Surviving: Being in a better place

[demonblaster]

Hi all 🙂
Thought this thread might be of use to talk about your stories if you like and where you're at now.
In a better place.

I have Bipolar, (BP) pretty sure all my life. Wasn't diagnosed, I approached them thinking I have this at age 46.
The ups (mania) are magic, ying and yang (opposites) evident with BP & in many other ways.
The downs, crippling. Still ..but I'm DETERMINED to beat them with time & effort and professional help.One of the psychiatrists said it can't be beaten, I say cause it maybe hasn't been done, doesn't mean it can't be.
Have come an incredibly long way so far.
Long way to go probs but HAS to be sooner rather than later, else this mother of a demon will get me, I live in fear of going under the line again which majority of the time the head goes South but looking back at those times knowing I got through & that it's not always like that helps.
SO many good times, happy times between.

The cycles have gone from Rapid cycling (4 or more a yr) to 8/10 a yr since the loss of my beloved partner of 28yrs to leukaemia.

My teens starting at 14yrs I attempted suicide 4 times.
You're in hell considering, contemplating & ultimately attempting suicide, we're going against our strongest basic instinct. Survival.

Wanted OUT, couldn't see anything but Black in my head, no light, no way out, no other choice, the depression beast had me engulfed as it does most of the time in cycles now too.
Rock bottom. The pits.

I've learnt a lot one thing is it doesn't stay this way.
Sleep's vital. We don't get a lot or quality when down, it affects how we feel usually in a negative way.
Life's so much harder when we're tired and exhausted, we see feel & react to things differently
That part of our brain that works at pulling us down, I think with everyone, not only mental illness or disorders

Self esteem rock bottom, still working at it, it's true we have to like/love ourselves works as a shield.
Great loving good parents lucky

If I'd known in suicide yrs I'd meet a beautiful loving partner and have so much love from family, friends and happiness between the downs, I wouldn't have attempted.

BP downs equate to heavy grieving alone without it on top.It slammed but now I'm looking back and Yes still hurts, always will but we owe it to ourselves to keep going. We don't know whats ahead and nothing stays the same.

I know that now.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi,

Hope you are ok, not sure what you mean by summarise.

[startingnew]

sending you a nice gift basket with chocolates, cake, muffins and of course flowers DB

that all i can manage for now and can always give hugs xo

[demonblaster]

Hi sweet summarise to write it so it's more precise & clear to read. One of my biggies when I talk is to get to the point & I put too much other stuff in to explain, there's reasons but I'll talk another time about them.
You've said often you're not clear or articulate but you are very. If I haven't explained properly let me know.
I'll just try again. So I've said stuff that I want to say but need all the stuff that doesn't need to be in there taken out so that when someone reads it, it'll be quicker & easy for them to read & understand. When you've done it I might ask for this or that to be fixed if you're ok with this that is. Still my wording as much as possible but you may have to change some.

No Im not ok atm but getting through, just then I was starting to go down & pulled up so HONESTLY don't worry, I'll get through, always do. Still here 🙂
Hope you're doing ok. You're one of my main priorities here so always know I"m close by or checking & I dont care how rough I'm travelling if you need me ask. Mean it. May not be much help mind you lol but I'll be there 🙂

[startingnew]

Whats happening for you DB?

[Peppermintbach]

Hey lovely DB and all,

I just skimmed through last weekend’s post. It’s wonderful to see the caring support here 🙂

I know it has been brought up many times before but your self insight into your BP cycles and related behaviours is impressive. I think it’s great that you’re also able to use your personal experience to inform and help others who want to learn more about BP and/or is also currently living with BP.

You sound like you have been struggling lately but I’m glad you managed to get on top of your recent bout of depression. It seems that whatever personal strategy you use is working for you 🙂

Also, I thought Grandy’s poem was very heartfelt and beautiful. Thanks for sharing it with us 🙂

Hey Mandy, thanks for your well wishes for last Friday. I hope you had a good day too 🙂

Super soul hugs,

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi darlin thanks so much what a beautiful surprise sitting at my door waiting & how you got that butterfly to sit so patiently it was gorgeous like the beautiful Blue one's Peps has been seeing thanks so much, the chocolates were melted but that's fine, chocolates chocolate so I drank it 🙂 Thanks the hugs are reciprocated ..feel the souls connecting xx SLD
Soz darl must have landed after I did to Grandy else I would've replied then too.

