as I’m needing a safe place to talk and some support... I’m not doing too well. Life is pushing down on me once again and I feel like I can’t breathe. Thanks for taking the time to read this, it means a lot.

Nellym I NEED SOME ADVICE/HELP
  • replies: 135

ok, so I don't even know the best place to put this but here goes. So I was talking to an online chat the other night about some of my issues and getting some advice. They asked if I had self harmed and I had said yes. I told them I was not suicidal ... View more

ok, so I don't even know the best place to put this but here goes. So I was talking to an online chat the other night about some of my issues and getting some advice. They asked if I had self harmed and I had said yes. I told them I was not suicidal and only used self-harm as a coping strategy when my other strategies don't work. Was asked if anyone was with me, I said my husband but he doesn't know about everything (he knows a little bit) and I am not ready to tell him. Said I was seeing a psychologist and that they know everything going on. They kept saying I need to tell someone and go somewhere for help. I kept telling them I was ok and didn't need medical assistance. They asked if they could ring me and I said not right now, I am happy to ring later on tonight when I am alone. So chat ended there. 20 mins later I have police knocking on my door saying they had a report of someone harming themselves and wanting to commit suicide. Well all hell broke lose. I spoke to them, they realised I was ok and did not need to go to hospital. So now is the part I need help with. My psych is on 2 weeks leave so cannot get into contact. I have had to tell my husband more than I am comfortable with at this stage. I had already planned to sit down with him and my psych. together and let him know more. Now everything is worse than ever. My anxiety is through the roof, has just increased my SH, panic attacks have doubled, my husband has gone all weird on me and now I never want to reach out and get help again in case something like this happens again. I feel so alone and don't know what to do anymore. The last 2 days have been hell and I feel like the little control I had has now gone.