Hi willdo
You are most certainly not rambling, that is what this space is for, for talking and sharing and getting some of the things that pile up off your chest.
Wow, that surgery sure does sound frightening and I guess it was needed so unavoidable however the terror and anxiety that it has left you with is so much, I can really hear that in your post. I have actually never fainted so I don't know what that is like, but I can hear how it is really impacting your life.
I am so very glad that you have some medical help with this, are there some things that you like to do during the day that can help with the boredom and also give you some sense of feeling good? It is ok if the answer is no but I would like to help you to find some things perhaps that you like to do.
I have found that writing really helps me gets through tough times, that I can purge onto a page and let it all out and then put it away, the pages own it...I mostly have not gone back to re read what I have written but it is nice to have it off my chest. When my brother passed away I had so much anger and what I wrote on those pages I would not want anyone to see, however it helped so much and helped me to manage it.
Do you feel like your current doctors are helping you with the emotional support you need too? Just that sometimes it takes a few doctors to get the right ones we connect with and that can then help.
There are some things that you can try to do to have like a bedtime ritual so as you can prepare for sleep, I am sure you have tried lots of things but we can talk about that too if you like?
Huge hugs
Sarah