Peps you darlin, miss you girls when you're away even just for time out, that's a compliment hope your w/e was good huns and that you're feeling brighter, things have been rough for you lately too, isn't it fantastic seeing our good people here coming out of pain, it's a process but seems to happen for many, but you honey you seem to be stuck in that void, I so hope you find what you're looking for soul master apprentice, thanks for always being there you too Starts & Grandy, lovely crew & any other darlings that pop in Sapphire too xx (have to chop the kisses up, working on quotas).
Thanks Peps too for saying that I do really appreciate that
Grandy's poems gorgeous isn't it sorry meant to say

Struggling but more ok than not for now thx honeys, people stimulate me had my adorable special needs today for tt (t.tennis) Starts I started it up here & volunteer with sp.needs. there was only 4 & lol with one of the lovely support workers, we were waiting quietly talking & with his magic fella then the other 3 came in & we were all over the shop like blow flies, 2 of us volunteering & 4 of the group & we were all busy as,balls going everywhere, encouraging them back up to play, some you help hold the bat, the fun, hearing them laugh's the ultimate, had a new lady & depending whos needing what I usually work the practice robot with them but today worked with the new one, Teach to their abilities seemed like she couldn't move her arm well so helped then said ok so you try now she was the main laugher one & pretty good, encouraging them, mucking around, all laughing their so easy to please & seeing improvements the ultimate, like a new section of the brain being opened but we get as much pleasure as they do

Just had MH support worker he's a great fella very lucky, we get on so well & fantastic at his job, they put on a free BBQ every f.nite to everyone enjoys that & the workers. Good day but going to hit the pillow for about 5 wks straight should do it 🙂

Nigh night lol Have to.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi lovely DB and all,

Your beautiful, unshakable spirit always shines through even if you’re struggling ❤️

I’m glad there have been moments of light and love in between the harder bits. You have such a compassionate and warm nature that I bet makes the people you volunteer with gravitate towards you. I think they’re very lucky to have you as a volunteer.

Your MH support worker sounds like a true blessing in your life. I remember you have mentioned him before and you have always spoken very highly of him. I hope you get to go to this week’s free BBQ 🙂

I have missed you too. Thank you, I know you miss people a lot because you love and care deeply for others; it’s in your nature, I feel. Your warmth and caring words mean a lot to me. I got a bit of a laugh out of you calling me your soul hug apprentice and how you have to divide the affection due to your “quotas.” Lol.

Soul hugs to all (no quotas lol)

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

lol always good to make someone happy.
Thx always dear lovely Peps for your unwavering support you never fail your friends you're a loyal one too Soul hugger apprentice SHA, you don't have to keep that award if you don't want it haha I'll know if it doesn't land in your next few posts 😄

I can't tell you what a mind-blowing pleasure it is to be with these guys, most people with the hardest deals are the ones that shine so bright. Saw it nursing often & look at here. Special needs groups this way are very well looked after well it's down to support workers too don't get me started on that but too late here we go so I'm a volunteer, there's two separate groups I've got atm one lot they're amazing the other most are (workers) but a couple come & sit & watch me buzz around & do the work ..emoji emoji where art thou RED FACE SMOKE COMING OUTTA EARS about to pop. SOOO lol I HAVE to bite my tongue cause I don't want to be choofed this isn't conceit it's true & thankyou I am very good for them & from nursing experience have clues & yes compassion actually yes gentle but I'm not a quiet chook at all not in a bad way, they love me as I do them so I have got around it after a LOT of backstabbing :D:D:D:D:D which they also do cause it's all true spoke to the individuals & MY MY DB there is tact there, we're still on good terms, like them a lot esp one but BONE LAZY & the DAMN RULES say they transport them but don't have to play ...WHATTTTTT!!!!!! just in case I haven't mentioned I get pretty fired over this 🙂 same hun I've got a temper but didn't use it, getting better 🙂 so others in new group too end up playing eachother eventually instead of guiding them back so I pipe up in a leader way cause I know I'm right here & they comply..."expletives deleted " so it's bloody frustrating & they get paid good $ well earnt by majority of good ones. Seeing good one today LOVE her.
So had to straightforward with bosses nicely too oowh impressive DB sarcastic emote,cause got some cominging on main non disability night with workers too, that's my night I go separately other days. BOY O ..how hard is it you're getting paid to work ...do your friggen job!!!!

Hi I'm DB feeling quite calm & happy how bout you 🙂 nah pulling through but this does get me with good reason

Hissy fit over

That is all & a couple of characters left xxx

[startingnew]

Hi my SL
my butterflies are very well behaved 😉
I always have room to give out hugs. The really good soul kind so take as many as you need to xoxo
I had to have a giggle at your rant. Your so passionate and fiery, it would be so amusing to see you in your element in life form! But caring, kind patient and gentle too with people with special needs and that I know will be helping them so much. Thats a huge credit to you, well done.
Are you coming back up now and feeling better than the other day when you were struggling? how is your pain going btw?

[Sapphire_]

DB you are so passionate, I love it. I love how you are always helping others. And the way you talk about tt with special needs is truely touching. My sister has special needs and tbh if all her sw were as passionate as you it would be a much nicer place.

Your support worker sounds tops. Its good to get along with SW otherwise it will bring you down.

Hope you have a lovely day.

Much loves Sapphire* ❤❤