Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

Thank you, I accept the Soul Hugger Apprenticeship. Lol.

I also, like Butterfly Wings and Sapphire, admire your passion and compassion. You really do care very deeply about the group you volunteer with and it shows. It must be so upsetting and frustrating for you when some of the paid support workers don’t pull their weight.

Aside from you having to do more work, the people they are paid to look after are the ones who ultimately suffer due to their laziness. Good on you for putting them in their place. Lol.

I think you needed to let that out. Sometimes rants are good emotional releases.

Soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

Your description of your tt sound exactly like I pictured it would be, you sound like you are having a great time even though you are running around red face smoke coming outta the ears.., so wished I could have been there to see that, just hard to believe you have a temper, but only the deserved ones. show your fire, I think the ones getting paid and being lazy needs to get onboard, I can imagine they are grumpy most of the time, don't let them spoil your fun lovely lady.

Then on the other hand with your team, and all the players I can imagine your kindness and thoughtfulness for them would be second to none Pepper,Sapphire and Startingnew has said also.

We do have a gentle Deebi, and a fiery Demonblaster.

Love and care always,

Grandy.

PS....Deebi, I will summarise that tonight if you still want me to do so, Then which thread do you want me to post it in, and what strategies are you referring to for the list. Sorry I haven't done it yet, but able to Tonight.

Love and Care 💫💫🤗❤️⭐️⭐️💫🦋

Karen.

[demonblaster]

Hey lovelies thx coming 🙂

SLD like your Avatar true "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent" Yip, takes practice & time but it's us that chooses how to take a comment. I'm a million miles from there. Shame so many want to down us. We say it's their insecurities probs is, one of our failures is letting our rot out on others Even if your sensitive it doesn't mean they're not being Pratts though. I don't want to hurt anymore, maybe a reason for all this is to become stronger or at least a result out of it

WORST TIME TO BE GIVING UP DURRIES >>>>AGAIN>>>> urghhhh, not with stress on actually that's ok it's just hurting.

Thanks Starts for your comments x No probably long way to go yet But then who knows as fitness increases possibly less time,still over weight but starting to get head back into that too

Memory works but at the wrong times usually 🙂 You mentioned if I can get the between times happening with motivation it might settle it all down yeah mentioned here previously I've thought this for few yrs just to get the mojo happening but learning here its'about pushing through the beast. Annoying or what can't type properly hitting wrong keys more often, concentration poor.

Actually girls I'll come back sometime, doing it rough atm the odd ok but just had a biggy long cry so going to get more sleep with help, had a lot last night with sleepers but need so much more tho feeling too good as in not exhausted & should be so can't work out if I'm back in mania which it doesn't feel like & had a mini one &/or lifted slightly cause of pulling back up mentally so good either way, like to know why though

This is bs, damnit sorry trying not to swear these days here but baby steps, don't want to offend people often it's elderly that don't like it which is ok

I've badly got too sort out my list as Dools has been saying & get that BeyondNow updated. Uh oh this means actually doing something frustrated sarcasm emoji I don't like being lazy but then not in other ways but a Psych said once sounds like lack of volition more than lazyiness which yes too but do other things ugh even here's not giving me pleasure atm

((( Roc k ))) Demon loves you, hope you're ok or better you wouldn't know how much I miss you & care that goes for you beautifuls here gotta go it's all hurting big jeesh LOVE A FAG!!!!! 🙂 cyaz 🙂

[demonblaster]

Yes plz Grandy in here so I can see it plz then not sure where yet. Good of you xx

Hope you're pulling up dear lady

Been meaning to say so often you're Avatar so perfect for your character 🙂 xx

[Ggrand]

Beasty is trying hard to pull me down, Igave in a few times. It gets hard to work harder to pull it back. [IT] got me to the point of nearly crying and my mood was getting darker with much more scarier thoughts as in very low, I couldn't shake it, until.....I started challenging it, its hard to explain because because it wasn't coming easy to work it out.

(list and put strategies in memory).

Thoughts...next thoughts yeah...I feel bad, because of whatever....We can stop the bad (negative) thoughts by not allowing ourselves to think any further on it.

While thinking of these dark thoughts, it's clearly blinding me to other thoughts, so I consciously made myself not think any more on it..Then I looked around (SWxxStarwolf) looking for something to focus on, and think about. Several times it got me but I didn't let it keep a hold...Starving [IT]

Another strategy..I was thinking how it closes in on us physically, as well as on our minds (mentally), So the mutt was hungry, and damm it nags, it doesn't let up, it's just a constant nag. The beast closes in on us,both physical and mentally, so this leaves no room for anything except the bads, (negative) thoughts, so now we need to open our mind as this allows for lateral thinking, so that every thought didn't get the acknowledgement with pain. I just shut it off. Then I thought what can I do with my mind? I started thinking of my fur buddies, that was as far as I got, But it has helped all of the above.

So many who has social anxiety (meaning when around people or going to be in this contex). Or anxiety, they at this point won't be up to doing anything around people, its emotional control we need to work on.

Things happen in life, people are wicked and cruel to each other, saw on ER to show a nurse was dangerously sick, she said to her friend..It's not what happens in life that matters...It's how we deal with it...kaboom.. one sentence can make a difference, That was years ago, now I'm putting it into practice...I know this is right, if we can control, we win.

Believe then want follows, don't know about the other way around but we need both.

[demonblaster]

You're so sweet thankyou. I word too much need to learn how to get to point

Hun Im gunna have looksy maybe reply here & there but gunna have break for bit.

Til I get through beasty this is no dif if anything better than other times says her crying lol but dont know how deep it'll drop ahead, BP mood can plummet in a second & intermittently downing. Do love & appreciate you Grandy Roc & the other beautifuls here

Thankyou

[Ggrand]

Hello DB.

Awe Deebi, {{{souls hugs}}} and {{{{xxxxxxx}}}}.

Love ❤️ and Care 🦋💫

Grandy xoxo

[demonblaster]

Didn't like being (deceitful isn't the word) to you but reason for asking you to summarise was to reinforce help strategies for you but now I see you're picking up again you trooper. xx

Don't forget honey 😄 x Deebi & Demon blaster that was nice thanks yeah that's about it and working so hard on not letting it out on anyone as I say trying to control both sides it's like trying to stop a tsunami with your hands

Hope you're still on the up dear G xx souls

[demonblaster]

Very happy have a rock solid reason to relax a bit more. Life does throw GOODS too for people especially those deserving, they/we have the hards but so nice when we can overcome them in time ha sometimes time goes to slow lol but as long as the end results better it's a plus all round

Peace wished for all good people

[Guest8901]

Dear Demonblaster, I think I understood you to say that you're planning a short break from the forums? If that's the case, I totally understand the need for it. You do so much here and it's bound to take a toll. Of course I'll miss you heaps. Won't be the same without our Deebi flitting from thread to thread taking care of all of us, but I'm sure you'll be back. Even better than ever. Is that possible? Much love to you Deebs. xx

Amanda